2020 – I Love The Way He Loves Me

January 3rd, 2020

I am not going to do a motivational post about resolutions, changes, goals, and the like. People focus on leaving behind things that are not good – like not exercising.

I am focusing on things I want to drag into this new year. I am dragging in Alpha Hubby and his ways of romancing me.

I am leaving behind the things I “might” think are… ummmm… perhaps, aggravating?

I mean, really. He is an amazing man and husband. REALLY amazing. However, I think there is a disconnect in his brain that, after 25 years and 10 months, he should have pieced together and figured out.

There have been pantries that he built me for what I’m about to reveal. Both houses we’ve been in, he built me incredible pantry areas or rooms. Those might have been a clue?

This crime? The “We still have some left (in the jar, on the roll, etc.,)” versus “I don’t want to run out.” I even have a system wherein once I begin to use the next to the last of something, I make a note on the shopping list to pick up another to replace it. I like having a surplus of needed and necessary items.

Alpha Hubby? He’s of the camp that, “We can always make a run to the store.” My camp says, “I hate running out so I like surplus.” Plus, there is no way I want to use tissue or paper towels when I run out of toilet paper.

It is the difference in the way he thinks and the way I think. Should I let this aggravate me?

Well, tonight he was in the living room playing love songs loud enough to reach the room I marked as my office. This one from YouTube above is one of them. There are several tear-jerk songs he plays that always melt my heart. It’s a way he expresses his love for me.

So, on one hand we have the difference of “meh” and “more than enough” versus romantic love songs we can dance to in the living room. Which do you think is more important to me?

Hand me the Kleenex box, baby! I may be out of toilet paper but I love the way you love me!

Two Sparrows Who Made It

November 13th, 2019

This is a small redux of an older post (2015).

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

This is an older video and older song from Tanya Tucker. Look past the fuzzy picture and just listen to/watch the lyrics.  Oh yeah, and we’re not leaving here for a long, long time! 80’s – pffff!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

As many of you know, Alpha Hubby and I met at work and married 7 weeks later. To say they were betting against us, and on how long we’d last, is an understatement (they actually did that). I am sure no one bet 25.6 years so I’m glad everyone lost their bets.

Alpha Hubby saw me from the very beginning. He saw the real me.  He heard the real me. He quickly knew me (and no, not in the Biblical sense. Wash your mind!). He told me back then that when we talked that day in my cubicle for over an hour, God showed him my heart.

He was willing to take on the challenge of helping me so that I could relearn to be myself, both with him and with myself. I needed a lot of love and he had a lot to give. To him I mattered. I was worthy.

He used to tell me that all he ever wanted was to be loved for himself. I don’t think he’d ever been able to be himself, either – not for years. He was the brave warrior for those who needed rescuing. The attitudinal rude alpha male for those who wanted him for what he could give them. The anti-hero to those he found betraying his trust.

I had to dig and dig and insist that he be himself. He needed a lot of love and I had a lot to give. To me, he mattered. He was worthy.

I first heard this song on the radio in the car a few years back.  Once I got past the lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I realized we’ve had:

There’s a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

And we made it to the other side. We now have

With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything

He once asked me, “Will your hook your dreams to mine? Will you go where I go?”  I didn’t hesitate to say yes. How could I not? How could I not follow along with him as we went on faith adventures together? This man loves me unconditionally and has my best in mind. I am not going to mess that up.

He’s got the key to my heart! And of course, I’ve got his ring (smile). 

The world said we’d never make it. Love ensured – we do, we are. we will.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Two Sparrows in a Hurricane (Tanya Tucker)

She’s fifteen and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the keys to her heart
It’s just matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it, love says they will

There’s a baby crying and one more on the way
There’s a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can’t pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

(chorus)

She’s eighty-three and he’s barely driving a car
She’s got his ring and he’s got the key to her heart
It’s just a matter of time
They’ll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane
Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They’ve heard it’s all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they’ll never make it
But love says they will

I Love The Way He Loves Me

November 1st, 2019

It’s been awhile since I posted. There’s a REALLY good reason for that. Everything is… nah, I’m not sharing right now.

