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Luv: Baby It’s Cold Outside!

9 February 2011

(Continuation of Luv posts for February, the luv month.)

Baby it’s cold outside!  We have over 7” of snow on the ground right now and it is going to snow all day – whoo hoo!  This is not common in Arkansas, believe me!  These pictures are all from today (Feb 9th).

I love this song but it does show how much morals and attitudes have changed since it was written by Frank Loesser in 1944.  People smile when they hear this song although not always for the same reason!  Some smile because it’s a cute song where a guy’s trying to get the woman to stay just a little longer at his apartment.  Others smile because it is so old fashioned and at the thought that a woman would be worried what her parents, aunts, or neighbors would think if she was out so late at a *horrors* man’s apartment!

It reminds me of my courtin’ days!  Yeah, I know I didn’t have many of them when you consider we married 7 weeks after we met, but still.  I had some.  I also remember a couple of “old fashioned” conversations I had with Alpha Hubby about – ready?  Celibacy

Thirteen years before I met Alpha Hubby, I’d already made the decision that unless there was a ring on my finger and vows in my ears, I was NOT going to *sleep* with anyone, ever again.  Never. Ever. Again. Ever.  Oh yeah, AND I was NEVER getting married again.  Period. 

My decision wasn’t based on proper reasons.  My decision was based on a knee-jerk reaction to my life up to that point.  I’d had enough pain to last me the rest of my life.  I’d had enough game-playing, “oh yeah I love you baby you know I do oh and if you love me you would _______ (fill in the blank)” faux love words, honkey-tonk cheatin’ and lyin’ snarky men.  I’d had enough betrayal, horror, strangeness, weirdness, and just plain STUPID, and made the decision that if I was alone forever, so be it.

I was 28 years old.

I developed The Speech – the one that got rid of all phony men trying to come into my life after that point.  The “I am not going to have sex with you” speech.

When I said “I am not having sex with you” and a guy figured out I meant it, one of two things happened with the guy.  Either it scared him away and he’d say, “See ya; wouldn’t wanna be ya” or it created a chemical reaction in his brain that caused him to believe it was a challenge.  You know, “Aw, she doesn’t mean that!  She’s just playing hard to get and my macho pride won’t allow a woman to tell ME no.  I can wear her down!  I’m up to the challenge!”

Then began the pressure to change my mind.  Except it didn’t work.  I did not mess around at all.  At. All.  I don’t know why some men are dumb enough to think women can’t figure out the “big game hunter” plan they have, but we can!  Most think they are so original with attempts of seduction meant to lead to “I’m just using you” sex, but really!  I was so over that game playing ever since the dark and stormy night I made the decision to walk this narrow road.

So along comes Alpha Hubby the week before I turned 41.  Yep.  FORTY-ONE.  I’d been just fine up to that point working my career, enjoying my life and grateful for the peace that permeated every area of it.  Yet here he came, hitting me with his beautiful smile.  An amazing, patient, loving man (who was never getting married again as long as he lived, either).  Mice and men, baby.  Mice and men.

So we meet.  And he treated me like I was precious and valuable.  He treated me like I was a piece of fine crystal that would shatter at any moment.  He put up with my attempts to brush off his attention.  He ASKED my permission to kiss me the first time he did.

I thought him a little strange for that last bit because no one had ever respected me enough to honor my personal space.  Wow.  Some guy was treating me like my decisions, choices and thoughts were important.

Still, even though I liked him I gave him my little speech.  It wasn’t to purposely scare him away or test him; it was to inform because I really meant it.  The decision didn’t change just because a really nice guy came along. 

He took it well (hahahahahahahahahaha, yeah right!). 

He later told me I was the first woman he knew who’d ever felt that way.  He wasn’t put off, he wasn’t challenged – he was impressed.  He understood that for once in my life, I’d like to do things the “right” way – in proper order.  Some of you may not understand that, but it was how I was raised and it was very important to me to experience that.

For the first time in my life, I was able to go out with a man and not spend an evening fighting off Russian hands and Roman fingers (he had to, smile. Oh OK, just kidding)**.  I didn’t have to battle attempts to wear me down.  I was able to enjoy his company and feel one hundred percent SAFE. 

I could have laid myself out as a naked human sacrifice and attempted to tempt him to stray past what I said I wanted – but I knew beyond a shadow of doubt he would NOT go over the line with (and for) me.  I KNEW it.  Knew it, knew it, knew it.  You have NO idea how that made me feel.  It was unbelievable.  Inconceivable.  Unreal.  Amazing.  Warm and fuzzy.  I felt so incredibly valued – phew. 

I just can’t express the feelings that developed inside me knowing I was safe with him.  I could trust him with my fragile heart.  And don’t think I didn’t push him – not on purpose – but for the first time in my life, I didn’t have to be the brakes.  I didn’t have to stay on constant guard against “going too far”.  I could just relax, sit back and enjoy what it was really like dating a REAL man who respected and honored me.

