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Luv: Love is Patient

15 February 2011

(Disclaimer: This is about my relationship with Alpha Hubby.  It is in no way an indication that I believe this is how it should be for anyone else’s relationship and that if things weren’t done this way, bad juju will rain down on you and yours, with mass destruction not far behind.  It’s just my story, and what it took for me. OK? OK!).

People say “I will never leave you” and “We are never going to divorce” and the next thing you know, they’re in divorce court, screaming obscenities at one another.

Why is this?

Heck, I don’t know.  What?  You thought I was gonna give you a brilliant answer?  The reasons are as varied as the weather is here in one day in Arkansas.  Snow in the morning, heat wave by late afternoon.  Sheesh.

I do know that Alpha Hubby and I said the same thing, “We will never talk divorce and it will never be an option, ever.”  What makes it different for us – that we can know beyond a shadow of doubt that this is so?  We’re special.

Well, there is the whole, “I’ll hunt you down” thing he threatens.  But that’s not it.  He may be the scariest thing in the valley, but he’s just “huffs and puffs” to me, that ‘ole wolf.

Then there’s the “I’m not that redeemed yet” thing where he will take someone out and repent about it later.  But that’s not it, either.  I would never give him a reason, and besides, I waited 12 years for this guy – WHO could be better for me than he is?  Who on earth could wander by and take my attention away from the best thing that ever happened to me?  Ha!  Can never happen.  Ever.

I could say, “We’re Christians and we don’t believe in divorce” but, unfortunately, church people have the same divorce rate as everyone else.  That’s no immunity.  People are people.

No, what makes me confident is not anything in this world.  It is God.  Or better, the personal relationship with Him. Oh, don’t get all bent out of shape – this is my relationship with Alpha Hubby I’m talking about here, not a sermon from behind the pulpit.  I didn’t say you have to believe the way I do. 

I’m just saying that is what made it different to me personally, what made me confident that Alpha Hubby is who he says he is, i.e., not an axe murderer, and I can quit waiting for the other shoe to drop.  What gives me peace is that he loves God more than he loves me.  And he loves me one heck of a lot.

Because of his love for God, and in loving God, honoring God, obeying God, having that personal relationship with God, I end up with a man who is real.  He has standards and old fashioned honor.  He has strength beyond his own.  He is a man of his word in a world full of males.

When he says that he is going to stand by me no matter what, then he is going to stand by me no matter what.  He truly knows he took his vows before a very real God and that God gave me to him.  He isn’t the talk, he’s the walk.

I’m going to tell a little secret – well not so much if you’ve read any of my posts – but here:  I had been celibate (on purpose) for 12 years before I met Alpha Hubby.  He took such a looooong time to find me.  Be that as it may, it was a desire of mine to put the cart after the horse – to wait.

When we met, we talked about this (see the speech post) and I tried to explain the “why” of it to him.  He said, “OK, if that’s what you want.”  I replied, “No, that’s not it.

At the time, he was reading a powerful book, “Maximized Manhood” by Ed Cole (an author and speaker who majored on helping males become real men and helping women understand them).  

Then he came to me and said, “Well, we won’t because it will give you more confidence that I love you for more than that”.  I replied, “No, that’s not it.”

Then one day, after having read the paperback through 5 times, he came to me and he said, “We’re not going to have sex before we get married because it dishonors God and I won’t do that.  It is the right way to do things because He said so.  Period.  So don’t worry about it, we aren’t going to mess around before we get married.”

Bingo.

People may think, “What a wuss” but I’m here to tell you, it takes far more strength and honor to walk away from a full course meal laid out just for you, when you’re hungry – starving – than it does to just give up and dive in.  If I pushed all his buttons, he would still say, “I’m going home now” and go home to cold showers.  Sexual integrity is pretty powerful stuff (and a pretty powerful turn-on).