The other day Alpha Hubby played this song. It’s one of my favorites, especially the chorus. The chorus is my song to him, but he pointed out that the verses were everything he felt for me. *sigh*

Of course, I teared up.

I tried to sing the chorus to him.

Of course, I teared up. AND choked up. Voice wobbling.

Ugh. I sing very well but I absolutely cannot sing love songs to my husband without tearing up, choking up and wobbling. His love overwhelms me. It’s strong.

You want to know how strong your love is? To know if it can crack at the simplest of things? If it can stand up to closeness few experience so they’ll never know if their love is strong or not?

Try staying in a small, two-room motel room for 4 months. You will quickly find out just how strong your love is.

Four months was up on the 24th of October. He played this song for me a few days after that.

Yeah That’s why I keep him around.

He REALLY loves me.

Little Black Dress on the Prairie

October 3rd, 2019

     

Coming Soon!

A tale of belligerent cows and a former city-girl

With or Without Him, More

July 3rd, 2019

I had a post last year on this same date:  With Or Without Him

In that post, I talked about how we were in the process of preparing for a move to another state (Texas). This is a semi-follow-through, an exact year later.

Exactly a year ago, we were preparing. We had yet to put the house on the market (it closed mid-December after a month on market). Now, even though I’m no longer living with boxes surrounding me, I have a leetle issue because every. single. thing I own other than hotel-stuff is sitting in storage – 3 units to be exact.

With few changes from last year’s conversation:

Me: Have you seen my such-and-such item? I could have sworn it was here in the luggage. (Some little something, like extra laptop gadgets.)

AH: I’m pretty sure it’s the storage unit.

Me: Really? Are you kidding me? I use that all the time!!

AH: Well, if you didn’t want to know, you shouldn’t have asked me to help you pack the last of the stuff.

Me: I DIDN’T ask, you volunteered when I was packing to put stuff in storage from the house (we’d had a temp rental for the past 5 months).

AH: Well, if you didn’t want help, you shouldn’t have said yes when I asked if you needed help.

Me: (Smoke coming out ears)

Me: I guess I should have made a list of things NOT to go to any storage unit at all at this time.

AH: Well, I guess you should have.

End of discussion.

Again, this above discussion wasn’t done in anger but I now know he was being snarky. I know because he told me so.

Now we are sitting in a motel room, waiting to look at the home we are finally interested in. We can’t see it until Monday but we’ve been here a few days already.

In case you’ve forgotten or never experienced it, sitting in a motel room can be claustrophobic (especially if the telephone doesn’t work, the internet goes off from 1:30 p,m, to 5:00 p.m, the laundry area is out of order, the snack machine is out of order, the pop machine is out of order, and you have to use your imagination to even believe that’s a Continental breakfast).

All that can affect your attitude, which in turn makes you look at the other person with intent in your heart – intentions that God did not intend you to think about your loved one. It might have to involve repenting.

The most important thing is that he’s pretty good at finding things in said storage units. If not, he just buys me another (like a mug I can use in a microwave – since I haven’t used on in 9 years).

Since we saw this movie, he ALWAYS pulls that “with me or without me” card from the movie, Knight and Day (Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, hysterical). And he’s right. It IS important that we stay hooked together, against anything that would try to steal our togetherness.

Maybe sometimes things don’t go quite right. Sometimes you have to choose to be on each other’s side and not attack. But you know what? I am NOT looking a gift horse… um, gift Alpha Hubby in the mouth. We believe in other another, We stick together, like glue. Joined at the hips (personal joke).

He blesses me. He loves me. That is worth far more to me than anything else on this earth. So baby? I believe in you. I believe in the dream. I believe together we conquer!

The same back at ‘cha – I already know. He’s with me; I’m with him. It’s all good.

