Christmas Is Coming

January 2nd, 2017

2017

I’ve noticed blogs that say “Make resolutions!” Then there are those that say, “Don’t make resolutions!” Then “Let us just walk right, talk right and spit right, and everything will be OK!” Worst of all: “Ignore it all and stay the same way!!” Hey! There is always room for improvement.

So my thought is, “Christmas is coming.” I know! So profound. I owe it all to Alpha Hubby. Why? Because he says it. He says it ALL. THE. TIME.

His meaning is this: we make promises to ourselves to do better or make changes and then we break those promises to ourselves. We decide to lose some weight. We decide to exercise more. We decide to eat healthy. We decide to be nicer to people. We decide to write that book or make that music CD.

Dec 25 small

Christmas is coming! Maybe this year we start out gung ho and do right… for about two weeks. Then life gets in the way, interest wanes or we get tired of eating carrots and celery (smile). The next thing we know, Christmas is here and we didn’t do any of the things we wanted to do. The time got away from us.

Christmas is coming. The days will pass whether we do what we said we wanted to do… or not. Christmas is coming no matter what we are doing. You can’t stop the days from passing. They are going to pass anyway.

Do we want Christmas to get here and we’ve at least made an attempt at changes we desired? Or do we want it to get here and feel a huge sense of disappointment in ourselves that we’ve let ANOTHER YEAR pass by without doing what we wanted?

robot success

What is the answer to stick-to-it-ness? Heck if I know. What? You thought this was going to continue to be a deep, profound blog post? I’m leaving the profoundness to Alpha Hubby. Christmas is coming. It will get here and we will have accomplished what we wanted… or NOT.

I guess it all depends on how badly we really want it. If we really do, then we will find the way to do whatever it is. We each must find out for ourselves. No one can force you to do the doing.

As for me, I’m following the principles I learned studying people who’ve walked in their dreams: write those long term goals down. By the way, almost everyone believes it’s important to write their goals, but not everyone does it. Dr. Gail Matthews researched goal-setting thoroughly and discovered that by the simple fact of writing your goals down, it gives you a 42% greater probability of achieving the goal – just by writing them down! Of course, not writing your goals is sure-fire way to fail

Then I realized I needed to figure out the steps to get there. Break those steps down into manageable bites – short term goals. Then, do something every single day toward that goal, no matter how simple or complex that something is.

How do you eat an elephant?  It’s HUGE!

One bite at a time.  Hee hee hee.

If you only view that elephant as one giant goal, you will become overwhelmed and Christmas will get here and you will still be staring at the elephant. Begin with one bite at a time (I know, I know, it sounds gross but stick with me here).

Break your goal down into small bites and Christmas will get here and you will be closer to that goal or have completed it!

Scale Weights

Say you want to lose 50 pounds. Don’t focus on 50 pounds. Focus on 5 pounds. Or 1 or 2 or what you can do. Focus on what you can do today toward the goal of losing one pound. Today, this meal, what can you eat right? How many minutes can you walk today? Bites.

Or that book you want to write? Write down those chapter ideas. Figure out a character. Decide what your chapter titles will be. Research what others have done. Write your goal number of pages for today.  Bites.

Those bites – little accomplishments toward your ultimate goal – will help you stay on track and keep you from focusing on what hasn’t been done yet. Instead you can focus on what you have done toward that goal

live life

And the ultimate goal for 2017 should be this – SAY IT WITH ME

“This year I will enjoy life more. I will stress less or not at all. I will jump in water puddles. I will dance around the house and in the rain. I will sing at the top of my lungs. I will surround myself with things I think are beautiful. Every single day, I will do something nice just for me. I will be more grateful and I will express that gratitude. I will love Alpha Hubby (insert your love here) even more fiercely. I will choose to be happy!”

So I will leave this semi-profound blog post with a poke and grin:  here is Alpha Hubby’s goal for the New Year. I know, I know. But we can’t ignore him. He refuses to be ignored.stress sex2

Once upon a time… He Found Me

December 29th, 2016

The player down on the right side, bottom, has a lot of soft jazz, sexy, oldies, and other various love songs. Click to start and it will automatically play them all.

Once upon a time book

This is the story about a girl who met a boy who loved the girl completely, totally, unconditionally almost from the moment he met her.

It is about a girl who was so skittish, she never let anyone get close to her. Never know her inside, what she was really thinking. No one. Ever. The plot revolves around the boy overcoming the girl’s insurmountable obstacles to help her achieve her wildest dream, True Love.

