Smokin’ Hot S*x

November 19th, 2015
couple hot lovers

Copyright Credit Unknown

The other day I was thinking about smoking hot sex.  Why, you ask?  Well – if you have to ask….

Just kidding. Part of it is because I said I would talk about in on the blog here and I want to get it right. Only disclaimer is that this is research and opinion, and experience. I know it doesn’t apply to everyone (but it could [bawdy smile]).

Oh, second disclaimer: sex is not not not a dirty word within the context of marriage. Everything else is not what I’m talking about. It’s hard enough to get married people to talk about “it” and hard to get everyone else to shut up about it (or showing it on television, in movies, books, etc. like randy rabbits – or is that an oxymoron?)

wet tango cropped

So I’m just going to jump right in and throw a lot at you (and be pretty blunt so if you get offended, quit reading and don’t leave me a nasty comment. You’ve been warned). I throw all this at you because after this you might not come back (smile).  Here it is: sex is very important to most men, but not in the way most women assume (i.e., horn dog). While most women need things such as financial security to feel safe and loved in a relationship (i.e., they’re not coming to take your home or car away), men need the physical act of sex.

I have heard it put this way, from Alpha Hubby and by reading so many men’s websites – the physical act of sex is like “coming home” and says to a man “I love you” in a way like no other. It gives him a security nothing else can. Again, not not all women or all men.

If this isn’t your relationship, that’s fine. What you have between you and yours is between you and yours, and whatever works for each couple is right for them.

As women, we are not exactly raised to know how vital the act was to a man (oh yeah, I can so see my mom telling me THAT, not). Most of us were told nothing at all.

As men, very few actually talk to their significant others about it. It’s not because they don’t want us to know – I think it is that we don’t give them a safe haven to talk about something as exposing as that. Remember, many are trained that they are supposed to want to BE those horn dogs. And certainly not to talk about the dreaded *feelings*. What he needs is to be able to tell you what he needs.

Talk to the hand

Some of the reasons women give for skipping out on the passion with the love of their lives:  being tired, having a bad day, just ate, rather sleep, feeling fat or un-sexy in some way, kids need them more, needing to do so many other things like housework, blah blah blah. The Number One reason I’ve been given by all the women I’ve interviewed over the years? “I just don’t FEEL like it.”

One woman I interviewed was furious because her husband confessed to her that he’d had a *ahem* how do I say this – a BJ – in his vehicle from a female co-worker. The wife stabbed his vehicle seats until they were destroyed because she was never going to sit on them again. 

Thing is, it had been over a year since they’d had sex. All the reasons why she hadn’t felt like having sex, truth? None were worthy of going a year without. I’m surprised he lasted that long. I told her that she’d sent her man out onto the world without his armor or protection. She was as much at fault as he was. They were both in the wrong.

couple Passion

It is super vital not to allow too much time between physical acts of intimacy. Think of it as that armor I mentioned, that protection he needs. Lack can set the man up to be vulnerable to outside – oh, I’ll just say it – forces of nature known as hussies. Skanks. Ho’s. Those who want your man and appreciate him and tell him so, making him think he’s “all that”. Yes, YOUR man no matter what you think of him. There is another woman out there who’d take him in a Cincinnati Second. And yes I know she doesn’t do his dirty laundry but that is not the point here. And no, most men won’t cheat but again, NOT the point.

Alpha Hubby has only twice refused sex that I initiated – and I think both times he had a temperature over 100 degrees, been feeling flu-like, coughing, and could barely breath. Other than that? He can be tired, dirty, side-tracked by things at work, super busy (like 60 hour weeks) or have a temperature UNDER 100 degrees, and if I’m ready and willing? Well, let’s just say, “Let the games begin!”

And therein lies one of the answers – “If I’m ready and willing” – ME. It pretty much depends on me and my attitude. We solved that pretty quickly in the beginning of our marriage when he came home from work and I was trying to get the dishes done. He kissed the back of my neck, being romantic. Alpha Son wasn’t home from school yet, but I wasn’t READY. And like I learned quick fast, turn him down enough and he’ll quit putting himself out there. It feels like (and is) rejection to him. Then it becomes “roommates”. Distancing beings. He’s protecting himself.

couple sexy in kitchen

We finally realized that sometimes he had to give me a few minutes to switch from mommy mode or housewife mode or cook mode or cleaner mode to rendezvous mode. But I, personally, had to realize that I needed to STOP operating in those modes BEFORE he got home. I needed to stop, drop and roll over. No no, just kidding. I needed to stop, shower, dress in rendezvous clothing, perfume up, makeup up, and indicate “Here I am baby, come and get me because I WANT YOU.” And yeah, that means anywhere, in any room, any how we want it!

He needed to know that and I needed to show that. And after 21+ years? It is still true. He needs to know I want him. It is vital. Important side note? You may feel fat but you dress for him, most men don’t see what you call fat – they see “available” – so no matter what, dress it and strut your stuff, baby. That’s all he wants.

woman overworked

Now I hear you out there – but “Nan, I work outside the home. How can I do that? I’d rather sleep!” Something Alpha Hubby told me when we were doing the 30-days of intimacy – just knowing I WANTED to, helped him to wait until we could. Then again, sometimes you gotta fake it until you make it. NO, NOT THAT. Man, you ladies sure have your minds in the gutter. I mean start getting ready to seduce him. Even if you don’t feel like it. Oftentimes, before you are finished with the makeup, you will have switched “modes” and have begun to think about him and seducing him – and you attitude changes.

