Why Don’t We Just Dance?

May 29th, 2015

If you want to hear this love song below, you’ll need to go to the right and pause the music player. Just click on the || button!
You may have to “X” out commercials ads.
What I like best about this video is that most of us can find our generation’s dance and wild clothing in it!

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Alpha Hubby is the Number Uno reason our marriage is what it is.  He is pretty much laid back (well, about most things) and Über forgiving and understanding.  I remember my first – um – meltdown?  We hadn’t been married very long.  I was out riding the lawnmower and he came out to bring me a glass of iced tea.

My thought process went something like this:  “Why is he bringing me a glass of iced tea? What’s his deal? What does he want? What is he doing, coming out here like that.”  AND, unfortunately, I acted that way.  Pretty much said, “Why are you bringing me that. I don’t need it.”

He was so shocked but he said, “OK” turned around and went back to the house.

The Big Voice in my head said, “You need to go fix this RIGHT NOW.” I was ashamed but honestly couldn’t understand what my problem was. I drove over to the carport, stopped the lawn mower and hesitantly walked over to him where he stood with the glass looking at me a with shuttered eyes.  Alpha Son was playing around behind him but I sucked it up and said, “I’m Sorry.”

He said, “OK. Can you explain what happened?” He said it so calmly and sweetly, not with anger or attitude.

“Not really. No one (man esp.) has ever done anything like that before. Anytime anyone did anything, there was always a hidden agenda and it wasn’t usually in my favor.  I’m serious, no one’s ever, um, well, I guess, been nice to me.”  I reached for the iced tea, humbly.

His entire face cleared up, he handed me the iced tea, I took it gratefully – and he hugged me.  “We’ll work it out, you’ll see” he murmured.

Knight

Our entire marriage has been like that.  As I worked through my issues, unpacking my baggage one bag at a time, he has been a strength. He is an expert baggage unpacker.  He loved me enough for me to begin to trust him. He loved me through insecurity and fear.  He loved me through, thoroughly.

He made it safe for me to unpack my baggage.  He gave me a secure home where I could be myself and know I was loved for that.  He has honestly gone over and above all I could ask or think.  He is a true Knight in Shining Armour and has never tarnished.

Monster Spider

Monster Spider (size of my palm)

He protects me and would never hang me out to dry. He kills spiders, snakes, frogs, mice, and little scorpions.  He chided me when I wouldn’t let him open my car door. He explained to me that it was a way to honor and respect me as a lady and the woman he loved. I was like, “Um, ok. I guess. As long as you KNOW I can open my own door, bub.” Gracious as usual.  But I learned and now I love it. Alpha Son’s wife does, too, ’cause he learned from the best.

His whole philosophy can be summed up in the title of this song. His take is “No worries, let’s dance!” And not because he ignores things life tries to throw at us but because that is his true attitude, that we’re going to make it. He hates stress and worry and refuses to participate. He is calm and finds solutions, no matter what we face.

He always wants to slow dance with me. He always want to *ahem* with me. He believes after all we’ve both been though that we should thoroughly enjoy our life together. He wants to BE and give me exactly what I need to be happy no matter what it is. He is the true fairy tale hero.

dream disney

Oh sure, he’s human.  But his attitude? His personality?

I think they’re kind of supernaturally…

… magical.

 

I Will Stand By You

May 23rd, 2015

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.

— Anaïs Nin

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The first song on the playlist on the right, near the bottom is “I Will Stand By You”.  The lyrics to this song exemplify what Alpha Hubby has done for me.  This is what Alpha Hubby has meant to me.  This is what he said to me when we first married.  This is what, 21 years later, he still does, means and says to me.  How can this man not be a gift from God?

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It’s like a storm – that cuts a path
It’s breaks your will – it feels like that
You think you’re lost
But your not lost – on your own
You’re not alone

I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
If you can’t cope – I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go

It hurts my heart – to see you cry
I know it’s dark – this part of life
Oh it finds us all (finds us all)
And we’re too small – to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope – I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall – I’m right here to catch you
I won’t let you – down
It won’t get you down – you’re gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it

‘Cause I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope – and I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won’t let go
Won’t let you go
No I won’t

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Baby, thank you for 21 years of support, love, happiness, and joy. Thank you for always being there for me in every situation – from the minor (Alpha Son leaving home) to the major (my parents’ deaths), through weight loss battles and insecurity.  Thank you that our life has been far more about sunshine and less about loss and cloudy days. Thank you for the laughter and silly times. Thank you for the adventures we’ve gone on and for the ones to come. Thank you for the amazing passion we have together and for always making me feel sexy and well-loved.

You have been my knight in shining armor and your armor has never tarnished in my eyes. You are the epitome of every fairy tale hero and I am so glad you love me.

I will stand by you, too.

.

I Won’t Let Go, Rascal Flatts – One of the co-authors of the song had this to say – so appropriate:  “…they intentionally did not define the song’s character, so that the message could be applicable in various situations:  ‘This could be something you’d say to someone in the family that’s a soldier, fighting overseas… or to your mom, dad, wife or husband… I felt it could also be God saying it to someone.'”

