So I posted the original article on 30 Days of Intimacy on Tuesday HERE. Today, first be sure and visit Pamela’s blog HERE (Road to Joy) because she explained what we are doing far better than I did. And it really is a brilliant and stunning article – it touched my heart. Then you’ll want to go over to Maegan’s blog HERE (PlusSizeBarbie) and read her hysterical account of a date night gone awry with Ken – yet they kept their intimacy. Another fine article explaining what we are doing better than I did. Hmmm, are we beginning to see a pattern here?
Thirty days of intimacy. Alpha Hubby and I are on Day 4 tonight when I’m writing this blog (you’ll be reading Friday). Anyhoo, so far we’ve had clammy, cold chaise lounge cushions, frozen Popsicle bodies (swimming pool), bad so-called “love” songs, hysterical laughter, and imperfect moments that are perfect just because they happened.
By Day 2, Alpha Hubby said, “I can tell focus has changed.” Just making the commitment to these 30 days changed something fundamental inside both of us. I can’t explain it – it just makes you more aware. It’s like going back to the beginning stages of your romance when everything was giddy and wonderful – only now it has surpassed that because you know one another so much better.
I really can’t explain it. Sure, we’re only on Day 4 but there’s something in the air – love? Sure, but deeper. Lust? For sure, only more. Respect? Yes. Honor? Oh yes, Pamela taught me that in one of her emails to me when she said, “I would do anything to honor this relationship and my husband, because I believe we have the gift that people write hallmark cards about, and that most people (male and female) want more than anything in the world, but don’t find. I thank God for this.”
Does she not say it JUST right?
I asked Alpha Hubby last night, since it “seemed” like I was the one doing all the work – I prepare the atmosphere (I perfume the air & I light the candles); I dress for a rendezvous; I set up the music, blah blah blah. So I asked him, “What are you doing to help with the intimacy?” He replied, “I show up.”*
Grrr. We laughed but then I thought about it. That says it all – that is intimacy: he shows up. Faithfully, night after night, no drama, always coming home to ME. He is predictable (which I love) and when he’s at work, he calls me EVERY DAY at lunch. Just to chat, see how my day is going, connect. He’s done this for 16.7 years, too. I find that very, very hot. I do. He loves me and he’s not afraid to show it. He wants to talk to me every day. If he doesn’t call, I track him down like the dirty dog he is. But, his reasons are always valid – like an unexpected office lunch or the like. Good thing. I don’t share my toys.
Sometimes we talk for a long time, as if we haven’t been married 16.7 years and talked out every topic on earth. He can still surprise me by telling me something I didn’t know about himself. He is an amazing listener. He never makes me feel like I’m boring him to tears – even though I have, I know. I even glaze over sometimes. I’m better than a sleeping pill BUT he stays awake!! Brownie points.
His expressions of love still astound me. He says, “I would not be where I am if it were not for you sharing this journey with me.” He supports my dreams and (don’t tell him I said this, but he’ll help around the house if I need it). He is hysterically funny, and the humor helps temper the
bossy britches domineering chest-beating I am the boss alpha-ness (smile). Truly, he makes it very easy to love him and he makes it fun to share this 30 Days of Intimacy.
Sure, it is about things other than actual sex – like talking, hand-holding, touching, laughing, listening – but he did inform me today that if we do miss one day of *ahem*? Then we have to add on 15 days for every day we miss. THAT’S what I’m married to. Oh yes, this is what I waited for all my life. And he Truly** loves me.
About our Challenge, Pamela said this: Really, I just want to inspire people to be closer and appreciate each other, and show physical affection. If we could just encourage each person to try to take it as far as they can for 30 days straight, in their own relationships, with the goal of connecting with and honoring the other person and their need for love, affection, respect, and contact, then we will have done a heck of a lot.
I have nothing else to add. She said it perfectly. Join us on this intimate journey!
*and sends romantic e-cards
Portions of this post are excerpts from “The Tango Element: The Passionate Marriage and Keeping it That Way” by Nan C. Loyd. (Unpublished book; work-in-progress). This is copyrighted material © 2009 may not be copied or used without author’s express written permission.