Besides – I mean, come on, REALLY, just how long does it take to have sex?? Quickies are awesome and regular doesn’t take hours. It can but that’s not really what I’m talking about. I’m talking about connecting with one another and protecting one another (especially him). And if you time it right, you can roll over and pass out – together – and have a great night’s sleep.  Bwahahahaha.

love note

It truly needs to be a priority – intimacy. Not just sex but all those gestures that say “I want you” and “You are Number One in my life” and “You matter over all others” and whatever your chat with your significant other showed you was important to him.  You did ask, right?  RIGHT?  WHAT?? Not yet?  Ladies, what are you waiting for? You really need to know what makes them feel special, wanted, necessary, and important to you. It is a great protection to your relationship.

In tune with one another. That’s what it’s all about. The rest of the world fades away when you keep one another Number One. It isn’t always about sex but if you will protect your man by ensuring he is… *ahem* …topped up, you will find things just go better all around. 

Burning heart

And… the smoking hot sex ain’t so bad, either!!!


p.s. and as a friend of mine said in her comment, “…it’s time we debunk the myth that men are ready for sex at the drop of a hat” – true, true. Men are human, too! Yes, really! Men really are not sex machines, able to turn on immediately. Maybe when they are 16, ho ho – but no, they often need what we need – Alpha Hubby and I talk it out – we set dates as in, “OK, let’s plan it for tomorrow night” – and that doesn’t mean going all out so much as just knowing and then preparing, in the mood, thinking that it is going to happen (and me being ready when he comes in from work and giving him time to shower, etc.) – it isn’t always mega romantic – i.e., candles, music, rose petals along the floor – mostly it is just letting each other know we want it.

Sure, we do have the romantic (what I call rendezvous) once in a while but mostly it’s just knowing we planned for it and being aware we did. He tells me he thinks about it all day, knowing that that evening it’s a go. I shut down a little earlier in my day. When I worked, I thought about what I would do that evening to make sure it happened, after Alpha Son went to bed BUT it was on our minds which made it easier to accomplish!

Mo’ Intimacy (#2)

October 27th, 2015


So we left off in our last post with a promise of sharing some ideas to help you create, recreate or increase the intimacy in your relationship. A lot of it is just little things but those little things are more important than you may realize.

I did say in the last post – I double-dog dare challenged
you – to TALK to your significant other about what intimacy means to them. Did you do that?? Suuure you did. If you didn’t, then do so. Intimacy doesn’t happen without talking and without understanding what your loved one thinks of as intimacy.

couple fireplace

What I didn’t say in the previous post is you need to be prepared to change your theories and thoughts about intimacy. What you may think of as a vital act of intimacy may mean zippo to your loved one. I KNOW– just when you thought it would be easy…

We have been fed a lie – that it is unromantic to TALK to each other about romantic gestures. Intimacy is the most important thing there is in your relationship. I venture to say that without intimacy, you have no relationship – you have roommates.

Sometimes we let the intimacy – those gestures, actions, attitudes, words – fall by the wayside as time and life get in the way of our once closeness. Intimacy isn’t difficult to understand – it is FOCUS – on the other person, your loved one. It is also so easy to let drop.

Intimacy acts are everything you did when you first met and were determined to be together. Dressing up, leaving notes, calling and talking to one another, giving cards, telling them what you specifically liked about them, touching, getting to know them by asking questions, making sure they know how important they are to you, and any number of things you can remember if you just think back.

Intimacy is cutting out everyone and everything that would take away from the two of you. Intimacy is letting them know they are the most important person in your life. No matter what. Yes, even before children – why? Because if you protect your relationship, your children will be taken care of just fine. Children are never supposed to come before your significant other. Ever.** It takes work but again, it is well worth it.

couple gazing

Intimacy is doing the little things that please the other person. Intimacy is about mushy emails, handwritten notes, light palm-to-face touches, feathery kisses, and connecting. Intimacy is trust because it takes trust to expose yourself to someone, your dreams, thoughts, desires, needs. Intimacy is the promise of forever.

If you are concerned because you’ve let intimacy drop, don’t be. Just making a commitment to working on intimacy – to doing something daily toward recreating intimacy in your relationship – will change something fundamental inside you both.

I can’t explain it; it just makes you more aware. It’s like going back to the beginning stages of your romance when everything was giddy and wonderful only now it surpassed that because you know one another so much better. 

Finding some way to express intimacy every single day is not a breeze. You will have to work harder at it because you are starting again. Oh, but the resulting benefits are so well worth it. It will seem hard at first but it WILL get easier – make the commitment! You may not succeed every day but committing will help keep it in the forefront of your mind.

heart arrow

Intimacy is whatever it means between the two of you. What works for one couple may not work for another. Some people need things others don’t. These are just things that have worked for Alpha Hubby and me, and for the many other people I’ve researched and spoken to about this topic.

Some things are basic – some areas men and women want the same thing. Both want respect. Both want the other to pay attention when they talk, and to remember what they said. Both want to be put first (and yes, ladies, before your girlfriends). Both need to know and believe that you believe they are your hero. They want acknowledgement. They want touching. They want you to notice them and what they do for you. And it must be said, s*x. Lots and lots of it for a lot of couples.

tango dance

Alpha Hubby loves to slow dance in the kitchen… or living room… or bedroom. I am relatively stoic but I swear, if the right song comes on I end up crying. He loves my singing voice and wants me to sing to him all the time – which only works if it isn’t some mushy song about love. Then, I end up crying through it. UGH. But, he loves it.

