See You Later, Alligator

January 10th, 2016

I wish I could say I was here taking this pathway, walking to the perfect beach:

Ocean Pathway

Ocean Pathway

Or here, taking this pathway, curious as to what’s at the end of the road:

Forrest Light

Forrest Light

Or even here, curled up in a chaise and relaxing:

Flower Garden

Flower Garden

But alas, no. Those are not the pathways I am on right now.

mountain

You could call it Mountain Climbing… if that mountain is named 2016 Goals!

I’m shutting down this website for now. I’m going to focus on things vital to my every day life. I am going to work on goals important to Alpha Hubby and me. We have things we are working on for our future that require more attention than I’ve been giving, so I’m cutting out the unnecessary. 

I’ll let you know what I’ve been doing, working on, changing, renewing, re-doing, cutting out, adding in, and especially when we reach some of our major goals. I know I’m going to love where we’re going.

So Ciao, Auf Wiedersehen, Ha Det Bra, Arrivedece, Aloha, さようなら (sayonara), Hej då, Farvel, Tot ziens, and see you later.

And if you like this song, look at Hypster player at the bottom right and check out the neat Cary Grant pictures. I love old black and whites.

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A Soft, Warm Love Affair

December 21st, 2015

I noted a trait in the past few years. I don’t think it is a good trait but it explains a lot. Some women get a wee bit snarky about what they call “gushing about your man” – a woman’s passionate love for her man. They call it the “gag factor”. Like there is something wrong with that.

couple santa hat

My thought is – YOU have obviously never experienced this type of love. Why can I say that? Because if you had, you’d totally understand.

I know a few people who have that type of relationship. It is something truly warm and special.

I am blessed with that same type of gag factor love.  It is something rare, amazing, wonderous, and precious.  And there are things about Alpha Hubby that just take my breath away.

alpha nape 1

Alpha’s Nape

There is a special warm, softly scented spot beneath his ear, the ear that listens to me ramble on about sometimes obscure, useless bits of information. Without acting bored.

That spot is inches back and away from the mouth that kisses me so passionately. It is tucked right above the shoulder I lean on and near the back that is strongly muscled and able to work to secure his dreams (one of which is moi. I’m at the top, right baby?? Even if I don’t “moo”??).

alpha nape 4

That warm, softly scented place is up above his heart that possesses his true love for me.  It is down to the right of his beautiful amber eyes that gaze so warmly into mine, full of promise and the fulfillment of future dreams.

When he wears my favorite scents, they get smoothed into that special spot just under his ear and right above his shoulder, where I can nestle my nose and inhale the velvety scent of Alpha Hubby.

alpha nape 0a

I could just absorb that scent for hours… but it tickles him so he won’t sit still too awfully long… well that, and he has to eat sometime. And sleep. And go to work. And the cows would protest. Which is a shame because I could just stay there in that spot forever.

It is a scent all his own, a coupling of cologne and him.

No matter where we are, if he is there and I can inhale his special warmth, I am home.

I like that spot almost as much as I like:

HisArm3a

…his arms which hold me so tight.  Passionately, sweetly or warmly his strength is always there, just for me.

Of course, after he sees these pictures, I’m done for.

But baby?  I couldn’t help myself.

Whether you’re

Feeding cows cropped

feeding cows in snow

or

Leland 2 small

in that professional picture for the office

*“The very thought of you
and I forget to do
The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do”

…which explains the laundry and dishes and unwrapped Christmas presents…

*ahem*

I think about you a lot.

*(Nat King Cole, The Very Thought of You)

MAY YOUR CHRISTMAS BE WARM, JOYFUL AND FULL OF LOVE!

jesus season ball

Snowman Torture

December 17th, 2015

YUMMY CHRISTMAS RECIPES ON RIGHT SIDEBAR!

It is Christmas season and it brings to mind so many things to ramble about, I don’t know where to begin! I decided to write about something very, very important – SNOWMEN!!

Snowmen Japan Sopporo Snow Festival

Snowmen Japan Sopporo Snow Festival

Yes, yes. Snowmen are the bane of my husband’s existence. He dreams of snowmen and blowtorches together. He talks about hiring a snowman hit man to take my entire collection out in one fell swoop.

Talk is cheap. The price he would pay is way more expensive than he would really want to pay. Really. Trust me on this.

So here we are at Christmas. I am a firm believer of keeping Christ in Christmas. There would be no Christmas without Christ but most people have forgotten this. They think Santa Claus is the reason for the season. Nope. Not so. Jesus is the Reason for the season.

GroupSoft

Group of Soft Snowmen

Side note: There was a real man whose life eventually led to the creation of what is now commonly known as Santa Claus. December 6, the day of his death, became St. Nicholas Day on the Roman Catholic calendar, and the custom of gift-giving on December 6 began in France and spread across all of Europe. For those of you who are interested, part of his story is available here: Real St. Nicholas. It is a fascinating story.

Wreath

Wreath

So anyway, back to the snowmen and the lesser reason in the season. Snowmen Torture of Alpha Hubby. Alpha Hubby really thinks I’ve gone overboard so I have really been cutting back on snowmen purchases. It is hard but I guess there really is such a thing as too many snowmen.

Nah!

