Touch, A Series Part 2

October 13th, 2016

His Healing Touch

It took me awhile to get back to this series after writing the first post in the Series. I felt, I don’t know, icky, dirty, too exposed, freaked, whatever.

It isn’t because I am ashamed of what happened.  It happened TO me, not because I did something wrong. It is just that it still held power to affect me, even after all these years.

I’ve been working with my health and lifestyle coach, Angela Doggett, for almost 6 months. We started out in the health area because I needed to lose weight. But she has also been helping me find a new, healthier “normal” and during that process, a lot of garbage came up out of me. Some of it actually surprised me because I thought it was things I’d already dealt with.

It was more of a suppression than it was “dealt with” – and once it came out, I felt a freedom inside me I hadn’t felt in a long time. I caught a glimpse of my old self smiling at me, but more importantly, I saw a new self who’s confidence is being built on a strong, non-tainted foundation.

You know, tainted – something that can come back to bite me in the bootie years later.

I know Alpha Hubby and I had talked about some of the strange things that happened to me in my younger days. It really was as if I were a light bulb that drew really oddball dude-moths to flitter around me and kind of ruin my future.

I’d already talked about my first boss who exposed himself to me when I was 15, and you would think that was enough, right?  But no. I went off to college and ran into even stranger things.  I still look back and think, “Boy, was that girl a dummy or what?” but that’s not true.

I may have been raised with no preparation for how to deal with the real world, a lot naive and unworldly, had one semi-date ever, but I was not a dummy. It took awhile but I finally had to learn that the problem was with those men (boys), not me.

I was the kind of person who trusted until you earned my distrust. So much so that it never crossed my mind that people didn’t always think the way I did or that their actions had hidden motives.

Case in point. Two years after my first job and boss mess, my freshman year in college was almost over. My semi-best friend went home for the weekend to visit her parents. Her boyfriend said, “Well, since my girlfriend and your best friend is out of town and we don’t have anything to do, wanna go to see that new movie at the drive-in?” Sure, made sense to me.

Now I can see you thinking, “Boy, what a dumb bunny she is.” But you are looking at that paragraph with years of experience behind you now. You are not looking at this with “fresh away from home believe everyone is good” eyes.

We get to the drive-in, start watching the movie and he grabs my hand and puts it on his crotch. Now think here: would I know what he was doing and understand what was under my hand? I would not. I knew “it” was hard and no, I wasn’t completely stupid, I sort of knew what “it” was. I jerked my hand away and asked, “What are you doing?”

Then it was more along the line of, “Well, since my girlfriend and your best friend is out of town… I thought we could…”.  I was, “WHAT? NO! She’s my best friend. I would never do that to her. How can you think I would?” except I was also scared. It was like a big teddy-bear I’d trusted turned into a ravaging grizzly beast.

He tried to take my hand again. I jerked back. He tried to pull me over to his side of the car – dratted bench seats! He grabbed at my private area, and I grabbed his hand and tossed it aside. He tried to push me down in the seat, I popped back up – this went on three times and to this day I wonder what the people in the car behind our car thought was going on with that jack-in-the box scene.

For those of you who want to ask, “Well, why didn’t you get out of the car and leave?” First, the drive-in was out of town limits and far to far to walk. Second, it never crossed my mind because as dangerous as this could have been, it really never crossed my mind that he would actually hurt me.

And thank God, he gave up, disgruntled. He stated that we may as well go back to town – which took me a long time later – years – before I realized he’d planned the whole evening. On purpose.

I really, really hope he and that girlfriend didn’t marry. I don’t recall now what happened to them but I do remember I battled whether or not to tell her what happened at the drive-in. I talked to my mom about it. She made the true point that this girl would never have believed me. And that bugged me. It still bugs me to this day that you can tell a girl her boyfriend hit on you and she’ll hate YOU, not him. She won’t believe you.

I was going to tell you about my exposing landlord but I’ll save that for the next post. I’ve had enough of this trip down memory lane.

Suffice it to say, some of the most important attributes I love about Alpha Hubby are his honor, integrity and word. If he tells you he is going to do something, he will. He is the most honorable man I know and that is so vital, especially in today’s society.  He never manipulates people.

I needed exactly who he is – a trustworthy man. Wow, does that sound like an oxy-moron? It did to me when he and I first met.