He’ll sing Little Red Riding Hood to me (which has personal meaning). He’ll send or bring flowers once in a while (but my favorites are the ones he picks and brings into the house. Those surprise me the most). He cooks (yes, grilling counts). He leaves the occasional note. He sends me romantic email cards. He builds things for me – rooms, walls, countertops, entire buildings. He comes home from work and finds me to kiss the back of my neck and say “hello”. 

BUT, and here is the most important thing anyone can learn – anything else I may need or want from him, I will have to tell him – like how it takes my breath away when he grabs my hand in public when we’re walking (or standing still). He didn’t know that. He now does and when he takes my hand it doesn’t matter I had to tell him.

phone text i love you

He might text something romantic (or naughty) or just to say “I love you”. If you’re not used to it, it may feel funny at first. The loved may not react the way you want them to at first because they’re not used to this – don’t give up. Keep it up. Say, “Can’t wait until you get home. I miss you.” He may say, “Huh?” Yeah, yeah, sometimes fake it until you get where you want to be in your relationship.

Alpha Hubby likes a good rendezvous. He may get home and find the lights out and a string of candles (or clothing) leading him to a room with romantic music and me, dressed in obvious “Hey it’s time for s*x” clothing.  We also have a date night – and go on a REAL date where he comes by in the car to the front of the house and picks me up. There isn’t a lot to do around this area except the movies – but it is a real “dress up and go out” date.
Kissing Lips 4

He likes lipstick prints – sexy on a wine glass or on a note in a card. I might leave a note on the mirror with a lipstick kiss print letting him know I love him. Or something like, “Tonight” – which means he’s gonna get lucky.

We both like to eat by candlelight with romantic music going on in the background. We don’t do it often so when we do, it’s special. We also have a swimming pool and if he is getting home late, I might pop into the pool – nekid – and wait for him to walk through the gate. Yes, swimming pool water can boil, smile!!

Take the first song playing by James Ingram (Find 100 Ways) – send roses just because. Don’t only do that on special days. Surprise her, men. And woman, make sure you find things he loves (a favorite meal?) and fix it for him. Look nice for one another (not just when you have to run to town). Compliment one another, what they do or how they look. “Hey, you look really handsome/pretty.” 

The most intimate thing Alpha Hubby has ever done? Not what you think (naughty, naughty). No, for twenty-one (21) years he has called me EVERY SINGLE DAY he is at work. He calls at lunch time to chit chat a few minutes. He lets me know he loves me, he tells me a bit how his day is going, or just to check in. Clockwork but to me, romantic.

Your greatest source of information is your loved one. ASK them what they consider romantic then work very hard to REMEMBER that and do it for them.

Next post will be a bit of an eye-opener to some – the importance of actually HAVING s*x. How important it is to men, what it means, what it means to a marriage to have or have not!


**I will say that when a couple still has children at home, intimacy is harder to keep fresh and going, but it can and must be done. It just takes thinking outside the box, to use creative ways to keep each other first. Sure kids take up a lot of time and attention but protect your relationship FIRST.

Do You Know Intimacy?

October 13th, 2015

How do people go from this:

Romantic couple2

To this?

couple angry resize

It’s simple, really. They have forgotten the person they fell in love with. They’ve lost their focus. That focus has somehow, somewhere been taken off their loved one and put somewhere else.

Intimacy used to be SO easy.  Why?  Well, we were madly, passionately in love with that person.  They were all we thought about. We were very willing to pursue them and overlook anything not perceived as “perfect” about them. NO ONE could tell us they were not perfect! We couldn’t WAIT to talk to them. We always wanted to look our best for them, to do what they liked to do, and to play and spend much time with them! 

Then, after some time has passed, our words and attitudes, actions and thought processes, history and time, and life getting in the way, all work against our intimacy. We begin to let it slip away, not paying much attention to the loss. Big, huge mistake.

Boxing Gloves

How does this happen?

We stopped pursuing.
— stopped communicating.
— stopped really listening.
— stopped treating one another with honor and respect.
— stopped thinking he’s all-that.
— stopped thinking she’s the girl of his dreams.
— stopped spending quality time together.
— stopped trusting one another especially with our hearts.
— stopped looking as good as when we first met
— stopped putting each other first place.
— stopped doing the things we used to do.

We allowed life to get in the way, in between us.
We became roommates because we lost intimacy and focus.
We allowed many other things – people, children, work, fun, hobbies, blogging, or anything – to come ahead of our loved one.

We stopped thinking the right way and stopped treating the other person as valuable and precious – special.

We started thinking:

— “Well, I’ve got him so I don’t have to do anything to keep him.”
— “Ehh, it’s JUST the wife, the old ball and chain, she doesn’t count.”
— “He never talks to me anymore.”
— “She never listens to me.”
— “Well, why should I be the one to make the first move?”
— “Why should I bother? He doesn’t!”
— “Oh, my husband; WHY can’t he be as wonderful and romantic as so-in-so?”
— “He sure doesn’t look like that football player I fell in love with”
— “I know she’s had our children, but is that girl I married even in there anymore? And does she even see ME?” 

