My Heart Belongs to You, Happy Birthday.

November 19th, 2018

 

This is a holiday week – a week where people focus a little bit more on being Thankful. When you put things up against what happened in Paradise California, it’s easy to be more thankful for what you have – and to remember to pray for those who lost every.thing.

This is a birthday week for someone who, when we first married, really didn’t celebrate his birthday. He fast got over that! This year, two days after snack night and the day after eating much on Thanksgiving, I will celebrate Alpha Hubby’s birthday. Yes, his birthday falls after Thanksgiving day this year. 

Alpha Hubby and I have a few songs that speak to our hearts. I fell in love with this song in the 90’s after we’d been married a few years. I can’t listen to it without tearing up. It STILL speaks to my heart – about you, baby, about you. My heart truly belongs to you.

I am very thankful for you. 

Look at me now.
I thought I was near the end,
Then you came along,
When I needed a friend.

I was not near the end. I was right there. The End. I was done with romance. I hadn’t dated in so long I forgot what it felt like. Then, there he was – he came along and captured my heart, completely.

And you made me love again,
Somehow you found me,
Wrapped your love around me.

I was never, ever, ever going to “fall in love” again. And it is so true that he wrapped his love around me and changed my mind about everything that is true love. 

Now my heads up in the clouds, when I’m around you.
I just want to say, everyday, thank God I found you.

I will move heaven and earth, give you my heart,
For all that it’s worth.
You are mine – til the end of time.

I don’t care what we’ve both been through.
Till the end my heart belongs to you.

I don’t know how you found me but I am so thankful that you did. I’m thankful that you persevered though all my freak-outs, my fear, my concern that you were an axe-murderer in disguise – coming to hack my heart apart even more.

You are my heart.
You are my everything.
The moon and the stars and the air that I breath.
And you gave me strength again.
Somehow you found me,
Wrapped your love around me.

(Chorus)

You know why, I’m love shy.
I don’t want to hurt anymore.
I’ve been hurt before.
And I know I am saving my love for you.
I’m gonna keep you safe and warm.
I do love you.

(Chorus)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY. My heart belongs to you. Thank you for keeping it safe. Thank you for being trustworthy so I could give it to you for safekeeping. Thank you for loving me like you do. It is truly supernatural.

Guess what you’re getting for your birthday…

nighties

No, seriously guess! Bet you can’t guess. Awww…. you cheated. You peeked!

♥ My Heart Belongs To You – Peabo Bryson & Jim Brickman

Dream a Little Dream of Me

October 31st, 2018

 

Guess what I learned? Drawing up house plans together can affect your dreamy relationship.

You know how I talk about focusing on the good in your mate? How you need to keep that focus on them and protect your relationship from all outside distractions? Keep it safe from those things that come along trying to destroy your marriage/relationship?

Yeah. I don’t think the experts factored in a couple building their dream home.

I have learned things about Alpha Hubby that have shaken me to my core, to my very foundation of my belief in our marriage. OK, maybe not but it has been eye opening, to say the least.

couple fighting

CreativeCommons.org

I learned we have to REALLY fight to keep from fighting over this house plan. Especially when he thinks he’s giving me what I dreamed of and want, and all I’m seeing are the things HE wants in the house that are catty-wampus of the things I think I want.

Sigh

Truth is – I am learning it’s just a dad-gummed house. I am not going to go to battle over it. He really is working very hard to give me all my heart’s desires – even if they don’t always work with the house plan. He finds ways. I have to keeping reminding myself of this when things go beyond what I think I’d like.

I just have to get off my high horse and let him work this plan – and remember a point made in a movie we saw years ago – School for Seduction – a cute little movie about a woman who starts a school to teach people about romance, dressing for seduction, etiquette, etc.

One couple in the movie was having trouble and the wife had been in the classes, tried what she’d learned on her husband, to no avail. She couldn’t understand why he wasn’t focused on their marriage anymore. He took her hand, leading her into the main portion of the house and asked, “Where am I?”

She was confused and tried to show him how he was represented in their home. Everything she came up with was really about her – her design, her ideas, her choices, her decor, her decorating – and he said, “Like I said, ‘Where am I’ in this house?”

It obviously wasn’t about decorating or decor – it was that her own focus had gotten skewed and everything was about what she liked. It was all about her. Nothing was about him, his desires, likes, ideas. He was feeling left out (there were other issues, too) which finally morphed into affecting the whole marriage.