A Real Wild One

November 23rd, 2018

 

When I think back on who I was in my late teens right after I left high school, through college and Air Force, it is hard to believe I was THAT girl. I was cut loose after living with strict parents. I was also dumber than a brick but by golly, I was going to have fun. I was Unshackled. I was Set Free.

I was thoughtless, immature, and a bit wild. Not by everyone’s wild standards since my friends were far wilder than I was, but still. They would have been Mega Wild women. I was just Real. More than most; less than totally insane.

I danced the night away, clubbing. There was drinking, smoking, and I was well able to out-curse a sailor (like that is so important). Let me tell you, I was Potty Mouth Extraordinaire. Not necessarily in front of everyone but I STILL remember when I let the F-bomb fly in front of my mom. You don’t EVEN want to know her reaction – and I was a grown up by world standards. I think that was the beginning of the end of the F-bomb.

Everything was far out, right on and groovy. Can you dig it?  I was up for a lot of things that I super cringe at now. Yes, I inhaled but I was far too chicken to carry on with that for very long. I also didn’t like being out of control so could never graduate to hard anything (thank God). In college I saw what LSD did to some friends. I never forgot, so in the back of my mind it was, “Nope, not going there. Wanna keep my brainz!

I was a prude about one thing – sex. I was the rare duck who decided to save it for marriage. And let me tell you something: college boys were very creative trying to get me to give it up. The Psychology Major said there was something inherently wrong with me and he could help me. The Football Player just wanted to score, baby! The Druggie just thought I should get high and let it all hang out. The Cool Dude just thought he could romance me: by taking my hand and putting it… there. While his girlfriend, my best friend, was out of town.

BUT – I’m taking this trip down bad memory lane because of one thing. I lost both the bad and the good parts of being a Real Wild One after one too many bad trips. No, not drugs, bad-for-me men in my life. I ended up being pretty messed up in my head and lost my confidence, both in myself and interacting with others.

I could go on but the point was that it wasn’t until – well, first getting back right with God and figuring out who I was in Him (and clue: she wasn’t a drinking, smoking cursing extraordinaire!). Developing that relationship, I changed to the point that when I first moved to AR a new friend took to calling me “Nun” instead of “Nan”. Yeah, I was that straight.

Secondly? I met Alpha Hubby. Falling in love with Alpha hubby changed everything, too. He helped me regain confidence. He helped me finish healing. He helped me unpack unnecessary baggage and toss the bags. Most importantly, he helped me find myself, that Real Wild One, again

With him, I am brave again. With him, there is no backlash if I do something silly or stupid. With him, there is no judgement. With him I can explore. With him, I am the best me I can be. With him I am safe.

So since today is his birthday, I am giving him the gift of my inner Real Wild One – the one thing he really likes for his birthday. Rendezvous, candlelight, a small glass of bubbly, romantic music, slow dancing – then, behind closed doors… oh wait – I can’t tell you THAT. You don’t need to know what a Real Wild One does to an Alpha Hubby.

Heh, heh, heh. I’m a wild one, baby, I’m a wild one…

My Heart Belongs to You, Happy Birthday.

November 19th, 2018

 

This is a holiday week – a week where people focus a little bit more on being Thankful. When you put things up against what happened in Paradise California, it’s easy to be more thankful for what you have – and to remember to pray for those who lost every.thing.

This is a birthday week for someone who, when we first married, really didn’t celebrate his birthday. He fast got over that! This year, two days after snack night and the day after eating much on Thanksgiving, I will celebrate Alpha Hubby’s birthday. Yes, his birthday falls after Thanksgiving day this year. 

Alpha Hubby and I have a few songs that speak to our hearts. I fell in love with this song in the 90’s after we’d been married a few years. I can’t listen to it without tearing up. It STILL speaks to my heart – about you, baby, about you. My heart truly belongs to you.

I am very thankful for you. 

Look at me now.
I thought I was near the end,
Then you came along,
When I needed a friend.