We started thinking, “Who IS this person I’m married to?”

couple, bored

I think of intimacy when I think of those beginning courtship days when you couldn’t wait to see one another, do nice things for one another, thought about each other ALL the time, and holding hands? Well, oi vey, was it not amazing that first time he took your hand and kissed your palm?  Made THAT eye contact with you? Or touched the side of your face with his palm? (Big hint here, guys.)

couple touching
Intimacy engages the five physical senses – see, hear, touch, smell, taste.  And, as my Alpha Hubby always says, love is an action verb – it is not passive. Love acts.  Love does. And yes, actions do speak louder than words but words are very important, too. Especially those three little ones, “I love you.” SAY them. A lot.

And speaking of words – there are two words Alpha Hubby and I work very hard NOT to say to one another, “always” and “never” in a negative way.  In sentences, they sound something like this:  “You ALWAYS do that to me (fail me, forget that, blow it)” or “You NEVER do this right (remembered offenses).” This is a BIG one, boys and girls. Work HARD on getting this out of your lives.

In the next few posts, I am going to list some things that may help with intimacy.  I am not the expert – far from it = but I’m living with one (smile).  Truthfully, this is a subject near and dear to my heart. Over the past few years, I have done a lot of research for a few books and articles, studied “men only” blogs, interviewed couples who have amazing relationships, and even asked my own hubby questions about intimacy and why people lose it.

Intimacy is not as hard as people tend to make it. Really! If it were hard, no one would get it… well, I was going to say “right” – but there is no right or wrong way for intimacy because it is subject to each individual’s ideal. I double-dog dare you to talk to your significant other about what intimacy means to them – what they need to feel loved. Ask them to tell you some things they’d like you to do. YES, I know it requires talking, but you may be surprised!

(Hint: it can be as simple as buying a romantic card and leaving in somewhere they will find it “by accident” to taking their hand while you’re walking somewhere to a note on a mirror saying “I love you!”)


Let’s Get It On

September 23rd, 2015

I entitled this post “Let’s Get It On” because the first song playing was Marvin Gaye’s version; apparently Hypster has removed all his versions of the song so it’s gone. Now it starts with Norah Jone’s “Turn Me On”, for inquiring minds.

couple gazing

I read an article about “love after **” (** being a certain age). I kind of felt sorry for the author because he thinks ** is old and ACTS and TALKS like it. Because of that, his advice was a joke to me. I mean, we’re of the generation who had this song you’re listening to by Marvin Gaye, not to mention his song, Sexual Healing. We had or heard the coolest songs
that are still popular to this day. Right or wrong, we burned bras and we protested. We drove MUSCLE cars, baby!

We were so cool, the cool people called us cool.

So why? Why would these amazing people compromise themselves by… **hack fur ball** …getting old? Allowing oneself to quit being cool?? I mean, one thing I’ve learned, if you act old, you are old no matter what age you are.  We also live in a wonderful time where science is discovering more things that slow down the aging process.

The reason I don’t define ** is because old is really a state of mind and I’ve met 30+ year old people who are OLD and 70+ year old people who are young in actions and heart.  Like I’ve pointed out many times on this blog, age is just a number.

From Here to Eternity

From Here to Eternity

But I digress. I was talking about “love after **” and when I say “love” I don’t mean the mushy feeling. I mean the word I can’t write because then I get spammed to death on my blog, s*x. Yes, I said it – S*X! S*X after **, which is kind of a joke because I know most 20 year old people are not doing that, much less most ** year old people.

When Alpha Hubby and I first married, about a week before he went on night shift, we would spend the evenings over a glass of wine, talking. Remember, we met then married 7 weeks later so we didn’t know one another THAT well.

We talked about how vital it was to protect our relationship. I’d been single (and abstinent) for 12 years. I wasn’t about to settle and miss out on the cool stuff after doing without for 12 loooong years. I’m talking the dating, the movies, the dancing, the romancing, and yes, the s*x.

We talked about not losing the “honeymoon” feeling for one another. We talked about the importance of making sure we always had time for one another.  We talked about what made one another feel secure and loved in this relationship.

I’d shared about an article stating what women needed to feel secure, one being financial stability. And saying: instead of “*burp* great meal, hon!” women would like to hear “I love you (and this is why…)”.

He told me of a little known secret, to most women, about men. He said, “You know what most men need for security? To feel loved? Well, maybe not all men, but me, for one? S*x. There is something about that that says ‘home’ to me. You are my home, Nan, and that act says you want me, love me, need me, and appreciate me.”


Now, lest you think he was just soliciting for more s*x (which he does, all the time, but wasn’t the point back then), since that discussion, I’ve read more men’s articles and posts about the exact same thing. Most men equate s*x with love & security, and thus, when they don’t get that it affects the relationship. They’re not feeling loved. 

I know back then, if we went without, a slow distancing began happening, that dreaded “roommate disease” that happens to so many couples. We caught on and made a promise not to allow many days to go by without getting in touch, literally. We aim for every day, then if we hit 3-5 times a week, we’re good. Intimacy is so vital to a healthy relationship.

Couple beach seduction

Older Couple

So back to the point of this article – “love after **” – you can make it as boring or as hot as you like, hotter. The benefit of knowing one another for so long is that you know each other and know what makes it hawt. Really, really hawt. All over the house and outside hawt. What? You don’t think people after the age of ** can do that? Boy, what rock are you living under?