Haw, haw, haw. Got you there for a minute, didn’t I!? There is NO such thing as too many snowmen.

So trying to keep in the spirit of the season and keeping the peace in the house, I’ve been careful to only pick up a few very special or unusual snowmen. I believe I have been rewarded for my loving kindness toward my husband. I have discovered that God really did make snowmen and meant for me to have them.

Praising Snowmen

Praising Snowmen

See? I have proof. Not only do I now have snowmen raising their hands and, what I believe, praising God, I even have one in front that is praying. What more proof do I need that it is OK for me to collect snowmen?? Oh? Those other two? Ummm – they were cute? They begged me take them off the empty Lowe’s shelf and take them home?

It’s beginning to look at lot like Christmas – everywhere I snow… Dum de dum la la la la la —

aa012

Celebrate the joy of the season. Stay at peace. Don’t overextend your finances. Don’t shop until you drop. Realize that there is always another day to do what needs to be done – or don’t do it. Anything that causes you stress needs to be re-evaluated. Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Count your blessings and be thankful. Relax and remember the real reason for the season – and it isn’t finding that perfect gift for someone who will probably exchange it anyway.

Take a breath – that’s your first blessing to be grateful for. You are alive and have the choice to enJOY your life!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Nan Jesus

Me, many moons ago

Christmas Ideas for Hard to Shop For

December 12th, 2015

(Click on pix to enlarge. Almost everything on here I’ve picked up at amazon.com)

We all have those individuals who are a little hard to shop for. I’m tossing out some ideas for you to give you options that are different but good!

Chocolate. Life is too short to eat or drink cheap chocolate! You owe it to yourself if you are buying for yourself!

GODIVA.COM (amazon.com has great choices, especially those not available on Godiva) – hot cocoa, cookies, truffles, bars, Belgian chocolate:

CHOCOLATE TEAS: If you’ve never tasted chocolate tea, you have no idea the amazing taste you’re missing, especially the Republic of Tea’s Strawberry Chocolate! All of these are wonderful.

CHOCOLATE COFFEE AND HOT COCOA OPTIONS:

FACIAL ROSE WATER: A few years ago I was reading an article about Santa Maria Novella (US option; just do address without US for language choices): Officina Profumo – Farmaceutica di Santa Maria Novella is one of the world’s oldest pharmacies. First founded in 1221 in Florence by the Dominican Friars who started making herbal remedies and potions to use in the monastery. Their reputation became world renowned and the pharmacy, sponsored by the Grand Duke of Tuscany, opened to the public in 1612. It is still in existence!

One of the things they are famous for is their Rose water. It is like a toner and a refresher. In the heat of summer, I put it in the refrigerator then use a cotton pad to wipe my face. The beautiful bottle comes in a beautiful heavy linen box. It is a bit pricey (the 16 oz is out of stock) so I am giving you three other options I discovered on Amazon that are just as delicious! I’ve used them all and can’t really tell a difference. If you put “rose water” in the Amazon search you will find many different options available in different prices.

LUXURY COTTON PADS: For the makeup addict, the higher end cotton pads are worth the price (Chanel). The other choices (best prices) are mostly from Japan on ebay (well worth the 10-15 day wait but not before Christmas). Check it out though because several stateside sellers offer the Cle De Peau Beaute and other Sheshido cotton pads. Several department stores and Amazon offer them. Google. I’ve used them all and they are great for a variety of uses! You’ll never go back to cheap cotton pads.

GLASS DRINKING BOTTLES: For your health addict, water is much colder in glass bottles rather than plastic. I use the first option, the Aquassana. Purchase the slip on covers, too, because they help keep you from dropping the bottle! The second option you don’t have to keep track of the lid and they come with a cover. Wish I’d seen them first (smile). All amazon:

INFUSION PITCHERS: Another wonderful healthy option – a water diffuser pitcher (and bottle)! I love using mine with cucumber or strawberries, oranges, and lemon slices. For those of you who say you don’t like water, this is a great pitcher/bottle to flavor it for you. Another Amazon purchase!

FOR SOMEONE WHO JOURNALS: Get them top of the line paper products! The pen glides across the silky paper.

clairefontaine notebook ebay

Clairefontaine Journal

Clairfontaine has the best notebooks and journals. Clairefontaine is a French paper manufacturer. The Clairefontaine mill has been making paper since 1858, and notebooks since 1890. The company is best known for making the first school notebooks in France. Clairefontaine notebooks feature a perfect satin finish for maximum smoothness in writing. It’s bright, silky smooth, and well-behaved with every ink. No feathering or bleed-through. Show-through is very faint on the back of the pages. The paper is described as 90 g/m^2 weight with acid-free properties. Sketch and drawing pads, coloring books, craft papers and high quality gift wrap are also available from Clairefontaine and Exaclair. I find the best prices on Amazon and ebay, along with iPen store (when they have a good sale).

Eccolo Notebook Journal

Eccolo Notebook Journal

Eccolo is another brand I love. They have the BEST covers with realistic faux leather along with some that are real Italian leather. It is the sayings on the cover that do it for me although the paper is also acid-free and silky smooth.

