(A slight redux of an older Intimacy post. The 30-Days Intimacy challenge posts are below).
I’ve done a lot of research over the years, been on hundreds of men’s sites, checking answers to interesting questions, and best of all, picked the brain of Alpha Hubby – and realized that most men like romantic gestures. Women may have a preconceived notion that men “don’t like that romantic garbage” and just want to jump right into bed. It simply isn’t true.
Contrary to popular belief, not all men are soul sucking beer guzzling, too-much-television-watching, burping, farting, cheating, lily-livered romance phobes alike. They are each different, just like women! Imagine that!
When it comes to finding out what intimacy gestures are important to your man, your best source is – TA DA – your own man. HE can tell you what he likes, dislikes, and wants. And sure, he may hem and haw at first, “I don’t know, why are you asking, leave me alone, this embarasses me” – keep it up. Help him realize it is for his own good, in the end*!
While it may be true that men tend to focus on the *end result – getting to that sexual end zone and spiking the ball – (and would love to spike the ball far more than they are right now, ahem) – the majority of them do want romantic gestures, too. Those intimate gestures that lead to the end zone.
Sometimes we let the intimacy – those gestures, actions, attitudes, words – drop by the wayside as time and life get in the way of our once closeness. Intimacy isn’t difficult to understand – it is FOCUS – on the other person.
It is everything you did when you first met and were determined to be together. Dressing up, leaving notes, calling and talking to one another, giving cards, telling them what you specifically like about them, touching, getting to know them by asking questions, making sure they know how important they are to you, and any number of things you can remember if you just think back.
We have been fed a lie – that it is unromantic to TALK about romantic gestures. Intimacy is the most important thing there is in your relationship. Intimacy is cutting out everyone and everything that would take away from the two of you. Intimacy is letting them know they are the most important person in your life. No matter what.
Intimacy – is a commitment to focus on the other person in your relationship.
Intimacy – is wanting the best for the other person.
Intimacy – is doing the little things that please the other person.
Intimacy – is about emails, handwritten notes, light palm-to-face touches, feathery kisses, connecting.
Intimacy is that glance, those words, that light touch – then falling asleep. Why? Because of the confidence that you have tomorrow with them.
Intimacy is the promise of forever.
And contrary to popular belief that there is always time: no, there isn’t time to do it later. Intimacy is NOW or there will be no later.
Most men want romance. They want to be romanced. They want to be romantic (they just don’t always know how). They want to be our hero. They want to be everything we need. If they can’t seem to do it right, it is our own fault – men are not mind-readers who intuitively KNOW (anymore than we are).
Alpha Hubby loves to slow dance. He’ll sing to me. He’ll send or bring flowers once in awhile (but my favorites are the ones he picks and brings into the house. Those surprise me the most). He cooks (yes, grilling counts). He leaves the occasional note. He sends me romantic email cards. He builds things for me – rooms, walls, countertops, entire buildings.
Anything else I may want, I will have to tell him – like how it takes my breath away when he grabs my hand in public when we’re walking (or standing still).
I’m going to throw out some “quotes” from various men’s websites where they answered the question: “What do you, as a man, find romantic” (I only picked a few of the repetitive ones, i.e., MOST men said this):
–I think my woman should study me. Listen to me as much as she does her female friends. I need her to hear me.
–My own 15 minutes of quiet time when I first get home just so I can clear my head from the stresses of the day. Then I can give you (and the kids) my full, undivided attention. Don’t meet me at the door with the entire day’s problems. Give me time to de-stress, then we’ll deal with it together.
–Reassure us that we are important to you, more than your girlfriends.
–A man wants to know she appreciates him for who he is.
–One thing a man wants from a woman is respect.
–Just show me you’re glad I’m there. Put me first.
–It’s not so much where we are at but the vibe she is giving off. I want to know she’s into me and I’m not just a paycheck.
–Something as simple as grabbing my hand or stroking my hair or a simple hug.
–I think maybe a random kiss on the cheek would be nice.
–Hold my hand whenever you can.
–I like when she touches me in places other people don’t – like my face, chest, the back of my head, etc.
–A love note left under the windshield of my car.
–Slow dancing. I like holding her. A lot.
–I need to know there isn’t a “snowball’s chance in hell” that she would ever consider another man instead of me, or would ever put any man before me.
–I want a woman who will show interest in the things I like; if you don’t like them, don’t get in my way or give me a hard time when I wants to do them. Bowling isn’t sin.
Men want what women want:
For you to pay attention when they talk to you (and remember what they said).
They want to believe and know that you believe they are your hero.
For you to put them first (yes, above your girlfriends).
To notice them.
Tonight, I am going to ask Alpha Hubby what else he thinks is romantic; what HE considers intimacy; what else HE likes in the area of seduction. I bet I learn something new!
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