I remind myself of that movie while we are creating our dream home. I remind myself he has a right to his dream home, too.

Even if it’s in MY house.*

*Juuuuuust kidding, baby! You’re doing an amazing job.

I grew up with this version of “Dream a Little Dream of Me’ by Mama Cass of the Mamas and the Papas.* There is an amazing version by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.

The Mamas & the Papas were an American folk rock vocal group who recorded and performed from 1965 to 1968.

Dance With Me

September 29th, 2018

https://youtu.be/uo1xgTb-jM8

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I absolutely totally love this video and Johnny Reid’s Dance With Me. The moments of dance are so intimate – beautiful. Locking eyes. Head resting on chest or shoulder, eyes closed. Hugging. It chokes me up sometimes. I know when I try to sing it to Alpha Hubby, it’s never going to get finished. It makes me emotional

There are three big reasons why Alpha Hubby and I have such an amazing marriage, even after 24.7 years. Well, three reasons and one Alpha.

Our marriage is what it is because of Alpha Hubby (God is first but I’m not going there today). Alpha Hubby absolutely, 100 percent, totally and completely loves me, respects me and walks powerfully in unconditional love. He’d have to, living with me. But, by golly, he unpacked all my baggage and decimated the suitcases, so I’m better than I was.

He does, I’m sure, have moments of mayhem and strangling on his mind – but that’s what makes him so wonderful. He doesn’t lose his mind and follow-through; he doesn’t even have a fit. He rarely loses his temper at me (I think twice in 24 years). He works with me to keep our focus on the good in each other. That right there is probably the Number One thing – keep that focus on the good in the other person because without the focus, you’ll never succeed in Number Two.

Probably the Number Two most important thing (well, it’s first according to him) – is to keep that intimacy strong no matter what. The intimacy between the two of you cannot be sustained without copious amounts of s*x. And I’m not making that up; it’s been a known fact for years. No I’m not going to give references here – google it for yourself.

S*x means focus. Focus is vital to a couple remaining strong together rather than becoming roommates. That hot passion you have when you’re first together? It changes. Not in a bad way, like most people think. No, it morphs into something so precious and vital. It becomes stronger than those feelings you had in the beginning.

You don’t even want to sustain that excitement you had in the beginning. You’d miss out on something so valuable if you didn’t get past it.  In the beginning you’re excited about learning one another so it’s hawt and spicy. After time and remaining intimate, you can become excited BECAUSE you know one another and know how to drive the other person wild.

You don’t depend on the excitement you feel in the beginning of a relationship. You do learn how to keep that hawt and spicy, only better. You know what turns them on. You know what hot buttons to push. You know what they think of as sexy. You know how to set up the perfect rendezvous. You focus on them and giving to them because you know the importance of protecting this in your marriage. It is so vital.

And – together, you know the importance of Number Three – DANCE. Let the world outside disappear. Look in one another’s eyes. That is a private moment between the two of you. Cherish it. It’s all you need to connect or reconnect sometimes.

Dance often. Dance in the kitchen. Dance in the living room. Dance in the bedroom. Dance in the swimming pool, no matter how cold that water gets (today was a shiver day). Dance because. I do because Alpha Hubby loves to dance with me (and not because of what it may lead to; no, he just wants the closeness and romance of it). Hey, I heard that Alpha snicker; you can’t fool me. I know it was you.

And no dance is not a euphemism for s*x – or is it?

I’ll never tell. But… that water sure was COLD! hee hee.

With Him or Without Him?

July 3rd, 2018

So, Alpha Hubby and I have been in the process of preparing for a move to another state. Eight years ago we did the same thing by moving to where we are now. Both times have had opportunities fraught with battles, anger, misunderstandings, grr-moments, and the like.

Sometimes when you are living with a group of boxes in almost every room – and someone has helped you pack them up – you can become totally frustrated. Thus the tale of the packed-up kitchen.

Alpha Hubby wanted to help and I appreciate that. He attacked the kitchen, pantry and laundry room with a relish. It was such a help… until I reached for something I needed to use (and would never have packed up at this time). Our conversation went something like this – times about 10 times when I reached for other somethings.

Me: Have you seen my such-and-such item? I could have sworn it was here.

AH: I’m pretty sure it’s been packed up.

Me: Really? Are you kidding me? We use that all the time!!

AH: Well, if you didn’t want help, you shouldn’t have asked.