His love is pure and real. Even after 23 years. It never wavered, never weakened, never changed.

What a blessed woman I am.

Touch, A Series Part 1a

September 26th, 2016


So if you recall our non-trusting girl in the picture above from last week’s post you realize I went into my relationship with Alpha Hubby being quite piled high with luggage and trust issues.

Yesterday (TMI coming) right smack dab in the middle of a VERY personal moment with Alpha Hubby, I tuned in to the song playing on his phone.  In Young Love, Strong Love (video below), the lyrics were, “That night as he held her, he couldn’t believe God had had made a girl that he’d never, ever leave” – and I began to cry.

I’m sure this was very disconcerting for Alpha Hubby, given his position (heh heh), but he’s used to songs wiping me out. It didn’t used to be this way but he has cracked the shell off my heart and exposed the ooey gooey inner workings of the true me.

Tears used to be way too much exposure. Letting someone see you in a weakened state was not a “safe” place for me in the past. I learned to hide all my emotions and true thoughts from everyone around me. I still do to a point, but not with Alpha Hubby.

Why the tears? Well, he picks out songs to play for me – to help express what he feels for me. Those words overwhelmed me because his love for me is overwhelming. Later on during the afterglow he pointed how vital it is that he plays those songs for us to hear.

It is an affirmation of what he feels for me, a reminder to us both of the importance of what we have together. It keeps our love at the forefront of our minds so we don’t lose what we have.

Hero” by Julio Iglesias, two I picked for him that he likes, “Mama He’s Crazy” and “Young Love (Strong Love)” by The Judds, and so many others he surprises me with. “Hero” always chokes me up because he has been mine, a hero I used to only fantasize about.

God gave me a supernatural love affair with an amazing man. We know how it works – covenant – but sometimes we still talk about how amazing it is that 23+ years ago God led us to one another.

Alpha Hubby had to work through some issues with me but he was graced to be exactly what I needed.

I’ll save the next “purge” memory (the grope guy at the drive-in & my exposing landlord) for the next post. I just wanted to share a private moment of truth, part of the Touch that changed my life.

Touch, A Series Part 1

September 17th, 2016

See this girls face, below?  That’s how I felt when I hooked up with Alpha Hubby.


I felt skittish. I didn’t trust his love. I waiting for the other shoe to drop. I wondered what he really wanted. I was waiting to be proven right, that he was a hidden ax-murderer and was there to hack what was left of my heart into a million pieces.

He would put his hand on my face like in that above picture. It made me VERY uncomfortable. I’d asked why he was doing that. He’d always reply, “I can tell where you are – I can feel who you.”

NO NO NO! Who does he think he is, trying to get into my psyche? Into my brain? Into my thought life. Well, he was my new husband but that is neither here or there, is it?

I had no reason to trust him – or any man.  I’d been through an entire lifetime of strange, painful, hurtful, stupid, weird, cataclysmic, embarrassing, horrifying, blah blah blah to infinity – stuff – with men.

I just figured out a timeline of my first job at 15 and my first year after I left home to go to college. It was all so strange that I don’t think I’d realized until yesterday that so much of it happened in that first year rather than stretched out over many years. It seemed like that stuff went on longer than that.

At my first ever job other than babysitting, I worked 5:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m., answering the telephone at the local newspaper office. I would write down when people didn’t get their newspaper, contact the carrier and have them take another one to the subscriber.  I was 15, it was easy work and I was proud of my first job.

A few weeks into it, “it” happened. I sat inside an office. My boss sat at a desk outside my office across from the front door. I would have to pass his desk to go out the front door to leave after work.

One evening I gathered my purse and walked out of the office. Two steps out and my boss said, “Are you leaving now?” I glanced at him and he was cocked (heh heh) back in his chair so that his hips were above the desk line of sight. He was unzipped and standing at attention – although I wasn’t that sure because it was teensy tiny – at least in my memory.

I was so shocked but I acted like I’d seen nothing, mumbled “yes” and automatically turned left to go down the four steps to the locked door. Back then when extra keys were made, they were often aluminum. I was shaking so badly I almost broke the key off in the door lock. I was so full of fear of what would happen if I did.