And a few things around the internet – Etsy, Amazon, Overstock, Italian Fine Linens – Google them

AND NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A TIN OF HOMEMADE CHRISTMAS COOKIES!

christmas cookies

Merry Christmas! Thank you for allowing me to share some of my favorite things with you!

jesus season ball

Here Be Dragons

December 6th, 2015

You can change the Christmas song you’re listening to by going to the player and picking the one you want (or pause it to stop music).

Here-Be-Dragons-map

Here Be Dragons (Added border so you could find it)

The saying, Here Be Dragons, was put on ancient maps to indicate, “dangerous or unexplored territories, in imitation of a supposed medieval practice of putting drawings of dragons, sea serpents and other mythological creatures in uncharted areas of maps.”[1]  In other words, it was a warning, “Watch out if you go here!”

This holiday season is one of those areas – dangerous times for a couple. There may be high expectations that can’t be met. There is a lot of stress, mostly self-induced. There are people who beg for your time for this pageant and that project and you feel you can’t say “no!!”. There is money spent too freely leading to a feeling of doom (January IS coming with those many credit card bills). There are meals to plan and kids to wind down before they explode.

It is just a tough time for most people.

christmas shopping

Here be dragons when finances are tight which can lead to arguments. Alpha Hubby and I learned a lessons about this a few years back. We were broke. We refused to use our credit cards. We didn’t have the money we usually did to “celebrate” Christmas and I was getting into the mullygrubs. I was trying to catch depression.

I began cataloging my many blessings. What did I have to be depressed over? That I couldn’t put a bunch of gifts under the tree?  I couldn’t go out and buy new decorations? What a crock. Yes, crock. I had enough containers of Christmas decorations to decorate the entire neighborhood. We have a beautiful home, heat, food, family up the hill to celebrate with, plenty. We had so much more than other people. I got over myself.

Alpha Hubby, Alpha Son and I decided we would focus outwardly that year. We got our home church involved and bought gifts to the local nursing home because so many of them were alone, with family far away, or who didn’t visit, or who were all gone.

It was the best Christmas we ever had, bar none. Why? We thought outwardly. We became a light for others.

christmas shopping

Here be dragons is your alone time with one another, especially if you have children. School kids are home on break. Little ones are wired with the gimmies, “I want this, I want that!!” Smaller ones may sense the atmosphere and be more cranky, whiny and clingy. You find yourself exhausted.

To keep that together, you have to be aware that your stress levels need to be kept under. If you find yourself blowing your top, STOP. Make a point each day to find a tiny haven for yourself, even if it is only in the bathroom with the door locked. But find that place, sit down, take a breath in, release it, and relax. Drink some caffeine-free tea, a glass of bubbly, or flavored water, but relax. Remember what is important.

If you have time in the evening after the kids are asleep, sit down and put your feet up.  Alpha Hubby and I knew if we’d have alone time and we made good use it it! Once that kid was in bed asleep – party!

Santa and helper

Santa and helper

Here be dragons because even with Alpha Son out of the house now, we still have to watch ourselves. Time has a way of slipping away from us during the day. Busy-ness tends to overtake the days, decorating, cleaning, getting ready for THE meal. The stress of decorating, there is no stress for me. That’s Alpha Hubby’s problem since he has declared all out war on my snowmen. Evil Alpha Santa. Evil. Evil.

Jake

Jake

He has threatened them with blow torches. He has offered to send them back to their homeland (North Pole). He has threatened total extinction of the entire tribe. He swears each year he lost the container they are in.  The only ones he likes are Jake and Elwood because they sing and are cool.

Here be dragons when you lose your sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you may get into trouble during the holidays. They are CHOCK full of dragons (i.e., traps). Dinners can go wrong, children can become monsters (yes, even yours) and something is ALWAYS missing (“Oh man, I forgot to pick up the …).

white and red christmas fireplace interior

Learn to let it go. Learn to lower your expectations. Sure, you want to put on a perfect dinner but people have more fun at a dinner where the hostess doesn’t make them feel badly because something went wrong. If you are around people who expect perfection, get new people.

Find your joy. You can slay those dragons with joy, happiness, smiling, and laughing. I have learned to let go of expectations that are ridiculous. If my favorite white Irish linen tablecloth or napkins get stains on them? Well, if the dry cleaner can’t get it out at least they have been used rather than mouldering in the dresser drawer.

Find your peace. If all else fails, remember the real reason for this season. It will change your focus and remind you that THINGS aren’t supposed to be it.

Christmas Snowman Decoration

And now, a little something special from Alpha Hubby’s favorite friends:

Smokin’ Hot S*x

November 19th, 2015
couple hot lovers

Copyright Credit Unknown

The other day I was thinking about smoking hot sex.  Why, you ask?  Well – if you have to ask….

Just kidding. Part of it is because I said I would talk about in on the blog here and I want to get it right. Only disclaimer is that this is research and opinion, and experience. I know it doesn’t apply to everyone (but it could [bawdy smile]).

