Let’s Get It On

September 23rd, 2015

I entitled this post “Let’s Get It On” because the first song playing was Marvin Gaye’s version; apparently Hypster has removed all his versions of the song so it’s gone. Now it starts with Norah Jone’s “Turn Me On”, for inquiring minds.

couple gazing

I read an article about “love after **” (** being a certain age). I kind of felt sorry for the author because he thinks ** is old and ACTS and TALKS like it. Because of that, his advice was a joke to me. I mean, we’re of the generation who had this song you’re listening to by Marvin Gaye, not to mention his song, Sexual Healing. We had or heard the coolest songs
that are still popular to this day. Right or wrong, we burned bras and we protested. We drove MUSCLE cars, baby!

We were so cool, the cool people called us cool.

So why? Why would these amazing people compromise themselves by… **hack fur ball** …getting old? Allowing oneself to quit being cool?? I mean, one thing I’ve learned, if you act old, you are old no matter what age you are.  We also live in a wonderful time where science is discovering more things that slow down the aging process.

The reason I don’t define ** is because old is really a state of mind and I’ve met 30+ year old people who are OLD and 70+ year old people who are young in actions and heart.  Like I’ve pointed out many times on this blog, age is just a number.

From Here to Eternity

From Here to Eternity

But I digress. I was talking about “love after **” and when I say “love” I don’t mean the mushy feeling. I mean the word I can’t write because then I get spammed to death on my blog, s*x. Yes, I said it – S*X! S*X after **, which is kind of a joke because I know most 20 year old people are not doing that, much less most ** year old people.

When Alpha Hubby and I first married, about a week before he went on night shift, we would spend the evenings over a glass of wine, talking. Remember, we met then married 7 weeks later so we didn’t know one another THAT well.

We talked about how vital it was to protect our relationship. I’d been single (and abstinent) for 12 years. I wasn’t about to settle and miss out on the cool stuff after doing without for 12 loooong years. I’m talking the dating, the movies, the dancing, the romancing, and yes, the s*x.

We talked about not losing the “honeymoon” feeling for one another. We talked about the importance of making sure we always had time for one another.  We talked about what made one another feel secure and loved in this relationship.

I’d shared about an article stating what women needed to feel secure, one being financial stability. And saying: instead of “*burp* great meal, hon!” women would like to hear “I love you (and this is why…)”.

He told me of a little known secret, to most women, about men. He said, “You know what most men need for security? To feel loved? Well, maybe not all men, but me, for one? S*x. There is something about that that says ‘home’ to me. You are my home, Nan, and that act says you want me, love me, need me, and appreciate me.”


Now, lest you think he was just soliciting for more s*x (which he does, all the time, but wasn’t the point back then), since that discussion, I’ve read more men’s articles and posts about the exact same thing. Most men equate s*x with love & security, and thus, when they don’t get that it affects the relationship. They’re not feeling loved. 

I know back then, if we went without, a slow distancing began happening, that dreaded “roommate disease” that happens to so many couples. We caught on and made a promise not to allow many days to go by without getting in touch, literally. We aim for every day, then if we hit 3-5 times a week, we’re good. Intimacy is so vital to a healthy relationship.

Couple beach seduction

Older Couple

So back to the point of this article – “love after **” – you can make it as boring or as hot as you like, hotter. The benefit of knowing one another for so long is that you know each other and know what makes it hawt. Really, really hawt. All over the house and outside hawt. What? You don’t think people after the age of ** can do that? Boy, what rock are you living under?

So, the point – this past week, I’ve had the cold from H E double hockey sticks. I don’t remember the last time I had something hit like this – stopped up to the point I can’t hear, breath, talk, sleep, blah blah blahdy blah. Many days worth.

Monday, I figured up on my fingers how long since we connected and said, “Meet me in the pool, baby” except it sounded more like “Mead be in da pood, baba” but he understood. He’s smart like that.

Other than Monday, it has been over a week and that is unacceptable. Thus today’s intro song for Alpha Hubby.

lights pool

Night Swimming

Baby – LET’S GET IT ON. No more waiting, wasting time, or allowing too much more time to pass by.  

“Mead be in da pood, baba! I’bb be waiding.”


Bad to the Bone

August 28th, 2015

This first song on my playlist is for Alpha Hubby. Go over and Pause it if you don’t want to hear music!

peanut butter Jiff

I like peanut butter.  I can have a jar of peanut butter last for a month or more because I don’t eat a lot but when I get a hankering for a spoonful,
I like to have it on hand.

PB Toast Bananna Crop

On the other hand, Alpha Hubby adores peanut butter.  There isn’t a jar of peanut butter out there than he doesn’t love. Even dry organic peanut butter is no match for his voracious appetite when it comes to peanut butter.  NO jar is safe from him.

PB Toast Crop

After years of reaching for a tin or jar of peanut butter and discovering only a bit at the bottom, I got smart the other day and bought TWO small jars.  One was mine, for me, one that I would have to keep hidden from him. One was totally his and when he was OUT he was OUT.