Me: I DIDN’T ask, you volunteered.

AH: Well, if you didn’t want help, you shouldn’t have said yes.

Me: (Smoke coming out ears)

Me: I guess I should have made a list of things NOT to pack at this time.

AH: Well, I guess you should have.

End of discussion.

Now two things – first, this above discussion wasn’t done in anger but I’m pretty darned sure he was being snarky. Secondly, I had a choice to make.

I had to decide how I was going to handle this. The most important thing is that he did volunteer to help do something he really doesn’t like doing – packing. He also knows that if anything gets broken in the move because of his packing, he will replace it. (Yes, darling, I just made that rule up.)

I had a choice to make – do I get upset or do I just accept that I am either going to go through all the boxes trying to find the “it” I’m looking for or do without it? If I can’t do without it, will I go buy another one? If buying another one is not fiscally friendly, what happens?

I did notice that he is really, really good at figuring out where something was stashed. That helped tremendously when I absolutely had to have something (like holiday cookware you never use any other time and absolutely did not want to buy another).

Then again, yesterday we went through several boxes looking for my Bodum pour-over coffee maker.

coffee maker

We never did find it. I may have packed it, he may have packed it, but no one knows where it is. So I had to go on Amazon and purchase another – which works because if I ever have company, they can have their own little pot.

But through all this, I could have chosen to have a huge hissy fit. I could have been ugly about his “help”. I could have made a choice to make his life “hell on earth” – why? Because I (me, myself) neglected to tell him what not to pack right now. I assumed. Also, I am so grateful for all the good he did do (and all the times he found what I was looking for).

Since we are on this journey of life together, he’s ALWAYS pulling that “with me or without me” card from the movie, Knight and Day (Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, hysterical). And he’s right. It IS important that we stay hooked together.

My man is 100 percent with me. He is a giver. He gives of himself to me as a form of love. He is always out to protect me (sometimes even from myself). Maybe sometimes things don’t go quite right but you know what? I am NOT looking a gift horse… um, gift Alpha Hubby in the mouth.

He blessed me. He loves me. He wants to give to me, not only things but of himself. That is worth far more to me than anything else on this earth. So baby? The same back at ‘cha – with me!

He’s with me; I’m with him. It’s all good.

He’s All I Need to Get By

May 13th, 2018

I grew up with Motown songs. There are so many I’ve used on this blog to help express things both about Alpha Hubby and about the importance of certain things in our relationship.

This song is a perfect one because with One Exception, Alpha Hubby really is all I need to get by. That exception is, of course, God. He is the head of our marriage.  Alpha Son is out of the house living his own life now. All the parents are in heaven. We are alone in the house… uh oh!!

Like the sweet morning dew, I took one look at you
And it was plain to see, you were my destiny
With arms open wide, I threw away my pride
I’ll sacrifice for you, dedicate my life to you

Alpha Hubby likes to say that the first time he saw me, he felt drawn to me. We quickly began to realize that God had plans for us – I mean WHO marries 7 weeks after they meet? Alpha Hubby said he knew I was his destiny. I just had to get over my fear of possibly making a mistake.

(Those who know our story know we both had been told 2 weeks prior to our meet-cute that “someone” was coming… da dum da dum da dum… Jaws!!! – oh ignore me).

I will go where you lead
Always there in time of need
And when I lose my will
You’ll be there to push me up the hill

I remember Alpha Hubby putting his hand on my cheek and asking me, “Will you tie your dreams to mine? Go wherever I go? See where God takes us?” And he has always pushed me to become my very best – to remember who I used to be before fear assaulted me and took over my life.

There’s no, no looking back for us
We got love sure ‘nough, that’s enough
You’re all, you’re all I need to get by

We did make the commitment that there would be no looking back – not into past relationships, not into past failures. We were going to be fresh and new, trusting that God put us together.

Like an eagle protects his nest, for you I’ll do my best
Stand by you like a tree, dare anybody to try and move me
Darling in you I found strength where I was torn down
Don’t know what’s in store but together we can open any door
Just to do what’s good for you and inspire you a little higher
I know you can make a man out of a soul that didn’t have a goal

He protects me and honestly does stand by me. I double-dog Scooby-do dare anyone to try and move him. I did come to him still carrying some torn-down places that God used him to help me heal. We know what’s in store – good things!

Together we face the world and truly have one another’s backs. We made promises to never say negative things to one another. We may get loud a little but NEVER do nasty accusations come out of our mouths.