So, the point – this past week, I’ve had the cold from H E double hockey sticks. I don’t remember the last time I had something hit like this – stopped up to the point I can’t hear, breath, talk, sleep, blah blah blahdy blah. Many days worth.

Monday, I figured up on my fingers how long since we connected and said, “Meet me in the pool, baby” except it sounded more like “Mead be in da pood, baba” but he understood. He’s smart like that.

Other than Monday, it has been over a week and that is unacceptable. Thus today’s intro song for Alpha Hubby.

lights pool

Night Swimming

Baby – LET’S GET IT ON. No more waiting, wasting time, or allowing too much more time to pass by.  

“Mead be in da pood, baba! I’bb be waiding.”


Bad to the Bone

August 28th, 2015

This first song on my playlist is for Alpha Hubby. Go over and Pause it if you don’t want to hear music!

peanut butter Jiff

I like peanut butter.  I can have a jar of peanut butter last for a month or more because I don’t eat a lot but when I get a hankering for a spoonful,
I like to have it on hand.

PB Toast Bananna Crop

On the other hand, Alpha Hubby adores peanut butter.  There isn’t a jar of peanut butter out there than he doesn’t love. Even dry organic peanut butter is no match for his voracious appetite when it comes to peanut butter.  NO jar is safe from him.

PB Toast Crop

After years of reaching for a tin or jar of peanut butter and discovering only a bit at the bottom, I got smart the other day and bought TWO small jars.  One was mine, for me, one that I would have to keep hidden from him. One was totally his and when he was OUT he was OUT.

PB Toast jelly Crop

Now don’t ask me why. I guess hope springs eternal and all that jazz. I had my jar at the end of the kitchen breakfast counter. I knew he had his own jar so I wasn’t worried about it. I had plans to hide mine but hadn’t gotten around to it.

peanut butter jar empty

Day Three of my jar sitting at the end of the counter. We’re sitting at the counter, side by side, lovingly chatting and just enjoying being together. I glanced over at my jar and noticed something odd, something disturbing, something NOT RIGHT.  It was EMPTY. I grabbed it up, took the lid off and looked at Alpha Hubby in disbelief.

I said, in dulcet tones, “WHERE IS MY PEANUT BUTTER???”

He just grinned at me, with that innocent “what?” look on his face.

I said, not quite so dulcet, “Did you eat my peanut butter?”

He still looked innocent, “No.”

I screeched, “My jar is empty. Where is my peanut butter?  Did you eat my peanut butter? You did, didn’t you? You’ve done this to me before.”

He continued to maintain his innocence even in the face of total proof in the empty jar.

I ranted, “I can’t believe you did that to me. How could you? You had your own jar. You knew the rules. How can you sit there and act like it is okay to eat my peanut butter? I had three-quarters of a jar left and now it is empty! If you didn’t eat it, where is it? The jar is EMPTY! I can’t believe you ate my peanut butter!!”

He still continued to maintain his innocence.

“How can you sit there and lie? I am looking at an empty jar!! Do you realize how selfish that is to have eaten my peanut butter? Do ya? Well, do ya, punk???”  Oh yeah, I was totally channeling Dirty Harry and getting a good head of steam because he’d done it to me again.

Please understand.  I am not being unreasonable. This is the man who once put an empty container back in the refrigerator. I thought there was still food left in the container – as ANYONE would think considering it was sitting in a refrigerator – and when my mouth began to water for the contents, I lovingly got the container out of the refrigerator, opened the container… only to discover it was empty.

I explained, sweetly (!) that one does NOT put an empty container into a refrigerator because it leads the other someone to believe there is food leftover when there is NOT.  It sets the other someone up for disappointment and then, unfortunately for the other one, extreme anger and revenge.

So he said, “OK!” and I thought that was the end to it.

The next time I reached into the fridge thinking I had something to eat, I discovered… no, not an empty container. No, he learned that lesson. What I found was ONE BITE left of the food.

I freaked and said, “WHAT is this? There’s only one bite left in here? You can’t put a container that was full of food back in the refrigerator with only one bite left in it!  It sets someone up to believe there is food left when there obviously is NOT”

His reply? Well obviously he is a “letter of the law” type man because he said, “Well, it’s not empty.”

Yes, I did let him live thought that but still… grrr. So he had another lesson to learn – if you want peace in the house do NOT leave a container in the refrigerator with only one bite left or a jug with only one swallow left or a jar with only one teaspoon left and thus and so on.  One has to be very specific with an Alpha Hubby.

So back to the peanut butter story.  I was on a roll, freaking that he ate my entire jar of peanut butter.  He continued to disavow his guilt. Then he stood up, went over to his side of the food cabinet and reached up and pulled down a… three-quarters full jar of peanut butter, roaring with laughter.

Yes, gentle readers, after years, he got me. He had switched out the jars – his empty for my three-quarters full jar – right under my nose. He snickered. He laughed, and dare I say it? He giggled like a maniac. Oh he thought he was all that.

I must admit, but don’t tell him, he really was all that. That was a really good one and yes, he got me good. And yes, I’m still snickering at it.

I’m just glad I didn’t do something stupid like pull a Dirty Harry on him.


A Pitch For a Good Thing

August 15th, 2015


As I am sure most of you have learned (some of us the hard way), a good backup is a wonderful thing when it comes to websites and blogging.  I, for one, have lost websites and blog posts due to computer glitches and crashes.

