30 Days Intimacy, All Blogs, Humor, Romance


So I posted the original article on 30 Days of Intimacy on Tuesday HERE.  Today, first be sure and visit Pamela’s blog HERE (Road to Joy) because she explained what we are doing far better than I did. And it really is a brilliant and stunning article – it touched my heart.  Then you’ll want to go over to Maegan’s blog HERE (PlusSizeBarbie) and read her hysterical account of a date night gone awry with Ken – yet they kept their intimacy. Another fine article explaining what we are doing better than I did.  Hmmm, are we beginning to see a pattern here?

Thirty days of intimacy.  Alpha Hubby and I are on Day 4 tonight when I’m writing this blog (you’ll be reading Friday).  Anyhoo, so far we’ve had clammy, cold chaise lounge cushions, frozen Popsicle bodies (swimming pool), bad so-called “love” songs, hysterical laughter, and imperfect moments that are perfect just because they happened.

By Day 2, Alpha Hubby said, “I can tell focus has changed.” Just making the commitment to these 30 days changed something fundamental inside both of us.  I can’t explain it – it just makes you more aware.  It’s like going back to the beginning stages of your romance when everything was giddy and wonderful – only now it has surpassed that because you know one another so much better.

I really can’t explain it.  Sure, we’re only on Day 4 but there’s something in the air – love? Sure, but deeper.  Lust?  For sure, only more.  Respect? Yes.  Honor? Oh yes, Pamela taught me that in one of her emails to me when she said, “I would do anything to honor this relationship and my husband, because I believe we have the gift that people write hallmark cards about, and that most people (male and female) want more than anything in the world, but don’t find.  I thank God for this.” 

Does she not say it JUST right?

I asked Alpha Hubby last night, since it “seemed” like I was the one doing all the work – I prepare the atmosphere (I perfume the air & I light the candles); I dress for a rendezvous; I set up the music, blah blah blah.  So I asked him, “What are you doing to help with the intimacy?”  He replied, “I show up.”*

Grrr.  We laughed but then I thought about it.  That says it all – that is intimacy: he shows up.  Faithfully, night after night, no drama, always coming home to ME.  He is predictable (which I love) and when he’s at work, he calls me EVERY DAY at lunch.  Just to chat, see how my day is going, connect.  He’s done this for 16.7 years, too.  I find that very, very hot.  I do.  He loves me and he’s not afraid to show it.  He wants to talk to me every day.  If he doesn’t call, I track him down like the dirty dog he is.  But, his reasons are always valid – like an unexpected office lunch or the like.  Good thing.  I don’t share my toys.

Sometimes we talk for a long time, as if we haven’t been married 16.7 years and talked out every topic on earth.  He can still surprise me by telling me something I didn’t know about himself.  He is an amazing listener.  He never makes me feel like I’m boring him to tears – even though I have, I know.  I even glaze over sometimes.  I’m better than a sleeping pill BUT he stays awake!!  Brownie points.

His expressions of love still astound me.  He says, “I would not be where I am if it were not for you sharing this journey with me.”  He supports my dreams and (don’t tell him I said this, but he’ll help around the house if I need it). He is hysterically funny, and the humor helps temper the bossy britches domineering chest-beating I am the boss alpha-ness (smile).  Truly, he makes it very easy to love him and he makes it fun to share this 30 Days of Intimacy. 

Sure, it is about things other than actual sex – like talking, hand-holding, touching, laughing, listening – but he did inform me today that if we do miss one day of *ahem*?  Then we have to add on 15 days for every day we miss.  THAT’S what I’m married to.  Oh yes, this is what I waited for all my life. And he Truly** loves me.

About our Challenge, Pamela said this:  Really, I just want to inspire people to be closer and appreciate each other, and show physical affection.  If we could just encourage each person to try to take it as far as they can for 30 days straight, in their own relationships, with the goal of connecting with and honoring the other person and their need for love, affection, respect, and contact, then we will have done a heck of a lot.

I have nothing else to add. She said it perfectly.  Join us on this intimate journey!