PB Toast jelly Crop

Now don’t ask me why. I guess hope springs eternal and all that jazz. I had my jar at the end of the kitchen breakfast counter. I knew he had his own jar so I wasn’t worried about it. I had plans to hide mine but hadn’t gotten around to it.

peanut butter jar empty

Day Three of my jar sitting at the end of the counter. We’re sitting at the counter, side by side, lovingly chatting and just enjoying being together. I glanced over at my jar and noticed something odd, something disturbing, something NOT RIGHT.  It was EMPTY. I grabbed it up, took the lid off and looked at Alpha Hubby in disbelief.

I said, in dulcet tones, “WHERE IS MY PEANUT BUTTER???”

He just grinned at me, with that innocent “what?” look on his face.

I said, not quite so dulcet, “Did you eat my peanut butter?”

He still looked innocent, “No.”

I screeched, “My jar is empty. Where is my peanut butter?  Did you eat my peanut butter? You did, didn’t you? You’ve done this to me before.”

He continued to maintain his innocence even in the face of total proof in the empty jar.

I ranted, “I can’t believe you did that to me. How could you? You had your own jar. You knew the rules. How can you sit there and act like it is okay to eat my peanut butter? I had three-quarters of a jar left and now it is empty! If you didn’t eat it, where is it? The jar is EMPTY! I can’t believe you ate my peanut butter!!”

He still continued to maintain his innocence.

“How can you sit there and lie? I am looking at an empty jar!! Do you realize how selfish that is to have eaten my peanut butter? Do ya? Well, do ya, punk???”  Oh yeah, I was totally channeling Dirty Harry and getting a good head of steam because he’d done it to me again.

Please understand.  I am not being unreasonable. This is the man who once put an empty container back in the refrigerator. I thought there was still food left in the container – as ANYONE would think considering it was sitting in a refrigerator – and when my mouth began to water for the contents, I lovingly got the container out of the refrigerator, opened the container… only to discover it was empty.

I explained, sweetly (!) that one does NOT put an empty container into a refrigerator because it leads the other someone to believe there is food leftover when there is NOT.  It sets the other someone up for disappointment and then, unfortunately for the other one, extreme anger and revenge.

So he said, “OK!” and I thought that was the end to it.

The next time I reached into the fridge thinking I had something to eat, I discovered… no, not an empty container. No, he learned that lesson. What I found was ONE BITE left of the food.

I freaked and said, “WHAT is this? There’s only one bite left in here? You can’t put a container that was full of food back in the refrigerator with only one bite left in it!  It sets someone up to believe there is food left when there obviously is NOT”

His reply? Well obviously he is a “letter of the law” type man because he said, “Well, it’s not empty.”

Yes, I did let him live thought that but still… grrr. So he had another lesson to learn – if you want peace in the house do NOT leave a container in the refrigerator with only one bite left or a jug with only one swallow left or a jar with only one teaspoon left and thus and so on.  One has to be very specific with an Alpha Hubby.

So back to the peanut butter story.  I was on a roll, freaking that he ate my entire jar of peanut butter.  He continued to disavow his guilt. Then he stood up, went over to his side of the food cabinet and reached up and pulled down a… three-quarters full jar of peanut butter, roaring with laughter.

Yes, gentle readers, after years, he got me. He had switched out the jars – his empty for my three-quarters full jar – right under my nose. He snickered. He laughed, and dare I say it? He giggled like a maniac. Oh he thought he was all that.

I must admit, but don’t tell him, he really was all that. That was a really good one and yes, he got me good. And yes, I’m still snickering at it.

I’m just glad I didn’t do something stupid like pull a Dirty Harry on him.


A Pitch For a Good Thing

August 15th, 2015


As I am sure most of you have learned (some of us the hard way), a good backup is a wonderful thing when it comes to websites and blogging.  I, for one, have lost websites and blog posts due to computer glitches and crashes.

Many times I thought I was safe because I had used a free plugin
only to discover that while it may have backed up, getting it back was impossible.  One backup required me to purchase an expensive program. Another backed up but when I when to reload it, there was nothing in the files. Don’t ask because I don’t know what happened!

My theory is that backing up your files should NOT be difficult.  I learned to blog like most people – I learned as I went along. I googled anything I didn’t know, hit and missed on some things, and learned code on my own.  If I wanted to back up my precious files, it should not be a difficult thing, right?

I finally decided free didn’t work for me.  I found a highly rated option, the plugin UpdraftPlus – and it has worked beautifully for me.  It isn’t that expensive, especially since I am able to cover two websites for the price.  And really, what price is too much to pay to NOT lose all your files?

When I think of the two times I had to restore my entire blog without a backup program – and how many files I actually lost – well I’m here to tell you I will not go through that again. I love the confidence I have now that my files are safe and available to me no matter what goes on with my computer

On July 22, WordPress reported that there had been a half-a-million (!) active installs of UpdraftPlus!  This is a pretty incredible feat! This makes UpdraftPlus one of the fastest growing WordPress backup plugins.  They added 100,000 in slightly over four months which almost averages 1000 installations a day.  The goal now is working on getting a million installations!