That integrity is very important.  And it’s powerful because there are way too many single B*rbie dolls toddling around out there looking for a man.  And they sure don’t care that your GI J*e is married to you.  That just makes him more delicious to them.  It’s like a signal, “This is mine if I can get him away from her!”  So integrity makes sure this doesn’t happen:

Ain’t no stankin’ B*rbie gonna get my man away from me.  I’m not that redeemed.

Okay, okay, okay – where was I?  Oh yes, true love.  Well, doggone – how did I get from there to here with all that in between??  Oh well.  In my world, when a hot-blooded 100 percent manly man can make himself wait until after the wedding vows, it’s a sure bet I had a keeper in my life.** 

And he is my knight in shining armor.  And he loves me.

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**and I’m not saying if the cart came after the horse in anyone’s relationship, that he’s a cheater or a weak-willy.  I was simply telling my story (but I also know that most of us didn’t know the importance of waiting or we would have!)

*Lady, Kenny Rogers

32 thoughts on “Luv: Love is Patient”

  1. I love this! I love your humor, too! Wish I could be funny like that in my writing! But, I guess God spread those gifts around! Totally enjoyed your barbie pictures, too!

  2. I love this! I love your humor, too! Wish I could be funny like that in my writing! But, I guess God spread those gifts around! Totally enjoyed your barbie pictures, too!

  5. Thanks for stopping by. I agree with you. Your mate should love God more than you. That makes it possible to get through the times when their love for is running extra low. I know that sounds harsh, but we all go through it at times.

  6. Thanks for stopping by. I agree with you. Your mate should love God more than you. That makes it possible to get through the times when their love for is running extra low. I know that sounds harsh, but we all go through it at times.

  9. I am really proud of my story too. I love that I feel just as pure as I did the day I was married and we had our first kiss. I think more people would embrace purity before marriage if they understood the long term blessings in their life.

  10. I am really proud of my story too. I love that I feel just as pure as I did the day I was married and we had our first kiss. I think more people would embrace purity before marriage if they understood the long term blessings in their life.

  11. Brilliant! Wow, I loved this post, especially how you ended your story…I mean about the barbie thing etc.

    You are such a lovely lady and your blog is super awesome.

    Thanks for dropping by and have a great weekend!
    Betty

  12. Brilliant! Wow, I loved this post, especially how you ended your story…I mean about the barbie thing etc.

    You are such a lovely lady and your blog is super awesome.

    Thanks for dropping by and have a great weekend!
    Betty

  13. Beautiful 🙂 You know, I love the playlist you have with your blog. It gives your blog a different feel, than many other sites I visit 🙂 I brought your page up today and got excited about what song you would have playing today. 🙂

    That’s what we did too, waited. It was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done, but beautiful and precious and built a lot of trust. I’ve got a super strong man devoted to God!

    (I just friended you on twitter. )

  14. Beautiful 🙂 You know, I love the playlist you have with your blog. It gives your blog a different feel, than many other sites I visit 🙂 I brought your page up today and got excited about what song you would have playing today. 🙂

    That’s what we did too, waited. It was one of the hardest things we’ve ever done, but beautiful and precious and built a lot of trust. I’ve got a super strong man devoted to God!

    (I just friended you on twitter. )

  19. I love that line, “it takes far more strength and honor to walk away from a full course meal laid out just for you, when you’re hungry – starving – than it does to just give up and dive in” – I KNOW what you’re saying here, (sly grin). I admire a man with that much strength.

    1. Trust me, he is a very strong man. Neither of us had done it this way in our prior marriages and it was really special (and hard) to do it this way. But can I just say WOW!?! Waiting like that made the actual “event” so precious, sexy and hot, but it was also such an amazing connection that has never gone away.

  20. I love that line, “it takes far more strength and honor to walk away from a full course meal laid out just for you, when you?re hungry ? starving – than it does to just give up and dive in” – I KNOW what you’re saying here, (sly grin). I admire a man with that much strength.

    1. Trust me, he is a very strong man. Neither of us had done it this way in our prior marriages and it was really special (and hard) to do it this way. But can I just say WOW!?! Waiting like that made the actual “event” so precious, sexy and hot, but it was also such an amazing connection that has never gone away.

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