I was not near the end. I was right there. The End. I was done with romance. I hadn’t dated in so long I forgot what it felt like. Then, there he was – he came along and captured my heart, completely.

And you made me love again,
Somehow you found me,
Wrapped your love around me.

I was never, ever, ever going to “fall in love” again. And it is so true that he wrapped his love around me and changed my mind about everything that is true love. 

Now my heads up in the clouds, when I’m around you.
I just want to say, everyday, thank God I found you.

I will move heaven and earth, give you my heart,
For all that it’s worth.
You are mine – til the end of time.

I don’t care what we’ve both been through.
Till the end my heart belongs to you.

I don’t know how you found me but I am so thankful that you did. I’m thankful that you persevered though all my freak-outs, my fear, my concern that you were an axe-murderer in disguise – coming to hack my heart apart even more.

You are my heart.
You are my everything.
The moon and the stars and the air that I breath.
And you gave me strength again.
Somehow you found me,
Wrapped your love around me.

(Chorus)

You know why, I’m love shy.
I don’t want to hurt anymore.
I’ve been hurt before.
And I know I am saving my love for you.
I’m gonna keep you safe and warm.
I do love you.

(Chorus)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY. My heart belongs to you. Thank you for keeping it safe. Thank you for being trustworthy so I could give it to you for safekeeping. Thank you for loving me like you do. It is truly supernatural.

Guess what you’re getting for your birthday…

nighties

No, seriously guess! Bet you can’t guess. Awww…. you cheated. You peeked!

♥ My Heart Belongs To You – Peabo Bryson & Jim Brickman

Dream a Little Dream of Me

October 31st, 2018

 

Guess what I learned? Drawing up house plans together can affect your dreamy relationship.

You know how I talk about focusing on the good in your mate? How you need to keep that focus on them and protect your relationship from all outside distractions? Keep it safe from those things that come along trying to destroy your marriage/relationship?

Yeah. I don’t think the experts factored in a couple building their dream home.

I have learned things about Alpha Hubby that have shaken me to my core, to my very foundation of my belief in our marriage. OK, maybe not but it has been eye opening, to say the least.

couple fighting

CreativeCommons.org

I learned we have to REALLY fight to keep from fighting over this house plan. Especially when he thinks he’s giving me what I dreamed of and want, and all I’m seeing are the things HE wants in the house that are catty-wampus of the things I think I want.

Sigh

Truth is – I am learning it’s just a dad-gummed house. I am not going to go to battle over it. He really is working very hard to give me all my heart’s desires – even if they don’t always work with the house plan. He finds ways. I have to keeping reminding myself of this when things go beyond what I think I’d like.

I just have to get off my high horse and let him work this plan – and remember a point made in a movie we saw years ago – School for Seduction – a cute little movie about a woman who starts a school to teach people about romance, dressing for seduction, etiquette, etc.

One couple in the movie was having trouble and the wife had been in the classes, tried what she’d learned on her husband, to no avail. She couldn’t understand why he wasn’t focused on their marriage anymore. He took her hand, leading her into the main portion of the house and asked, “Where am I?”

She was confused and tried to show him how he was represented in their home. Everything she came up with was really about her – her design, her ideas, her choices, her decor, her decorating – and he said, “Like I said, ‘Where am I’ in this house?”

It obviously wasn’t about decorating or decor – it was that her own focus had gotten skewed and everything was about what she liked. It was all about her. Nothing was about him, his desires, likes, ideas. He was feeling left out (there were other issues, too) which finally morphed into affecting the whole marriage.

I remind myself of that movie while we are creating our dream home. I remind myself he has a right to his dream home, too.

Even if it’s in MY house.*

*Juuuuuust kidding, baby! You’re doing an amazing job.

I grew up with this version of “Dream a Little Dream of Me’ by Mama Cass of the Mamas and the Papas.* There is an amazing version by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.

The Mamas & the Papas were an American folk rock vocal group who recorded and performed from 1965 to 1968.