Love Says They Will

April 28th, 2015

If you want to hear this love song below, you’ll need to go to the right and pause the music player. Just click on the || button!

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The world says they’ll never make it… LOVE says they will.

This is an older video someone posted on You Tube.  Look past the fuzzies and watch the video and listen to the lyrics.

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As many of you know, Alpha Hubby and I met at work and married 7 weeks later. To say they were betting on how long we’d last is an understatement (it’s what they did).  I am sure no one bet 21 years so I’m glad everyone lost their bets.

It is truth that the world said we’d never make it. No one believed we would, even those who were close to me.  Some hoped I would but still believed it was a failure waiting to happen.

I can’t tell you how many times someone asked me, “So is everything STILL okay with you two?” When I replied it was I’d hear, “Really? Oh good!” with relief like they believed I’d say, “No, he turned into a ravening monster just like you thought he would, and I’m miserable now.” They wouldn’t have been surprised.

I was thinking about my life, about who I was, what I felt and thought, what I believed, what was inside me inaccessible to those around me. To be honest, my own mother, although she loved me, didn’t know me. No one did or does. They all assume they do from outward appearances, what I tell them and actions.  I guarantee you there are people who assume they know me very well.  They don’t.

And that’s on me, not them, because I never showed anyone “me” (and still have trouble with that).  I shut that down years ago.  It saved me from being hurt again and from letting people know the real me since obviously, from my past, I’d learned that the real me was not acceptable. I learned my lesson.

Alpha Hubby saw me. Sees me.  Hears me.  Knows me. (And still loves me, smile.) He tells me that when we talked that day in my cubicle for over an hour, God showed him my heart, who I was.

He was willing to take on the challenge of helping me dig the real me out so that I could be myself with him and with myself. I needed a lot of love and he had a lot to give. To him I mattered. I was worthy.

He used to tell me that all he ever wanted was to be loved for himself. I don’t think he’d ever been able to be himself – not for years.  He was the brave warrior for those who needed rescuing.  The attitudinal rude alpha male for those who wanted him for what he could give them.  The anti-hero to those he found betraying his trust.

I had to dig and dig, and insist that he be himself.  He needed a lot of love and I had a lot to give. To me he mattered. He was worthy.

I heard this song on the radio in the car last night when we were on our way home from Texas.  Once I got past the lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I realized we’ve had:

There’s a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

And we made it to the other side.  We now have

With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything

He asked me, “Will your hook your dreams to mine?  Will you go where I go?”  I didn’t hesitate to say yes. How could I not? How could I not follow along with him as we went on faith adventures together? This man loves me unconditionally and has my best in mind.

I am not going to mess that up. He’s got the key to my heart! Of course, neither is he because I’ve got his ring (smile).

The world said we’d never make it.

Love ensured – we will.

.

Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (Tanya Tucker)

She’s fifteen and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the keys to her heart
It’s just matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it, love says they will

There’s a baby crying and one more on the way
There’s a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

(chorus)

She’s eighty-three and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the key to her heart
It’s just a matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it
But love says they will

I Really Just Love Him

April 8th, 2015

(A few years ago after Pamela over at Road to Joy (who is now a published author, thankyouverymuch) and I issued a challenge to blogland to say something positive about your significant other for 30 days, we decided several months later to up the intimacy in blogger’s lives.  Our challenge was to do something to create intimacy with your significant other every day for 30 days.  This is a semi-partial sort-of redux remake on a post from back then. (See Category 30 Days Intimacy).

Disclaimer:  The results for increased intimacy are not guaranteed. This is a blog not a psychologist’s or psychotherapist’s office after all!

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So how DO couples go from this:

couple romantic  married

To this?

couple angry

It’s simple, really.  Just forget who the person is that you fell in love with.  Lose your focus by taking that focus off the loved one and putting it somewhere else.  Put everything ahead of them.

It used to be SO easy to be intimate and starry-eyed over that special someone.  Why?  Well, we were madly, passionately in love with that person.  They were all we thought about.  We were very willing to pursue them and overlook anything not perceived as “perfect” about them.  

We couldn’t WAIT to see them, to talk to them.  We always wanted to look our best for them, to do what they liked to do, and to play, laugh, and do things as simple as walking in the rain while holding hands – or go to a rodeo and pretend the smell and noise doesn’t bother you!

And think about that – why do you think so many people cheat? Or go hook up with old boy-girlfriends on FB? Why they are drawn away from the everyday sameness of their relationship? They are looking for that same excitement boost we once had as a new-be couple. Looking for that same rush. That same ego-boost. Looking for someone to validate them, make them feel special and “seen”! Just a thought there, folks.

After time, though, our words and attitudes, actions and thought processes, history, time, and life begin getting in the way.

We stopped pursuingWe:

— stopped communicating (especially in person).
— stopped really listening.
— stopped treating one another with honor and respect.
— stopped thinking he’s all-that.
— stopped thinking she’s the girl of his dreams.
— stopped spending quality time together.
— stopped trusting one another, especially with our hearts.
— stopped forgiving quickly and forgetting the tresspass.
— stopped looking as good as we did when first together.
— stopped putting each other first place.