This is not a fairy tale. 

Once upon a time in a desolate land, long ago, there was a girl who’d been single for twelve years.  She had told God that she would never marry again, never, ever, ever, unless He wrote in the sky, “Girl, this is the one I have for you!” (And we all know how often THAT happens.)

word love skywrite

Two weeks before the girl met the boy, a total stranger told the girl, “God said for me to tell you that you will meet the one He has for you in the next two weeks.” He also told the girl a lot of details like, “When you do meet him, don’t share that with anyone” and “You will be happier than you’ve ever been in your entire life.” 

Okaaaaay.  But the girl did sit down and type up everything he told her (*whisper* just in case). Hope prevailed while common sense said, “No way.”

One day at the Nuclear Elf Factory, the girl and boy met. The Nuclear Elf Factory frowned on office relationships, thus the “don’t tell” part the girl was told. They met a few days before the girl’s birthday. By this time, she had almost forgotten about what that stranger said so she wasn’t even thinking about it. Her guard wasn’t up. She was Unsuspecting.

The boy told the girl hello. The boy and girl chatted in her cubicle. It came out that he was being stalked by an evil witch who decided he would be her next husband. He totally disagreed but she wasn’t listening.

He asked the girl to be his fake date to the church Valentine banquet to get this evil witch off his trail. Of course, being the sweet girl she was (*wink wink*), the girl said yes. She had had a stalker once, too. It’s so nice to have things in common right off the bat!

ring necklace

By the time our boy and girl went to the Valentine’s Day banquet 5 weeks later, they were secretly engaged. She had an engagement ring on a golden chain around her neck. (Well, until they told people, she couldn’t quite wear it in public now, could she?!)

Two weeks after that (seven weeks to the day after they magically met), they were married in a small evening service. Alpha Hubby and Alpha Son also had a binding ceremony, Father and Son.

Twenty-two years, 9 months, 11 weeks, and 2 days ago, the girl met and fell in love with and married her Knight in Shining Armor.  In all these years, his armor has never tarnished.  He loves the girl so boldly and unconditionally that she sometimes wonders what’s the matter with him! 

HE loves her.  He LOVES her.  He loves HER

Two bound hearts with raytraced texture. White background.

Two bound hearts

It is so breathtaking that sometimes she sits on the porch he built her, in the rocking chair he bought her, still in awe, and thinking about how good God has been to her, to bring this boy across her pathway. And at times, when she comes across the notes she wrote after the total stranger told her the things he did, she is amazed how true everything he said was and how it all came to pass.

She truly is happier than she has ever been in her life. Her cousin, Cinderella, had nothing on our girl when it came to drama and evil step mot… er…  talking mice? Evil cats? Singing sadly,In my own little corner, in my own own little chair I can be whatever I want to be“? Psycho-exes?

The girl can’t even describe it sometimes because it is hard to wrap the mind around the fact that 22+ years later, he still loves her madly, passionately and completely.

More so, actually. 

Interlinking Skywriting Hearts

In the end, faith and hope prevailed and she finally gets the one thing she always wanted:  to be loved unconditionally by a hero. And to have True Love.

Baby, thank you for 22+ years, each better than the last – for 22+ years of unbelievable love – sometimes warm and fuzzy, mostly insanely hot and passionate! Thank you for adventures, oceans, seashells, making me the best fudge ever, snowmen, seashells, laughter, seashells, and all my dreams and wishes coming true, in you.

You are so much better than anything I could have dreamed up.

When God writes it in the sky (and He does), you can safely take a chance!

The Beginning. There is no end in a True Love story. It just keeps on getting better and better.

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A No-Snow Christmas

December 24th, 2016

Down on the right side near bottom, there is a Hypster player loaded with peaceful, funny, and/or traditional Christmas songs. Click on the arrow to listen.  There might be a few snow songs!

JakeGroup2

This looks like the closest I’m getting to snowmen this year for Christmas.  *sigh*

I have snowmen on my library shelves to keep me company all year but I was hoping for it to at least be COLD.  Last week it was in the 20’s which gave me such hope for snow.  Alas. It is in the 50’s and probably 60’s tomorrow.

cropped praising

Even these snowmen were in on the prayers with me, asking God for snow for Christmas.  It has happened in the past, several times.  Maybe Leland threatened them this year with his blow torch.

