I Really Just Love Him

April 8th, 2015

(A few years ago after Pamela over at Road to Joy (who is now a published author, thankyouverymuch) and I issued a challenge to blogland to say something positive about your significant other for 30 days, we decided several months later to up the intimacy in blogger’s lives.  Our challenge was to do something to create intimacy with your significant other every day for 30 days.  This is a semi-partial sort-of redux remake on a post from back then. (See Category 30 Days Intimacy).

Disclaimer:  The results for increased intimacy are not guaranteed. This is a blog not a psychologist’s or psychotherapist’s office after all!

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So how DO couples go from this:

couple romantic  married

To this?

couple angry

It’s simple, really.  Just forget who the person is that you fell in love with.  Lose your focus by taking that focus off the loved one and putting it somewhere else.  Put everything ahead of them.

It used to be SO easy to be intimate and starry-eyed over that special someone.  Why?  Well, we were madly, passionately in love with that person.  They were all we thought about.  We were very willing to pursue them and overlook anything not perceived as “perfect” about them.  

We couldn’t WAIT to see them, to talk to them.  We always wanted to look our best for them, to do what they liked to do, and to play, laugh, and do things as simple as walking in the rain while holding hands – or go to a rodeo and pretend the smell and noise doesn’t bother you!

And think about that – why do you think so many people cheat? Or go hook up with old boy-girlfriends on FB? Why they are drawn away from the everyday sameness of their relationship? They are looking for that same excitement boost we once had as a new-be couple. Looking for that same rush. That same ego-boost. Looking for someone to validate them, make them feel special and “seen”! Just a thought there, folks.

After time, though, our words and attitudes, actions and thought processes, history, time, and life begin getting in the way.

We stopped pursuingWe:

– stopped communicating (especially in person).
– stopped really listening.
– stopped treating one another with honor and respect.
– stopped thinking he’s all-that.
– stopped thinking she’s the girl of his dreams.
– stopped spending quality time together.
– stopped trusting one another, especially with our hearts.
– stopped forgiving quickly and forgetting the tresspass.
– stopped looking as good as we did when first together.
– stopped putting each other first place.

– We began allowing life to get in the way, in between us.
– We became roommates because we lost intimacy and focus.
– We allowed many other things – people, children (especially children), work or career pursuit, fun, hobbies, blogging, or just anything or everything – to come before the other person.

We stopped thinking and treating, and seeing them as valuable and precious – special.

Boxing Gloves

 

We could start thinking, “Well, I’ve got them so I don’t have to do anything else to keep them.”

We could start thinking, “Ehh, it’s JUST the wife, the old ball and chain, she doesn’t count.”

We could start thinking, “Oh, my husband; WHY can’t he be as wonderful and romantic as so-in-so’s husband is?”

We could start thinking, “He sure doesn’t look like that high-school football player I fell in love with.”

We could start thinking, “I know my wife had our children and is a mother now, but is that girl I married even in there anymore?  And does she even see ME?”

He could think “She never listens to me.”
She could think “He never talks to me.”

We all could wonder, “Who IS this person I’m married to?”

People want to blame it on technology and how easy it is to get distracted, to pay more attention to your cell phone and texts than your significant other. HOGWASH. You have to MAKE a choice to allow that to happen. I’ve lived long enough to have a before and after – before cell phones and after – my marriage is amazing – AFTER. Before? Meh, had some bad relationships!!  Technology didn’t cause the rifts.  It is very lazy to blame a marriage failure on anything or anyone but YOURSELF.  Technology can’t destroy – people using it can.  It is a choice.

I think of intimacy when I think of those beginning courtship days when you couldn’t wait to see one another, do nice things for one another, thought about each other ALL the time, and holding hands?  Well, oi vey, was it not amazing that first time he took your hand and kissed your palm?  Or touched the side of your face with his palm and looked into your eyes?

couple touching

I still remember when Alpha Hubby first placed his palm on the side of my face.  I swear my face tingled.  I remember wondering what he was doing, so I asked.  He said, “I can tell where you are, how your feeling, thinking.  I can read you.”  I had no idea what he was talking about because I was so expert at hiding my emotions and who I was, that it made me very uncomfortable when he did this.  No one should be THAT intimate, right?  Of course I was running.

He was talking about where I was in our relationship.  Was I comfortable?  Did I squirm in discomfort at this private act of intimacy?  Did I look back into his eyes or look away?  Did I rub my cheek against his palm or pull away?  It was something no one had ever done to me before.  It still gives me shivers.

Intimacy engages the five physical senses – see, hear, touch, smell, taste.  And, as Alpha Hubby always says, love is an action verb – it is not passive.  Love acts.  Love does.  Or it is not love.  Why yes, I AM Zen-Master.  Why do you ask?  “Try not.  Do or do not, there is no try,” sayeth Yoda Nan.  Just say I LOVE YOU already!!

love on mirror

And yes, actions do speak louder than words but words are very important, too.  Especially those three little ones, “I love you.”  SAY them.  SAY them ALL the time.  Most importantly, make sure you SAY them every. single. day.  Say them, say them, say them.  Life is too dog-goned short to be stingy with those words.  They are not cheap words.  Not saying them can cost you everything.

Write “I love you” on the bathroom mirror.  Jot a note, pick up a card, or email, fax or something – just say “I love you” as often as you can, in as many ways as you can.  Go do that RIGHT NOW.

Did you do it?  Well, as soon as you are finished reading this post, I challenge you to go tell your significant other “I LOVE YOU” (and yes, if you HAVE to ’cause they’re not around, you may text it to them) – then begin the practice of saying those words deliberately, on purpose, from this moment forward, every day.  Make a choice to put away anything that comes before your loved one – including *gasp* your cell phone (unless you use it for good, not evil!).   