— We began allowing life to get in the way, in between us.
— We became roommates because we lost intimacy and focus.
— We allowed many other things – people, children (especially children), work or career pursuit, fun, hobbies, blogging, or just anything or everything – to come before the other person.

We stopped thinking and treating, and seeing them as valuable and precious – special.

Boxing Gloves

 

We could start thinking, “Well, I’ve got them so I don’t have to do anything else to keep them.”

We could start thinking, “Ehh, it’s JUST the wife, the old ball and chain, she doesn’t count.”

We could start thinking, “Oh, my husband; WHY can’t he be as wonderful and romantic as so-in-so’s husband is?”

We could start thinking, “He sure doesn’t look like that high-school football player I fell in love with.”

We could start thinking, “I know my wife had our children and is a mother now, but is that girl I married even in there anymore?  And does she even see ME?”

He could think “She never listens to me.”
She could think “He never talks to me.”

We all could wonder, “Who IS this person I’m married to?”

People want to blame it on technology and how easy it is to get distracted, to pay more attention to your cell phone and texts than your significant other. HOGWASH. You have to MAKE a choice to allow that to happen. I’ve lived long enough to have a before and after – before cell phones and after – my marriage is amazing – AFTER. Before? Meh, had some bad relationships!!  Technology didn’t cause the rifts.  It is very lazy to blame a marriage failure on anything or anyone but YOURSELF.  Technology can’t destroy – people using it can.  It is a choice.

I think of intimacy when I think of those beginning courtship days when you couldn’t wait to see one another, do nice things for one another, thought about each other ALL the time, and holding hands?  Well, oi vey, was it not amazing that first time he took your hand and kissed your palm?  Or touched the side of your face with his palm and looked into your eyes?

couple touching

I still remember when Alpha Hubby first placed his palm on the side of my face.  I swear my face tingled.  I remember wondering what he was doing, so I asked.  He said, “I can tell where you are, how your feeling, thinking.  I can read you.”  I had no idea what he was talking about because I was so expert at hiding my emotions and who I was, that it made me very uncomfortable when he did this.  No one should be THAT intimate, right?  Of course I was running.

He was talking about where I was in our relationship.  Was I comfortable?  Did I squirm in discomfort at this private act of intimacy?  Did I look back into his eyes or look away?  Did I rub my cheek against his palm or pull away?  It was something no one had ever done to me before.  It still gives me shivers.

Intimacy engages the five physical senses – see, hear, touch, smell, taste.  And, as Alpha Hubby always says, love is an action verb – it is not passive.  Love acts.  Love does.  Or it is not love.  Why yes, I AM Zen-Master.  Why do you ask?  “Try not.  Do or do not, there is no try,” sayeth Yoda Nan.  Just say I LOVE YOU already!!

love on mirror

And yes, actions do speak louder than words but words are very important, too.  Especially those three little ones, “I love you.”  SAY them.  SAY them ALL the time.  Most importantly, make sure you SAY them every. single. day.  Say them, say them, say them.  Life is too dog-goned short to be stingy with those words.  They are not cheap words.  Not saying them can cost you everything.

Write “I love you” on the bathroom mirror.  Jot a note, pick up a card, or email, fax or something – just say “I love you” as often as you can, in as many ways as you can.  Go do that RIGHT NOW.

Did you do it?  Well, as soon as you are finished reading this post, I challenge you to go tell your significant other “I LOVE YOU” (and yes, if you HAVE to ’cause they’re not around, you may text it to them) – then begin the practice of saying those words deliberately, on purpose, from this moment forward, every day.  Make a choice to put away anything that comes before your loved one – including *gasp* your cell phone (unless you use it for good, not evil!).   

Alpha Hubby and I made a choice to give up television (except movies on weekends, maybe), in order to keep us first.  He gets home, we spend time together until bedtime.  We made a choice to walk away from technology. Except he does use it wisely to text me “I love you’s” and other *ahem* thangs!!

When you wish someone joy,
you wish them peace,
love, prosperity, happiness…
all the good things.

 Maya Angelou

I wish all of you JOY, today, tomorrow, forever. 

Oh, and thank you for being faithful readers.  I love you.

Humility

April 3rd, 2015

Every now and again I remind Alpha Hubby that he is out of his mind.  He has to be.  He’s crazy because he’s crazy in love with me.  I sometimes really don’t understand that, you know?  Especially after 21 years and he now KNOWS me, inside out – and still loves me.

Oh I know he loves me as in, he made a commitment to me.  He promised to love me forever.  He wanted it in writing, before God, permanently so that I couldn’t get out of it.  But still.

He loves me.

People say there is no such thing as soul mates, one person made just for you.  I now say “hog wash” because I now know it is true.  It isn’t impossible, as people think. It is that, if you allow God to teach you how to truly, really, completely love unconditionally His way, you’ll have a soul mate who will love you until the end of time.  And he’s fun, too! Sexy. Passionate. And did I say fun??