I was 15. Back in the 70’s most 15 year olds weren’t sexually aware and that kind of wise like so many girls are today. I was not only naive but I’d never seen one of “those” before.

I went home and immediately told my mom. After a few, “Are you sure” comments – which did not help – she and my dad decided that I wouldn’t have to go back to work. While that worked, it also left me unfulfilled – as if justice hadn’t been served. I was the “out of work” one and he got away with exposing his wee-willy-winkie at me.  Ugh.

Worst of all, that wasn’t the first and last time something like that happened to me.

So fast forward several years and I’m facing unconditional love. What’s a girl to do in the face of that? Freak out, I tell you. FAH*R*E*A*K out. How DARE he love me unconditionally and make me FEEL things?

Poor Alpha Hubby.

End Part 1

I Don’t Like Spiders Snakes Lizards

September 2nd, 2016

frog crop

OR mice or roaches or frogs.

Remember that old Jim Stafford song about a clueless guy who says, “I got silly and found a frog, in the water by a hollow log; And I shook it at her and I said, ‘This frog’s for you!’ She said, ‘I don’t like spiders and snakes; And that ain’t what it takes to love me, you fool, you fool!'”

Oh yeah, sometimes guys are clueless. When we packed up to move a few years ago, the bubble wrap came with a little added extra – a family of mice that got loose in the house. This is a conversation I had with Alpha Hubby about it. He was at work:

Me: You got another mouse (in mouse trap).
AH: Did you take it outside?
Me: NO!
AH: Why not?
Me: Eeww, it’s still alive! It might fall off the sticky trap and fall on my foot! And then where would we be be? I’ll tell you where we’d be – dealing with the screaming meemies.”
AH: (laughing) Oh, come on. What’s the big deal? You gonna wait ’til I get home?”
Me: (silence)
AH: OK, I’ll get him out then (snickering).


Now, truth be told, Alpha Hubby does understand and knows BEYOND A SHADOW OF DOUBT that I do not do spiders, snakes, roaches, frogs, mice, skunks, and any other sort of unnatural beastie or being on this earth. He is not the kind of guy who would have tried to impress me with a frog when we were kids.

Nah, he was the guy who would always be trying to steal a kiss.

He swears I would have fallen in love with him in the sandbox.  And who’s to say?  I didn’t meet him until we were in our early 40’s and oh, it has been an amazing, miraculous journey thus far.

Back then I waited for him to come home and become The Exterminator, once again, and deal with Mouse #4. I was also thinking about how much I love this guy, and still stand in awe and amazement that God loved me so much, He gave this man to me as a gift to share my life’s journey with here on earth.

mouse funny

Man, makes me want to break out in song, “You are so beautiful to meee….” accompanied by little squeaking voices in the background.

Abusive Appliances

August 21st, 2016

*I am dealing with appliance abuse. I’’ve been dealing with it for years but was too ashamed to tell anyone. Now that we are moving, the abuse has escalated,– especially when they discovered I wasn’’t taking them with me to the new home. The weeping, wailing and gnashing of gears is getting on my nerves.

appliance washer broken

Appliance Abuse is when the dishwasher balks at cleaning the dishes and attempts to take over the kitchen because you dared to hand-wash a bowl on your own. Anarchy! You find yourself holding hostage negotiations with the appliance in an attempt to placate its hurt feelings.

How do you talk publicly about the heartache when the DVD player holds your favorite oldie movie hostage in an attention-getting coup? You try to negotiate a peace treaty. It refuses to believe you understand its programming needs. You talk to no avail; it promptly eats your DVD, refusing to open the door.

Then “IT” happens. The oven goes on strike in the middle of baking a cake, the night before hubby’’s office party. Why? Because it is jealous of your previous relationship with the microwave you had at work. It sulks, putting no heat out.

Some people believe the washing machine is the worst offender because it eats one sock and leaves you the other sock to console because its mate has disappeared. What do you say to a mate-less sock?

I am here to tell you the truth. It isn’’t the washing machine, it is the clothes dryer. Mine mocked me. It told me that God had taken my socks’ mates to heaven because they were so hole-y. I know, I know. Is that a cruelty beyond believing, or what?