Alpha Hubby and I made a choice to give up television (except movies on weekends, maybe), in order to keep us first.  He gets home, we spend time together until bedtime.  We made a choice to walk away from technology. Except he does use it wisely to text me “I love you’s” and other *ahem* thangs!!

When you wish someone joy,
you wish them peace,
love, prosperity, happiness…
all the good things.

 Maya Angelou

I wish all of you JOY, today, tomorrow, forever. 

Oh, and thank you for being faithful readers.  I love you.

Humility

April 3rd, 2015

Every now and again I remind Alpha Hubby that he is out of his mind.  He has to be.  He’s crazy because he’s crazy in love with me.  I sometimes really don’t understand that, you know?  Especially after 21 years and he now KNOWS me, inside out – and still loves me.

Oh I know he loves me as in, he made a commitment to me.  He promised to love me forever.  He wanted it in writing, before God, permanently so that I couldn’t get out of it.  But still.

He loves me.

People say there is no such thing as soul mates, one person made just for you.  I now say “hog wash” because I now know it is true.  It isn’t impossible, as people think. It is that, if you allow God to teach you how to truly, really, completely love unconditionally His way, you’ll have a soul mate who will love you until the end of time.  And he’s fun, too! Sexy. Passionate. And did I say fun??

Sometimes I ask Alpha Hubby, “How did we get so blessed that we have this kind of love and others don’t?”  His reply is always the same, “I don’t know but I’m glad we do, that we got to experience this together.” Neither of us has ever experienced anything like this.

When we are out with or around other couples, it is almost screamingly obvious that some couples don’t have “it” – they make sniping jokes about each other, “Ya, she couldn’t clean a house if a vacuum clean fell on her head, ha ha” or “He couldn’t find his way home from work unless I drop all his women’s phone numbers on slips of paper on a path leading him home.”  Snipe snipe snipe.

They laugh but it’s bitter.  I always look at Alpha Hubby, and he at me, and I know he’s slightly freaking out inside like I am. They have no idea the danger they court by sniping at one another. Sarcasm kills a lot of things – friendships, relationships, feelings, love.

I was talking to an e-friend the other day and she mentioned that her church had a “washing of the feet” ceremony. She said, “He (her husband) and I were asked to be two of the disciples. Last night was Mass service. After the priest washed our feet during Mass, in front of the altar, each of us (disciples) walked down to the congregation and washed others’ feet. It was a very humbling, rewarding, and surreal experience.”

I was immediately reminded of a time in our former church (before we moved) when the pastor decided that our church needed to have a foot washing ceremony.

*In Bible times, the dusty conditions of the region and the wearing of sandals necessitated foot-washing. Although the disciples most likely would have been happy to wash Jesus’ feet, they could not conceive of washing each other’s feet. This was because in the society of the time, foot-washing was reserved for the lowliest of menial servants. Peers did not wash one another’s feet, except very rarely and as a mark of great love.

Luke points out in Luke 22:24 that the disciples were arguing about who was the greatest among them, an attitude that precludes a willingness to stoop to wash feet. There was an arrogance in their attitude. No one was willing to serve the other person. When Jesus moved to wash their feet, they were shocked (John 13).

When Leland and I opted to participate (it was voluntary), it was humbling and surreal.  I’ve never forgotten it.  At the time, the pastor had the women wash women’s feet and men wash men’s feet.  The women were on the left side (with pans of warm water), the men on the right side, doing the same. Basically you dipped one foot then the other into the warm water and wiped it dry with a cloth.

I stood up at one point and looked over at my husband sitting on the platform stairs.  He had just finished washing the feet of a guy who really didn’t like him (thought guys in suits were snobs).  As Alpha Hubby sat on the platform stairs, I was suddenly just overwhelmed with love for him.  I wanted to humble myself before my husband, to show him how much I loved him, as that mark of great love, submission and, I don’t know – honor, perhaps.

I went over to the “men’s side” and I knelt down before Alpha Hubby, picked up his bare foot and proceeded to wash his feet.  He reached down, took my hand, lifted me up, then switched places with me. He then lovingly lifted my foot, and washed.  By this time, we both had tears running down our cheeks. Man, talk about a powerful emotion.

The other wives – well, a few of them – followed suit and the ones who didn’t?  Funny thing about that – a few of them are divorced now and for some reason I’m not surprised.  It required great humility to bow down before your husband and wash his feet.  And yet… it really didn’t.  I had to do that, wanted to do that, wanted to honor him enough to do that.  It was strange yet not.  It just felt right.  He says the same thing.

Alpha Hubby is a very understanding, loving, generous, good man. While he is most definitely a very masculine alpha male, watching him humble himself to wash my feet changed something inside me that night.  And that is the very basis of our relationship.  How can you snipe at someone who’s feet you’ve knelt before and washed?

Well, you can – obviously we are all human – but it hurts your heart.  This is such a precious man, valuable to me, and someone I endeavor to treat as valuable and precious at all times.  I fail a lot – but then there is that awesome make up s*x!!!!

And lest you think he’s a wimp – nah. Not in any way, shape, form or fashion. Only a real man, confident in his manliness, his masculinity, can kneel before his wife and wash her feet.  His thought is that if Jesus loved enough to bow at the feet of his disciples to wash their feet, how can he do less for me?

Consistent, constant, unwavering, unconditional, total, complete, and a totally passionate love.  That is what he gives me.  A foundation I can stand on that isn’t going to crack, shake, and collapse under me.  I hope I give him the same thing back – I know I do but I always feel like I can do better.

