Guess what I learned? Drawing up house plans together can affect your dreamy relationship.
You know how I talk about focusing on the good in your mate? How you need to keep that focus on them and protect your relationship from all outside distractions? Keep it safe from those things that come along trying to destroy your marriage/relationship?
Yeah. I don’t think the experts factored in a couple building their dream home.
I have learned things about Alpha Hubby that have shaken me to my core, to my very foundation of my belief in our marriage. OK, maybe not but it has been eye opening, to say the least.
I learned we have to REALLY fight to keep from fighting over this house plan. Especially when he thinks he’s giving me what I dreamed of and want, and all I’m seeing are the things HE wants in the house that are catty-wampus of the things I think I want.
Truth is – I am learning it’s just a dad-gummed house. I am not going to go to battle over it. He really is working very hard to give me all my heart’s desires – even if they don’t always work with the house plan. He finds ways. I have to keeping reminding myself of this when things go beyond what I think I’d like.
I just have to get off my high horse and let him work this plan – and remember a point made in a movie we saw years ago – School for Seduction – a cute little movie about a woman who starts a school to teach people about romance, dressing for seduction, etiquette, etc.
One couple in the movie was having trouble and the wife had been in the classes, tried what she’d learned on her husband, to no avail. She couldn’t understand why he wasn’t focused on their marriage anymore. He took her hand, leading her into the main portion of the house and asked, “Where am I?”
She was confused and tried to show him how he was represented in their home. Everything she came up with was really about her – her design, her ideas, her choices, her decor, her decorating – and he said, “Like I said, ‘Where am I’ in this house?”
It obviously wasn’t about decorating or decor – it was that her own focus had gotten skewed and everything was about what she liked. It was all about her. Nothing was about him, his desires, likes, ideas. He was feeling left out (there were other issues, too) which finally morphed into affecting the whole marriage.
I remind myself of that movie while we are creating our dream home. I remind myself he has a right to his dream home, too.
Even if it’s in MY house.*
*Juuuuuust kidding, baby! You’re doing an amazing job.
I grew up with this version of “Dream a Little Dream of Me’ by Mama Cass of the Mamas and the Papas.* There is an amazing version by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.