With or Without Him, More

July 3rd, 2019

I had a post last year on this same date:  With Or Without Him

In that post, I talked about how we were in the process of preparing for a move to another state (Texas). This is a semi-follow-through, an exact year later.

Exactly a year ago, we were preparing. We had yet to put the house on the market (it closed mid-December after a month on market). Now, even though I’m no longer living with boxes surrounding me, I have a leetle issue because every. single. thing I own other than hotel-stuff is sitting in storage – 3 units to be exact.

With few changes from last year’s conversation:

Me: Have you seen my such-and-such item? I could have sworn it was here in the luggage. (Some little something, like extra laptop gadgets.)

AH: I’m pretty sure it’s the storage unit.

Me: Really? Are you kidding me? I use that all the time!!

AH: Well, if you didn’t want to know, you shouldn’t have asked me to help you pack the last of the stuff.

Me: I DIDN’T ask, you volunteered when I was packing to put stuff in storage from the house (we’d had a temp rental for the past 5 months).

AH: Well, if you didn’t want help, you shouldn’t have said yes when I asked if you needed help.

Me: (Smoke coming out ears)

Me: I guess I should have made a list of things NOT to go to any storage unit at all at this time.

AH: Well, I guess you should have.

End of discussion.

Again, this above discussion wasn’t done in anger but I now know he was being snarky. I know because he told me so.

Now we are sitting in a motel room, waiting to look at the home we are finally interested in. We can’t see it until Monday but we’ve been here a few days already.

In case you’ve forgotten or never experienced it, sitting in a motel room can be claustrophobic (especially if the telephone doesn’t work, the internet goes off from 1:30 p,m, to 5:00 p.m, the laundry area is out of order, the snack machine is out of order, the pop machine is out of order, and you have to use your imagination to even believe that’s a Continental breakfast).

All that can affect your attitude, which in turn makes you look at the other person with intent in your heart – intentions that God did not intend you to think about your loved one. It might have to involve repenting.

The most important thing is that he’s pretty good at finding things in said storage units. If not, he just buys me another (like a mug I can use in a microwave – since I haven’t used on in 9 years).

Since we saw this movie, he ALWAYS pulls that “with me or without me” card from the movie, Knight and Day (Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, hysterical). And he’s right. It IS important that we stay hooked together, against anything that would try to steal our togetherness.

Maybe sometimes things don’t go quite right. Sometimes you have to choose to be on each other’s side and not attack. But you know what? I am NOT looking a gift horse… um, gift Alpha Hubby in the mouth. We believe in other another, We stick together, like glue. Joined at the hips (personal joke).

He blesses me. He loves me. That is worth far more to me than anything else on this earth. So baby? I believe in you. I believe in the dream. I believe together we conquer!

The same back at ‘cha – I already know. He’s with me; I’m with him. It’s all good.

A Real Wild One

November 23rd, 2018


When I think back on who I was in my late teens right after I left high school, through college and Air Force, it is hard to believe I was THAT girl. I was cut loose after living with strict parents. I was also dumber than a brick but by golly, I was going to have fun. I was Unshackled. I was Set Free.

I was thoughtless, immature, and a bit wild. Not by everyone’s wild standards since my friends were far wilder than I was, but still. They would have been Mega Wild women. I was just Real. More than most; less than totally insane.

I danced the night away, clubbing. There was drinking, smoking, and I was well able to out-curse a sailor (like that is so important). Let me tell you, I was Potty Mouth Extraordinaire. Not necessarily in front of everyone but I STILL remember when I let the F-bomb fly in front of my mom. You don’t EVEN want to know her reaction – and I was a grown up by world standards. I think that was the beginning of the end of the F-bomb.

Everything was far out, right on and groovy. Can you dig it?  I was up for a lot of things that I super cringe at now. Yes, I inhaled but I was far too chicken to carry on with that for very long. I also didn’t like being out of control so could never graduate to hard anything (thank God). In college I saw what LSD did to some friends. I never forgot, so in the back of my mind it was, “Nope, not going there. Wanna keep my brainz!