Oh, second disclaimer: sex is not not not a dirty word within the context of marriage. Everything else is not what I’m talking about. It’s hard enough to get married people to talk about “it” and hard to get everyone else to shut up about it (or showing it on television, in movies, books, etc. like randy rabbits – or is that an oxymoron?)

wet tango cropped

So I’m just going to jump right in and throw a lot at you (and be pretty blunt so if you get offended, quit reading and don’t leave me a nasty comment. You’ve been warned). I throw all this at you because after this you might not come back (smile).  Here it is: sex is very important to most men, but not in the way most women assume (i.e., horn dog). While most women need things such as financial security to feel safe and loved in a relationship (i.e., they’re not coming to take your home or car away), men need the physical act of sex.

I have heard it put this way, from Alpha Hubby and by reading so many men’s websites – the physical act of sex is like “coming home” and says to a man “I love you” in a way like no other. It gives him a security nothing else can. Again, not not all women or all men.

If this isn’t your relationship, that’s fine. What you have between you and yours is between you and yours, and whatever works for each couple is right for them.

As women, we are not exactly raised to know how vital the act was to a man (oh yeah, I can so see my mom telling me THAT, not). Most of us were told nothing at all.

As men, very few actually talk to their significant others about it. It’s not because they don’t want us to know – I think it is that we don’t give them a safe haven to talk about something as exposing as that. Remember, many are trained that they are supposed to want to BE those horn dogs. And certainly not to talk about the dreaded *feelings*. What he needs is to be able to tell you what he needs.

Talk to the hand

Some of the reasons women give for skipping out on the passion with the love of their lives:  being tired, having a bad day, just ate, rather sleep, feeling fat or un-sexy in some way, kids need them more, needing to do so many other things like housework, blah blah blah. The Number One reason I’ve been given by all the women I’ve interviewed over the years? “I just don’t FEEL like it.”

One woman I interviewed was furious because her husband confessed to her that he’d had a *ahem* how do I say this – a BJ – in his vehicle from a female co-worker. The wife stabbed his vehicle seats until they were destroyed because she was never going to sit on them again. 

Thing is, it had been over a year since they’d had sex. All the reasons why she hadn’t felt like having sex, truth? None were worthy of going a year without. I’m surprised he lasted that long. I told her that she’d sent her man out onto the world without his armor or protection. She was as much at fault as he was. They were both in the wrong.

couple Passion

It is super vital not to allow too much time between physical acts of intimacy. Think of it as that armor I mentioned, that protection he needs. Lack can set the man up to be vulnerable to outside – oh, I’ll just say it – forces of nature known as hussies. Skanks. Ho’s. Those who want your man and appreciate him and tell him so, making him think he’s “all that”. Yes, YOUR man no matter what you think of him. There is another woman out there who’d take him in a Cincinnati Second. And yes I know she doesn’t do his dirty laundry but that is not the point here. And no, most men won’t cheat but again, NOT the point.

Alpha Hubby has only twice refused sex that I initiated – and I think both times he had a temperature over 100 degrees, been feeling flu-like, coughing, and could barely breath. Other than that? He can be tired, dirty, side-tracked by things at work, super busy (like 60 hour weeks) or have a temperature UNDER 100 degrees, and if I’m ready and willing? Well, let’s just say, “Let the games begin!”

And therein lies one of the answers – “If I’m ready and willing” – ME. It pretty much depends on me and my attitude. We solved that pretty quickly in the beginning of our marriage when he came home from work and I was trying to get the dishes done. He kissed the back of my neck, being romantic. Alpha Son wasn’t home from school yet, but I wasn’t READY. And like I learned quick fast, turn him down enough and he’ll quit putting himself out there. It feels like (and is) rejection to him. Then it becomes “roommates”. Distancing beings. He’s protecting himself.

couple sexy in kitchen

We finally realized that sometimes he had to give me a few minutes to switch from mommy mode or housewife mode or cook mode or cleaner mode to rendezvous mode. But I, personally, had to realize that I needed to STOP operating in those modes BEFORE he got home. I needed to stop, drop and roll over. No no, just kidding. I needed to stop, shower, dress in rendezvous clothing, perfume up, makeup up, and indicate “Here I am baby, come and get me because I WANT YOU.” And yeah, that means anywhere, in any room, any how we want it!

He needed to know that and I needed to show that. And after 21+ years? It is still true. He needs to know I want him. It is vital. Important side note? You may feel fat but you dress for him, most men don’t see what you call fat – they see “available” – so no matter what, dress it and strut your stuff, baby. That’s all he wants.

woman overworked

Now I hear you out there – but “Nan, I work outside the home. How can I do that? I’d rather sleep!” Something Alpha Hubby told me when we were doing the 30-days of intimacy – just knowing I WANTED to, helped him to wait until we could. Then again, sometimes you gotta fake it until you make it. NO, NOT THAT. Man, you ladies sure have your minds in the gutter. I mean start getting ready to seduce him. Even if you don’t feel like it. Oftentimes, before you are finished with the makeup, you will have switched “modes” and have begun to think about him and seducing him – and you attitude changes.

Besides – I mean, come on, REALLY, just how long does it take to have sex?? Quickies are awesome and regular doesn’t take hours. It can but that’s not really what I’m talking about. I’m talking about connecting with one another and protecting one another (especially him). And if you time it right, you can roll over and pass out – together – and have a great night’s sleep.  Bwahahahaha.

love note

It truly needs to be a priority – intimacy. Not just sex but all those gestures that say “I want you” and “You are Number One in my life” and “You matter over all others” and whatever your chat with your significant other showed you was important to him.  You did ask, right?  RIGHT?  WHAT?? Not yet?  Ladies, what are you waiting for? You really need to know what makes them feel special, wanted, necessary, and important to you. It is a great protection to your relationship.