*and sends romantic e-cards
**Lionel Richie

Portions of this post are excerpts from “The Tango Element: The Passionate Marriage and Keeping it That Way” by Nan C. Loyd. (Unpublished book; work-in-progress). This is copyrighted material © 2009 may not be copied or used without author’s express written permission.

22 thoughts on “

  1. Wow, Nan! And I thought I had a positive attitude! You know what I love most about this post? “…imperfect moments that were perfect just because they happened.” Just beautiful. This time YOU said it best for sure! 🙂

  2. It was NO problem with Alpha Hubby. I said, “Hey you want to do this for the next 30 days?” His reply, “That’s the best offer I’ve had all day.” We’re on Day 5 and he’s VERY happy (ho ho). It’s really change our thought process and yes, I can tell a difference in him. As tired as he is from working too many hours, he’s more relaxed, less stressed, and smiling and joking more. It’s all good!

  3. I’m impressed that you got your Alpha Hubby to agree to the challenge. The husband of mine would probably say something like “What for? Don’t we already.” True. We hold hands while watching TV. W surprise each other with a hug all of a sudden. He washes dishes, while I dry them. And, other lovey-dovey things that would make others gag. So, maybe I’ll be nice to him and not ask. 🙂 See, LBD, you got me thinking and chatting. By the way, I appreciate the visit earlier to my blog. I’m looking forward to reading more of yours.

  4. What’s not to love about me?!

    We think of it as a challange because of life and obligations. I don’t find any difference between now and when we first met. Then we did not let life get in the way. Prior to marriage I remember after a long day at work that I hurried to get things done so I could call you just to hear your voice. Even with working long days we talked for hours and then I would still get up and go to work the next morning. So what happened? We got lazy and took things for granted. All the normal excuses dampened the fire that burned within us. Now we rekindle the fire as we did in the beginning by making this a priority in our day, no matter how hard and long the day may be.

  5. Awesome, Nan! Maegan’s post is wonderful, too. I think sometimes couples forget in their busy lives that you have to first give to get. What I invest in making my husband feel adored and wanted comes back to me tenfold. And I am very lucky. The more I do for him, the more romantic he is with me. And the more romantic he is with me, the more I want to be with him! It takes both elements to create amazing intimacy, and it’s amazing how that works.

  6. thanks for stopping by today and your kind words..I love your post and your blog!!! I am now following you on GFC via follow friday 40 and over

  7. If you want to let us know about your experience but don’t want to comment, just email me at nan@nanloyd.com. We don’t want PERSONAL details. We want your thoughts, feelings, what you felt has changed, if you feel this challenge is doing any good, ideas, etc. If you have “setting the atmosphere” ideas, share. Mostly, we just want you to have a good time with your very significant other!

  8. If you want to let us know about your experience but don’t want to comment, just email me at nan@nanloyd.com. We don’t want PERSONAL details. We want your thoughts, feelings, what you felt has changed, if you feel this challenge is doing any good, ideas, etc. If you have “setting the atmosphere” ideas, share. Mostly, we just want you to have a good time with your very significant other!

  9. That’s IT! We truly do reap what we sow and this is an excellent example of that. The more you do, the more romantic he gets – wow. You guys truly live that Halmark card marriage! Eric is always bragging on you in Twitter – it’s so cool!rn
    I like what you said in your article – “We work at it. Itu2019s fun work, sure, but it is a conscious effort to make time for each other and honor each otheru2019s needs.” That’s what so many don’t get – it’s FUN work with excellent rewards! Of course, I also liked: “What I want is the so-good-it-should-be-illegal thrill that only a sizzling hawt relationship can give you.” People should go to your article immediately!

  10. Nothing. Even with your bossy britches way, there isn’t anyone I’d rather be on this journey with! I know, I know, I’m bossy, too, what’s your point? I’m so glad I waiting 12+ years for you – you were so worth it. God really outdid Himself!

  11. I guaranteed Alpha Hubby was overjoyed. It’s wild because we made a deal 16.7 years ago that we’d never become roommates and fought hard not to. Even with intimacy being a priority, we needed this! JOIN us!!

  12. Beautiful post. We celebrated 22 years on the 8th, and it just keeps getting better…rnHmm, I will go check out this challenge. Hubby will be overjoyed. 🙂

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