I was a prude about one thing – sex. I was the rare duck who decided to save it for marriage. And let me tell you something: college boys were very creative trying to get me to give it up. The Psychology Major said there was something inherently wrong with me and he could help me. The Football Player just wanted to score, baby! The Druggie just thought I should get high and let it all hang out. The Cool Dude just thought he could romance me: by taking my hand and putting it… there. While his girlfriend, my best friend, was out of town.

BUT – I’m taking this trip down bad memory lane because of one thing. I lost both the bad and the good parts of being a Real Wild One after one too many bad trips. No, not drugs, bad-for-me men in my life. I ended up being pretty messed up in my head and lost my confidence, both in myself and interacting with others.

I could go on but the point was that it wasn’t until – well, first getting back right with God and figuring out who I was in Him (and clue: she wasn’t a drinking, smoking cursing extraordinaire!). Developing that relationship, I changed to the point that when I first moved to AR a new friend took to calling me “Nun” instead of “Nan”. Yeah, I was that straight.

Secondly? I met Alpha Hubby. Falling in love with Alpha hubby changed everything, too. He helped me regain confidence. He helped me finish healing. He helped me unpack unnecessary baggage and toss the bags. Most importantly, he helped me find myself, that Real Wild One, again

With him, I am brave again. With him, there is no backlash if I do something silly or stupid. With him, there is no judgement. With him I can explore. With him, I am the best me I can be. With him I am safe.

So since today is his birthday, I am giving him the gift of my inner Real Wild One – the one thing he really likes for his birthday. Rendezvous, candlelight, a small glass of bubbly, romantic music, slow dancing – then, behind closed doors… oh wait – I can’t tell you THAT. You don’t need to know what a Real Wild One does to an Alpha Hubby.

Heh, heh, heh. I’m a wild one, baby, I’m a wild one…

My Heart Belongs to You, Happy Birthday.

November 19th, 2018


This is a holiday week – a week where people focus a little bit more on being Thankful. When you put things up against what happened in Paradise California, it’s easy to be more thankful for what you have – and to remember to pray for those who lost every.thing.

This is a birthday week for someone who, when we first married, really didn’t celebrate his birthday. He fast got over that! This year, two days after snack night and the day after eating much on Thanksgiving, I will celebrate Alpha Hubby’s birthday. Yes, his birthday falls after Thanksgiving day this year. 

Alpha Hubby and I have a few songs that speak to our hearts. I fell in love with this song in the 90’s after we’d been married a few years. I can’t listen to it without tearing up. It STILL speaks to my heart – about you, baby, about you. My heart truly belongs to you.

I am very thankful for you. 

Look at me now.
I thought I was near the end,
Then you came along,
When I needed a friend.

I was not near the end. I was right there. The End. I was done with romance. I hadn’t dated in so long I forgot what it felt like. Then, there he was – he came along and captured my heart, completely.

And you made me love again,
Somehow you found me,
Wrapped your love around me.

I was never, ever, ever going to “fall in love” again. And it is so true that he wrapped his love around me and changed my mind about everything that is true love. 

Now my heads up in the clouds, when I’m around you.
I just want to say, everyday, thank God I found you.

I will move heaven and earth, give you my heart,
For all that it’s worth.
You are mine – til the end of time.

I don’t care what we’ve both been through.
Till the end my heart belongs to you.

I don’t know how you found me but I am so thankful that you did. I’m thankful that you persevered though all my freak-outs, my fear, my concern that you were an axe-murderer in disguise – coming to hack my heart apart even more.

You are my heart.
You are my everything.
The moon and the stars and the air that I breath.
And you gave me strength again.
Somehow you found me,
Wrapped your love around me.


You know why, I’m love shy.
I don’t want to hurt anymore.
I’ve been hurt before.
And I know I am saving my love for you.
I’m gonna keep you safe and warm.
I do love you.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY. My heart belongs to you. Thank you for keeping it safe. Thank you for being trustworthy so I could give it to you for safekeeping. Thank you for loving me like you do. It is truly supernatural.

Guess what you’re getting for your birthday…


No, seriously guess! Bet you can’t guess. Awww…. you cheated. You peeked!

♥ My Heart Belongs To You – Peabo Bryson & Jim Brickman

Dream a Little Dream of Me

October 31st, 2018


Guess what I learned? Drawing up house plans together can affect your dreamy relationship.

