One of Leland’s favorite movies was Pixar’s “Finding Nemo”. One of my favorite parts was the character Dory. Dory had the perfect answer to how I survived this past year without the love of my life. Her answer to when life gets you down is to “Just keep swimming”.
That’s what I’ve done. I just kept on keeping on. I put one foot in front of the other and just kept swimming in this pool called life. God sustained me completely since I chose to live.
Joshua (son) absolutely would NOT allow me to give up, give in and give out. He threw my words back in my face. He would tell me, “We need to honor Dad’s walk with God” or “We will make him proud” or “He taught us so much so we can’t let that go.” There were times I wanted to punch him in the face… but he was texting and not anywhere near my hands. No mullygrubs.
I asked him once when he got so smart. His reply? “I did listen to what you and dad taught me. Mom. I may not have seemed like it at the time, but I did.” That was obvious because while dealing with his own sadness, he was a ROCK helping me this past year.
Today is the anniversary of him leaving me. Do I miss him? Every. Single. Day. Will I see him again? Thank God, yes. I have some things to say to him about leaving me here without him. It sucks.
Is he having fun in Heaven? Most assuredly. I’ve studied enough about Heaven this past year to actually be jealous. Heaven is so much more than we know. No playing harps on clouds. It’s a REAL place.
But… life has gone on. And on. And on. Walking out this temporary journey. Growing whole again. Realizing that colors are coming back into my black and white world. Smiling, laughing, living.
Knowing that life is all about putting one fin in front of the other… JUST KEEP SWIMMING.
♥