Group

I really love all my cool snowmen and am glad I at least have them to celebrate what we all know is most important:

Christmas Snowman Decoration

From my dream house to yours, this is the Loyd’s wishing you a very, very blessed Christmas and the most prosperous New Year you’ve ever experienced. 2017 is going to be THE BEST YEAR EVER!!

Fireplace

Leland and I are going to snuggle up in front of our fireplace and see what naughty things we can get into!!

candy cane heart

MERRY CHRISTMAS

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A Very Merry Christmas Redux

December 15th, 2016

Merry Christmas! I am regurgitating a previous post, slightly rewritten. I’m lazy right now about posting because Alpha Hubby and I have been playing a lot.

stockings fishnet

stockings fishnet

So anyway my dear peeps, I hope all your fishnet stockings are hung by the chimney with care (wouldn’t want to snag them!)

And I do hope you leave out some lovely things out for Santa. No, NOT milk and cookies.

nighties

Fun!

While you’re waiting in front of the

Fireplace

so you can give personal attention to your very own special “Santa”

couple santa hat

Merry Christmas Baby!

While you’re enjoying the

musical notes

music

and this

cocoa

cocoa

and this

Santa and his helper relax

Santa and his little helper relax

Let us not forget the true meaning, the real reason for this Season:

nativity

nativity

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS from our house to yours!

jesus

Jesus

I’m So Grateful

November 19th, 2016

thanksgiving leaf

Before I continue with the Touch Series purge (if I even choose to continue), I decided it was more important to stop and express gratitude.

candle-bible2

John 3:16

First and foremost over everything else, I am grateful God loves me and Jesus died for me. Unless one has experienced this, there is no way to really explain how amazingly clean one feels (especially when you consider the purging series), how free you are, just how completely loved you feel and loved you are.  I am grateful.

Feeding cows cropped

Feeding Cows in Snow

I am grateful to my amazing Alpha Hubby. He is the reason I am experiencing true love in my life. He is why I have been happier than I’ve ever been before in my life. He is why I understand the words “Unconditional Love”. He supports me in every possible way and helps me be the BEST me I can be, and even better than that!

I never knew real love before him. He is amazingly passionate. He never lets us become roommates – he remains my lover and best friend. There are no BUTS in his love for me.

josh-and-lieghann-march-2015

Josh and Lieghann

I am grateful for my Alpha Son and his beautiful wife Lieghann.  I love the relationship we have with both of them. I love that they enjoy life fully. I love that they support one another’s passions – he finds designer purses for her; she goes 4-wheeling, motorcycle riding, Razr destroying with him!

I love that Joshua has given me 34 amazing years of love and being a son I am so proud of. I love his totally weird, off-the-wall humor (and I have NO idea where he gets that). I love his total honesty. I love how he loves his dad and made us both cry when he sent this video to explain his love: Brad Paisley’s “He Didn’t Have To Be” which STILL makes me cry.

love napkin crop

I am so grateful that I know life doesn’t end after 40 but takes on new and amazing faith adventures that will keep on until we choose to stop. I like knowing we can live to 120 (as science is now saying we can) – active, looking good, having fun, enjoying life, going on new faith adventures, and knowing that it can only get better.

I am so grateful for my life.
chocolate-heart-cropped

Touch, A Series Part 2

October 13th, 2016

THE GIRLFRIEND’S BOYFRIEND #1

couple-hand-to-face

His Healing Touch

It took me awhile to get back to this series after writing the first post in the Series. I felt, I don’t know, icky, dirty, too exposed, freaked, whatever.

It isn’t because I am ashamed of what happened.  It happened TO me, not because I did something wrong. It is just that it still held power to affect me, even after all these years.

I’ve been working with my health and lifestyle coach, Angela Doggett, for almost 6 months. We started out in the health area because I needed to lose weight. But she has also been helping me find a new, healthier “normal” and during that process, a lot of garbage came up out of me. Some of it actually surprised me because I thought it was things I’d already dealt with.

It was more of a suppression than it was “dealt with” – and once it came out, I felt a freedom inside me I hadn’t felt in a long time. I caught a glimpse of my old self smiling at me, but more importantly, I saw a new self who’s confidence is being built on a strong, non-tainted foundation.

You know, tainted – something that can come back to bite me in the bootie years later.

I know Alpha Hubby and I had talked about some of the strange things that happened to me in my younger days. It really was as if I were a light bulb that drew really oddball dude-moths to flitter around me and kind of ruin my future.

I’d already talked about my first boss who exposed himself to me when I was 15, and you would think that was enough, right?  But no. I went off to college and ran into even stranger things.  I still look back and think, “Boy, was that girl a dummy or what?” but that’s not true.