You know how I talk about focusing on the good in your mate? How you need to keep that focus on them and protect your relationship from all outside distractions? Keep it safe from those things that come along trying to destroy your marriage/relationship?

Yeah. I don’t think the experts factored in a couple building their dream home.

I have learned things about Alpha Hubby that have shaken me to my core, to my very foundation of my belief in our marriage. OK, maybe not but it has been eye opening, to say the least.

couple fighting


I learned we have to REALLY fight to keep from fighting over this house plan. Especially when he thinks he’s giving me what I dreamed of and want, and all I’m seeing are the things HE wants in the house that are catty-wampus of the things I think I want.


Truth is – I am learning it’s just a dad-gummed house. I am not going to go to battle over it. He really is working very hard to give me all my heart’s desires – even if they don’t always work with the house plan. He finds ways. I have to keeping reminding myself of this when things go beyond what I think I’d like.

I just have to get off my high horse and let him work this plan – and remember a point made in a movie we saw years ago – School for Seduction – a cute little movie about a woman who starts a school to teach people about romance, dressing for seduction, etiquette, etc.

One couple in the movie was having trouble and the wife had been in the classes, tried what she’d learned on her husband, to no avail. She couldn’t understand why he wasn’t focused on their marriage anymore. He took her hand, leading her into the main portion of the house and asked, “Where am I?”

She was confused and tried to show him how he was represented in their home. Everything she came up with was really about her – her design, her ideas, her choices, her decor, her decorating – and he said, “Like I said, ‘Where am I’ in this house?”

It obviously wasn’t about decorating or decor – it was that her own focus had gotten skewed and everything was about what she liked. It was all about her. Nothing was about him, his desires, likes, ideas. He was feeling left out (there were other issues, too) which finally morphed into affecting the whole marriage.

I remind myself of that movie while we are creating our dream home. I remind myself he has a right to his dream home, too.

Even if it’s in MY house.*

*Juuuuuust kidding, baby! You’re doing an amazing job.

I grew up with this version of “Dream a Little Dream of Me’ by Mama Cass of the Mamas and the Papas.* There is an amazing version by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.

The Mamas & the Papas were an American folk rock vocal group who recorded and performed from 1965 to 1968.

Dance With Me

September 29th, 2018



I absolutely totally love this video and Johnny Reid’s Dance With Me. The moments of dance are so intimate – beautiful. Locking eyes. Head resting on chest or shoulder, eyes closed. Hugging. It chokes me up sometimes. I know when I try to sing it to Alpha Hubby, it’s never going to get finished. It makes me emotional

There are three big reasons why Alpha Hubby and I have such an amazing marriage, even after 24.7 years. Well, three reasons and one Alpha.

Our marriage is what it is because of Alpha Hubby (God is first but I’m not going there today). Alpha Hubby absolutely, 100 percent, totally and completely loves me, respects me and walks powerfully in unconditional love. He’d have to, living with me. But, by golly, he unpacked all my baggage and decimated the suitcases, so I’m better than I was.

He does, I’m sure, have moments of mayhem and strangling on his mind – but that’s what makes him so wonderful. He doesn’t lose his mind and follow-through; he doesn’t even have a fit. He rarely loses his temper at me (I think twice in 24 years). He works with me to keep our focus on the good in each other. That right there is probably the Number One thing – keep that focus on the good in the other person because without the focus, you’ll never succeed in Number Two.

Probably the Number Two most important thing (well, it’s first according to him) – is to keep that intimacy strong no matter what. The intimacy between the two of you cannot be sustained without copious amounts of s*x. And I’m not making that up; it’s been a known fact for years. No I’m not going to give references here – google it for yourself.

S*x means focus. Focus is vital to a couple remaining strong together rather than becoming roommates. That hot passion you have when you’re first together? It changes. Not in a bad way, like most people think. No, it morphs into something so precious and vital. It becomes stronger than those feelings you had in the beginning.

You don’t even want to sustain that excitement you had in the beginning. You’d miss out on something so valuable if you didn’t get past it.  In the beginning you’re excited about learning one another so it’s hawt and spicy. After time and remaining intimate, you can become excited BECAUSE you know one another and know how to drive the other person wild.