In tune with one another. That’s what it’s all about. The rest of the world fades away when you keep one another Number One. It isn’t always about sex but if you will protect your man by ensuring he is… *ahem* …topped up, you will find things just go better all around. 

Burning heart

And… the smoking hot sex ain’t so bad, either!!!

****

p.s. and as a friend of mine said in her comment, “…it’s time we debunk the myth that men are ready for sex at the drop of a hat” – true, true. Men are human, too! Yes, really! Men really are not sex machines, able to turn on immediately. Maybe when they are 16, ho ho – but no, they often need what we need – Alpha Hubby and I talk it out – we set dates as in, “OK, let’s plan it for tomorrow night” – and that doesn’t mean going all out so much as just knowing and then preparing, in the mood, thinking that it is going to happen (and me being ready when he comes in from work and giving him time to shower, etc.) – it isn’t always mega romantic – i.e., candles, music, rose petals along the floor – mostly it is just letting each other know we want it.

Sure, we do have the romantic (what I call rendezvous) once in a while but mostly it’s just knowing we planned for it and being aware we did. He tells me he thinks about it all day, knowing that that evening it’s a go. I shut down a little earlier in my day. When I worked, I thought about what I would do that evening to make sure it happened, after Alpha Son went to bed BUT it was on our minds which made it easier to accomplish!

Mo’ Intimacy (#2)

October 27th, 2015

intimacy

So we left off in our last post with a promise of sharing some ideas to help you create, recreate or increase the intimacy in your relationship. A lot of it is just little things but those little things are more important than you may realize.

I did say in the last post – I double-dog dare challenged
you – to TALK to your significant other about what intimacy means to them. Did you do that?? Suuure you did. If you didn’t, then do so. Intimacy doesn’t happen without talking and without understanding what your loved one thinks of as intimacy.

couple fireplace

What I didn’t say in the previous post is you need to be prepared to change your theories and thoughts about intimacy. What you may think of as a vital act of intimacy may mean zippo to your loved one. I KNOW– just when you thought it would be easy…

We have been fed a lie – that it is unromantic to TALK to each other about romantic gestures. Intimacy is the most important thing there is in your relationship. I venture to say that without intimacy, you have no relationship – you have roommates.

Sometimes we let the intimacy – those gestures, actions, attitudes, words – fall by the wayside as time and life get in the way of our once closeness. Intimacy isn’t difficult to understand – it is FOCUS – on the other person, your loved one. It is also so easy to let drop.

Intimacy acts are everything you did when you first met and were determined to be together. Dressing up, leaving notes, calling and talking to one another, giving cards, telling them what you specifically liked about them, touching, getting to know them by asking questions, making sure they know how important they are to you, and any number of things you can remember if you just think back.

Intimacy is cutting out everyone and everything that would take away from the two of you. Intimacy is letting them know they are the most important person in your life. No matter what. Yes, even before children – why? Because if you protect your relationship, your children will be taken care of just fine. Children are never supposed to come before your significant other. Ever.** It takes work but again, it is well worth it.

couple gazing

Intimacy is doing the little things that please the other person. Intimacy is about mushy emails, handwritten notes, light palm-to-face touches, feathery kisses, and connecting. Intimacy is trust because it takes trust to expose yourself to someone, your dreams, thoughts, desires, needs. Intimacy is the promise of forever.

If you are concerned because you’ve let intimacy drop, don’t be. Just making a commitment to working on intimacy – to doing something daily toward recreating intimacy in your relationship – will change something fundamental inside you both.

I can’t explain it; it just makes you more aware. It’s like going back to the beginning stages of your romance when everything was giddy and wonderful only now it surpassed that because you know one another so much better. 

Finding some way to express intimacy every single day is not a breeze. You will have to work harder at it because you are starting again. Oh, but the resulting benefits are so well worth it. It will seem hard at first but it WILL get easier – make the commitment! You may not succeed every day but committing will help keep it in the forefront of your mind.

heart arrow

Intimacy is whatever it means between the two of you. What works for one couple may not work for another. Some people need things others don’t. These are just things that have worked for Alpha Hubby and me, and for the many other people I’ve researched and spoken to about this topic.

Some things are basic – some areas men and women want the same thing. Both want respect. Both want the other to pay attention when they talk, and to remember what they said. Both want to be put first (and yes, ladies, before your girlfriends). Both need to know and believe that you believe they are your hero. They want acknowledgement. They want touching. They want you to notice them and what they do for you. And it must be said, s*x. Lots and lots of it for a lot of couples.

tango dance

Alpha Hubby loves to slow dance in the kitchen… or living room… or bedroom. I am relatively stoic but I swear, if the right song comes on I end up crying. He loves my singing voice and wants me to sing to him all the time – which only works if it isn’t some mushy song about love. Then, I end up crying through it. UGH. But, he loves it.