And our wedding night?  Let’s just say it was everything I ever dreamed of.  The word “hot” comes to mind.  Speaking of which.  He’s working from home today, here:

And I’m in the house.

I think I need to go outside in the snow to his office and…

tempt him to mess around with his secretary. 

That would be me! 

Hope I don’t get lost in the snow!

 .

*Baby, It’s Cold Outside, Rod Stewart & Dolly Parton (click for lyrics)

**Rushing hands, roaming fingers (a saying from my younger days)

44 thoughts on “Luv: Baby It’s Cold Outside!”

  1. I sure would love to be treated “like I was a piece of fine crystal that would shatter at any moment” – because sometimes I feel that way! However, I think, you like me, want to be treated like that but we’re both pretty darn tough and resilient.

  2. I sure would love to be treated “like I was a piece of fine crystal that would shatter at any moment” – because sometimes I feel that way! However, I think, you like me, want to be treated like that but we’re both pretty darn tough and resilient.

  3. Wow. I came across your blog VERY randomly today. I don’t know you, but somehow stumbled onto this post. It was so nice to read, and I have tears in my eyes.

    I, too, decided after my divorce in 2003 to remain celibate until I was married again. It wasn’t because I was such a great Christian, or superwoman, or didn’t particularly like sex. It was because the bible I read said sex was for marriage. DARNIT>>>>>and I had many a ugly conversation with God over that one. Things like, “are you kidding me, God? do you REALIZE how bad my sex life was the last couple of years with my husband? do you REALIZE I’m 32 years old, in the ‘prime’ of my life? ” but, I knew that the bible is truth and no where does it say being a God follower is easy. So I set out on a path of celibacy.

    It led to more than one guy dumping me. Or, as you noted, taking it as a challenge. There were a couple of guys I literally had to physically push away as they were ‘all over me” trying to change my mind, I suppose.

    anyway, to my point. So now I am engaged to the love of my life. A man that not only respects my vow of celibacy, but agrees with it, and, at 48 years old, had taken the same vow after his divorce.

    I cannot begin to describe what’s it like to be with a man like that. That puts God and God’s word above his own desires. That respects my wishes and has the same respect for himself. More than anything, it makes me see him as STRONG…a man of his word, a man who keeps his promises, a man who values me and values what is right.

    I am so looking forward to our future together. Congratulations to you and your man. God honors those who honor Him and His word. You are a blessed woman.

  4. Wow. I came across your blog VERY randomly today. I don’t know you, but somehow stumbled onto this post. It was so nice to read, and I have tears in my eyes.

    I, too, decided after my divorce in 2003 to remain celibate until I was married again. It wasn’t because I was such a great Christian, or superwoman, or didn’t particularly like sex. It was because the bible I read said sex was for marriage. DARNIT>>>>>and I had many a ugly conversation with God over that one. Things like, “are you kidding me, God? do you REALIZE how bad my sex life was the last couple of years with my husband? do you REALIZE I’m 32 years old, in the ‘prime’ of my life? ” but, I knew that the bible is truth and no where does it say being a God follower is easy. So I set out on a path of celibacy.

    It led to more than one guy dumping me. Or, as you noted, taking it as a challenge. There were a couple of guys I literally had to physically push away as they were ‘all over me” trying to change my mind, I suppose.

    anyway, to my point. So now I am engaged to the love of my life. A man that not only respects my vow of celibacy, but agrees with it, and, at 48 years old, had taken the same vow after his divorce.

    I cannot begin to describe what’s it like to be with a man like that. That puts God and God’s word above his own desires. That respects my wishes and has the same respect for himself. More than anything, it makes me see him as STRONG…a man of his word, a man who keeps his promises, a man who values me and values what is right.

    I am so looking forward to our future together. Congratulations to you and your man. God honors those who honor Him and His word. You are a blessed woman.

  7. Thanks for stopping by my blog! So glad you did, that was how I found yours. Great story, and it must have been true love– 7 weeks, woot! Hey, when you know, you know. I would have married my hubby 7 weeks after meeting him, too, if we’d been living in the same state. It was a long distance romance, but we started the, “okay, which one of us in going to move” discussion wayyyy early because we just knew. 😉

  8. Thanks for stopping by my blog! So glad you did, that was how I found yours. Great story, and it must have been true love– 7 weeks, woot! Hey, when you know, you know. I would have married my hubby 7 weeks after meeting him, too, if we’d been living in the same state. It was a long distance romance, but we started the, “okay, which one of us in going to move” discussion wayyyy early because we just knew. 😉

  9. I think I was around 26 when I started giving men that speech. lol Scared the crap outta my husband when I first told him, of course to be fair, we hadn’t started dating yet but I wanted him to know there was nothing “casual” about me. lol

    1. I can so relate! I like how you put that – “nothing casual about you” – same here!! And isn’t it amazing how much difference it made?