He says he had no goals when we met. Life had kicked him in the teeth so – meh. He was surviving. Mine? To get by in the peace of my home – nothing else. Together we became inspired.

Cause we, we got the right foundation and with love and determination
You’re all, you’re all I want to strive for and do a little more
You’re all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one

Yep – it’s the truth. We have the Right foundation in our marriage. God is the glue because we both honor God first, then one another. We made permanent commitments that will never be shaken. I can honestly say that Alpha Hubby is who he is in our marriage because of who God is in his life. He will never dishonor God. Guess how that translates into our marriage?

We have fun. We keep things hawt. We have rules we live by so that we can have the very best relationship ever. I listen to his many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many cattle stories (sorry hon) and he listens to my very few tiny little weird things that draw my attention (bwahahahaha – it’s MY blog so I can say what I want to).

We have THE very best love affair evah!! And yep. He’s all I need to get by.

When Did You Last Seduce Your Man?

April 27th, 2018

stress sex2I know, I know. I can hear that “WHAT?” screech from here. I can even hear, “WHEN was the last time HE seduced ME?” Or “I’m a feminist. I don’t seduce” or “Seduce? Who the heck has time to seduce? Whattaya, nuts? I’m far too busy with the… (fill in the blank).”

Maybe you should just close out your browser window right now. This post is not for you.

After I married Alpha Hubby, we had many long talks about men, expectations, how to protect that honeymoon stage, and what keeps a marriage hawt, We talked about men and women to the point I realized so many of us women have NO clue.

New Flash – Men and Women think differently. I know, right?

I realize that not all men are the same. Some things do not apply to all men. You can say, “Men love being seduced by their woman up until the day they die” but that may not be true about some men. So I can say “Most men…” and be relatively safe (although I am sure this can be disputed, too).

Back to the Alpha Chats, Alpha Hubby expressed to me the importance of having a healthy sex life in our marriage. Not because he was a horn-dog but because it is vital to the nourishment and success of a relationship. It’s a form of protection and can also create intimacy.

For him especially, but (most) men need seduction (and the followup act *ahem*) and to know they are needed, wanted and seen as a hero. This is important especially because day-to-day living can suck that out of a relationship.

For (most) men the act of sex is like coming home – a safe place. It is up to the woman to make it a safe place for their man. There are things that are up to a man but that’s a later post. For this one, suffice it to say, (most) men need to “feel the love” – often.

No matter how busy, he needs to know that he is on your mind. You have to show and tell him you w-a-n-t him, no matter how busy you get. Is what you’re putting ahead of the man you love far more important than he is? I don’t think so.

Alpha Hubby loves rendezvous so I give them to him – setting the mood with romantic music, candles, scent; slipping on those stilettos, putting on the sexy-to-him outfit, spraying the sheets with his favorite perfume – whatever it is that he likes.

And that act of getting ready puts me in the mood (or amps it higher) even if I wasn’t really there to begin with! So much of an amazing sex life truly is in the mind, especially for women. We decide it is important. We think on it. We express to him our thoughts about him and how he’s all that to you.

And no, we don’t have constant rendezvous. Most of the time it’s… oh hey, that’s too personal. Never mind!

I think it is safe to say it all boils down to a few things.

**What are your priorities? What or who is more important than your mate?
**Was it hawt in the beginning of your marriage? Why did you let that drop? And don’t tell me “We got busy” or “The kids came along” – every. single. thing. is an excuse.
**What needs protecting more – your relationship with the one you love or the cleanliness of your house? Or whatever excuse you toss out?
**It sometimes takes w-o-r-k and the time to schedule it. That’s only unromantic if you allow it to be. It’s not.

When was the last time you set aside time just for the two of you? Private time, people, not family-go-to-the-zoo time. Sure, you can have animal noises but they should be just between the two of you (snicker).

Sorry, sorry. But you get the point, right? Stop and take time to nourish your relationship. Make him feel special to you. Find out what he thinks is sexy or a turn-on and give it to him.

This is about him. not you. Make him feel he is a priority because he should be. That is one of the things that helps protect your relationship and keep it hawt. What it really is, is about FOCUS. Keep your focus on one another THE most important thing in your relationship.

(p.s. and for those of us who’s kids are out of the house or we spend 24/7 together now, this also applies, probably more so! The habit of being around one another can also create an atmosphere where we kind of forget [well, not Alpha Hubby]).