He’ll sing Little Red Riding Hood to me (which has personal meaning). He’ll send or bring flowers once in a while (but my favorites are the ones he picks and brings into the house. Those surprise me the most). He cooks (yes, grilling counts). He leaves the occasional note. He sends me romantic email cards. He builds things for me – rooms, walls, countertops, entire buildings. He comes home from work and finds me to kiss the back of my neck and say “hello”. 

BUT, and here is the most important thing anyone can learn – anything else I may need or want from him, I will have to tell him – like how it takes my breath away when he grabs my hand in public when we’re walking (or standing still). He didn’t know that. He now does and when he takes my hand it doesn’t matter I had to tell him.

phone text i love you

He might text something romantic (or naughty) or just to say “I love you”. If you’re not used to it, it may feel funny at first. The loved may not react the way you want them to at first because they’re not used to this – don’t give up. Keep it up. Say, “Can’t wait until you get home. I miss you.” He may say, “Huh?” Yeah, yeah, sometimes fake it until you get where you want to be in your relationship.

Alpha Hubby likes a good rendezvous. He may get home and find the lights out and a string of candles (or clothing) leading him to a room with romantic music and me, dressed in obvious “Hey it’s time for s*x” clothing.  We also have a date night – and go on a REAL date where he comes by in the car to the front of the house and picks me up. There isn’t a lot to do around this area except the movies – but it is a real “dress up and go out” date.
Kissing Lips 4

He likes lipstick prints – sexy on a wine glass or on a note in a card. I might leave a note on the mirror with a lipstick kiss print letting him know I love him. Or something like, “Tonight” – which means he’s gonna get lucky.

We both like to eat by candlelight with romantic music going on in the background. We don’t do it often so when we do, it’s special. We also have a swimming pool and if he is getting home late, I might pop into the pool – nekid – and wait for him to walk through the gate. Yes, swimming pool water can boil, smile!!

Take the first song playing by James Ingram (Find 100 Ways) – send roses just because. Don’t only do that on special days. Surprise her, men. And woman, make sure you find things he loves (a favorite meal?) and fix it for him. Look nice for one another (not just when you have to run to town). Compliment one another, what they do or how they look. “Hey, you look really handsome/pretty.” 

The most intimate thing Alpha Hubby has ever done? Not what you think (naughty, naughty). No, for twenty-one (21) years he has called me EVERY SINGLE DAY he is at work. He calls at lunch time to chit chat a few minutes. He lets me know he loves me, he tells me a bit how his day is going, or just to check in. Clockwork but to me, romantic.

Your greatest source of information is your loved one. ASK them what they consider romantic then work very hard to REMEMBER that and do it for them.

Next post will be a bit of an eye-opener to some – the importance of actually HAVING s*x. How important it is to men, what it means, what it means to a marriage to have or have not!

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**I will say that when a couple still has children at home, intimacy is harder to keep fresh and going, but it can and must be done. It just takes thinking outside the box, to use creative ways to keep each other first. Sure kids take up a lot of time and attention but protect your relationship FIRST.

Do You Know Intimacy?

October 13th, 2015

How do people go from this:

Romantic couple2

To this?

couple angry resize

It’s simple, really. They have forgotten the person they fell in love with. They’ve lost their focus. That focus has somehow, somewhere been taken off their loved one and put somewhere else.

Intimacy used to be SO easy.  Why?  Well, we were madly, passionately in love with that person.  They were all we thought about. We were very willing to pursue them and overlook anything not perceived as “perfect” about them. NO ONE could tell us they were not perfect! We couldn’t WAIT to talk to them. We always wanted to look our best for them, to do what they liked to do, and to play and spend much time with them! 

Then, after some time has passed, our words and attitudes, actions and thought processes, history and time, and life getting in the way, all work against our intimacy. We begin to let it slip away, not paying much attention to the loss. Big, huge mistake.

Boxing Gloves

How does this happen?

We stopped pursuing.
— stopped communicating.
— stopped really listening.
— stopped treating one another with honor and respect.
— stopped thinking he’s all-that.
— stopped thinking she’s the girl of his dreams.
— stopped spending quality time together.
— stopped trusting one another especially with our hearts.
— stopped looking as good as when we first met
— stopped putting each other first place.
— stopped doing the things we used to do.

We allowed life to get in the way, in between us.
We became roommates because we lost intimacy and focus.
We allowed many other things – people, children, work, fun, hobbies, blogging, or anything – to come ahead of our loved one.

We stopped thinking the right way and stopped treating the other person as valuable and precious – special.

We started thinking:

— “Well, I’ve got him so I don’t have to do anything to keep him.”
— “Ehh, it’s JUST the wife, the old ball and chain, she doesn’t count.”
— “He never talks to me anymore.”
— “She never listens to me.”
— “Well, why should I be the one to make the first move?”
— “Why should I bother? He doesn’t!”
— “Oh, my husband; WHY can’t he be as wonderful and romantic as so-in-so?”
— “He sure doesn’t look like that football player I fell in love with”
— “I know she’s had our children, but is that girl I married even in there anymore? And does she even see ME?” 