  10. I think I was around 26 when I started giving men that speech. lol Scared the crap outta my husband when I first told him, of course to be fair, we hadn’t started dating yet but I wanted him to know there was nothing “casual” about me. lol

    1. I can so relate! I like how you put that – “nothing casual about you” – same here!! And isn’t it amazing how much difference it made?

  11. It’s been years since I’ve heard this song. Is that Dolly Parton singing the duet? I didn’t know she ever did anything but country music. Once again, a great post and we finally got to see your Alpha Hubby!

  12. It’s been years since I’ve heard this song. Is that Dolly Parton singing the duet? I didn’t know she ever did anything but country music. Once again, a great post and we finally got to see your Alpha Hubby!

  21. You say it all: a man that finds you and respects you. I had my first experience at 16, and did it totally and only because my then boyfriend (later husband – before divorce) threatened to break the relationship off. I guess a lot of teens get in that situation. In hindsight, it looks crazy to give in just for fear of rejection but then we all take decisions with the brains we have on the decision taking moment. In Belgium, where I come from, a lot of people don’t marry anymore, they either live together or have a kind of legal agreement, so not having sex before marriage would be kind of hard… I told my kids (all boys) to try to make love to girls only if they really really liked her, guess that for a girl I would say to wait till she is totally ready and feels like doing it, because I also am aware of the fact that some couples do not match sexually, and it is sort of a sad thing to only find out after marriage… A complicated part of our lives, unless we are lucky enough to have a husband who respects us and we respect our husbands back…

  22. You say it all: a man that finds you and respects you. I had my first experience at 16, and did it totally and only because my then boyfriend (later husband – before divorce) threatened to break the relationship off. I guess a lot of teens get in that situation. In hindsight, it looks crazy to give in just for fear of rejection but then we all take decisions with the brains we have on the decision taking moment. In Belgium, where I come from, a lot of people don’t marry anymore, they either live together or have a kind of legal agreement, so not having sex before marriage would be kind of hard… I told my kids (all boys) to try to make love to girls only if they really really liked her, guess that for a girl I would say to wait till she is totally ready and feels like doing it, because I also am aware of the fact that some couples do not match sexually, and it is sort of a sad thing to only find out after marriage… A complicated part of our lives, unless we are lucky enough to have a husband who respects us and we respect our husbands back…

  23. Brings back so many memories. Don’t think there is something wrong with the man, he took a lot of cold showers in that seven week period. It was a concept I had never encountered before. But to respect your wish (my command), I would do what you asked. Since I understood what it was like being a piece of meat, I would not do that to you. For me, times had really changed about dating. Used to be girls were pursued but I found them coming out of woodwork and offering themselves for availablilty. You were not like that and that is just one of many things about you I liked. I knew if you were commited to your beliefs than you would never cheat on me. That was most important to me. It was your heart I saw first, and then wowza! By the way it is colder this morning. Why are you taking pictures of hired help? Will have to check up on you since I am working from home again.

  24. Brings back so many memories. Don’t think there is something wrong with the man, he took a lot of cold showers in that seven week period. It was a concept I had never encountered before. But to respect your wish (my command), I would do what you asked. Since I understood what it was like being a piece of meat, I would not do that to you. For me, times had really changed about dating. Used to be girls were pursued but I found them coming out of woodwork and offering themselves for availablilty. You were not like that and that is just one of many things about you I liked. I knew if you were commited to your beliefs than you would never cheat on me. That was most important to me. It was your heart I saw first, and then wowza! By the way it is colder this morning. Why are you taking pictures of hired help? Will have to check up on you since I am working from home again.

  25. A woman’s instincts are usually spot on about a guy. At first, it seems innocent enough but after awhile you get this gut feeling that this guy’s a schmuck! And it doesn’t even have to be sexually oriented innuendos. You can just tell they’re out for nothing but getting laid!

    Was that your hubby coming in from feeding the cows?

    OMG, what a cutie!

  26. A woman’s instincts are usually spot on about a guy. At first, it seems innocent enough but after awhile you get this gut feeling that this guy’s a schmuck! And it doesn’t even have to be sexually oriented innuendos. You can just tell they’re out for nothing but getting laid!

    Was that your hubby coming in from feeding the cows?

    OMG, what a cutie!

  35. Wow Nan that is quite the story. I don’t think I know anyone who didn’t have sex before they got married. You’ll have to write more about the differences. I assume there are some? I am really in awe of your relationship. Cute song.

  36. Wow Nan that is quite the story. I don’t think I know anyone who didn’t have sex before they got married. You’ll have to write more about the differences. I assume there are some? I am really in awe of your relationship. Cute song.

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