Sometimes I ask Alpha Hubby, “How did we get so blessed that we have this kind of love and others don’t?”  His reply is always the same, “I don’t know but I’m glad we do, that we got to experience this together.” Neither of us has ever experienced anything like this.

When we are out with or around other couples, it is almost screamingly obvious that some couples don’t have “it” – they make sniping jokes about each other, “Ya, she couldn’t clean a house if a vacuum clean fell on her head, ha ha” or “He couldn’t find his way home from work unless I drop all his women’s phone numbers on slips of paper on a path leading him home.”  Snipe snipe snipe.

They laugh but it’s bitter.  I always look at Alpha Hubby, and he at me, and I know he’s slightly freaking out inside like I am. They have no idea the danger they court by sniping at one another. Sarcasm kills a lot of things – friendships, relationships, feelings, love.

I was talking to an e-friend the other day and she mentioned that her church had a “washing of the feet” ceremony. She said, “He (her husband) and I were asked to be two of the disciples. Last night was Mass service. After the priest washed our feet during Mass, in front of the altar, each of us (disciples) walked down to the congregation and washed others’ feet. It was a very humbling, rewarding, and surreal experience.”

I was immediately reminded of a time in our former church (before we moved) when the pastor decided that our church needed to have a foot washing ceremony.

*In Bible times, the dusty conditions of the region and the wearing of sandals necessitated foot-washing. Although the disciples most likely would have been happy to wash Jesus’ feet, they could not conceive of washing each other’s feet. This was because in the society of the time, foot-washing was reserved for the lowliest of menial servants. Peers did not wash one another’s feet, except very rarely and as a mark of great love.

Luke points out in Luke 22:24 that the disciples were arguing about who was the greatest among them, an attitude that precludes a willingness to stoop to wash feet. There was an arrogance in their attitude. No one was willing to serve the other person. When Jesus moved to wash their feet, they were shocked (John 13).

When Leland and I opted to participate (it was voluntary), it was humbling and surreal.  I’ve never forgotten it.  At the time, the pastor had the women wash women’s feet and men wash men’s feet.  The women were on the left side (with pans of warm water), the men on the right side, doing the same. Basically you dipped one foot then the other into the warm water and wiped it dry with a cloth.

I stood up at one point and looked over at my husband sitting on the platform stairs.  He had just finished washing the feet of a guy who really didn’t like him (thought guys in suits were snobs).  As Alpha Hubby sat on the platform stairs, I was suddenly just overwhelmed with love for him.  I wanted to humble myself before my husband, to show him how much I loved him, as that mark of great love, submission and, I don’t know – honor, perhaps.

I went over to the “men’s side” and I knelt down before Alpha Hubby, picked up his bare foot and proceeded to wash his feet.  He reached down, took my hand, lifted me up, then switched places with me. He then lovingly lifted my foot, and washed.  By this time, we both had tears running down our cheeks. Man, talk about a powerful emotion.

The other wives – well, a few of them – followed suit and the ones who didn’t?  Funny thing about that – a few of them are divorced now and for some reason I’m not surprised.  It required great humility to bow down before your husband and wash his feet.  And yet… it really didn’t.  I had to do that, wanted to do that, wanted to honor him enough to do that.  It was strange yet not.  It just felt right.  He says the same thing.

Alpha Hubby is a very understanding, loving, generous, good man. While he is most definitely a very masculine alpha male, watching him humble himself to wash my feet changed something inside me that night.  And that is the very basis of our relationship.  How can you snipe at someone who’s feet you’ve knelt before and washed?

Well, you can – obviously we are all human – but it hurts your heart.  This is such a precious man, valuable to me, and someone I endeavor to treat as valuable and precious at all times.  I fail a lot – but then there is that awesome make up s*x!!!!

And lest you think he’s a wimp – nah. Not in any way, shape, form or fashion. Only a real man, confident in his manliness, his masculinity, can kneel before his wife and wash her feet.  His thought is that if Jesus loved enough to bow at the feet of his disciples to wash their feet, how can he do less for me?

Consistent, constant, unwavering, unconditional, total, complete, and a totally passionate love.  That is what he gives me.  A foundation I can stand on that isn’t going to crack, shake, and collapse under me.  I hope I give him the same thing back – I know I do but I always feel like I can do better.

Sometimes I look at him and am blown away by this man.  He is, as I’ve said before, a gift from God just for me.  He not only erased my nightmares, he dragged my dreams out of me and he enables me to walk in them.  He believes in me, my talents, and abilities.  He wants me to sing to him all the time.  He reads what I write.  He wants me to thrive.  He loves me.

Totally.

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cross and thorns

Today is Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified on the cross for us. People think that only means Jesus as the way to heaven, but it was a Crucifixion for so much more – the original Bible translation shows it is “whole”.  Jesus died for your whole life – body, emotions, relationships, health, finances, everything pertaining to life. He died for you to be whole.  He arose (Easter Sunday) from the dead to ratify that commitment to go to the cross that He made for us. See **below for more info.