Many times I thought I was safe because I had used a free plugin
only to discover that while it may have backed up, getting it back was impossible.  One backup required me to purchase an expensive program. Another backed up but when I when to reload it, there was nothing in the files. Don’t ask because I don’t know what happened!

My theory is that backing up your files should NOT be difficult.  I learned to blog like most people – I learned as I went along. I googled anything I didn’t know, hit and missed on some things, and learned code on my own.  If I wanted to back up my precious files, it should not be a difficult thing, right?

I finally decided free didn’t work for me.  I found a highly rated option, the plugin UpdraftPlus – and it has worked beautifully for me.  It isn’t that expensive, especially since I am able to cover two websites for the price.  And really, what price is too much to pay to NOT lose all your files?

When I think of the two times I had to restore my entire blog without a backup program – and how many files I actually lost – well I’m here to tell you I will not go through that again. I love the confidence I have now that my files are safe and available to me no matter what goes on with my computer

On July 22, WordPress reported that there had been a half-a-million (!) active installs of UpdraftPlus!  This is a pretty incredible feat! This makes UpdraftPlus one of the fastest growing WordPress backup plugins.  They added 100,000 in slightly over four months which almost averages 1000 installations a day.  The goal now is working on getting a million installations!

One thing I’ve learned about plugins, if they don’t work, they don’t get installed! A lot of these plugins don’t have support. UpdraftPlus has support, is easy to configure and has many options so you can make it work for you.

I want to encourage you that if you don’t have a good back up program for your files – those blog posts you’ve written from your heart – give UpdraftPlus a try.  Join the rest of us in helping make this plugin one of the best out there for backing up your files!  Check out all their options and use UpdraftPlus with confidence.

After all, 500,000 plus installations can’t be wrong!

Why Don’t We Just Dance?

May 29th, 2015

If you want to hear this love song below, you’ll need to go to the right and pause the music player. Just click on the || button!
You may have to “X” out commercials ads.
What I like best about this video is that most of us can find our generation’s dance and wild clothing in it!


Alpha Hubby is the Number Uno reason our marriage is what it is.  He is pretty much laid back (well, about most things) and Über forgiving and understanding.  I remember my first – um – meltdown?  We hadn’t been married very long.  I was out riding the lawnmower and he came out to bring me a glass of iced tea.

My thought process went something like this:  “Why is he bringing me a glass of iced tea? What’s his deal? What does he want? What is he doing, coming out here like that.”  AND, unfortunately, I acted that way.  Pretty much said, “Why are you bringing me that. I don’t need it.”

He was so shocked but he said, “OK” turned around and went back to the house.

The Big Voice in my head said, “You need to go fix this RIGHT NOW.” I was ashamed but honestly couldn’t understand what my problem was. I drove over to the carport, stopped the lawn mower and hesitantly walked over to him where he stood with the glass looking at me a with shuttered eyes.  Alpha Son was playing around behind him but I sucked it up and said, “I’m Sorry.”

He said, “OK. Can you explain what happened?” He said it so calmly and sweetly, not with anger or attitude.

“Not really. No one (man esp.) has ever done anything like that before. Anytime anyone did anything, there was always a hidden agenda and it wasn’t usually in my favor.  I’m serious, no one’s ever, um, well, I guess, been nice to me.”  I reached for the iced tea, humbly.

His entire face cleared up, he handed me the iced tea, I took it gratefully – and he hugged me.  “We’ll work it out, you’ll see” he murmured.


Our entire marriage has been like that.  As I worked through my issues, unpacking my baggage one bag at a time, he has been a strength. He is an expert baggage unpacker.  He loved me enough for me to begin to trust him. He loved me through insecurity and fear.  He loved me through, thoroughly.

He made it safe for me to unpack my baggage.  He gave me a secure home where I could be myself and know I was loved for that.  He has honestly gone over and above all I could ask or think.  He is a true Knight in Shining Armour and has never tarnished.

Monster Spider

Monster Spider (size of my palm)

He protects me and would never hang me out to dry. He kills spiders, snakes, frogs, mice, and little scorpions.  He chided me when I wouldn’t let him open my car door. He explained to me that it was a way to honor and respect me as a lady and the woman he loved. I was like, “Um, ok. I guess. As long as you KNOW I can open my own door, bub.” Gracious as usual.  But I learned and now I love it. Alpha Son’s wife does, too, ’cause he learned from the best.

His whole philosophy can be summed up in the title of this song. His take is “No worries, let’s dance!” And not because he ignores things life tries to throw at us but because that is his true attitude, that we’re going to make it. He hates stress and worry and refuses to participate. He is calm and finds solutions, no matter what we face.

He always wants to slow dance with me. He always want to *ahem* with me. He believes after all we’ve both been though that we should thoroughly enjoy our life together. He wants to BE and give me exactly what I need to be happy no matter what it is. He is the true fairy tale hero.

dream disney

Oh sure, he’s human.  But his attitude? His personality?

I think they’re kind of supernaturally…

… magical.


I Will Stand By You

May 23rd, 2015

We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.

— Anaïs Nin


The first song on the playlist on the right, near the bottom is “I Will Stand By You”.  The lyrics to this song exemplify what Alpha Hubby has done for me.  This is what Alpha Hubby has meant to me.  This is what he said to me when we first married.  This is what, 21 years later, he still does, means and says to me.  How can this man not be a gift from God?