The telephone began to join in the Abuse. It would ring and voices would come out the other end saying things like, “”Yes, I know, but what do you do all day?” “Remember what it was like when you used to work?”” And my favorite, “”Well, why can’’t you do this or go to or help with __________ (fill in the blank) for me? You have time. It’’s not like you have a real job or anything.””

Oh, and you haven’t lived until you’’ve been ignored by your beloved microwave. I believe of all the types of Appliance Abuse, this one hurts the most. I thought we had a special relationship. The microwave knows I totally depended on it to reheat all those cups of tea that got cold while dealing with other chaos in the house.

And sure, the bread machine committed suicide in the middle of an electrical storm -– how was I to know it needed unplugging? Now the juicer holds a grudge against me and never lets me forget that the suicide of the bread machine was my fault. Is there to be no forgiveness?

The hair dryer curses me every morning because I no longer have time to use it. I no longer have that executive hair cut that requires early morning high maintenance. A hair dryer in withdrawal is an ugly sight. I begin to feel responsible for all the appliances,– which is right where they want me,– loaded down in guilt.

So here I am typing my woe, trying to ignore the printer telling me in that dominating male voice to “please load paper in the paper feeder”. While he does thank me,– which is way more than I can say about the other appliances,– I cannot believe I am reduced to talking to my printer.

Now they have discovered we are moving– and most of them aren’’t coming with us. The crying is keeping me up at night. I need help. How can I explain to them that there are appliances where I am going without destroying their self-esteem and hurting their feelings? I don’’t want them to commit suicide before I move. I NEED them to keep working.

No. What I really need is a Special Forces Support team to slip in and dispatch these whiny babies and their unholy control over my life. Then I need chocolate. Lots and lots of… stop! Get away from me. Wait! What are you doing? No!! You can’t do tha….


*This is an older post from way back in 2009. Since then I got rid of the pesky microwave and reheat in a pot on the stove. The appliances in this house heard about what happened to those other abusive ones. These toe the line and will not get out of line. They know. They know what will happen to them.

The Ways of True Love

July 31st, 2016

heart arrow

So… I’ve receive questions about my relationship with Alpha Hubby.  And yes, it is true that sometimes I have to pinch myself to realize that after 22 years, 4 months and 27 days, our relationship is even better than in the beginning.

It is more honest, spicier, richer, deeper, better, blah blah, on and on ad nauseam.  So today I am going to share a little bit of True Love Ways – what we’ve done (and do) that keeps our relationship cool enough to make people gag.  I know you want to know. Heh heh.

**First and foremost, True Love makes the decision that the word “divorce” is never to be uttered. Why? Because is is NOT an option. I don’t care how snowy it may get in the house, how many icicles grow from the chilliness in the room, DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION. Period. We take the words “for better or worse” very, very seriously.

You’d be surprised how that changes things. When you know divorce is not an option, you absolutely have to kiss and makeup, work things out, never walk away, stick with one another – PERIOD.  It makes working things out much easier and besides, most of our frosty days are far behind us.  NO going to bed angry.

Enjoying each other's company

Enjoy One Another’s Company

**Sometimes we unwittingly allow other things to steal our time away from one another.

True Love realizes that when you have a loved one’s time, it is a gift. It is to be treasured, valued.  You quickly get things back on track.  It makes your relationship richer when you value one another.

tango dance

**Sometimes we might have to face that relationships can be a battlefield. But it is not supposed to be the two of you against one another. It is the two of you against the world.

True Love realizes that you must battle outside forces to keep the two of you faced outwardly, together. Against all obstacles – work, in-laws, friends, children, troubles.  If this slips, True Love is quick to forgive and forget, and move on.  It really is you and them against the world.

couple gazing


**Sometimes it is important that all the focus be on the other person for a time.  Sometimes you have to set yourself on a back burner for the other person’s needs to be met. Give and take. People say a relationship is 50-50. This is a lie. A good one is 100-100 percent, both working 100 percent toward making it work and good. Then if one needs a bit more from the other, there is no deficit.

True Love isn’t “me, me, me” and “me first.” If you work together, it becomes “us, us, us” and “us first” even if one needs more lovin’ than at other times.

**Sometimes one of us makes a mistake and has to say, “I’m sorry.” (It’s usually me.)  I usually pull a Fonzie trying to say wrong – “I was wrrr. I was wrrrrr. I was not exactly right.”