One thing I’ve learned about plugins, if they don’t work, they don’t get installed! A lot of these plugins don’t have support. UpdraftPlus has support, is easy to configure and has many options so you can make it work for you.

I want to encourage you that if you don’t have a good back up program for your files – those blog posts you’ve written from your heart – give UpdraftPlus a try.  Join the rest of us in helping make this plugin one of the best out there for backing up your files!  Check out all their options and use UpdraftPlus with confidence.

After all, 500,000 plus installations can’t be wrong!

Why Don’t We Just Dance?

May 29th, 2015

If you want to hear this love song below, you’ll need to go to the right and pause the music player. Just click on the || button!
You may have to “X” out commercials ads.
What I like best about this video is that most of us can find our generation’s dance and wild clothing in it!


Alpha Hubby is the Number Uno reason our marriage is what it is.  He is pretty much laid back (well, about most things) and Über forgiving and understanding.  I remember my first – um – meltdown?  We hadn’t been married very long.  I was out riding the lawnmower and he came out to bring me a glass of iced tea.

My thought process went something like this:  “Why is he bringing me a glass of iced tea? What’s his deal? What does he want? What is he doing, coming out here like that.”  AND, unfortunately, I acted that way.  Pretty much said, “Why are you bringing me that. I don’t need it.”

He was so shocked but he said, “OK” turned around and went back to the house.

The Big Voice in my head said, “You need to go fix this RIGHT NOW.” I was ashamed but honestly couldn’t understand what my problem was. I drove over to the carport, stopped the lawn mower and hesitantly walked over to him where he stood with the glass looking at me a with shuttered eyes.  Alpha Son was playing around behind him but I sucked it up and said, “I’m Sorry.”

He said, “OK. Can you explain what happened?” He said it so calmly and sweetly, not with anger or attitude.

“Not really. No one (man esp.) has ever done anything like that before. Anytime anyone did anything, there was always a hidden agenda and it wasn’t usually in my favor.  I’m serious, no one’s ever, um, well, I guess, been nice to me.”  I reached for the iced tea, humbly.

His entire face cleared up, he handed me the iced tea, I took it gratefully – and he hugged me.  “We’ll work it out, you’ll see” he murmured.


Our entire marriage has been like that.  As I worked through my issues, unpacking my baggage one bag at a time, he has been a strength. He is an expert baggage unpacker.  He loved me enough for me to begin to trust him. He loved me through insecurity and fear.  He loved me through, thoroughly.

He made it safe for me to unpack my baggage.  He gave me a secure home where I could be myself and know I was loved for that.  He has honestly gone over and above all I could ask or think.  He is a true Knight in Shining Armour and has never tarnished.

Monster Spider

Monster Spider (size of my palm)

He protects me and would never hang me out to dry. He kills spiders, snakes, frogs, mice, and little scorpions.  He chided me when I wouldn’t let him open my car door. He explained to me that it was a way to honor and respect me as a lady and the woman he loved. I was like, “Um, ok. I guess. As long as you KNOW I can open my own door, bub.” Gracious as usual.  But I learned and now I love it. Alpha Son’s wife does, too, ’cause he learned from the best.

His whole philosophy can be summed up in the title of this song. His take is “No worries, let’s dance!” And not because he ignores things life tries to throw at us but because that is his true attitude, that we’re going to make it. He hates stress and worry and refuses to participate. He is calm and finds solutions, no matter what we face.

He always wants to slow dance with me. He always want to *ahem* with me. He believes after all we’ve both been though that we should thoroughly enjoy our life together. He wants to BE and give me exactly what I need to be happy no matter what it is. He is the true fairy tale hero.

dream disney

Oh sure, he’s human.  But his attitude? His personality?

I think they’re kind of supernaturally…

… magical.


I Will Stand By You

May 23rd, 2015

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.

— Anaïs Nin


The first song on the playlist on the right, near the bottom is “I Will Stand By You”.  The lyrics to this song exemplify what Alpha Hubby has done for me.  This is what Alpha Hubby has meant to me.  This is what he said to me when we first married.  This is what, 21 years later, he still does, means and says to me.  How can this man not be a gift from God?


It’s like a storm – that cuts a path
It’s breaks your will – it feels like that
You think you’re lost
But your not lost – on your own
You’re not alone

I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
If you can’t cope – I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go

It hurts my heart – to see you cry
I know it’s dark – this part of life
Oh it finds us all (finds us all)
And we’re too small – to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope – I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall – I’m right here to catch you
I won’t let you – down
It won’t get you down – you’re gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it

‘Cause I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope – and I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won’t let go
Won’t let you go
No I won’t


Baby, thank you for 21 years of support, love, happiness, and joy. Thank you for always being there for me in every situation – from the minor (Alpha Son leaving home) to the major (my parents’ deaths), through weight loss battles and insecurity.  Thank you that our life has been far more about sunshine and less about loss and cloudy days. Thank you for the laughter and silly times. Thank you for the adventures we’ve gone on and for the ones to come. Thank you for the amazing passion we have together and for always making me feel sexy and well-loved.