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*Read more:http://www.gotquestions.org/foot-washing.html#ixzz3WHkTZ1HN

 

**If you want to know more, my other website blog will give you information – www.anointedwordministries.org.  I’m just getting it back up so check back often for new content.  You can also go to my pastor/church’s website for free downloads = www.moorelife.org (Keith and Phyllis Moore, free downloads on right side).  Or visit these websites for all sorts of free information, articles, teachings, etc.  KCM.org (Kenneth Copeland), JSMI.org (Jerry Savelle), JDM.org (Jesse Duplantis), creflodollarministries.org,  EIWM.org (Leroy Thompson), billwinston.org, thewisdomcenter.tv (Mike Murdock Ministries)

Love Doesn’t Hurt

March 27th, 2015

In mid-70’s a group called Nazereth had a hit song:  Love Hurts:

Love hurts – love scars
Love wounds and mars
Any heart not tough
Or strong enough
To take a lot of pain
Take a lot of pain
Love is like the clouds
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts

These lovely depressing lyrics were so perfect if one wanted to wallow in depression!  Oh my, this song was a heartbreak anthem and I loved it so much.  It was so full of angst and agony which fit where I was in my life when it came out.  Mega down on love and life and very unhappy. And I either believed or lived all those lyrics.

And you know what?  Those lyrics are absolutely NOT true.

If it hurts, scars, wounds, and mars, it isn’t love.  If it has conditions, it isn’t love.  If it demands its own way, it isn’t love.  If it says, “If you love me, you will _______ (fill in the blank)” – nope, not love!

If it says “I love you but…” it isn’t love because using the word “but” means every word that came before it, is erased.  “I love you but you need to change” means that “but” erases the “I love you” and the truth is “you need to change” – “for me” being the implication!

Real love is unconditional and while it should be nurtured and protected, it does not “love with expectations.”  You don’t do something special for your loved one, expecting a thank you or an atta-boy or some sort of expectation.  You do something simply because you love them.

baggage

Alpha Hubby excels at unconditional love.  He loves me.  Period.  End of sentence. He had a lot of patience while helping me unpack the baggage – issues – I brought to the marriage. It took a while. He stuck around and he helped me work through fear and lack of trust.  He gave me total unconditional, complete love.

He taught me that love doesn’t hurt, either physically or emotionally.  He taught me that there is no “I love you because you do this for me” or “I love you ‘cause you are purtier than a speckled pup” or “If you do this, I’ll be your best friend…” err, oh! Sorry, that was high school.

So I just want the world to know – I love this man.  Every year we are married, the more I realize what a treasure I have in Alpha Hubby.  I thought I knew that in the beginning but honestly, each year I realize more about all his good points, his goodness, positive things about him, I know more than ever that this is one amazing man.

HisArm1a

His Arm

I love how he takes care of himself, working out, looking sharp.  He goes to the gym but also does a lot of physical labor around the ranch and I’m shallow – I love his arms – and not just because they are strong and manly man arms (although that is a good reason, smile).

avatar

It is why I like my signature avatar so much – a man holding the woman with one arm.  The implied strength in this dance move reminds me of Alpha Hubby.  We’re going to duplicate this picture someday soon. He’ll even give up his cowboy boots for this – that’s true love.

His arms will wrap around me and hold me in a slow dance in the kitchen.  Or they will gentle and hold me if I just need a hug.  Or as a prelude to *bleepity bleep* which is always good!  Always!  I can depend on his strength.

I do love how I can trust him to always be the same.  Unless he is very, very, very tired – very – Alpha Hubby’s even temperament is almost always the same, smooth and laid back.  Oh, there have been some voices-raised discussions about really dumb stuff (and usually my fault for being a terrier who won’t let the bone go), but on the whole, I can count on him to be the calm voice of reason.  That is an incredible and amazing “good point” about him.

Leland Closeup cropped lightened

Stop taking my picture!!

BUT, on the other hand, if he is short-tempered, then I know he is either hungry or very, very tired from working too hard (pretty much two full-time jobs between his cattle and day job) so that is still the same thing. I know it isn’t personal and that he just needs a break and to eat or get sleep.

Honor

I love that Alpha Hubby is a man of Honor.  To him, when he spoke his marriage vows, they were forever.  He is a man of his word and means what he says.  He will not and does not change (which has more to do with God than me, which is a very good thing).

His word being good is very important to him, as is his name.  His name is synonymous with integrity, and people know that.  When he says something, people can trust that word.

There are no hidden or sudden surprises.  I don’t really like surprises, or should I say, being caught off guard.  With Alpha Hubby, I always know where I stand – firmly in his heart, totally loved.

And that is a wonderful place to live.

A Love Not Ordinary

March 18th, 2015

I got to thinking about the power of True Love.  It really isn’t magic but when you see it, it looks and feels like magic.  My parents were a perfect example of True Love.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Not a love this true
Common destiny – we were meant to be
Me and you

They didn’t marry until 12 years after high school, but my mom says she fell in love with him the minute she saw him.  Dad used to joke that he ran for 12 years and finally gave up – but he would say it with a special secret smile they gave one another when he said that.  The pix below are years apart (hers in 1944; his in 1966).