I may have been raised with no preparation for how to deal with the real world, a lot naive and unworldly, had one semi-date ever, but I was not a dummy. It took awhile but I finally had to learn that the problem was with those men (boys), not me.

I was the kind of person who trusted until you earned my distrust. So much so that it never crossed my mind that people didn’t always think the way I did or that their actions had hidden motives.

Case in point. Two years after my first job and boss mess, my freshman year in college was almost over. My semi-best friend went home for the weekend to visit her parents. Her boyfriend said, “Well, since my girlfriend and your best friend is out of town and we don’t have anything to do, wanna go to see that new movie at the drive-in?” Sure, made sense to me.

Now I can see you thinking, “Boy, what a dumb bunny she is.” But you are looking at that paragraph with years of experience behind you now. You are not looking at this with “fresh away from home believe everyone is good” eyes.

We get to the drive-in, start watching the movie and he grabs my hand and puts it on his crotch. Now think here: would I know what he was doing and understand what was under my hand? I would not. I knew “it” was hard and no, I wasn’t completely stupid, I sort of knew what “it” was. I jerked my hand away and asked, “What are you doing?”

Then it was more along the line of, “Well, since my girlfriend and your best friend is out of town… I thought we could…”.  I was, “WHAT? NO! She’s my best friend. I would never do that to her. How can you think I would?” except I was also scared. It was like a big teddy-bear I’d trusted turned into a ravaging grizzly beast.

He tried to take my hand again. I jerked back. He tried to pull me over to his side of the car – dratted bench seats! He grabbed at my private area, and I grabbed his hand and tossed it aside. He tried to push me down in the seat, I popped back up – this went on three times and to this day I wonder what the people in the car behind our car thought was going on with that jack-in-the box scene.

For those of you who want to ask, “Well, why didn’t you get out of the car and leave?” First, the drive-in was out of town limits and far to far to walk. Second, it never crossed my mind because as dangerous as this could have been, it really never crossed my mind that he would actually hurt me.

And thank God, he gave up, disgruntled. He stated that we may as well go back to town – which took me a long time later – years – before I realized he’d planned the whole evening. On purpose.

I really, really hope he and that girlfriend didn’t marry. I don’t recall now what happened to them but I do remember I battled whether or not to tell her what happened at the drive-in. I talked to my mom about it. She made the true point that this girl would never have believed me. And that bugged me. It still bugs me to this day that you can tell a girl her boyfriend hit on you and she’ll hate YOU, not him. She won’t believe you.

I was going to tell you about my exposing landlord but I’ll save that for the next post. I’ve had enough of this trip down memory lane.

I choose to forgive this man.

Suffice it to say, some of the most important attributes I love about Alpha Hubby are his honor, integrity and word. If he tells you he is going to do something, he will. He is the most honorable man I know and that is so vital, especially in today’s society.  He never manipulates people.

I needed exactly who he is – a trustworthy man. Wow, does that sound like an oxy-moron? It did to me when he and I first met.

His love is pure and real. Even after 23 years. It never wavered, never weakened, never changed.

What a blessed woman I am.

Touch, A Series Part 1a

September 26th, 2016

couple-hand-to-face

So if you recall our non-trusting girl in the picture above from last week’s post you realize I went into my relationship with Alpha Hubby being quite piled high with luggage and trust issues.

Yesterday (TMI coming) right smack dab in the middle of a VERY personal moment with Alpha Hubby, I tuned in to the song playing on his phone.  In Young Love, Strong Love (video below), the lyrics were, “That night as he held her, he couldn’t believe God had had made a girl that he’d never, ever leave” – and I began to cry.

I’m sure this was very disconcerting for Alpha Hubby, given his position (heh heh), but he’s used to songs wiping me out. It didn’t used to be this way but he has cracked the shell off my heart and exposed the ooey gooey inner workings of the true me.

Tears used to be way too much exposure. Letting someone see you in a weakened state was not a “safe” place for me in the past. I learned to hide all my emotions and true thoughts from everyone around me. I still do to a point, but not with Alpha Hubby.

Why the tears? Well, he picks out songs to play for me – to help express what he feels for me. Those words overwhelmed me because his love for me is overwhelming. Later on during the afterglow he pointed how vital it is that he plays those songs for us to hear.

It is an affirmation of what he feels for me, a reminder to us both of the importance of what we have together. It keeps our love at the forefront of our minds so we don’t lose what we have.