We started thinking, “Who IS this person I’m married to?”

couple, bored

I think of intimacy when I think of those beginning courtship days when you couldn’t wait to see one another, do nice things for one another, thought about each other ALL the time, and holding hands? Well, oi vey, was it not amazing that first time he took your hand and kissed your palm?  Made THAT eye contact with you? Or touched the side of your face with his palm? (Big hint here, guys.)

couple touching
Intimacy engages the five physical senses – see, hear, touch, smell, taste.  And, as my Alpha Hubby always says, love is an action verb – it is not passive. Love acts.  Love does. And yes, actions do speak louder than words but words are very important, too. Especially those three little ones, “I love you.” SAY them. A lot.

And speaking of words – there are two words Alpha Hubby and I work very hard NOT to say to one another, “always” and “never” in a negative way.  In sentences, they sound something like this:  “You ALWAYS do that to me (fail me, forget that, blow it)” or “You NEVER do this right (remembered offenses).” This is a BIG one, boys and girls. Work HARD on getting this out of your lives.

In the next few posts, I am going to list some things that may help with intimacy.  I am not the expert – far from it = but I’m living with one (smile).  Truthfully, this is a subject near and dear to my heart. Over the past few years, I have done a lot of research for a few books and articles, studied “men only” blogs, interviewed couples who have amazing relationships, and even asked my own hubby questions about intimacy and why people lose it.

Intimacy is not as hard as people tend to make it. Really! If it were hard, no one would get it… well, I was going to say “right” – but there is no right or wrong way for intimacy because it is subject to each individual’s ideal. I double-dog dare you to talk to your significant other about what intimacy means to them – what they need to feel loved. Ask them to tell you some things they’d like you to do. YES, I know it requires talking, but you may be surprised!

(Hint: it can be as simple as buying a romantic card and leaving in somewhere they will find it “by accident” to taking their hand while you’re walking somewhere to a note on a mirror saying “I love you!”)

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Let’s Get It On

September 23rd, 2015

I entitled this post “Let’s Get It On” because the first song playing was Marvin Gaye’s version; apparently Hypster has removed all his versions of the song so it’s gone. Now it starts with Norah Jone’s “Turn Me On”, for inquiring minds.

couple gazing

I read an article about “love after **” (** being a certain age). I kind of felt sorry for the author because he thinks ** is old and ACTS and TALKS like it. Because of that, his advice was a joke to me. I mean, we’re of the generation who had this song you’re listening to by Marvin Gaye, not to mention his song, Sexual Healing. We had or heard the coolest songs
that are still popular to this day. Right or wrong, we burned bras and we protested. We drove MUSCLE cars, baby!

We were so cool, the cool people called us cool.

So why? Why would these amazing people compromise themselves by… **hack fur ball** …getting old? Allowing oneself to quit being cool?? I mean, one thing I’ve learned, if you act old, you are old no matter what age you are.  We also live in a wonderful time where science is discovering more things that slow down the aging process.

The reason I don’t define ** is because old is really a state of mind and I’ve met 30+ year old people who are OLD and 70+ year old people who are young in actions and heart.  Like I’ve pointed out many times on this blog, age is just a number.

From Here to Eternity

From Here to Eternity

But I digress. I was talking about “love after **” and when I say “love” I don’t mean the mushy feeling. I mean the word I can’t write because then I get spammed to death on my blog, s*x. Yes, I said it – S*X! S*X after **, which is kind of a joke because I know most 20 year old people are not doing that, much less most ** year old people.

When Alpha Hubby and I first married, about a week before he went on night shift, we would spend the evenings over a glass of wine, talking. Remember, we met then married 7 weeks later so we didn’t know one another THAT well.

We talked about how vital it was to protect our relationship. I’d been single (and abstinent) for 12 years. I wasn’t about to settle and miss out on the cool stuff after doing without for 12 loooong years. I’m talking the dating, the movies, the dancing, the romancing, and yes, the s*x.

We talked about not losing the “honeymoon” feeling for one another. We talked about the importance of making sure we always had time for one another.  We talked about what made one another feel secure and loved in this relationship.

I’d shared about an article stating what women needed to feel secure, one being financial stability. And saying: instead of “*burp* great meal, hon!” women would like to hear “I love you (and this is why…)”.

He told me of a little known secret, to most women, about men. He said, “You know what most men need for security? To feel loved? Well, maybe not all men, but me, for one? S*x. There is something about that that says ‘home’ to me. You are my home, Nan, and that act says you want me, love me, need me, and appreciate me.”

Huh.

Now, lest you think he was just soliciting for more s*x (which he does, all the time, but wasn’t the point back then), since that discussion, I’ve read more men’s articles and posts about the exact same thing. Most men equate s*x with love & security, and thus, when they don’t get that it affects the relationship. They’re not feeling loved. 

I know back then, if we went without, a slow distancing began happening, that dreaded “roommate disease” that happens to so many couples. We caught on and made a promise not to allow many days to go by without getting in touch, literally. We aim for every day, then if we hit 3-5 times a week, we’re good. Intimacy is so vital to a healthy relationship.

Couple beach seduction

Older Couple

So back to the point of this article – “love after **” – you can make it as boring or as hot as you like, hotter. The benefit of knowing one another for so long is that you know each other and know what makes it hawt. Really, really hawt. All over the house and outside hawt. What? You don’t think people after the age of ** can do that? Boy, what rock are you living under?