True Love is fast to say “I was wrong” and True Love also accepts an apology with grace.  True Love never keeps score and never says, “Well, you should be sorry.” And True Love says:  “I’m sorry” (period, no reasons or excuses) instead of “I’m sorry BUT…”.  Or says “I’m sorry I hurt you” not “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt.” Huge difference there.

hear no evil

hear see speak no evil

**Sometimes there may be times when one mate may seem “less than perfect” or “less than the dream guy/gal you married” or might even screw up somehow and show he/she is a human being.  That’s when you: hear, see and speak no evil.

True Love always, always expects and looks for the best in the other.  True Love cuts some slack.  True Love ignores anything it needs to and never points out a fault. You know why? Because you expect the same from them when YOU are not perfect.

For sure, True Love is patient and knows one must face that they themselves are -*sigh*- not perfect either.  Do not focus on perceived bad points!  Truly hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

gossip women

gossiping = destruction

**True Love NEVER talks to their girlfriends (or dude buds) about their loved one.  Never, never, ever.  Get me? NEVER. You have no idea how much damage you do when you go outside your marriage like that.  It is a betrayal.

**Sometimes we have to face that we may hurt one another.  There may be tears (me) or growling (him).

True Love forces oneself to realize that the other never meant to hurt, nor is it on purpose.  True Love faces that one might be having a snit fit ’cause one got ones feelings hurt and one needs get over it.  One is not telling who this one is.

beach seduction


**Sometimes we get a bit busy and miss some… umm, shall we say, personal time?

True Love makes sure the most important focus in your life is your mate.  Above all others.  True Love quickly gets back on track and makes sure that the personal time meter is running into overtime (I’m talking s#x here folks!). NO excuses. No, zip, nada, nyet, zilch, Seduce one another often.

Probably, with the exception of this last point coming up, our personal burn-up-the-sheets and boil-the-water-in-the-swimming-pool time is our most important detail in keeping our marriage growing better and better.  Never, ever losing the intimacy.

couple hands bible

Most Important

**Last and most importantly in and to our relationship is that we never forget that above all and always, God is #1 in our relationship with one another.  There are three in the marriage and that is truly what makes it what it is.

True Love knows where True Love comes from. And protects it in honor of The One Who put you together.


What Is In A Face?

June 29th, 2016
couple contrast

Couples in Contrast

I remember when I was younger and a friend and I saw an “older” couple walking down the street holding hands, I thought “Aww, how sweet” and she was grossed out. She didn’t believe it was appropriate for old people (they were probably in their 50’s!) to act like that. She thought they should keep those public displays of affection to themselves, at home.  I wonder what she thinks now, years later?

So many times youth judge older people harshly, thinking they themselves will be young forever. Sometimes that is the one thing we like about getting a bit older – you know it will happen to everyone, even snot nosed young people!

Apple Dolls

Apple Dolls

I’m talking getting older through numbers, not aging.  Aging is actually a choice or default, not a set-in-stone fact. It is a choice as in, you choose to accept aging or feeling less than 100 percent; to accept aches and pains as normal and to give up or begin to think it’s “too much work!” to work against it.

Or can be a default as in, if you don’t make a decision, one will be made for you.  If you don’t take care of yourself your body and mind default to aches, pains, wrinkled skin, thinning hair, weight gain, thinking that it is normal or genes (tell that to Oleda Baker a beautiful 81 year old former model, below).

oleda baker 48 and 81

Oleda Baker 48 (L) and 81 (R)

As I began researching longevity, I studied things I could do to stay healthy and active, keeping my joints fluid, maintaining my skin, etc. What I learned astonished me. We have been sold a bill of goods that says “You must have these symptoms as you get age; it is a fact of life.”  LIE!

In case you doubt me, look at these pictures below (click to enlarge) – pay very careful attention (there is a reason):


80+ Woman

What we think 80 looks like


Daphne Selfe 83

Daphne Selfe 83

Daphne Selfe 83

Daphne Selfe 83



Christopher Plummer 80+


Christopher Plummer 82


Carmen Dell’Orefice, 82

Carmen Dell’Orefice, 82

Carmen Dell’Orefice 1 82 crop

She does admit to some work. Who cares?