It’s like a storm – that cuts a path
It’s breaks your will – it feels like that
You think you’re lost
But your not lost – on your own
You’re not alone

I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
If you can’t cope – I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go

It hurts my heart – to see you cry
I know it’s dark – this part of life
Oh it finds us all (finds us all)
And we’re too small – to stop the rain
Oh but when it rains

I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope – I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall – I’m right here to catch you
I won’t let you – down
It won’t get you down – you’re gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it

‘Cause I will stand by you – I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope – and I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight – I will hold you tight
And I won’t let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won’t let go
Won’t let you go
No I won’t


Baby, thank you for 21 years of support, love, happiness, and joy. Thank you for always being there for me in every situation – from the minor (Alpha Son leaving home) to the major (my parents’ deaths), through weight loss battles and insecurity.  Thank you that our life has been far more about sunshine and less about loss and cloudy days. Thank you for the laughter and silly times. Thank you for the adventures we’ve gone on and for the ones to come. Thank you for the amazing passion we have together and for always making me feel sexy and well-loved.

You have been my knight in shining armor and your armor has never tarnished in my eyes. You are the epitome of every fairy tale hero and I am so glad you love me.

I will stand by you, too.


I Won’t Let Go, Rascal Flatts – One of the co-authors of the song had this to say – so appropriate:  “…they intentionally did not define the song’s character, so that the message could be applicable in various situations:  ‘This could be something you’d say to someone in the family that’s a soldier, fighting overseas… or to your mom, dad, wife or husband… I felt it could also be God saying it to someone.'”

Love Says They Will

April 28th, 2015

If you want to hear this love song below, you’ll need to go to the right and pause the music player. Just click on the || button!


The world says they’ll never make it… LOVE says they will.

This is an older video someone posted on You Tube.  Look past the fuzzies and watch the video and listen to the lyrics.


As many of you know, Alpha Hubby and I met at work and married 7 weeks later. To say they were betting on how long we’d last is an understatement (it’s what they did).  I am sure no one bet 21 years so I’m glad everyone lost their bets.

It is truth that the world said we’d never make it. No one believed we would, even those who were close to me.  Some hoped I would but still believed it was a failure waiting to happen.

I can’t tell you how many times someone asked me, “So is everything STILL okay with you two?” When I replied it was I’d hear, “Really? Oh good!” with relief like they believed I’d say, “No, he turned into a ravening monster just like you thought he would, and I’m miserable now.” They wouldn’t have been surprised.

I was thinking about my life, about who I was, what I felt and thought, what I believed, what was inside me inaccessible to those around me. To be honest, my own mother, although she loved me, didn’t know me. No one did or does. They all assume they do from outward appearances, what I tell them and actions.  I guarantee you there are people who assume they know me very well.  They don’t.

And that’s on me, not them, because I never showed anyone “me” (and still have trouble with that).  I shut that down years ago.  It saved me from being hurt again and from letting people know the real me since obviously, from my past, I’d learned that the real me was not acceptable. I learned my lesson.

Alpha Hubby saw me. Sees me.  Hears me.  Knows me. (And still loves me, smile.) He tells me that when we talked that day in my cubicle for over an hour, God showed him my heart, who I was.

He was willing to take on the challenge of helping me dig the real me out so that I could be myself with him and with myself. I needed a lot of love and he had a lot to give. To him I mattered. I was worthy.

He used to tell me that all he ever wanted was to be loved for himself. I don’t think he’d ever been able to be himself – not for years.  He was the brave warrior for those who needed rescuing.  The attitudinal rude alpha male for those who wanted him for what he could give them.  The anti-hero to those he found betraying his trust.

I had to dig and dig, and insist that he be himself.  He needed a lot of love and I had a lot to give. To me he mattered. He was worthy.

I heard this song on the radio in the car last night when we were on our way home from Texas.  Once I got past the lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I realized we’ve had:

There’s a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

And we made it to the other side.  We now have

With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything

He asked me, “Will your hook your dreams to mine?  Will you go where I go?”  I didn’t hesitate to say yes. How could I not? How could I not follow along with him as we went on faith adventures together? This man loves me unconditionally and has my best in mind.

I am not going to mess that up. He’s got the key to my heart! Of course, neither is he because I’ve got his ring (smile).

The world said we’d never make it.

Love ensured – we will.


Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (Tanya Tucker)

She’s fifteen and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the keys to her heart
It’s just matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it, love says they will

There’s a baby crying and one more on the way
There’s a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side


She’s eighty-three and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the key to her heart
It’s just a matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it
But love says they will

I Really Just Love Him

April 8th, 2015

(A few years ago after Pamela over at Road to Joy (who is now a published author, thankyouverymuch) and I issued a challenge to blogland to say something positive about your significant other for 30 days, we decided several months later to up the intimacy in blogger’s lives.  Our challenge was to do something to create intimacy with your significant other every day for 30 days.  This is a semi-partial sort-of redux remake on a post from back then. (See Category 30 Days Intimacy).

Disclaimer:  The results for increased intimacy are not guaranteed. This is a blog not a psychologist’s or psychotherapist’s office after all!


So how DO couples go from this:

couple romantic  married

To this?

couple angry

It’s simple, really.  Just forget who the person is that you fell in love with.  Lose your focus by taking that focus off the loved one and putting it somewhere else.  Put everything ahead of them.