You have been my knight in shining armor and your armor has never tarnished in my eyes. You are the epitome of every fairy tale hero and I am so glad you love me.

I will stand by you, too.


I Won’t Let Go, Rascal Flatts – One of the co-authors of the song had this to say – so appropriate:  “…they intentionally did not define the song’s character, so that the message could be applicable in various situations:  ‘This could be something you’d say to someone in the family that’s a soldier, fighting overseas… or to your mom, dad, wife or husband… I felt it could also be God saying it to someone.'”

Love Says They Will

April 28th, 2015

If you want to hear this love song below, you’ll need to go to the right and pause the music player. Just click on the || button!


The world says they’ll never make it… LOVE says they will.

This is an older video someone posted on You Tube.  Look past the fuzzies and watch the video and listen to the lyrics.


As many of you know, Alpha Hubby and I met at work and married 7 weeks later. To say they were betting on how long we’d last is an understatement (it’s what they did).  I am sure no one bet 21 years so I’m glad everyone lost their bets.

It is truth that the world said we’d never make it. No one believed we would, even those who were close to me.  Some hoped I would but still believed it was a failure waiting to happen.

I can’t tell you how many times someone asked me, “So is everything STILL okay with you two?” When I replied it was I’d hear, “Really? Oh good!” with relief like they believed I’d say, “No, he turned into a ravening monster just like you thought he would, and I’m miserable now.” They wouldn’t have been surprised.

I was thinking about my life, about who I was, what I felt and thought, what I believed, what was inside me inaccessible to those around me. To be honest, my own mother, although she loved me, didn’t know me. No one did or does. They all assume they do from outward appearances, what I tell them and actions.  I guarantee you there are people who assume they know me very well.  They don’t.

And that’s on me, not them, because I never showed anyone “me” (and still have trouble with that).  I shut that down years ago.  It saved me from being hurt again and from letting people know the real me since obviously, from my past, I’d learned that the real me was not acceptable. I learned my lesson.

Alpha Hubby saw me. Sees me.  Hears me.  Knows me. (And still loves me, smile.) He tells me that when we talked that day in my cubicle for over an hour, God showed him my heart, who I was.

He was willing to take on the challenge of helping me dig the real me out so that I could be myself with him and with myself. I needed a lot of love and he had a lot to give. To him I mattered. I was worthy.

He used to tell me that all he ever wanted was to be loved for himself. I don’t think he’d ever been able to be himself – not for years.  He was the brave warrior for those who needed rescuing.  The attitudinal rude alpha male for those who wanted him for what he could give them.  The anti-hero to those he found betraying his trust.

I had to dig and dig, and insist that he be himself.  He needed a lot of love and I had a lot to give. To me he mattered. He was worthy.

I heard this song on the radio in the car last night when we were on our way home from Texas.  Once I got past the lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I realized we’ve had:

There’s a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

And we made it to the other side.  We now have

With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything

He asked me, “Will your hook your dreams to mine?  Will you go where I go?”  I didn’t hesitate to say yes. How could I not? How could I not follow along with him as we went on faith adventures together? This man loves me unconditionally and has my best in mind.

I am not going to mess that up. He’s got the key to my heart! Of course, neither is he because I’ve got his ring (smile).

The world said we’d never make it.

Love ensured – we will.


Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (Tanya Tucker)

She’s fifteen and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the keys to her heart
It’s just matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it, love says they will

There’s a baby crying and one more on the way
There’s a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side


She’s eighty-three and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the key to her heart
It’s just a matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it
But love says they will

I Really Just Love Him

April 8th, 2015

(A few years ago after Pamela over at Road to Joy (who is now a published author, thankyouverymuch) and I issued a challenge to blogland to say something positive about your significant other for 30 days, we decided several months later to up the intimacy in blogger’s lives.  Our challenge was to do something to create intimacy with your significant other every day for 30 days.  This is a semi-partial sort-of redux remake on a post from back then. (See Category 30 Days Intimacy).

Disclaimer:  The results for increased intimacy are not guaranteed. This is a blog not a psychologist’s or psychotherapist’s office after all!


So how DO couples go from this:

couple romantic  married

To this?

couple angry

It’s simple, really.  Just forget who the person is that you fell in love with.  Lose your focus by taking that focus off the loved one and putting it somewhere else.  Put everything ahead of them.

It used to be SO easy to be intimate and starry-eyed over that special someone.  Why?  Well, we were madly, passionately in love with that person.  They were all we thought about.  We were very willing to pursue them and overlook anything not perceived as “perfect” about them.  