Dad cropped twice mom cropped

They were romantic, often breaking out in dances when my brother and I were growing up.  I loved watching my dad’s face when they were slow dancing and he dipped her.  There was never a doubt in my mind they were a romantic, madly in love couple even after (then) 55 years of marriage.  I thought all parents were like my parents.

Like a perfect scene – from a movie screen
We’re a dream come true
Suited perfectly – for eternity
Me and you

After both my parents died, I was going through their effects and discovered each had saved romantic cards they’d received from each other over the years.  What surprised me is that the best ones (and most) were given later in their marriage.  Their love truly did get better and stronger as time went by, as evidenced by the little notes they hand-wrote in or with a card.  I felt I was a Peeping Tom looking at something so intimate.

Pam Eric  pamela and eric

Contrary to all the negativity out there in the world, many couples are forever couples like my friends Pamela and Eric (above). They work very hard to keep the romance and intimacy protected in their relationship.  They learned the secret that, while it takes work to protect that intimacy, it is well worth it.

Hunk and me stephmike2

Some people even get married right out of high school like my friend Steph and her hubby Mike (above) and years later, are still madly in love and creating a wonderful life together. They learned to work through trials and loss, ups and downs, keeping the reminder that they are in this together, not apart.

Josh LieghAnn Motorcycle2  Josh LieghAnn 2015 Josh Lieghann

Or like my son and his wife LeighAnn – after 9 years, together 4 years then married in 2010 in Vegas by Elvis thankyouverymuch.  They have so much fun together.  They play.  They laugh.  They fit like a hand and glove! They even took a work out and weight-loss challenge together and didn’t kill one another.  THAT’S true love.

Alpha Hubby and I made a solemn promise to one another right after we married.  We promised not to become roommates.  We promised to keep the honeymoon going.  We promised that we would never allow what we had to fade and become stale.  We are fierce in protecting our marriage.

Sometimes we have to slap our own faces and remind ourselves to put the other first, to keep that intimacy going, but it truly does just keep getting better and better.

Everyday I live – try my best to give
All I have to you
Thank the stars above – that we share this love
Me and you

Alpha Hubby is incredibly adept at romantic gestures.  He wants to stop and dance, all the time.  He loves dancing with me.  He is always giving of himself for and to me.  He has learned a Language of Love that blesses me to hear.  Even after 21 years of marriage, he is able to take my breath away by how he feels and what he says.

He truly loves me and everything he does is for me and for us.

The power of True Love is not just romantic gestures like sending flowers.  It is:

constantly letting one another know “you are so loved.”
–It is believing in one another.
–It is getting caught bragging about each other.
–It is speaking words of life, positive words, over one another rather than pointing out each other’s faults, especially to other people.
–It is promising to fight fair and never dirty, mean and ugly.
–It is in seeing that person as valuable and precious to you.
–It is in keeping promises.
–It is in not taking each other for granted.

True Love is far too rare to waste.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Just a precious few – ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you

Life is about True Tove.  It means you put your love for one another first and putting yourselves ahead of everything else.  Then you arrange everything else around that precious love.  Everything else will work out from that point.

Never put anything else first ahead of each other – not children, not careers, not hobbies, not others, especially girlfriends or male buds.  The only thing more important than your love for one another is your love for God.

You must nurture True Love.  Learn that rule.  Then go forth and Enjoy It.

Baby, a few white hairs later, a lot of laughs, fun, joy, happiness, and True Love:

Every day I need you even more
And the nighttime too
There’s no way I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

And trust me, I don’t want to.  Ever.

Leland08 Head shot2 Nan long

Gee Baby, Ain’t I Good To You?

March 10th, 2015

Alpha Hubby is always telling me how good I treat him.

I always reply, “Yeah, but I could do better.”

He always seems a bit confused and says, “Umm, no?”

But the truth of the matter is that with the loved ones in our lives, we can ALWAYS do better.  We can be more patient.  More understanding.  More giving.  More thoughtful.  More loving.  More like we were when we first fell in love with them.  More about them and less about ourselves.

I never feel I do enough for him because this guy is ALWAYS giving.   I have never been treated the way he treats me.   He really is good to me!  If every man on earth learned Alpha Hubby Tricks of The Trade, his ways, his sneakiness in fighting …

…we have our moments.  To those of you who think I only share the good in our marriage, that I’m not being honest about our relationship, I offer this sordid and sad tale.

I got upset awhile back because he interrupted me AGAIN and missed my point altogether.  Not that I’ve EVAH done that to him, nope.  Maybe only the first 3/4ths of our marriage.

drama queen

Drama Queen

I was running my mouth, “Oh my gosh, you are getting worse!”  Of course he was headed to bed and nothing better get in the way of his bedtime.  He gets a bit… shall we say touchy?  Whiney?  Gripey?  Mouthy?  Growly?  I never hear the end of it when he gets to bed late.  But my point was valid even though my timing was lousy.

He said, “Get over yourself.  You are such an onion girl!”

Hey, I know I have layers.  However, I would prefer to be called Parfait Girl.  Parfaits have much better layers.

He muttered on, oh so dramatically.  Mutter, mutter, mutter.