Sister Madonna Buder

Sister Madonna Buder 82

Iron Nun Sister Madonna Buder

Iron Nun Sister Madonna Buder 82


Joyce & Authur George

Joyce & Authur George
(89 and 91)


Joyce Carpati 84 2016

Joyce Carpati 84 2016

Joyce Carpati 82 2014

Joyce Carpati 82 2014


Earl Cameron 96

Earl Cameron 96


Ready for what they all have in common?

The last time I did something like this for you, most of the people were in their 50’s and 60’s.  So did you notice what all these beauties had in common?  THEY ARE ALL 80 YEARS OLD OR OLDER

The first picture is close to what most people think eighty (80) should look like.  The rest?  Oh my gosh they are amazing people, full of life, still agile, still functioning in society, still beautiful or handsome, still working, and still taking care of themselves.  And most importantly, none of them badmouth themselves. They don’t tell “OLD” jokes. They talk energy. They talk life. They talk doing, being and thinking strong.

So you ask what this post is about?  If you are in your 20’s, 30′, 40’s START NOW.  It will be so much easier on you in your latter years.  You can live a long and productive – and beautiful – life if you plan for it.  It isn’t random. Every one of the real people above took care of themselves in one way or another.

And if you are over 40, it’s not too late to start taking excellent care of yourself instead of falling for the default. You know the one – where you joke about being or getting old, where you moan and groan and accept that you are supposed to feel old.  Where your mouth will undermine anything you try to do toward longevity.

As Carmen Dell’Orefice said, “…nothing on the outside is going to make a blind bit of difference unless you take care of the inside.”

But if you don’t also take care of the outside, then you will look like those apple dolls above – and we KNOW none of us really wants to look like that.

Research longevity.  If you’re even going to live what some think is normal – 80+ years – how do you want to live it?  Do you want to be in a wheelchair with your knees hurting and your mind wandering or gone?  Most of us will reach 80 (and beyond) but how you reach it and what shape you’re in is totally your choice.

Pay attention to what you’re saying.  Moisturize that face and decollete. Laugh a lot. Enjoy life. Dance in the rain and jump in water puddles. Begin to focus on longevity and make plans. You have all those above roll models (and believe me, there are far more) that prove you can live a long, strong, vital, and healthy life – and be beautiful while doing it!

What’s in a face?  Well that, my darlinks, is totally up to you.


1 = Random picture of 80 year old women

2-3 = Daphne Selfe, age 85 – called “World’s Oldest Supermodel”

4-5 = Christopher Plummer, age 84, oldest Actor to win Academy Award

6-7 = Carmen Dell’Orefice, age 84, current model (she is the only one who has had “a little work done”)

8-9 = The Iron Nun Sister Madonna Buder, age 84  The 82-year-old `Iron Nun` who has completed over 340 triathlons – almost one every month for 30 years AND didn’t start until she was 48.

10 = Joyce and Arthur George, ages 89 and 91, still teaching amateur roller skaters

12 – Earnestine Shepherd – turned 81 2016; Oldest winning bodybuilder

13-14 = Joyce Carpati  (or Yahoo article), age 84 = splits her time between Paris and New York and still works as a beauty consultant

13 – Earl Cameron, 96, One of first Black actors in UK television and film, and still active.


Father’s Day From The Dark Side: He’s Got Rope

June 16th, 2016
Feeding cows cropped

Feeding Cows in Snow

So… a Father’s Day blog about Alpha Hubby. I say “dark side” because we aren’t that couple who still have kids at home. We’re on the other side. No more pacifiers and much more stockings, garters and rope (smile).

Alpha Son has been out of the house a few years now. We see him often enough to enjoy him (and his beautiful wife) but the paradigm shifted. It became afun, fun, fun ’til her daddy takes the T-bird awaaaaaay nekkid house!!”  Sorry.

Whos your daddy

Now Alpha Hubby is an amazing father. But he isn’t my daddy (yeah, yeah Hon, I know “who’s my daddy, now” – and you know that’s not what I’m talking about). Anyway, he isn’t MY daddy.

One thing we talked about when we were getting to know one another after our whirlwind meet-greet-marriage was that we didn’t want to get on the other side of raising Alpha Son and be like so many other couples who live separate lives in the same house. Or wondering who that stranger is sitting across the table, without kids to run interference between us.