You don’t depend on the excitement you feel in the beginning of a relationship. You do learn how to keep that hawt and spicy, only better. You know what turns them on. You know what hot buttons to push. You know what they think of as sexy. You know how to set up the perfect rendezvous. You focus on them and giving to them because you know the importance of protecting this in your marriage. It is so vital.

And – together, you know the importance of Number Three – DANCE. Let the world outside disappear. Look in one another’s eyes. That is a private moment between the two of you. Cherish it. It’s all you need to connect or reconnect sometimes.

Dance often. Dance in the kitchen. Dance in the living room. Dance in the bedroom. Dance in the swimming pool, no matter how cold that water gets (today was a shiver day). Dance because. I do because Alpha Hubby loves to dance with me (and not because of what it may lead to; no, he just wants the closeness and romance of it). Hey, I heard that Alpha snicker; you can’t fool me. I know it was you.

And no dance is not a euphemism for s*x – or is it?

I’ll never tell. But… that water sure was COLD! hee hee.

With Him or Without Him?

July 3rd, 2018

So, Alpha Hubby and I have been in the process of preparing for a move to another state. Eight years ago we did the same thing by moving to where we are now. Both times have had opportunities fraught with battles, anger, misunderstandings, grr-moments, and the like.

Sometimes when you are living with a group of boxes in almost every room – and someone has helped you pack them up – you can become totally frustrated. Thus the tale of the packed-up kitchen.

Alpha Hubby wanted to help and I appreciate that. He attacked the kitchen, pantry and laundry room with a relish. It was such a help… until I reached for something I needed to use (and would never have packed up at this time). Our conversation went something like this – times about 10 times when I reached for other somethings.

Me: Have you seen my such-and-such item? I could have sworn it was here.

AH: I’m pretty sure it’s been packed up.

Me: Really? Are you kidding me? We use that all the time!!

AH: Well, if you didn’t want help, you shouldn’t have asked.

Me: I DIDN’T ask, you volunteered.

AH: Well, if you didn’t want help, you shouldn’t have said yes.

Me: (Smoke coming out ears)

Me: I guess I should have made a list of things NOT to pack at this time.

AH: Well, I guess you should have.

End of discussion.

Now two things – first, this above discussion wasn’t done in anger but I’m pretty darned sure he was being snarky. Secondly, I had a choice to make.

I had to decide how I was going to handle this. The most important thing is that he did volunteer to help do something he really doesn’t like doing – packing. He also knows that if anything gets broken in the move because of his packing, he will replace it. (Yes, darling, I just made that rule up.)

I had a choice to make – do I get upset or do I just accept that I am either going to go through all the boxes trying to find the “it” I’m looking for or do without it? If I can’t do without it, will I go buy another one? If buying another one is not fiscally friendly, what happens?

I did notice that he is really, really good at figuring out where something was stashed. That helped tremendously when I absolutely had to have something (like holiday cookware you never use any other time and absolutely did not want to buy another).

Then again, yesterday we went through several boxes looking for my Bodum pour-over coffee maker.

coffee maker

We never did find it. I may have packed it, he may have packed it, but no one knows where it is. So I had to go on Amazon and purchase another – which works because if I ever have company, they can have their own little pot.

But through all this, I could have chosen to have a huge hissy fit. I could have been ugly about his “help”. I could have made a choice to make his life “hell on earth” – why? Because I (me, myself) neglected to tell him what not to pack right now. I assumed. Also, I am so grateful for all the good he did do (and all the times he found what I was looking for).

Since we are on this journey of life together, he’s ALWAYS pulling that “with me or without me” card from the movie, Knight and Day (Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, hysterical). And he’s right. It IS important that we stay hooked together.

My man is 100 percent with me. He is a giver. He gives of himself to me as a form of love. He is always out to protect me (sometimes even from myself). Maybe sometimes things don’t go quite right but you know what? I am NOT looking a gift horse… um, gift Alpha Hubby in the mouth.

He blessed me. He loves me. He wants to give to me, not only things but of himself. That is worth far more to me than anything else on this earth. So baby? The same back at ‘cha – with me!

He’s with me; I’m with him. It’s all good.