Sometimes I look at him and am blown away by this man.  He is, as I’ve said before, a gift from God just for me.  He not only erased my nightmares, he dragged my dreams out of me and he enables me to walk in them.  He believes in me, my talents, and abilities.  He wants me to sing to him all the time.  He reads what I write.  He wants me to thrive.  He loves me.

Totally.

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cross and thorns

Today is Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified on the cross for us. People think that only means Jesus as the way to heaven, but it was a Crucifixion for so much more – the original Bible translation shows it is “whole”.  Jesus died for your whole life – body, emotions, relationships, health, finances, everything pertaining to life. He died for you to be whole.  He arose (Easter Sunday) from the dead to ratify that commitment to go to the cross that He made for us. See **below for more info.

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*Read more:http://www.gotquestions.org/foot-washing.html#ixzz3WHkTZ1HN

 

**If you want to know more, my other website blog will give you information – www.anointedwordministries.org.  I’m just getting it back up so check back often for new content.  You can also go to my pastor/church’s website for free downloads = www.moorelife.org (Keith and Phyllis Moore, free downloads on right side).  Or visit these websites for all sorts of free information, articles, teachings, etc.  KCM.org (Kenneth Copeland), JSMI.org (Jerry Savelle), JDM.org (Jesse Duplantis), creflodollarministries.org,  EIWM.org (Leroy Thompson), billwinston.org, thewisdomcenter.tv (Mike Murdock Ministries)

Love Doesn’t Hurt

March 27th, 2015

In mid-70’s a group called Nazereth had a hit song:  Love Hurts:

Love hurts – love scars
Love wounds and mars
Any heart not tough
Or strong enough
To take a lot of pain
Take a lot of pain
Love is like the clouds
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts

These lovely depressing lyrics were so perfect if one wanted to wallow in depression!  Oh my, this song was a heartbreak anthem and I loved it so much.  It was so full of angst and agony which fit where I was in my life when it came out.  Mega down on love and life and very unhappy. And I either believed or lived all those lyrics.

And you know what?  Those lyrics are absolutely NOT true.

If it hurts, scars, wounds, and mars, it isn’t love.  If it has conditions, it isn’t love.  If it demands its own way, it isn’t love.  If it says, “If you love me, you will _______ (fill in the blank)” – nope, not love!

If it says “I love you but…” it isn’t love because using the word “but” means every word that came before it, is erased.  “I love you but you need to change” means that “but” erases the “I love you” and the truth is “you need to change” – “for me” being the implication!

Real love is unconditional and while it should be nurtured and protected, it does not “love with expectations.”  You don’t do something special for your loved one, expecting a thank you or an atta-boy or some sort of expectation.  You do something simply because you love them.

baggage

Alpha Hubby excels at unconditional love.  He loves me.  Period.  End of sentence. He had a lot of patience while helping me unpack the baggage – issues – I brought to the marriage. It took a while. He stuck around and he helped me work through fear and lack of trust.  He gave me total unconditional, complete love.

He taught me that love doesn’t hurt, either physically or emotionally.  He taught me that there is no “I love you because you do this for me” or “I love you ‘cause you are purtier than a speckled pup” or “If you do this, I’ll be your best friend…” err, oh! Sorry, that was high school.

So I just want the world to know – I love this man.  Every year we are married, the more I realize what a treasure I have in Alpha Hubby.  I thought I knew that in the beginning but honestly, each year I realize more about all his good points, his goodness, positive things about him, I know more than ever that this is one amazing man.

HisArm1a

His Arm

I love how he takes care of himself, working out, looking sharp.  He goes to the gym but also does a lot of physical labor around the ranch and I’m shallow – I love his arms – and not just because they are strong and manly man arms (although that is a good reason, smile).

avatar

It is why I like my signature avatar so much – a man holding the woman with one arm.  The implied strength in this dance move reminds me of Alpha Hubby.  We’re going to duplicate this picture someday soon. He’ll even give up his cowboy boots for this – that’s true love.

His arms will wrap around me and hold me in a slow dance in the kitchen.  Or they will gentle and hold me if I just need a hug.  Or as a prelude to *bleepity bleep* which is always good!  Always!  I can depend on his strength.

I do love how I can trust him to always be the same.  Unless he is very, very, very tired – very – Alpha Hubby’s even temperament is almost always the same, smooth and laid back.  Oh, there have been some voices-raised discussions about really dumb stuff (and usually my fault for being a terrier who won’t let the bone go), but on the whole, I can count on him to be the calm voice of reason.  That is an incredible and amazing “good point” about him.

Leland Closeup cropped lightened

Stop taking my picture!!

BUT, on the other hand, if he is short-tempered, then I know he is either hungry or very, very tired from working too hard (pretty much two full-time jobs between his cattle and day job) so that is still the same thing. I know it isn’t personal and that he just needs a break and to eat or get sleep.

Honor

I love that Alpha Hubby is a man of Honor.  To him, when he spoke his marriage vows, they were forever.  He is a man of his word and means what he says.  He will not and does not change (which has more to do with God than me, which is a very good thing).

His word being good is very important to him, as is his name.  His name is synonymous with integrity, and people know that.  When he says something, people can trust that word.

There are no hidden or sudden surprises.  I don’t really like surprises, or should I say, being caught off guard.  With Alpha Hubby, I always know where I stand – firmly in his heart, totally loved.

And that is a wonderful place to live.