I said, “Oh, quit being such a Drama King.”

“Onion girl!”

“Drama King!!”

Kittens at play

Oh yeah, we’re in a smack down now!!

Then, of course, in order to win, HE CHEATS.  He stomps over and says, “Kiss me!”

“NO NO,” I yell, “NO kissing.  I’m not kissing you.  Go away, there are no good-night kisses for you!”

Yes, we are a very mature couple.  Why do you ask?

He uses brute strength, grabbing my head trying to kiss me.  I keep my lips closed, keeping that kiss from happening.  I have standards, you know.  I can’t give him his way.  That would just be wrong.

“Stop it! NO NO NO! No kissing, no kissing!”

He just laughs that evil laugh.  Then, he wins.  Cheating, of course.  He licks me.  On the lips. Like a dog.

Ewwwww – I hate lip licking.  HATE being licked.  Blech.

I give up, especially since I’m wiping my lips on his shirt and laughing so hard, I can’t win.  I kiss him.

*Sigh*  I know.  It is minus-1 for the female team.

But for some reason, I can’t help but not really care.

There you have it.  He’s good to me.  I’m good to him.  This is the truth of our marriage – immature fighting and major mature making up!

Oh yeah baby, you are good to me!

kiss sensual

Romancing in Real Life

March 1st, 2015

Tango wet cropped

It’s kind of funny to feel like a very romantic couple, to post little tidbits of romance like you know what you’re talking about, to be held up as a standard by some, to be told “you guys help me know what real love is” – and then to have nothing to say during the “romance month”!  It’s like (*horrors*) – I have no romance left in me!

Say it ain’t so, Joe!!

Well, first of all, my name is not Joe, it’s Nan. But OK, it ain’t so. Truth is, Alpha Hubby is out of town and I’m just blech. Meh. Missing him.

woman screaming

And then sometimes I think people just have to be tired of me talking about our affair or romantic things I’ve learned.  You know? Like “GAG ME?” meant both ways?  As in, “Look Nan, gag me! I’m puke sick of reading about you-you-you” or “Put a gag on Nan, you’re boring me!”

Lately it seems difficult to find things “romantic” to apply to our marriage, things romance-related.  To find something DIFFERENT  that is romantic.  You know like all the magazines suggest, “Keep your sex life and the romance kindled and hot-hot-hot!”  Blech.  We are limited in choices.

couple, bored

Bored Couple

Those people in that pix don’t live in the boonies.  Living in the boonies means you can’t dress up and go to the opera.  You can’t take a carriage ride.  You can’t even find an up-scale restaurant right around the corner…

…(you know, the kind with linen tablecloths and CLOTH napkins, real silver, candles, and waiters that DO NOT introduce themselves to you with a, “Hello, my name is Bubba and I’ll be your waiter tonight and since I’m working so I can buy a big gun for deer camp and really need the money for my jacked up truck, I am going to interrupt you many, many times tonight to make sure you know I’m here and will leave a good tip.”).

pumpkin carriage

You get the picture.  We have no place to go unless we want to go to the movies or we want to drive over an hour plus to get to a nice restaurant… which sort of stifles the romance when you also have to drive back home late at night without a limo and chauffeur so you can mess around in the back seat.

The lack of choices produces an unbearable ennui sometimes. Sometimes the most exciting thing in the boonies is to watch the bug zapper in the back yard.  OK, OK, I know, grossssss. It is so exhausting to search for different ways to be romantic.  It means you have to THINK.

It is so bad that before Valentine’s Day I asked Alpha Hubby, “What are we going to do for Valentine’s Day?”

He says, “I don’t know.  What do you have in mind?”

I say, ‘I got nothing. I’m not sure I want to do anything.  I mean, I don’t want to waste money when there are so many places we can’t eat.  And I don’t want us to spend money on each other. You KNOW what happened that *time you tried to get me flowers.”

Growl. He says, “Yeah, yeah, $11,000 flowers. ”

Then I began whining, “Oh my gosh is the romance dead here?  Have we finally lost the honeymoon period after 20 years?  Are we doooomed?”

He snickered, “Drama Queen.  We could go to the Swiss restaurant if you want.  I would be glad to take you if you want to go.”

I reply, “Ugh.  It’s okay but it is really not a romantic restaurant.”

He says, “Well, it’s just a thought.  At least I thought of something.”

I say, “I can pick up something and bring it home so we can eat here, on our beautiful table (that he made me), with candles and such.”  (Altho truth tell I am thinking, “That is not romantic.

He says, “No, that’s work on you and not romantic.”

Silence ensures.

I say, “Well, fine then.  Then we’ll do the usual.  Just come home, candles, share a glass, romantic music, maybe dance a little, and then, of course, have wild, hawt sex.”

He says, “Works for me.”

And they say romance is dead!

heart cc Flickr photo seyed mostafa zamani

*********************

*He’d pulled into the Wal*art parking lot in his Hummer to get me flowers. The front end of the Hummer made it hard to see low to the ground in front of it. He was looking for a parking place easy to get into and turned left at the end of the parking row. BANG! He hit the concrete that was wrapped around the light pole. It was hard to see it.  It cost $11,000 in repairs to fix the front end. He vowed never to go to Wal*mart again.