We couldn’t WAIT to see them, to talk to them.  We always wanted to look our best for them, to do what they liked to do, and to play, laugh, and do things as simple as walking in the rain while holding hands – or go to a rodeo and pretend the smell and noise doesn’t bother you!

And think about that – why do you think so many people cheat? Or go hook up with old boy-girlfriends on FB? Why they are drawn away from the everyday sameness of their relationship? They are looking for that same excitement boost we once had as a new-be couple. Looking for that same rush. That same ego-boost. Looking for someone to validate them, make them feel special and “seen”! Just a thought there, folks.

After time, though, our words and attitudes, actions and thought processes, history, time, and life begin getting in the way.

We stopped pursuingWe:

— stopped communicating (especially in person).
— stopped really listening.
— stopped treating one another with honor and respect.
— stopped thinking he’s all-that.
— stopped thinking she’s the girl of his dreams.
— stopped spending quality time together.
— stopped trusting one another, especially with our hearts.
— stopped forgiving quickly and forgetting the tresspass.
— stopped looking as good as we did when first together.
— stopped putting each other first place.

— We began allowing life to get in the way, in between us.
— We became roommates because we lost intimacy and focus.
— We allowed many other things – people, children (especially children), work or career pursuit, fun, hobbies, blogging, or just anything or everything – to come before the other person.

We stopped thinking and treating, and seeing them as valuable and precious – special.

Boxing Gloves


We could start thinking, “Well, I’ve got them so I don’t have to do anything else to keep them.”

We could start thinking, “Ehh, it’s JUST the wife, the old ball and chain, she doesn’t count.”

We could start thinking, “Oh, my husband; WHY can’t he be as wonderful and romantic as so-in-so’s husband is?”

We could start thinking, “He sure doesn’t look like that high-school football player I fell in love with.”

We could start thinking, “I know my wife had our children and is a mother now, but is that girl I married even in there anymore?  And does she even see ME?”

He could think “She never listens to me.”
She could think “He never talks to me.”

We all could wonder, “Who IS this person I’m married to?”

People want to blame it on technology and how easy it is to get distracted, to pay more attention to your cell phone and texts than your significant other. HOGWASH. You have to MAKE a choice to allow that to happen. I’ve lived long enough to have a before and after – before cell phones and after – my marriage is amazing – AFTER. Before? Meh, had some bad relationships!!  Technology didn’t cause the rifts.  It is very lazy to blame a marriage failure on anything or anyone but YOURSELF.  Technology can’t destroy – people using it can.  It is a choice.

I think of intimacy when I think of those beginning courtship days when you couldn’t wait to see one another, do nice things for one another, thought about each other ALL the time, and holding hands?  Well, oi vey, was it not amazing that first time he took your hand and kissed your palm?  Or touched the side of your face with his palm and looked into your eyes?

couple touching

I still remember when Alpha Hubby first placed his palm on the side of my face.  I swear my face tingled.  I remember wondering what he was doing, so I asked.  He said, “I can tell where you are, how your feeling, thinking.  I can read you.”  I had no idea what he was talking about because I was so expert at hiding my emotions and who I was, that it made me very uncomfortable when he did this.  No one should be THAT intimate, right?  Of course I was running.

He was talking about where I was in our relationship.  Was I comfortable?  Did I squirm in discomfort at this private act of intimacy?  Did I look back into his eyes or look away?  Did I rub my cheek against his palm or pull away?  It was something no one had ever done to me before.  It still gives me shivers.

Intimacy engages the five physical senses – see, hear, touch, smell, taste.  And, as Alpha Hubby always says, love is an action verb – it is not passive.  Love acts.  Love does.  Or it is not love.  Why yes, I AM Zen-Master.  Why do you ask?  “Try not.  Do or do not, there is no try,” sayeth Yoda Nan.  Just say I LOVE YOU already!!

love on mirror

And yes, actions do speak louder than words but words are very important, too.  Especially those three little ones, “I love you.”  SAY them.  SAY them ALL the time.  Most importantly, make sure you SAY them every. single. day.  Say them, say them, say them.  Life is too dog-goned short to be stingy with those words.  They are not cheap words.  Not saying them can cost you everything.

Write “I love you” on the bathroom mirror.  Jot a note, pick up a card, or email, fax or something – just say “I love you” as often as you can, in as many ways as you can.  Go do that RIGHT NOW.

Did you do it?  Well, as soon as you are finished reading this post, I challenge you to go tell your significant other “I LOVE YOU” (and yes, if you HAVE to ’cause they’re not around, you may text it to them) – then begin the practice of saying those words deliberately, on purpose, from this moment forward, every day.  Make a choice to put away anything that comes before your loved one – including *gasp* your cell phone (unless you use it for good, not evil!).   

Alpha Hubby and I made a choice to give up television (except movies on weekends, maybe), in order to keep us first.  He gets home, we spend time together until bedtime.  We made a choice to walk away from technology. Except he does use it wisely to text me “I love you’s” and other *ahem* thangs!!