A Love Not Ordinary

March 18th, 2015

I got to thinking about the power of True Love.  It really isn’t magic but when you see it, it looks and feels like magic.  My parents were a perfect example of True Love.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Not a love this true
Common destiny – we were meant to be
Me and you

They didn’t marry until 12 years after high school, but my mom says she fell in love with him the minute she saw him.  Dad used to joke that he ran for 12 years and finally gave up – but he would say it with a special secret smile they gave one another when he said that.  The pix below are years apart (hers in 1944; his in 1966).

Dad cropped twice mom cropped

They were romantic, often breaking out in dances when my brother and I were growing up.  I loved watching my dad’s face when they were slow dancing and he dipped her.  There was never a doubt in my mind they were a romantic, madly in love couple even after (then) 55 years of marriage.  I thought all parents were like my parents.

Like a perfect scene – from a movie screen
We’re a dream come true
Suited perfectly – for eternity
Me and you

After both my parents died, I was going through their effects and discovered each had saved romantic cards they’d received from each other over the years.  What surprised me is that the best ones (and most) were given later in their marriage.  Their love truly did get better and stronger as time went by, as evidenced by the little notes they hand-wrote in or with a card.  I felt I was a Peeping Tom looking at something so intimate.

Pam Eric  pamela and eric

Contrary to all the negativity out there in the world, many couples are forever couples like my friends Pamela and Eric (above). They work very hard to keep the romance and intimacy protected in their relationship.  They learned the secret that, while it takes work to protect that intimacy, it is well worth it.

Hunk and me stephmike2

Some people even get married right out of high school like my friend Steph and her hubby Mike (above) and years later, are still madly in love and creating a wonderful life together. They learned to work through trials and loss, ups and downs, keeping the reminder that they are in this together, not apart.

Josh LieghAnn Motorcycle2  Josh LieghAnn 2015 Josh Lieghann

Or like my son and his wife LeighAnn – after 9 years, together 4 years then married in 2010 in Vegas by Elvis thankyouverymuch.  They have so much fun together.  They play.  They laugh.  They fit like a hand and glove! They even took a work out and weight-loss challenge together and didn’t kill one another.  THAT’S true love.

Alpha Hubby and I made a solemn promise to one another right after we married.  We promised not to become roommates.  We promised to keep the honeymoon going.  We promised that we would never allow what we had to fade and become stale.  We are fierce in protecting our marriage.

Sometimes we have to slap our own faces and remind ourselves to put the other first, to keep that intimacy going, but it truly does just keep getting better and better.

Everyday I live – try my best to give
All I have to you
Thank the stars above – that we share this love
Me and you

Alpha Hubby is incredibly adept at romantic gestures.  He wants to stop and dance, all the time.  He loves dancing with me.  He is always giving of himself for and to me.  He has learned a Language of Love that blesses me to hear.  Even after 21 years of marriage, he is able to take my breath away by how he feels and what he says.

He truly loves me and everything he does is for me and for us.

The power of True Love is not just romantic gestures like sending flowers.  It is:

constantly letting one another know “you are so loved.”
–It is believing in one another.
–It is getting caught bragging about each other.
–It is speaking words of life, positive words, over one another rather than pointing out each other’s faults, especially to other people.
–It is promising to fight fair and never dirty, mean and ugly.
–It is in seeing that person as valuable and precious to you.
–It is in keeping promises.
–It is in not taking each other for granted.

True Love is far too rare to waste.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Just a precious few – ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you

Life is about True Tove.  It means you put your love for one another first and putting yourselves ahead of everything else.  Then you arrange everything else around that precious love.  Everything else will work out from that point.

Never put anything else first ahead of each other – not children, not careers, not hobbies, not others, especially girlfriends or male buds.  The only thing more important than your love for one another is your love for God.

You must nurture True Love.  Learn that rule.  Then go forth and Enjoy It.

Baby, a few white hairs later, a lot of laughs, fun, joy, happiness, and True Love:

Every day I need you even more
And the nighttime too
There’s no way I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

And trust me, I don’t want to.  Ever.

Leland08 Head shot2 Nan long

Gee Baby, Ain’t I Good To You?

March 10th, 2015

Alpha Hubby is always telling me how good I treat him.

I always reply, “Yeah, but I could do better.”

He always seems a bit confused and says, “Umm, no?”

But the truth of the matter is that with the loved ones in our lives, we can ALWAYS do better.  We can be more patient.  More understanding.  More giving.  More thoughtful.  More loving.  More like we were when we first fell in love with them.  More about them and less about ourselves.

I never feel I do enough for him because this guy is ALWAYS giving.   I have never been treated the way he treats me.   He really is good to me!  If every man on earth learned Alpha Hubby Tricks of The Trade, his ways, his sneakiness in fighting …

…we have our moments.  To those of you who think I only share the good in our marriage, that I’m not being honest about our relationship, I offer this sordid and sad tale.

I got upset awhile back because he interrupted me AGAIN and missed my point altogether.  Not that I’ve EVAH done that to him, nope.  Maybe only the first 3/4ths of our marriage.

drama queen

Drama Queen

I was running my mouth, “Oh my gosh, you are getting worse!”  Of course he was headed to bed and nothing better get in the way of his bedtime.  He gets a bit… shall we say touchy?  Whiney?  Gripey?  Mouthy?  Growly?  I never hear the end of it when he gets to bed late.  But my point was valid even though my timing was lousy.

He said, “Get over yourself.  You are such an onion girl!”

Hey, I know I have layers.  However, I would prefer to be called Parfait Girl.  Parfaits have much better layers.

He muttered on, oh so dramatically.  Mutter, mutter, mutter.

