Most of you know that I wasn’t in a relationship in the 12 years before Alpha Hubby came along and tied me down so I couldn’t get away. He wanted to sweep me off my feet (which would have been much simpler), but no. He started as he meant to go on (smile).
So, I didn’t date. For twelve (12) years. Because I still had expensive luggage (baggage is for plebeians) out the wazoo, you might think I was a spineless wimp back then. You might think I wasn’t going out because I didn’t have offers or was scared. You might think I was too hurt and burned out to ever date again. You would be thinking wrongly, my darlinks.
I was a Wild Woman.
Oh, wait before you get the wrong idea: I don’t mean I “ran around
at night” and “drank all the Courvoisier I could find” (song lyrics) – that was the old me. I was a single parent, working long hours and I didn’t drink or run around. I made myself into a goot gurl because I was going to make darn sure my little Alpha Son had a secure and safe home with a relatively normal (Ha. Ahahahahaha) mother.
This song says that a Wild Woman will “tell any man to go to” h-e-double hockey sticks “if that man don’t know how to act right” – wild women – “THEY DON’T SIT AROUND WAITING”. Wild Women don’t let some guy walk all over them.
So I decided life was just fine and I could and would – and did – dance by myself!
I was a Wild Woman.
In those twelve years before Alpha Hubby, I learned why I was attracted to the wrong type of male – which is actually the entire point. Males ARE those macho, really bad boys with no redeeming qualities, chest-beating, responsibility-slacking, non-job-keeping, eyes-wandering, “but baby you know it didn’t mean anything” cheating, low-down dirty… *ahem* – you get the picture.
MEN, on the other hand are the exact opposite. They respect their woman. A man will protect his woman, keep her safe, brow beat her into letting him open the car door for her, make sure she has what she needs to the best of his ability, loves her unconditionally, and all the good things men are. It takes more guts to be a man that it does to be a male. Males default to what’s easiest. Men work to be strong.
I was drawn to that bad-boy male. I was ignorant gone to seed.
So I spent time healing and I found my Inner Wild Woman – that confident woman I used to be.
Wild women are strong. I am SOMEBODY. I have a right to be treated with respect, dignity, honor, and as if I am valuable and precious. I never got the blues again because I made a decision to enjoy my life to the fullest right where I was and I was going to do it loving ME.
I learned that if someone didn’t respect me then they never get any more time in my space. Ever. I learned the value of slapping that hand up, palm out, in their face, and saying, “STOP!” Stop because I am never letting anyone put me down again, especially just so they can feel strong.
I DON’T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ANYONE DISRESPECTING ME. Ever. Again.
I learned how to respect myself. I rebuilt my self esteem and I learned my worth. I learned that I am OK just the way I am and I don’t HAVE to change before I’m worthy of someone’s love.
Then one day at work, along came this guy I barely knew. He had a beautiful smile. He was in awe of me (boy, has THAT changed). He was gentle, patient, and kind to the point I said to him, “I’m not sure I know what to do with a nice guy because I’ve never dated one before!”
I mean, really – what was the matter with him? He treated me right! He said he was impressed with me when we met (his words, not mine). He said he liked my strength and abilities. Seven weeks later I married him. Ha! That’ll teach him to smile at me!!
Of course, NOW I know he is a reformed bad boy and he is dominating, aggravating, pushy, challenging, likes to get his way, hates to be told what to do, is very confident in himself (but not conceited), and would walk all over me IF I let him. He likes that I don’t let him because he swears that he’d grow bored with a complacent pushover-type woman. Unh huh.
I love him wildly and strongly.
His very strength helps me be stronger. He helps me be my very best. He loves me passionately. He loves me just the way I am. He loves me completely. He loves me enough that I can let go and not be so strong. He’s seen me cry. That is huge. HUGE. He allows me to be vulnerable, and protects and keeps me safe while I am. He is a strong man.
Strong Men love Wild Women. Wildly and Strongly.
The Gretchen Wilson on the playlist has a verse I love and while Alpha Hubby and I work on living with no regrets, more than once he’s said, “I wish I’d met you in the sandbox. I would have loved you then, too.”
If I could do it over I’d have waited for this moment
So I could give my heart to you unbroken
But if our mistakes brought us together
Does it really matter whether
We were saints or sinners in the past?
I don’t care if I’m your first love,
But I’d love to be your last
Baybay, I LOVE being your last.