When you wish someone joy,
you wish them peace,
love, prosperity, happiness…
all the good things.

 Maya Angelou

I wish all of you JOY, today, tomorrow, forever. 

Oh, and thank you for being faithful readers.  I love you.


April 3rd, 2015

Every now and again I remind Alpha Hubby that he is out of his mind.  He has to be.  He’s crazy because he’s crazy in love with me.  I sometimes really don’t understand that, you know?  Especially after 21 years and he now KNOWS me, inside out – and still loves me.

Oh I know he loves me as in, he made a commitment to me.  He promised to love me forever.  He wanted it in writing, before God, permanently so that I couldn’t get out of it.  But still.

He loves me.

People say there is no such thing as soul mates, one person made just for you.  I now say “hog wash” because I now know it is true.  It isn’t impossible, as people think. It is that, if you allow God to teach you how to truly, really, completely love unconditionally His way, you’ll have a soul mate who will love you until the end of time.  And he’s fun, too! Sexy. Passionate. And did I say fun??

Sometimes I ask Alpha Hubby, “How did we get so blessed that we have this kind of love and others don’t?”  His reply is always the same, “I don’t know but I’m glad we do, that we got to experience this together.” Neither of us has ever experienced anything like this.

When we are out with or around other couples, it is almost screamingly obvious that some couples don’t have “it” – they make sniping jokes about each other, “Ya, she couldn’t clean a house if a vacuum clean fell on her head, ha ha” or “He couldn’t find his way home from work unless I drop all his women’s phone numbers on slips of paper on a path leading him home.”  Snipe snipe snipe.

They laugh but it’s bitter.  I always look at Alpha Hubby, and he at me, and I know he’s slightly freaking out inside like I am. They have no idea the danger they court by sniping at one another. Sarcasm kills a lot of things – friendships, relationships, feelings, love.

I was talking to an e-friend the other day and she mentioned that her church had a “washing of the feet” ceremony. She said, “He (her husband) and I were asked to be two of the disciples. Last night was Mass service. After the priest washed our feet during Mass, in front of the altar, each of us (disciples) walked down to the congregation and washed others’ feet. It was a very humbling, rewarding, and surreal experience.”

I was immediately reminded of a time in our former church (before we moved) when the pastor decided that our church needed to have a foot washing ceremony.

*In Bible times, the dusty conditions of the region and the wearing of sandals necessitated foot-washing. Although the disciples most likely would have been happy to wash Jesus’ feet, they could not conceive of washing each other’s feet. This was because in the society of the time, foot-washing was reserved for the lowliest of menial servants. Peers did not wash one another’s feet, except very rarely and as a mark of great love.

Luke points out in Luke 22:24 that the disciples were arguing about who was the greatest among them, an attitude that precludes a willingness to stoop to wash feet. There was an arrogance in their attitude. No one was willing to serve the other person. When Jesus moved to wash their feet, they were shocked (John 13).

When Leland and I opted to participate (it was voluntary), it was humbling and surreal.  I’ve never forgotten it.  At the time, the pastor had the women wash women’s feet and men wash men’s feet.  The women were on the left side (with pans of warm water), the men on the right side, doing the same. Basically you dipped one foot then the other into the warm water and wiped it dry with a cloth.

I stood up at one point and looked over at my husband sitting on the platform stairs.  He had just finished washing the feet of a guy who really didn’t like him (thought guys in suits were snobs).  As Alpha Hubby sat on the platform stairs, I was suddenly just overwhelmed with love for him.  I wanted to humble myself before my husband, to show him how much I loved him, as that mark of great love, submission and, I don’t know – honor, perhaps.

I went over to the “men’s side” and I knelt down before Alpha Hubby, picked up his bare foot and proceeded to wash his feet.  He reached down, took my hand, lifted me up, then switched places with me. He then lovingly lifted my foot, and washed.  By this time, we both had tears running down our cheeks. Man, talk about a powerful emotion.

The other wives – well, a few of them – followed suit and the ones who didn’t?  Funny thing about that – a few of them are divorced now and for some reason I’m not surprised.  It required great humility to bow down before your husband and wash his feet.  And yet… it really didn’t.  I had to do that, wanted to do that, wanted to honor him enough to do that.  It was strange yet not.  It just felt right.  He says the same thing.

Alpha Hubby is a very understanding, loving, generous, good man. While he is most definitely a very masculine alpha male, watching him humble himself to wash my feet changed something inside me that night.  And that is the very basis of our relationship.  How can you snipe at someone who’s feet you’ve knelt before and washed?

Well, you can – obviously we are all human – but it hurts your heart.  This is such a precious man, valuable to me, and someone I endeavor to treat as valuable and precious at all times.  I fail a lot – but then there is that awesome make up s*x!!!!

And lest you think he’s a wimp – nah. Not in any way, shape, form or fashion. Only a real man, confident in his manliness, his masculinity, can kneel before his wife and wash her feet.  His thought is that if Jesus loved enough to bow at the feet of his disciples to wash their feet, how can he do less for me?