I said, “Oh, quit being such a Drama King.”

“Onion girl!”

“Drama King!!”

Kittens at play

Oh yeah, we’re in a smack down now!!

Then, of course, in order to win, HE CHEATS.  He stomps over and says, “Kiss me!”

“NO NO,” I yell, “NO kissing.  I’m not kissing you.  Go away, there are no good-night kisses for you!”

Yes, we are a very mature couple.  Why do you ask?

He uses brute strength, grabbing my head trying to kiss me.  I keep my lips closed, keeping that kiss from happening.  I have standards, you know.  I can’t give him his way.  That would just be wrong.

“Stop it! NO NO NO! No kissing, no kissing!”

He just laughs that evil laugh.  Then, he wins.  Cheating, of course.  He licks me.  On the lips. Like a dog.

Ewwwww – I hate lip licking.  HATE being licked.  Blech.

I give up, especially since I’m wiping my lips on his shirt and laughing so hard, I can’t win.  I kiss him.

*Sigh*  I know.  It is minus-1 for the female team.

But for some reason, I can’t help but not really care.

There you have it.  He’s good to me.  I’m good to him.  This is the truth of our marriage – immature fighting and major mature making up!

Oh yeah baby, you are good to me!

kiss sensual

Romancing in Real Life

March 1st, 2015

Tango wet cropped

It’s kind of funny to feel like a very romantic couple, to post little tidbits of romance like you know what you’re talking about, to be held up as a standard by some, to be told “you guys help me know what real love is” – and then to have nothing to say during the “romance month”!  It’s like (*horrors*) – I have no romance left in me!

Say it ain’t so, Joe!!

Well, first of all, my name is not Joe, it’s Nan. But OK, it ain’t so. Truth is, Alpha Hubby is out of town and I’m just blech. Meh. Missing him.

woman screaming

And then sometimes I think people just have to be tired of me talking about our affair or romantic things I’ve learned.  You know? Like “GAG ME?” meant both ways?  As in, “Look Nan, gag me! I’m puke sick of reading about you-you-you” or “Put a gag on Nan, you’re boring me!”

Lately it seems difficult to find things “romantic” to apply to our marriage, things romance-related.  To find something DIFFERENT  that is romantic.  You know like all the magazines suggest, “Keep your sex life and the romance kindled and hot-hot-hot!”  Blech.  We are limited in choices.

couple, bored

Bored Couple

Those people in that pix don’t live in the boonies.  Living in the boonies means you can’t dress up and go to the opera.  You can’t take a carriage ride.  You can’t even find an up-scale restaurant right around the corner…

…(you know, the kind with linen tablecloths and CLOTH napkins, real silver, candles, and waiters that DO NOT introduce themselves to you with a, “Hello, my name is Bubba and I’ll be your waiter tonight and since I’m working so I can buy a big gun for deer camp and really need the money for my jacked up truck, I am going to interrupt you many, many times tonight to make sure you know I’m here and will leave a good tip.”).

pumpkin carriage

You get the picture.  We have no place to go unless we want to go to the movies or we want to drive over an hour plus to get to a nice restaurant… which sort of stifles the romance when you also have to drive back home late at night without a limo and chauffeur so you can mess around in the back seat.

The lack of choices produces an unbearable ennui sometimes. Sometimes the most exciting thing in the boonies is to watch the bug zapper in the back yard.  OK, OK, I know, grossssss. It is so exhausting to search for different ways to be romantic.  It means you have to THINK.

It is so bad that before Valentine’s Day I asked Alpha Hubby, “What are we going to do for Valentine’s Day?”

He says, “I don’t know.  What do you have in mind?”

I say, ‘I got nothing. I’m not sure I want to do anything.  I mean, I don’t want to waste money when there are so many places we can’t eat.  And I don’t want us to spend money on each other. You KNOW what happened that *time you tried to get me flowers.”

Growl. He says, “Yeah, yeah, $11,000 flowers. ”

Then I began whining, “Oh my gosh is the romance dead here?  Have we finally lost the honeymoon period after 20 years?  Are we doooomed?”

He snickered, “Drama Queen.  We could go to the Swiss restaurant if you want.  I would be glad to take you if you want to go.”

I reply, “Ugh.  It’s okay but it is really not a romantic restaurant.”

He says, “Well, it’s just a thought.  At least I thought of something.”

I say, “I can pick up something and bring it home so we can eat here, on our beautiful table (that he made me), with candles and such.”  (Altho truth tell I am thinking, “That is not romantic.

He says, “No, that’s work on you and not romantic.”

Silence ensures.

I say, “Well, fine then.  Then we’ll do the usual.  Just come home, candles, share a glass, romantic music, maybe dance a little, and then, of course, have wild, hawt sex.”

He says, “Works for me.”

And they say romance is dead!

heart cc Flickr photo seyed mostafa zamani

*********************

*He’d pulled into the Wal*art parking lot in his Hummer to get me flowers. The front end of the Hummer made it hard to see low to the ground in front of it. He was looking for a parking place easy to get into and turned left at the end of the parking row. BANG! He hit the concrete that was wrapped around the light pole. It was hard to see it.  It cost $11,000 in repairs to fix the front end. He vowed never to go to Wal*mart again.

Barbie, Ken and GI Joe: Truth Comes Out

February 17th, 2015

Oh so very long ago, like most women, I was drawn to the classic… bad boy.  It started when I was in high school and found out the really cute leather-jacket-wearing dude liked me.  Nothing ever happened with that but still.  I remember thinking how cool it was that THE James Dean-bad boy in school liked me.  So shoot me, I was young.