So, the point – this past week, I’ve had the cold from H E double hockey sticks. I don’t remember the last time I had something hit like this – stopped up to the point I can’t hear, breath, talk, sleep, blah blah blahdy blah. Many days worth.

Monday, I figured up on my fingers how long since we connected and said, “Meet me in the pool, baby” except it sounded more like “Mead be in da pood, baba” but he understood. He’s smart like that.

Other than Monday, it has been over a week and that is unacceptable. Thus today’s intro song for Alpha Hubby.

lights pool

Night Swimming

Baby – LET’S GET IT ON. No more waiting, wasting time, or allowing too much more time to pass by.  

“Mead be in da pood, baba! I’bb be waiding.”

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Bad to the Bone

August 28th, 2015

This first song on my playlist is for Alpha Hubby. Go over and Pause it if you don’t want to hear music!

peanut butter Jiff

I like peanut butter.  I can have a jar of peanut butter last for a month or more because I don’t eat a lot but when I get a hankering for a spoonful,
I like to have it on hand.

PB Toast Bananna Crop

On the other hand, Alpha Hubby adores peanut butter.  There isn’t a jar of peanut butter out there than he doesn’t love. Even dry organic peanut butter is no match for his voracious appetite when it comes to peanut butter.  NO jar is safe from him.

PB Toast Crop

After years of reaching for a tin or jar of peanut butter and discovering only a bit at the bottom, I got smart the other day and bought TWO small jars.  One was mine, for me, one that I would have to keep hidden from him. One was totally his and when he was OUT he was OUT.

PB Toast jelly Crop

Now don’t ask me why. I guess hope springs eternal and all that jazz. I had my jar at the end of the kitchen breakfast counter. I knew he had his own jar so I wasn’t worried about it. I had plans to hide mine but hadn’t gotten around to it.

peanut butter jar empty

Day Three of my jar sitting at the end of the counter. We’re sitting at the counter, side by side, lovingly chatting and just enjoying being together. I glanced over at my jar and noticed something odd, something disturbing, something NOT RIGHT.  It was EMPTY. I grabbed it up, took the lid off and looked at Alpha Hubby in disbelief.

I said, in dulcet tones, “WHERE IS MY PEANUT BUTTER???”

He just grinned at me, with that innocent “what?” look on his face.

I said, not quite so dulcet, “Did you eat my peanut butter?”

He still looked innocent, “No.”

I screeched, “My jar is empty. Where is my peanut butter?  Did you eat my peanut butter? You did, didn’t you? You’ve done this to me before.”

He continued to maintain his innocence even in the face of total proof in the empty jar.

I ranted, “I can’t believe you did that to me. How could you? You had your own jar. You knew the rules. How can you sit there and act like it is okay to eat my peanut butter? I had three-quarters of a jar left and now it is empty! If you didn’t eat it, where is it? The jar is EMPTY! I can’t believe you ate my peanut butter!!”

He still continued to maintain his innocence.

“How can you sit there and lie? I am looking at an empty jar!! Do you realize how selfish that is to have eaten my peanut butter? Do ya? Well, do ya, punk???”  Oh yeah, I was totally channeling Dirty Harry and getting a good head of steam because he’d done it to me again.

Please understand.  I am not being unreasonable. This is the man who once put an empty container back in the refrigerator. I thought there was still food left in the container – as ANYONE would think considering it was sitting in a refrigerator – and when my mouth began to water for the contents, I lovingly got the container out of the refrigerator, opened the container… only to discover it was empty.

I explained, sweetly (!) that one does NOT put an empty container into a refrigerator because it leads the other someone to believe there is food leftover when there is NOT.  It sets the other someone up for disappointment and then, unfortunately for the other one, extreme anger and revenge.

So he said, “OK!” and I thought that was the end to it.

The next time I reached into the fridge thinking I had something to eat, I discovered… no, not an empty container. No, he learned that lesson. What I found was ONE BITE left of the food.

I freaked and said, “WHAT is this? There’s only one bite left in here? You can’t put a container that was full of food back in the refrigerator with only one bite left in it!  It sets someone up to believe there is food left when there obviously is NOT”

His reply? Well obviously he is a “letter of the law” type man because he said, “Well, it’s not empty.”

Yes, I did let him live thought that but still… grrr. So he had another lesson to learn – if you want peace in the house do NOT leave a container in the refrigerator with only one bite left or a jug with only one swallow left or a jar with only one teaspoon left and thus and so on.  One has to be very specific with an Alpha Hubby.

So back to the peanut butter story.  I was on a roll, freaking that he ate my entire jar of peanut butter.  He continued to disavow his guilt. Then he stood up, went over to his side of the food cabinet and reached up and pulled down a… three-quarters full jar of peanut butter, roaring with laughter.

Yes, gentle readers, after years, he got me. He had switched out the jars – his empty for my three-quarters full jar – right under my nose. He snickered. He laughed, and dare I say it? He giggled like a maniac. Oh he thought he was all that.

I must admit, but don’t tell him, he really was all that. That was a really good one and yes, he got me good. And yes, I’m still snickering at it.

I’m just glad I didn’t do something stupid like pull a Dirty Harry on him.

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