Hero” by Julio Iglesias, two I picked for him that he likes, “Mama He’s Crazy” and “Young Love (Strong Love)” by The Judds, and so many others he surprises me with. “Hero” always chokes me up because he has been mine, a hero I used to only fantasize about.

God gave me a supernatural love affair with an amazing man. We know how it works – covenant – but sometimes we still talk about how amazing it is that 23+ years ago God led us to one another.

Alpha Hubby had to work through some issues with me but he was graced to be exactly what I needed.

I’ll save the next “purge” memory (the grope guy at the drive-in & my exposing landlord) for the next post. I just wanted to share a private moment of truth, part of the Touch that changed my life.

Touch, A Series Part 1

September 17th, 2016

FIRST JOB

See this girls face, below?  That’s how I felt when I hooked up with Alpha Hubby.

couple-hand-to-face

I felt skittish. I didn’t trust his love. I waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wondered what he really wanted. I was waiting to be proven right, that he was a hidden ax-murderer and was there to hack what was left of my heart into a million pieces.

He would put his hand on my face like in that above picture. It made me VERY uncomfortable. I’d asked why he was doing that. He’d always reply, “I can tell where you are – I can feel who you.”

NO NO NO! Who does he think he is, trying to get into my psyche? Into my brain? Into my thought life. Well, he was my new husband but that is neither here or there, is it?

I had no reason to trust him – or any man.  I’d been through an entire lifetime of strange, painful, hurtful, stupid, weird, cataclysmic, embarrassing, horrifying, blah blah blah to infinity – stuff – with men.

I just figured out a timeline of my first job at 15 and my first year after I left home to go to college. It was all so strange that I don’t think I’d realized until yesterday that so much of it happened in that first year rather than stretched out over many years. It seemed like that stuff went on longer than that.

At my first ever job other than babysitting, I worked 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m., answering the telephone at the local newspaper office. I would write down when people didn’t get their newspaper, contact the carrier and have them take another one to the subscriber.  I was 15, it was easy work and I was proud of my first job.

A few weeks into it, “it” happened. I sat inside an office. My boss sat at a desk outside my office across from the front door. I would have to pass his desk to go out the front door to leave after work.

One evening I gathered my purse and walked out of the office. Two steps out and my boss said, “Are you leaving now?” I glanced at him and he was cocked (heh heh) back in his chair so that his hips were above the desk line of sight. He was unzipped and standing at attention – although I wasn’t that sure because it was teensy tiny – at least in my memory.

I was so shocked but I acted like I’d seen nothing, mumbled “yes” and automatically turned left to go down the four steps to the locked door. Back then when extra keys were made, they were often aluminum. I was shaking so badly I almost broke the key off in the door lock. I was so full of fear of what would happen if I did.

I was 15. Back in the 70’s most 15 year olds weren’t sexually aware and that kind of wise like so many girls are today. I was not only naive but I’d never seen one of “those” before.

I went home and immediately told my mom. After a few, “Are you sure” comments – which did not help – she and my dad decided that I wouldn’t have to go back to work. While that worked, it also left me unfulfilled – as if justice hadn’t been served. I was the “out of work” one and he got away with exposing his wee-willy-winkie at me.  Ugh.

Worst of all, that wasn’t the first and last time something like that happened to me.

I choose to forgive this man.

So fast forward several years and I’m facing unconditional love. What’s a girl to do in the face of that? Freak out, I tell you. FAH*R*E*A*K out. How DARE he love me unconditionally and make me FEEL things?

Poor Alpha Hubby.

End Part 1

I Don’t Like Spiders Snakes Lizards

September 2nd, 2016

frog crop

OR mice or roaches or frogs.

Remember that old Jim Stafford song about a clueless guy who says, “I got silly and found a frog, in the water by a hollow log; And I shook it at her and I said, ‘This frog’s for you!’ She said, ‘I don’t like spiders and snakes; And that ain’t what it takes to love me, you fool, you fool!'”

Oh yeah, sometimes guys are clueless. When we packed up to move a few years ago, the bubble wrap came with a little added extra – a family of mice that got loose in the house. This is a conversation I had with Alpha Hubby about it. He was at work:

Me: You got another mouse (in mouse trap).
AH: Did you take it outside?
Me: NO!
AH: Why not?
Me: Eeww, it’s still alive! It might fall off the sticky trap and fall on my foot! And then where would we be be? I’ll tell you where we’d be – dealing with the screaming meemies.”
AH: (laughing) Oh, come on. What’s the big deal? You gonna wait ’til I get home?”
Me: (silence)
AH: OK, I’ll get him out then (snickering).

lizard

Now, truth be told, Alpha Hubby does understand and knows BEYOND A SHADOW OF DOUBT that I do not do spiders, snakes, roaches, frogs, mice, skunks, and any other sort of unnatural beastie or being on this earth. He is not the kind of guy who would have tried to impress me with a frog when we were kids.