I waited so dog-goned long for him to swoop down and scoop me up and set me atop his white steed while he was wearing his knightly shining armour, that I didn’t want to waste time simply being a mom. I’d been a mom. A single mom. For 11 years. I loved (and love) being a mom. But.

Intimate couple of man and woman posing behind the milk glass

After Alpha Hubby and I married, I wanted a lover first ’cause you know that saying? No? Well I’ll tell you:

“The most important thing a father can do for his children
is love their mother.”

Theodore Hesburgh, American Priest

So we talked. We talked about our needs, desires, wants, hopes, and dreams, and how we can help one another fulfill them. He talked about the importance of rendezvous, fooling around, carnal knowledge, making out, heavy petting, necking – all synonyms for a word I won’t type because spammers hit my blog like crazy with nastiness if I do – but it ends in an “x”.

Couple beach seduction

Suffice it to say, those rendezvous were – and are – very important to him (and most men, if they are honest). Very, very, very, very, very important. Because you know what? He didn’t marry a mother (even though I was one). He married a woman he was attracted to, in love with, and wanted.

So we set the parameters of our relationship, most importantly that we came first, then parenting came after that. If we didn’t protect the “we” then the parenting kind of gets messed up, too.

Couple Sexy Feet

And after all these years, I know one thing for sure. As long as Alpha Hubby knows he is #1 in my life, all is well in our home.

It may be Father’s Day but he is still a man, one that is desired, wanted, loved, and cherished. Intimacy is an area that we feel we need to continue to grow in so it never gets stagnant. It is so vital to the health of our relationship. It is so vital to his (a man’s) feeling of love from his woman.

The important point for Father’s Day is to remember to keep that intimacy on the front burner no matter what else is going on in our life. Moos and all.

Alpha Hubby and I were chatting about intimacy awhile back. We are always chatting. One of our favorite topics to talk about is intimacy. Any form. Talking about talking about it. Talking about increasing it. Talking about doing it. Talking about protecting it. Talking about likes and dislikes. Talking.

So I asked jokingly, “So, what if I’m not in the mood?”

He swiftly replied, “I’ve got rope, baby.”


He does. It’s red. It was a Father’s Day present a few years back.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY.  Guess what gift Alpha Hubby is getting… more of?

Dad cropped twice

My dad passed away in 2004. I still miss him but he’s dancing in heaven with mom now!

Do You Really See Him? Part 1

May 21st, 2016

So the other day Alpha Hubby came in for lunch. We had lunch then, we suddenly decided to dash to the bedroom for some Afternoon Delight. We hadn’t done that in awhile. We giggled, smiled at one another, laughed, looked at one another like we had a secret, and felt like newlyweds the rest of the day.

What helps keep a marriage hot, focused and wonderful after years together? I don’t know (smile). I can only tell you what works for us, and in this case, what he needs.

tango touch

Alpha Hubby has always expressed the need to know I “see” him – that I am not distracted by the computer, housework, writing, children, friends, etc.  Of course, I need to know he “sees” me, too. That he’s not just hearing “blah blah blah” in the background when I talk. Both require focus but this post is about him – is my focus on him first?

Oh, no growling.  I hear some of you thinking “What about MY needs?”  Well, what about them?  You reap what you sow.  You put everything ahead of him, including the children (and yes, we were like this when Alpha Son was at home), then eventually you “reap” that. Put things ahead of him and he may lose interest and put things ahead of you – work, hobbies, sports,*ahem* other women. 

No, I’m not saying all men (or women) will do this – but we ARE talking about keeping the marriage hot, right?


When I asked Alpha Hubby about this the other day, he told me, “What is most important to me is that I need to know you believe in me. I need to know you think I am your hero. It doesn’t matter how long we are together, I will always need to know that.”

It’s about admiration, trust, confidence, cheering on, faith, belief in, respect, and appreciation. It’s him knowing that I believe in him and think he can do anything. It’s him looking at me and knowing how much I admire him.

Nothing is more seductive to a man than a woman thinking he’s all-that and knowing she means it. Hello? Do I need to tell you how “the other woman” seduces a man? Her focus on him? He KNOWS she sees him and makes him think he’s all that to her. We could learn a lot from a seductress!