Consistent, constant, unwavering, unconditional, total, complete, and a totally passionate love.  That is what he gives me.  A foundation I can stand on that isn’t going to crack, shake, and collapse under me.  I hope I give him the same thing back – I know I do but I always feel like I can do better.

Sometimes I look at him and am blown away by this man.  He is, as I’ve said before, a gift from God just for me.  He not only erased my nightmares, he dragged my dreams out of me and he enables me to walk in them.  He believes in me, my talents, and abilities.  He wants me to sing to him all the time.  He reads what I write.  He wants me to thrive.  He loves me.



cross and thorns

Today is Good Friday, the day Jesus was crucified on the cross for us. People think that only means Jesus as the way to heaven, but it was a Crucifixion for so much more – the original Bible translation shows it is “whole”.  Jesus died for your whole life – body, emotions, relationships, health, finances, everything pertaining to life. He died for you to be whole.  He arose (Easter Sunday) from the dead to ratify that commitment to go to the cross that He made for us. See **below for more info.


*Read more:http://www.gotquestions.org/foot-washing.html#ixzz3WHkTZ1HN


**If you want to know more, my other website blog will give you information – www.anointedwordministries.org.  I’m just getting it back up so check back often for new content.  You can also go to my pastor/church’s website for free downloads = www.moorelife.org (Keith and Phyllis Moore, free downloads on right side).  Or visit these websites for all sorts of free information, articles, teachings, etc.  KCM.org (Kenneth Copeland), JSMI.org (Jerry Savelle), JDM.org (Jesse Duplantis), creflodollarministries.org,  EIWM.org (Leroy Thompson), billwinston.org, thewisdomcenter.tv (Mike Murdock Ministries)

Love Doesn’t Hurt

March 27th, 2015

In mid-70’s a group called Nazereth had a hit song:  Love Hurts:

Love hurts – love scars
Love wounds and mars
Any heart not tough
Or strong enough
To take a lot of pain
Take a lot of pain
Love is like the clouds
Holds a lot of rain
Love hurts

These lovely depressing lyrics were so perfect if one wanted to wallow in depression!  Oh my, this song was a heartbreak anthem and I loved it so much.  It was so full of angst and agony which fit where I was in my life when it came out.  Mega down on love and life and very unhappy. And I either believed or lived all those lyrics.

And you know what?  Those lyrics are absolutely NOT true.

If it hurts, scars, wounds, and mars, it isn’t love.  If it has conditions, it isn’t love.  If it demands its own way, it isn’t love.  If it says, “If you love me, you will _______ (fill in the blank)” – nope, not love!

If it says “I love you but…” it isn’t love because using the word “but” means every word that came before it, is erased.  “I love you but you need to change” means that “but” erases the “I love you” and the truth is “you need to change” – “for me” being the implication!

Real love is unconditional and while it should be nurtured and protected, it does not “love with expectations.”  You don’t do something special for your loved one, expecting a thank you or an atta-boy or some sort of expectation.  You do something simply because you love them.


Alpha Hubby excels at unconditional love.  He loves me.  Period.  End of sentence. He had a lot of patience while helping me unpack the baggage – issues – I brought to the marriage. It took a while. He stuck around and he helped me work through fear and lack of trust.  He gave me total unconditional, complete love.

He taught me that love doesn’t hurt, either physically or emotionally.  He taught me that there is no “I love you because you do this for me” or “I love you ‘cause you are purtier than a speckled pup” or “If you do this, I’ll be your best friend…” err, oh! Sorry, that was high school.

So I just want the world to know – I love this man.  Every year we are married, the more I realize what a treasure I have in Alpha Hubby.  I thought I knew that in the beginning but honestly, each year I realize more about all his good points, his goodness, positive things about him, I know more than ever that this is one amazing man.


His Arm

I love how he takes care of himself, working out, looking sharp.  He goes to the gym but also does a lot of physical labor around the ranch and I’m shallow – I love his arms – and not just because they are strong and manly man arms (although that is a good reason, smile).


It is why I like my signature avatar so much – a man holding the woman with one arm.  The implied strength in this dance move reminds me of Alpha Hubby.  We’re going to duplicate this picture someday soon. He’ll even give up his cowboy boots for this – that’s true love.

His arms will wrap around me and hold me in a slow dance in the kitchen.  Or they will gentle and hold me if I just need a hug.  Or as a prelude to *bleepity bleep* which is always good!  Always!  I can depend on his strength.

I do love how I can trust him to always be the same.  Unless he is very, very, very tired – very – Alpha Hubby’s even temperament is almost always the same, smooth and laid back.  Oh, there have been some voices-raised discussions about really dumb stuff (and usually my fault for being a terrier who won’t let the bone go), but on the whole, I can count on him to be the calm voice of reason.  That is an incredible and amazing “good point” about him.

Leland Closeup cropped lightened

Stop taking my picture!!