James Dean

James Dean

Don’t know what made him the bad boy – the leather jacket?  The tousled hair?  He was probably a perfectly normal guy who’d been put in the bad boy clique simply because of that leather jacket.  That just wasn’t done back then when we still had rules about how short our skirts could be.

Doesn’t matter – my point is that women seem to be trained to be drawn to the bad boy and to scoff at the good one.  The good one is boring and the bad one… wowzers.   Is it that the good guy is known and bland?  Is it that the bad guy was forbidden and exciting?  The good guy a wuss and the bad guy the manly man?  Were we young and stupid? Well yes, but…

barbie ken gi joe

Ken Barbie GI Joe

Could it be as simple as this hysterical 1996 Nissan television commercial – that sums it all up just fine: Barbie, Ken & GI Joe:

Poor Ken-wannabe. So helpless in his sweater around the neck, buffed nails and plastic-coifed hair way.   Can’t keep his woman.  How can he compete against a guy who came out of the jaws of a dinosaur?  A manly man?  Just looking at Ken you’d think, “That wuss!  He couldn’t protect me against a herd of baseballs!”  (Private joke)

In this case I think GI Joe seemed to represent excitement.  He exuded confidence and strength. She thinks he can take care of her AND thrill her.

By the time I met Alpha Hubby at work, I’d had my gut full of bad boys and was NOT interested in going that route again.  I did not plan to ever marry again much less trust my heart to any guy, bad or good.

And here was Alpha Hubby – he was such a nice guy – an engineer working at the nuclear plant, raising healthy beef on the side, very precise and, ummm, shall we say – anal??  Good with attention to details – which is really nice when applied to some situations like… *ahem* …be that as it may…

He was a nice guy and so nice to me – can you imagine that?  Like that was a sin or something?  Being nice to me?  I even told him – now remember we’d only known one another 7 weeks before we got married so we didn’t know one another THAT well.  But while we didn’t know each other’s favorite type movie or food choices, we knew one another’s heart.  So I told him, truthfully, that I’d never dated a nice guy before and wasn’t sure how I’d handle it.

I love looking back and remembering some of the dog-goned stupid things I said to him back then.  All in the name of protecting my heart from being crushed again.  Duh duh duh du-mb.

Leland Closeup cropped lightened

Stop taking my picture!!

So after we married, we spent many nights sitting up and talking, to get to know one another.  The more we talked, the more I realized I’d not married a nice guy after all; I had married a reformed bad boy.

It’s kind of funny because he was probably a bad, bad boy but he swears to me, like Jessica Rabbit in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”:  “I’m not bad.  I’m just drawn that way.”

Jessica Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit

I have the benefit now of a bit of wisdom that can come with time passing – there is the fact that there are no real bad boys or good boys.  There are simply men and males.  A Man. A Male.

gangster crop

Gangster Type

Males take no responsibility, cheat and who are all about “me first” running at the first sign of trouble.  No way a male will help around the house or take on the tough jobs (like dealing with bill collectors).  Males get their confidence by the number of notches on their bedpost.  Males couldn’t care less how badly they treat their women because women don’t matter; there’s always another one.  Males believe women are only useful for one thing.

firefighter

Hero Type

A man is the total opposite to the point he is honorable in a world that has forgotten what that word means.  A man will put his family and loved ones first, protecting to the point of death.  A man knows the woman is capable and can take care of herself, and like that about her.  A man will walk in integrity and his word is always good.  A man takes responsibility for their actions and you can trust your life – and heart – with a real man.

man's hands with heart

I married a real man.  There is security in what he calls “predictable”.  He doesn’t have his nails polished (mainly because after work, he’s mucking with cows and bulls), and fights me tooth and nail about protecting his skin from the sun.   He doesn’t have an feminine side – he tells me I am his only feminine side and that’s that.   I can tell him and tell him that I’d love him in a cowboy hat but no.  Not yet, anyway.

John Wayne

John Wayne

He is all man, believes in God, America,  true love, hard work, and honesty.  He’s not John Wayne – what most people think of as manly but who actually played some very chavunistic characters.  Alpha Hubby isn’t a man’s man, per se; he’s just my man.  He is masculine to the point that it doesn’t take much to push him over into the over-dominating stage; but he doesn’t scare me.  He may be an alpha and growl at me sometimes, but he would never hurt me.

So in a world where the choice is Ken or GI Joe?  Give me a GI Joe anytime!  Nah, forget that, give me Alpha Hubby.  He’s gifted to be my mate. He’s GI Joe enough for me!

His Proposal

February 14th, 2015

(If the music bugs, go down on right side and pause it in player. Any song mentioned specifically in a blog is moved from the top to the bottom of the list when a new blog is posted. In case you want to hear it with the blog post it goes with, check there.)

LoveDiamonds crop

Alpha Hubby truly is a Gift.  People don’t believe that people can be “made for one another” – but they can.

But, to keep it that way, you have to protect that Gift.  You have to cherish it and never allow it to tarnish.  You can’t allow the every-day-ness of life to steal the preciousness of the Gift.  You have to appreciate that Gift.  Keep the flame burning bright and hot for one another.

As I said in my last post, I still remember exactly how I felt and where I was when I had my Scarlett O’Hara drama queen moment of swearing never to marry again.  When God answered my unasked hidden desire, He sent someone who managed to waltz past all the barriers I’d constructed.  How did He know this man would be so perfect for me? I often ponder that.

love conquers all

A couple of weeks after I met Alpha Hubby, there was an evening after I got off work, before I pulled out of the parking lot, that I felt this – a knowing, if you will – to go to Ha*mark and pick out a card that said “I love you.”  I didn’t want to do this simply because to go to the shopping mall was WAY out of my way.  But it was a very strong feeling so I did it.