Nah, he was the guy who would always be trying to steal a kiss.

He swears I would have fallen in love with him in the sandbox.  And who’s to say?  I didn’t meet him until we were in our early 40’s and oh, it has been an amazing, miraculous journey thus far.

Back then I waited for him to come home and become The Exterminator, once again, and deal with Mouse #4. I was also thinking about how much I love this guy, and still stand in awe and amazement that God loved me so much, He gave this man to me as a gift to share my life’s journey with here on earth.

mouse funny

Man, makes me want to break out in song, “You are so beautiful to meee….” accompanied by little squeaking voices in the background.

Abusive Appliances

August 21st, 2016

*I am dealing with appliance abuse. I’’ve been dealing with it for years but was too ashamed to tell anyone. Now that we are moving, the abuse has escalated,– especially when they discovered I wasn’’t taking them with me to the new home. The weeping, wailing and gnashing of gears is getting on my nerves.

appliance washer broken

Appliance Abuse is when the dishwasher balks at cleaning the dishes and attempts to take over the kitchen because you dared to hand-wash a bowl on your own. Anarchy! You find yourself holding hostage negotiations with the appliance in an attempt to placate its hurt feelings.

How do you talk publicly about the heartache when the DVD player holds your favorite oldie movie hostage in an attention-getting coup? You try to negotiate a peace treaty. It refuses to believe you understand its programming needs. You talk to no avail; it promptly eats your DVD, refusing to open the door.

Then “IT” happens. The oven goes on strike in the middle of baking a cake, the night before hubby’’s office party. Why? Because it is jealous of your previous relationship with the microwave you had at work. It sulks, putting no heat out.

Some people believe the washing machine is the worst offender because it eats one sock and leaves you the other sock to console because its mate has disappeared. What do you say to a mate-less sock?

I am here to tell you the truth. It isn’’t the washing machine, it is the clothes dryer. Mine mocked me. It told me that God had taken my socks’ mates to heaven because they were so hole-y. I know, I know. Is that a cruelty beyond believing, or what?

The telephone began to join in the Abuse. It would ring and voices would come out the other end saying things like, “”Yes, I know, but what do you do all day?” “Remember what it was like when you used to work?”” And my favorite, “”Well, why can’’t you do this or go to or help with __________ (fill in the blank) for me? You have time. It’’s not like you have a real job or anything.””

Oh, and you haven’t lived until you’’ve been ignored by your beloved microwave. I believe of all the types of Appliance Abuse, this one hurts the most. I thought we had a special relationship. The microwave knows I totally depended on it to reheat all those cups of tea that got cold while dealing with other chaos in the house.

And sure, the bread machine committed suicide in the middle of an electrical storm -– how was I to know it needed unplugging? Now the juicer holds a grudge against me and never lets me forget that the suicide of the bread machine was my fault. Is there to be no forgiveness?

The hair dryer curses me every morning because I no longer have time to use it. I no longer have that executive hair cut that requires early morning high maintenance. A hair dryer in withdrawal is an ugly sight. I begin to feel responsible for all the appliances,– which is right where they want me,– loaded down in guilt.

So here I am typing my woe, trying to ignore the printer telling me in that dominating male voice to “please load paper in the paper feeder”. While he does thank me,– which is way more than I can say about the other appliances,– I cannot believe I am reduced to talking to my printer.

Now they have discovered we are moving– and most of them aren’’t coming with us. The crying is keeping me up at night. I need help. How can I explain to them that there are appliances where I am going without destroying their self-esteem and hurting their feelings? I don’’t want them to commit suicide before I move. I NEED them to keep working.

No. What I really need is a Special Forces Support team to slip in and dispatch these whiny babies and their unholy control over my life. Then I need chocolate. Lots and lots of… stop! Get away from me. Wait! What are you doing? No!! You can’t do tha….

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*This is an older post from way back in 2009. Since then I got rid of the pesky microwave and reheat in a pot on the stove. The appliances in this house heard about what happened to those other abusive ones. These toe the line and will not get out of line. They know. They know what will happen to them.