BUT, on the other hand, if he is short-tempered, then I know he is either hungry or very, very tired from working too hard (pretty much two full-time jobs between his cattle and day job) so that is still the same thing. I know it isn’t personal and that he just needs a break and to eat or get sleep.


I love that Alpha Hubby is a man of Honor.  To him, when he spoke his marriage vows, they were forever.  He is a man of his word and means what he says.  He will not and does not change (which has more to do with God than me, which is a very good thing).

His word being good is very important to him, as is his name.  His name is synonymous with integrity, and people know that.  When he says something, people can trust that word.

There are no hidden or sudden surprises.  I don’t really like surprises, or should I say, being caught off guard.  With Alpha Hubby, I always know where I stand – firmly in his heart, totally loved.

And that is a wonderful place to live.

A Love Not Ordinary

March 18th, 2015

I got to thinking about the power of True Love.  It really isn’t magic but when you see it, it looks and feels like magic.  My parents were a perfect example of True Love.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Not a love this true
Common destiny – we were meant to be
Me and you

They didn’t marry until 12 years after high school, but my mom says she fell in love with him the minute she saw him.  Dad used to joke that he ran for 12 years and finally gave up – but he would say it with a special secret smile they gave one another when he said that.  The pix below are years apart (hers in 1944; his in 1966).

Dad cropped twice mom cropped

They were romantic, often breaking out in dances when my brother and I were growing up.  I loved watching my dad’s face when they were slow dancing and he dipped her.  There was never a doubt in my mind they were a romantic, madly in love couple even after (then) 55 years of marriage.  I thought all parents were like my parents.

Like a perfect scene – from a movie screen
We’re a dream come true
Suited perfectly – for eternity
Me and you

After both my parents died, I was going through their effects and discovered each had saved romantic cards they’d received from each other over the years.  What surprised me is that the best ones (and most) were given later in their marriage.  Their love truly did get better and stronger as time went by, as evidenced by the little notes they hand-wrote in or with a card.  I felt I was a Peeping Tom looking at something so intimate.

Pam Eric  pamela and eric

Contrary to all the negativity out there in the world, many couples are forever couples like my friends Pamela and Eric (above). They work very hard to keep the romance and intimacy protected in their relationship.  They learned the secret that, while it takes work to protect that intimacy, it is well worth it.

Hunk and me stephmike2

Some people even get married right out of high school like my friend Steph and her hubby Mike (above) and years later, are still madly in love and creating a wonderful life together. They learned to work through trials and loss, ups and downs, keeping the reminder that they are in this together, not apart.

Josh LieghAnn Motorcycle2  Josh LieghAnn 2015 Josh Lieghann

Or like my son and his wife LeighAnn – after 9 years, together 4 years then married in 2010 in Vegas by Elvis thankyouverymuch.  They have so much fun together.  They play.  They laugh.  They fit like a hand and glove! They even took a work out and weight-loss challenge together and didn’t kill one another.  THAT’S true love.

Alpha Hubby and I made a solemn promise to one another right after we married.  We promised not to become roommates.  We promised to keep the honeymoon going.  We promised that we would never allow what we had to fade and become stale.  We are fierce in protecting our marriage.

Sometimes we have to slap our own faces and remind ourselves to put the other first, to keep that intimacy going, but it truly does just keep getting better and better.

Everyday I live – try my best to give
All I have to you
Thank the stars above – that we share this love
Me and you

Alpha Hubby is incredibly adept at romantic gestures.  He wants to stop and dance, all the time.  He loves dancing with me.  He is always giving of himself for and to me.  He has learned a Language of Love that blesses me to hear.  Even after 21 years of marriage, he is able to take my breath away by how he feels and what he says.

He truly loves me and everything he does is for me and for us.

The power of True Love is not just romantic gestures like sending flowers.  It is:

constantly letting one another know “you are so loved.”
–It is believing in one another.
–It is getting caught bragging about each other.
–It is speaking words of life, positive words, over one another rather than pointing out each other’s faults, especially to other people.
–It is promising to fight fair and never dirty, mean and ugly.
–It is in seeing that person as valuable and precious to you.
–It is in keeping promises.
–It is in not taking each other for granted.

True Love is far too rare to waste.

Ordinary, no – really don’t think so
Just a precious few – ever make it last
Get as lucky as
Me and you

Life is about True Tove.  It means you put your love for one another first and putting yourselves ahead of everything else.  Then you arrange everything else around that precious love.  Everything else will work out from that point.

Never put anything else first ahead of each other – not children, not careers, not hobbies, not others, especially girlfriends or male buds.  The only thing more important than your love for one another is your love for God.

You must nurture True Love.  Learn that rule.  Then go forth and Enjoy It.

Baby, a few white hairs later, a lot of laughs, fun, joy, happiness, and True Love:

Every day I need you even more
And the nighttime too
There’s no way I could ever let you go
Even if I wanted to

And trust me, I don’t want to.  Ever.

Leland08 Head shot2 Nan long