I took the card home, signed it and dated it, then put it in my dresser drawer for some future date when I might need it.

boy girl kiss

That evening, I was sitting in my chair in the living room reading.  The chair faced the outside door so I could see when Alpha Hubby got to my house that evening.  I glanced up as he walked in the door.  Looking straight into my eyes, he walked over to me, kneeled down in front of my chair, took the book out of my hand and set it aside, took one of my hands into his, placed his other hand, palm on my cheek…

…then asked, “Will you marry me?”

I replied, “Yes”

He looked so stunned when he replied, “Really??”

I said, “Yes, really”

He stuttered, “But… well… um… you love me?  You will marry me?”

I replied, “Yes.”

“Really.  You want to marry me.”

Yes, gentle readers, I’m sure by now you’re wondering if he was trying to talk me out of marriage.  He was feeling a bit insecure (completely unusual for him) at that moment because, as he later told me, he was NOT planning to propose that evening.  He just walked into my house and… did.  He was probably freaking because we’d only been “together” for about 3 weeks by that time.  Yes, three, 3, trois, drei, tre, три, AND tres.  Three.

I could tell he didn’t believe me, so I said, “Wait a minute.”

I got up and went into the bedroom, pulled the card out of the drawer, took it back into the living room, and handed it to him.  I could tell he wondered why I was handing him a card in the middle of “THE” most intense moment in his life, but he took it.

Valentine day postcard

After he opened it, read it, and was looking a little shell-shocked, I said to him, “Now I believe God had me pick that card out so that when this moment came, you would KNOW I mean it and that He really is in this.”

I told him how I felt I needed to pick that card up that day without delay, but that I had no idea I would need it for that evening.  It wasn’t until then that he truly believed me.  It was one of those goose-bumpy moments (we have a lot of them in our relationship).

Seven weeks after we met at the office, we married on March 4th, believing we would be marching forth (march 4th, get it??) into something miraculous and amazing.  It has been.  Truly miraculous and amazing.  Even 20 years,  11 months, 10 days later.

dream clouds

Baby, you were my dream – what I never thought could be reality in my life. You were my knight in shining armour. You were my heart’s desire. How could I not have said yes?

You gave your love away
And I’m thankful everyday
Can’t find the words to say
Thank you for the gift

Cherish The Gift you have in your mate.  They truly are a Gift.  I know life can seem to steal the wonder of what you felt when you first met but it is important to protect what you have in each other. Everything in the world will try to attack your togetherness. Do not allow that. Ever.

Remind yourself why you fell for them, why you married them, why you wanted them above all others. Work to keep the intimacy, practice it every day.  Never forget they came first, above all others things if your life.

Tell them you love them, constantly, daily, hourly, often.  Life is too short for you not to always appreciate this Gift you loved so fiercely that you married them.

Now if you will excuse me, I have an Alpha to seduce.

heart arrow

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

An Honest to Goodness Love Story

February 10th, 2015

In honor of Valentines Day 2015, this month I am either writing new or posting old love stories about Alpha Hubby’s and my relationship. Read at your own risk. No gagging allowed. As usual, if the music bugs, go to right bar and pause!

Once upon a time book cover

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

This is a Love Story.  This is the story about a girl who met a boy who loved the girl completely, totally, unconditionally almost from the moment he met her.

It is about a girl who was so skittish, she never let anyone get close to her.   No one.  Ever.   Not even girlfriends who “thought” they knew her.

The plot revolves around the boy overcoming the girl’s insurmountable obstacles to help her achieve her wildest dream, True Love.   This is not a fairy tale.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Once Upon a Time in a desolate land long ago, there was a girl who had been single for twelve years.  Years before she had told God that she would never marry again, ever, never, ever, unless He wrote in the sky, “Girl, this is the one I have for you!”  (And we all know how often THAT happens.)

word love skywrite

Two weeks before the girl met the boy, a total stranger told the girl, “God said for me to tell that you that you will meet the one He has for you in the next two weeks.”  He also told the girl a lot of details like, “When you do meet him, don’t share that with anyone” and “You will be happier than you’ve ever been in your entire life.”

Okaaaaay.  But the girl did sit down and type up everything he told her.  Hope prevailed while common sense stated, “No way.”

One day at the Nuclear Elf Factory, the girl and boy met.  The Nuclear Elf Factory frowned on office relationships, thus the “don’t tell” part the girl was told.  They met a few days before the girl’s birthday.   By this time, she had almost forgotten about what that stranger said so she wasn’t even thinking about it.  Her guard wasn’t up.  She was Unsuspecting.

The boy told the girl hello.  The boy and girl chatted in her cubicle.  It came out that he was being stalked by an evil witch who decided he would be her next husband.  He asked the girl to be his fake date to his church Valentine banquet to get this evil witch off his trail.  Of course, being the sweet girl she was (*wink wink*), the girl said yes.  She had had a stalker once, too.  It’s so nice to have things in common right off the bat!

ring gold chain

By the time our boy and girl went to the Valentine’s Day banquet a month later, they were secretly engaged.  She had an engagement ring on a golden chain around her neck.  (Well, until they told people, she couldn’t quite wear it in public now, could she?!)

Seven weeks to the day after they magically met, they were married in a small evening service with only parents to witness the union. Well, along with a small boy who had his own ceremony with the amazing Knight in Shining Armor.