For Alpha Hubby, I need to make sure he is first in my life, and that he knows it.

OH MY GOSH, I waited too long for my soulmate, hero, knight in shining armor! I made the determination, long before I met him, that I would refuse to play the games I saw so many women around me play.

I refuse to speak badly about him. I refuse to talk about him with anyone at all, except to tout his praises. I refuse to take him for granted (not that he’d let me). I refuse to see anything but the good in him. We both have to work at it sometimes but in the end, he IS all that to me.

And you know what? That is not a lie – it is what I have chosen to focus on. His good points. The more I do, the more he has! But is it any surprise that also has a reciprocal? The more you focus on the bad points, the more there seem to be.

couple touching

When you keep that focus on one another’s good points, you are protecting what you have together.

That means you have to fight, tooth and nail sometimes, to keep that focus on one another. It takes work because sometimes it seems the entire world is working to pull you apart. 

And yes, if it is lost – the respect, passion, focus – you can get it back again.  It takes some work and determination, IF you both want to get your intimacy back.  You have to change your thought process – but that’s a post for another day!

Is he your hero?  Does he know it?

Copyrighted Material © 2009 may not be copied or used without author’s express written permission.

Song: Hero, Enrique Inglesias

He Keeps Me Safe

May 10th, 2016

I read a Facebook post by Eric and Pamela Hutchins, a romantic couple whomake you want to puke(her own words). They are the kind of couple where people (their kids) say “Ewww, you guys! Get a room”. The best kind of couple. Of course it doesn’t hurt that they are a beautiful couple!

Eric Pamela

Eric & Pamela

Eric is always bragging on Pamela, her abilities (she’s an award winning author), her joy of life and her love for him. She is always mentioning things about him that she loves. Reading their quips to one another on their posts shows HOW couples need to talk to and about one another.

I’ll mention other couples I know in later posts.

So I said all that to say this: there are reasons you are with your loved one. There are reasons you said “yes” when he asked your to be his (or vice versa) or developed a relationship with you. There are reasons you thought he (she) was the most amazing person to ever come into your life.

Those positive reasons are what you need to remember and focus on more than anything else going on in your relationship.  Focus on what is right about them. Focus on remembering their good points. Focus on why you fell in love. Focus on their best and even more importantly, talk about it, to them, to others.


I wrote this post because I was thinking about a line I read in a book. The female character said, “He keeps me safe.”

I’m talking it. Alpha Hubby keeps me safe. It isn’t because he caught a baseball falling toward my head (twice) at a Little League baseball game Alpha Son was in. 

No, it is because he once told me in all seriousness: “Don’t you realize I would die for you?”

That shocked me. I had no idea. I’d come out of abusive relationships with no idea how it felt for someone to truly love me unconditionally. ALL of me (I’d had those who loved me for my good side but not in my uglies).

Probably the number one way he keeps me safe is to work with me to make our marriage “days of heaven on earth” and keeping the honeymoon going even after 22 years. He is as determined as I am to keep us safe.

Then he did something like this a few years ago. He wrote on my white board where I kept notes to myself. I deleted the notes part because what he said was the most important thing. I need to spray sealer on it because I will never erase it.

board note

It says, “I would have never hurt you or abused you or misused you. I would like to make people that has [sic] done those things to pay!!  I am not that sanctified.” As he put it to me, “I can always repent later.”

Speaking of notes, though, lest you think he’s perfect. He knows I HATE all things buggy, slippery, spidery, you know – icky things. One night before I went to bed I noticed a lizard had gotten in the living room door. I left Alpha Hubby a note thinking “He’s such a hero and knows I hate these things. He will take care of this for me.”

Yeah, no.

Lizard Note

I let him know it was small so would probably be hard to find.  In case you can’t see his reply:

Lizard Note small reply

Not the answer I was looking for. At all. But he did redeem himself – he found said tiny lizard and set him outside.

This explains WHY I have to make multiple answer questions easy on him – so he’ll answer correctly.

love napkin crop

p.s., no he doesn’t leave his clothes lying around – he’s neater than I am. He does do my car, wash dishes, cook, work around the house, would do anything I ask of him (vacuum), takes care of spiders, snakes, bugs, and lizards!! OH and skunks (yes, one got in the ceiling somehow).

Best of all? He takes care of me.