It is hard to believe it has been THIRTY DAYS since Pamela over at pamelahutchins.com and I challenged one another – or as she so politely said it, “entered into a faux war — which of us had the most amazing, intimate relationship with their fabulous husband?”  I scoffed at her belief that she could even challenge me in this arena!  Scoffed, Pamela, scoffed!  But *sigh* I have to agree with her – we can declare it a tie because she and Eric do have an absolutely amazing relationship.  One that truly does make people want to puke and say, “ewwww, get a room!”

Of course, that is our goal in life – both of us – to make people get sick of how amazing our marriages are.  It is a goal I think we both deserve to have.  We earned this right.   I mean, of course we can’t take ALL the credit – some must go to these fantabulous men we married. 

But still.  We all know that women are the glue, the icky, sticky, gooey stuff that holds marriages together, right?  RIGHT?  Oh OK, we give God the credit and glory for sending us absolutely-perfect-for-us men.  Because He did.  He sent men who love us no matter how hard we tested that love – really, just to make sure it really is real and not going to crack under the truth of who we really are.  They actually LOVE who we really are.  Imagine that!  He gave us men who believe in us when no one else did – and they believe in our dreams.  Men who count to 10 slowly so as to not throw us out 3rd story windows when our emotions and hormones do horrid things without our permission. 

What did I learn since October 11th, the day we started the challenge?  I can’t put it all here – it is too much!  Most of what happened to us actually began that very first week – that reconnecting with our intimate selves as a couple. 

We actually thought we were “all that” going into this challenge. We were wrong.  We’d let some things – actions, attitudes, words – drop that we needed to pick back up pronto!  We also learned that intimacy after 16.8 years marriage is FAR, FAR better on this end than it was in the beginning.  It may have been that desperate “oh my gosh I can’t get enough of you let’s do it again” rush in the beginning of our marriage but I am here to testify! 

When you know someone intimately?  When you really have learned what trips their trigger?  When you’ve become so well-acquainted with this person that you know what thrills them, makes them happy, gives them joy – outside the bedroom, folks – so that when you do reach that ultimate goal?  Off the charts, baby!  The word – excuse me please – foreplay?  Starts outside the bedroom long before you hit the sheets.  THAT is where intimacy is the most vital – and what so few people understood when we issued this challenge (that few started, much less finished).

Intimacy – is an outwardly focused action – not all about you!

Intimacy – is a lifetime committment to focus on the other person in your marriage.

Intimacy – is wanting the best for the other person.

Intimacy – is doing the things that please the other person.

Intimacy – is taking the time to find out what the other person thinks of as intimacy.  It may surprise you that it isn’t the same thing you want (which is a good thing since men and women ARE different.)

Intimacy – is all about the other person. You both are in a win-win situation if you do this right!

So yes, while we did have BIG fun in between the long hours of work, days of illness, and other things of life that rushed in to steal our focus, we did not fail because we missed many days.  It is about focusing on that other person – emails, handwritten notes, light palm-to-face touches, featherly kisses.  We discovered that intimacy is really sexy in that glance, those words, that touch – then falling asleep.  Why?  Because of the confidence that you have tomorrow with them. 

Intimacy says, “I will be with you forever, through everything.  Love is not a feeling, it is a committment.  I am in this for the long haul!”

Intimacy is the promise of forever.

(I don’t know where I got this photo; someone else gets the credit)

 

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