It used to be SO easy to be intimate and starry-eyed over that special someone.  Why?  Well, we were madly, passionately in love with that person.  They were all we thought about.  We were very willing to pursue them and overlook anything not perceived as “perfect” about them.  

We couldn’t WAIT to see them, to talk to them.  We always wanted to look our best for them, to do what they liked to do, and to play, laugh, and do things as simple as walking in the rain while holding hands – or go to a rodeo and pretend the smell and noise doesn’t bother you!

And think about that – why do you think so many people cheat? Or go hook up with old boy-girlfriends on FB? Why they are drawn away from the everyday sameness of their relationship? They are looking for that same excitement boost we once had as a new-be couple. Looking for that same rush. That same ego-boost. Looking for someone to validate them, make them feel special and “seen”! Just a thought there, folks.

After time, though, our words and attitudes, actions and thought processes, history, time, and life begin getting in the way.

We stopped pursuingWe:

— stopped communicating (especially in person).
— stopped really listening.
— stopped treating one another with honor and respect.
— stopped thinking he’s all-that.
— stopped thinking she’s the girl of his dreams.
— stopped spending quality time together.
— stopped trusting one another, especially with our hearts.
— stopped forgiving quickly and forgetting the tresspass.
— stopped looking as good as we did when first together.
— stopped putting each other first place.

— We began allowing life to get in the way, in between us.
— We became roommates because we lost intimacy and focus.
— We allowed many other things – people, children (especially children), work or career pursuit, fun, hobbies, blogging, or just anything or everything – to come before the other person.

We stopped thinking and treating, and seeing them as valuable and precious – special.

Boxing Gloves


We could start thinking, “Well, I’ve got them so I don’t have to do anything else to keep them.”

We could start thinking, “Ehh, it’s JUST the wife, the old ball and chain, she doesn’t count.”

We could start thinking, “Oh, my husband; WHY can’t he be as wonderful and romantic as so-in-so’s husband is?”

We could start thinking, “He sure doesn’t look like that high-school football player I fell in love with.”

We could start thinking, “I know my wife had our children and is a mother now, but is that girl I married even in there anymore?  And does she even see ME?”

He could think “She never listens to me.”
She could think “He never talks to me.”

We all could wonder, “Who IS this person I’m married to?”

People want to blame it on technology and how easy it is to get distracted, to pay more attention to your cell phone and texts than your significant other. HOGWASH. You have to MAKE a choice to allow that to happen. I’ve lived long enough to have a before and after – before cell phones and after – my marriage is amazing – AFTER. Before? Meh, had some bad relationships!!  Technology didn’t cause the rifts.  It is very lazy to blame a marriage failure on anything or anyone but YOURSELF.  Technology can’t destroy – people using it can.  It is a choice.

I think of intimacy when I think of those beginning courtship days when you couldn’t wait to see one another, do nice things for one another, thought about each other ALL the time, and holding hands?  Well, oi vey, was it not amazing that first time he took your hand and kissed your palm?  Or touched the side of your face with his palm and looked into your eyes?

couple touching

I still remember when Alpha Hubby first placed his palm on the side of my face.  I swear my face tingled.  I remember wondering what he was doing, so I asked.  He said, “I can tell where you are, how your feeling, thinking.  I can read you.”  I had no idea what he was talking about because I was so expert at hiding my emotions and who I was, that it made me very uncomfortable when he did this.  No one should be THAT intimate, right?  Of course I was running.

He was talking about where I was in our relationship.  Was I comfortable?  Did I squirm in discomfort at this private act of intimacy?  Did I look back into his eyes or look away?  Did I rub my cheek against his palm or pull away?  It was something no one had ever done to me before.  It still gives me shivers.

Intimacy engages the five physical senses – see, hear, touch, smell, taste.  And, as Alpha Hubby always says, love is an action verb – it is not passive.  Love acts.  Love does.  Or it is not love.  Why yes, I AM Zen-Master.  Why do you ask?  “Try not.  Do or do not, there is no try,” sayeth Yoda Nan.  Just say I LOVE YOU already!!

love on mirror

And yes, actions do speak louder than words but words are very important, too.  Especially those three little ones, “I love you.”  SAY them.  SAY them ALL the time.  Most importantly, make sure you SAY them every. single. day.  Say them, say them, say them.  Life is too dog-goned short to be stingy with those words.  They are not cheap words.  Not saying them can cost you everything.

Write “I love you” on the bathroom mirror.  Jot a note, pick up a card, or email, fax or something – just say “I love you” as often as you can, in as many ways as you can.  Go do that RIGHT NOW.

Did you do it?  Well, as soon as you are finished reading this post, I challenge you to go tell your significant other “I LOVE YOU” (and yes, if you HAVE to ’cause they’re not around, you may text it to them) – then begin the practice of saying those words deliberately, on purpose, from this moment forward, every day.  Make a choice to put away anything that comes before your loved one – including *gasp* your cell phone (unless you use it for good, not evil!).   

Alpha Hubby and I made a choice to give up television (except movies on weekends, maybe), in order to keep us first.  He gets home, we spend time together until bedtime.  We made a choice to walk away from technology. Except he does use it wisely to text me “I love you’s” and other *ahem* thangs!!

When you wish someone joy,
you wish them peace,
love, prosperity, happiness…
all the good things.

 Maya Angelou

I wish all of you JOY, today, tomorrow, forever. 

Oh, and thank you for being faithful readers.  I love you.