I know, I know. I can hear that “WHAT?” screech from here. I can even hear, “WHEN was the last time HE seduced ME?” Or “I’m a feminist. I don’t seduce” or “Seduce? Who the heck has time to seduce? Whattaya, nuts? I’m far too busy with the… (fill in the blank).”
Maybe you should just close out your browser window right now. This post is not for you.
After I married Alpha Hubby, we had many long talks about men, expectations, how to protect that honeymoon stage, and what keeps a marriage hawt, We talked about men and women to the point I realized so many of us women have NO clue.
New Flash – Men and Women think differently. I know, right?
I realize that not all men are the same. Some things do not apply to all men. You can say, “Men love being seduced by their woman up until the day they die” but that may not be true about some men. So I can say “Most men…” and be relatively safe (although I am sure this can be disputed, too).
Back to the Alpha Chats, Alpha Hubby expressed to me the importance of having a healthy sex life in our marriage. Not because he was a horn-dog but because it is vital to the nourishment and success of a relationship. It’s a form of protection and can also create intimacy.
For him especially, but (most) men need seduction (and the followup act *ahem*) and to know they are needed, wanted and seen as a hero. This is important especially because day-to-day living can suck that out of a relationship.
For (most) men the act of sex is like coming home – a safe place. It is up to the woman to make it a safe place for their man. There are things that are up to a man but that’s a later post. For this one, suffice it to say, (most) men need to “feel the love” – often.
No matter how busy, he needs to know that he is on your mind. You have to show and tell him you w-a-n-t him, no matter how busy you get. Is what you’re putting ahead of the man you love far more important than he is? I don’t think so.
Alpha Hubby loves rendezvous so I give them to him – setting the mood with romantic music, candles, scent; slipping on those stilettos, putting on the sexy-to-him outfit, spraying the sheets with his favorite perfume – whatever it is that he likes.
And that act of getting ready puts me in the mood (or amps it higher) even if I wasn’t really there to begin with! So much of an amazing sex life truly is in the mind, especially for women. We decide it is important. We think on it. We express to him our thoughts about him and how he’s all that to you.
And no, we don’t have constant rendezvous. Most of the time it’s… oh hey, that’s too personal. Never mind!
I think it is safe to say it all boils down to a few things.
**What are your priorities? What or who is more important than your mate?
**Was it hawt in the beginning of your marriage? Why did you let that drop? And don’t tell me “We got busy” or “The kids came along” – every. single. thing. is an excuse.
**What needs protecting more – your relationship with the one you love or the cleanliness of your house? Or whatever excuse you toss out?
**It sometimes takes w-o-r-k and the time to schedule it. That’s only unromantic if you allow it to be. It’s not.
When was the last time you set aside time just for the two of you? Private time, people, not family-go-to-the-zoo time. Sure, you can have animal noises but they should be just between the two of you (snicker).
Sorry, sorry. But you get the point, right? Stop and take time to nourish your relationship. Make him feel special to you. Find out what he thinks is sexy or a turn-on and give it to him.
This is about him. not you. Make him feel he is a priority because he should be. That is one of the things that helps protect your relationship and keep it hawt. What it really is, is about FOCUS. Keep your focus on one another THE most important thing in your relationship.
(p.s. and for those of us who’s kids are out of the house or we spend 24/7 together now, this also applies, probably more so! The habit of being around one another can also create an atmosphere where we kind of forget [well, not Alpha Hubby]).