Barbie, Ken and GI Joe: Truth Comes Out

February 17th, 2015

Oh so very long ago, like most women, I was drawn to the classic… bad boy.  It started when I was in high school and found out the really cute leather-jacket-wearing dude liked me.  Nothing ever happened with that but still.  I remember thinking how cool it was that THE James Dean-bad boy in school liked me.  So shoot me, I was young.

James Dean

James Dean

Don’t know what made him the bad boy – the leather jacket?  The tousled hair?  He was probably a perfectly normal guy who’d been put in the bad boy clique simply because of that leather jacket.  That just wasn’t done back then when we still had rules about how short our skirts could be.

Doesn’t matter – my point is that women seem to be trained to be drawn to the bad boy and to scoff at the good one.  The good one is boring and the bad one… wowzers.   Is it that the good guy is known and bland?  Is it that the bad guy was forbidden and exciting?  The good guy a wuss and the bad guy the manly man?  Were we young and stupid? Well yes, but…

barbie ken gi joe

Ken Barbie GI Joe

Could it be as simple as this hysterical 1996 Nissan television commercial – that sums it all up just fine: Barbie, Ken & GI Joe:

Poor Ken-wannabe. So helpless in his sweater around the neck, buffed nails and plastic-coifed hair way.   Can’t keep his woman.  How can he compete against a guy who came out of the jaws of a dinosaur?  A manly man?  Just looking at Ken you’d think, “That wuss!  He couldn’t protect me against a herd of baseballs!”  (Private joke)

In this case I think GI Joe seemed to represent excitement.  He exuded confidence and strength. She thinks he can take care of her AND thrill her.

By the time I met Alpha Hubby at work, I’d had my gut full of bad boys and was NOT interested in going that route again.  I did not plan to ever marry again much less trust my heart to any guy, bad or good.

And here was Alpha Hubby – he was such a nice guy – an engineer working at the nuclear plant, raising healthy beef on the side, very precise and, ummm, shall we say – anal??  Good with attention to details – which is really nice when applied to some situations like… *ahem* …be that as it may…

He was a nice guy and so nice to me – can you imagine that?  Like that was a sin or something?  Being nice to me?  I even told him – now remember we’d only known one another 7 weeks before we got married so we didn’t know one another THAT well.  But while we didn’t know each other’s favorite type movie or food choices, we knew one another’s heart.  So I told him, truthfully, that I’d never dated a nice guy before and wasn’t sure how I’d handle it.

I love looking back and remembering some of the dog-goned stupid things I said to him back then.  All in the name of protecting my heart from being crushed again.  Duh duh duh du-mb.

Leland Closeup cropped lightened

Stop taking my picture!!

So after we married, we spent many nights sitting up and talking, to get to know one another.  The more we talked, the more I realized I’d not married a nice guy after all; I had married a reformed bad boy.

It’s kind of funny because he was probably a bad, bad boy but he swears to me, like Jessica Rabbit in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”:  “I’m not bad.  I’m just drawn that way.”

Jessica Rabbit

Jessica Rabbit

I have the benefit now of a bit of wisdom that can come with time passing – there is the fact that there are no real bad boys or good boys.  There are simply men and males.  A Man. A Male.

gangster crop

Gangster Type

Males take no responsibility, cheat and who are all about “me first” running at the first sign of trouble.  No way a male will help around the house or take on the tough jobs (like dealing with bill collectors).  Males get their confidence by the number of notches on their bedpost.  Males couldn’t care less how badly they treat their women because women don’t matter; there’s always another one.  Males believe women are only useful for one thing.

firefighter

Hero Type

A man is the total opposite to the point he is honorable in a world that has forgotten what that word means.  A man will put his family and loved ones first, protecting to the point of death.  A man knows the woman is capable and can take care of herself, and like that about her.  A man will walk in integrity and his word is always good.  A man takes responsibility for their actions and you can trust your life – and heart – with a real man.

man's hands with heart

I married a real man.  There is security in what he calls “predictable”.  He doesn’t have his nails polished (mainly because after work, he’s mucking with cows and bulls), and fights me tooth and nail about protecting his skin from the sun.   He doesn’t have an feminine side – he tells me I am his only feminine side and that’s that.   I can tell him and tell him that I’d love him in a cowboy hat but no.  Not yet, anyway.

John Wayne

John Wayne

He is all man, believes in God, America,  true love, hard work, and honesty.  He’s not John Wayne – what most people think of as manly but who actually played some very chavunistic characters.  Alpha Hubby isn’t a man’s man, per se; he’s just my man.  He is masculine to the point that it doesn’t take much to push him over into the over-dominating stage; but he doesn’t scare me.  He may be an alpha and growl at me sometimes, but he would never hurt me.

So in a world where the choice is Ken or GI Joe?  Give me a GI Joe anytime!  Nah, forget that, give me Alpha Hubby.  He’s gifted to be my mate. He’s GI Joe enough for me!