Twenty years, 11 months, 6 days ago, the girl met and fell in love with her Knight.  In all these years, his armor has never tarnished.  He loves the girl so boldly and unconditionally that she sometimes wonders what’s the matter with him!  HE loves her.  He LOVES her.  He loves HER

Two bound hearts

It is so breathtaking that sometimes she sits on the porch he built her, in the rocking chair he bought her, still in awe, and thinking how good God has been to her, to bring this boy across her pathway. Occasionally, when she comes across the notes she wrote after the total stranger told her the things he did, she is amazed how true everything he said was and how it all came to pass.

She truly is happier than she has ever been in her life.  Her cousin, Cinderella, had nothing on our girl when it came to drama and evil step-mot… um…  talking mice? Evil cats? Singing sadly, “In my own little corner, in my own own little chair I can be whatever I want to be“? Psycho-exes?

The girl can’t even describe it sometimes because it is hard to wrap the mind around the fact that 20 years, 11 months, 6 days later, he still loves her madly, passionately and completely.

More so, actually.

Interlinking Skywriting Hearts

In the end, faith and hope prevail and she finally gets the one thing she always wanted:  to be loved unconditionally by a Hero.  And to have True Love.

Baby, thank you for 20 years, 11 months, 6 days, each better than the last – for 20 years, 11 months, 6 days of unbelievable love – sometimes warm and fuzzy, mostly insanely hot and passionate!  Thank you for adventures, oceans, making me the best fudge ever, snowmen, seashells, laughter, and all my wishes coming true, in you.  You are so much better than anything I could have dreamed up.

When God writes it in the sky (and He does), you can safely take a chance!  Don’t settle. Wait until you have your true heart’s desire.

The Beginning.

There is no end in a True Love story.  Every day is a new opportunity to keep the love fresh, vibrant, precious, a beginning, a fresh slate.  It just keeps on getting better and better.

Love: An Obsession

February 5th, 2015

I’m sure you’re wondering where this title came from.  You ARE out there and wondering, aren’t you?

*ribbit ribbit*

Well, just in case, let me ‘splain.  It’s like this:  when I met Alpha Hubby, I had some… shall we say… botherations?  Cans of worms?  Issues?  Oh, OK.  Let’s just say I had an entire matched set of Louis Vuitton luggage, packed full.  Baggage, baby, baggage.

luggage set

Louis Vuitton Set

During our 7 week “getting to know you” marathon before we married, I remember saying to him, “Listen, I hope you’re not expecting me to be joined at the hip – one of those women who can’t go anywhere without their husbands.  I need my space.  I need the freedom that, if I want to go off for a weekend and visit my friends out of state, I am free to do so.”

I was extremely nervous about getting married.  I didn’t want to become property.  I didn’t want to lose my independence and freedom.  I didn’t want to become a “Mrs. Anything” (hey, I SAID I had baggage).

I pretty much wanted to “protect” myself.  From what, I don’t know since all my inner demons were based on past history and experience, not current events.

hockey mask

After we married, I remember a highly volatile heated deeply intellectual discussion we had about cheating.  I told him flat out, “If you ever cheat on me, you can book it, I will be gone.  That’s it.  I am not going to put up with that.”  He agreed.

Flash ahead several months.  As I gained confidence that he really wasn’t an axe murderer, and learned how solid and honorable his character was (and that he is also A Character), I realized what a complete and total gem I had.  I knew if I hooked myself up with his good name, I would be just fine.  I learned he could be trusted and he just got better and better as I got to know him.

So we went back and visited our deeply intelligent conversation about cheating again.  He said to me, “You remember when we had that talk about cheating and we said that would be it – we’d be outta here?”

Me: “Uh, yeah?”

Alpha Hubby:  “Well, I’ve changed my mind.  I will hunt you down.  You will not get away.”

Me:  “Aren’t you being a little obsessive?”

Alpha Hubby:  “You say that like it’s a bad thing or something.”

Me:  “Well, alrighty then.”  (Oh, who am I kidding:  I loved it.)

He isn’t serious in the sense of evil and scary or stalking and “every breath you take I will be watching you” way.   It’s just playing around – creating fun memories and great one-liners that have stuck with us over the years.  His Alpha is very real, but his chest-beating is all in good fun.  Mostly.

He has an warped off the wall weird strange sick unbelievable amazing humor.  It also goes back to the big mistake I made by explaining to him that he was an Alpha. There are times I wish I’d never explained to him what an Alpha Male (man) was (just kidding, baby) – he had NO idea he was one.  And I had no idea we’d become an alpha pair when we married.

A blog post HERE chats about the traits of alphas (male and female) and the mistake I made with Alpha Hubby.

Once he learned what alpha meant and that he really had all the characteristics and traits of a pack leader, he became very difficult interesting to live with.  My Alpha Hubby is a chest beating, roaring alpha wolf.  I’ve never had so much fun.

alpha female

The Alpha Female

That old worried about being “joined at the hip” thing?  It’s history.  But he hasn’t let me forget it.  That whole, “I’m independent and need my freedom?”  Cause for much laughter.  This guy supports my dreams, hopes and wishes, and believes in me.  He wants me to succeed and be happy, and gives me everything I need to do that.

I think it is safe to say that all my baggage is unpacked and safely put away.  Who knew a nice little obsession could create a paradigm shift.  We had a revolution in our marriage  – a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis, if you will.  We had a complete change of form: we went from two separate entities to one.  We became one.

It’s nice being pursued.  It’s nice being obsessed over (in a healthy, nice way).  It’s nice to be loved so unconditionally that if you stop and think about it, it takes your breath away.  (Hmmm, if I am breathless, does that mean he won’t be watching me?)

Hear the roar, baby!

lion