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Heart to Heart and F-Bombs

01/20/2011

(Revamped from post from last year. I didn’t delete comments from back then; feel free to post new ones! Please? Pretty Please?  Oh, don’t make me beg; that’s just so rude!  And not a pretty sight, either!)

They say inside every fat woman is a skinny woman screaming to get out.  I say slap that skinny skank.  NO!  I don’t say that.  Where DID that come from?  I’m so sorry! I just don’t know what came over me, bless my heart!


I wish! No, I aim for!

OK – I think her voice – that poor skinny woman – isn’t loud enough.  It’s muffled by… can I say it?  Fat.  Flab.  Excess.  Obesity.  Corpulence.

I say our outer fat woman is louder – oooo, notice how BRAVELY I use that F-bomb?  But didn’t it make you cringe for a minute?  This F-bomb is far worse than that other one people use so freely now days, although I think using it indicates a certain lack of intelligence.  My mom used to say, “Anyone can curse; yet it only takes a modicum of intelligence to come up with a better word.”  

*Ahem* Be that as it may, both F-bombs make most people cringe but this one is somehow forbidden to be used in reference to certain… umm shall we say hefty-portion-sized women? 

People want to prettify it with words such as “overweight” “plus size” “fleshy” “oversupply” or “pleasingly plump” (what kind of sick perverted person came up with THAT one?) – any number of words that cover up what we all know when we look in the mirror.  That is fat we’re lookin’ at (hey, it rhymes!).  That is FAT… we’re lookin’ AT!  Oh, stop me now!

I started this blog because I wanted to chronicle my journey back into my Little Black Dress.  Somewhere along the line of my life in the past 10 years, I began gaining weight.  It began to creep on while I wasn’t looking – okay, okay, I was OBVIOUSLY eating.

 (No, no, not me, Istockphoto.com) 

It’s been quite a journey because while I’ve only lost about 15 pounds, I learned a LOT about myself.  Inner wisdom, whoo hoo.  I’d much rather have had outer weight loss, but there it is.  The crux of my problem – I talky more than I walky.  I don’t walk the walk.  I talk the walk.  Or research the walk.  Or think about the walk.  Or debate the walk.  Or tiptoe around the walk.  Anything but walk the walk.  But that’s a blog for another day.

I realized this journey will never be successful until my insides are taken care of!  No, I don’t mean probiotics and healthy stomach activity.  I mean that without dealing with what causes the overeating or mental block to exercising, I can possibly lose fake weight but the promise of it coming back is always there.  Looming over my head.  Hiding and waiting to pounce out when I least expect it or until I try on a pair of jeans that won’t… gasp …button.  AGAIN!

Fake weight loss – losing pounds without ever dealing with the cause of the pounds.

I think any journey to bettering yourself requires an inner knowledge of who – whom? one is.  In other words, I have to be totally honest with myself about why I won’t eat right or drink enough water or exercise or seemingly CARE that I’ve gained this much weight.  I mean, I used to be “Mz. Exercise Freak and No-Way is an Ounce of Fat Going to Touch This Bod.  Nevah!”  Yah, I know.  Hard to believe.

Oui c’est moi!

For an overweight person, honesty is not always easy.  I don’t mean honesty as in, “You are a loser. You are a fat pig. You are lazy. You are ugly. You are never going to get the victory.  You eat because you are a undisciplined cow! You may as well give up.”

I mean honesty as in, “OK, WHY do you eat that when you know it will make you feel like you have the flu tomorrow morning?”  “What causes you to take a left away from the exercise machine instead of a right into the room where Richard Simmons is waiting to dance that flab right off you?” 

I think if society allowed people to BE honest about being fat without crucifying them, it would go a long way to helping with that inner honesty. Until one can stand up and say, “I am FAT but I am working on it” without people grimacing or gagging or acting like the fat person is missing a few brain cells and stupider than dirt because they are fat… whew I sure am throwing that F-Bomb around, aren’t I!


Again not me; gotta love Istockphoto.com

Anyway, until fat people are allowed to deal with being fat without being stigmatized, FAT will be an F-Bomb. And as long as it is an F-Bomb, it will be hard for people to be honest with themselves. And if they are not honest with themselves, they’ll forever be hiding behind the F-Bomb.  Say that fast three times.

If a drug addicted person got up and said, “I am a druggie but I am getting clean” people ooooo and ahhhhh and pat the person on the back.  If a food addicted person (altho that is a simplistic view), gets up and says, “I am fat but I am working on that” people look away or cringe or think, “How did she let herself go like that? How gross!”

 (Also not me  but check out those dirty feet!)

OK – deep breath. Step down off the soapbox. This was insight into the inner workings of a woman who is using this blog as an excuse not to do her aerobics.  Heh heh heh.  OK, ya caught me.  I guess I’d better go exercise now.  But know this, I may be exercising on the outside but I’m blogging on the inside!!

19 thoughts on “Heart to Heart and F-Bombs”

  2. I found you on SITS and I love your site!!! I recently started Weight Watchers (try yesterday). I’ve always been the “Fat Girl” even when I was at my smallest. Mind you I was 130lbs at 5’0″ with a pair of DD’s in front.
    Growing up hearing you’re fat all the time can be a big thing to overcome, especially when you put on 50 lbs during pregnancy and can’t seem to lose it!
    It discourages you and makes you feel less than. I like to say that I’m just protecting the skinny body I have with all this fat. But I’m not. I’m an emotional eater and I’m lazy. I HATE EXERCISE. I ENJOY FOOD.
    Finding a compromise between them is my struggle. But I’m a sexy fat girl. For the time being. Check me in a few months. I just might be a sexy slimmer girl!

  3. I eat because I lack self-discipline and I use food for comfort! Of course, having 5 sons didn’t help. However, about 6 years ago I lost 30 lbs. And, it stayed off for 3+ years. A few weeks ago, my oldest son called and asked what my blood type was. He was reading eat right for your blood-type. He had been exercising 2 hours a day and “eating healthy” – but he was gaining weight. Well, I had to call my dr to find out. Blood type is not something I use often around the house. I told him, and I told him that most likely, he’s my blood type because he looks so much like his dad that my genes must have gotten stuffed into the inside stuff, like liver, kidneys and heart. And, if that was the case, then he couldn’t drink beer. period. Because he’d bloat like a puff fish. And he couldn’t eat carbs (pasta, bread, wheat grain (think of the nutritional breakfasts that’s all grain). He was disappointed because he wanted to start a hobby of making beer. However, he embraced the diet and in 3 weeks has lost 15 lbs. Needless to say, I can’t have my son out-lose me off my own soap-box, so I started 3 days ago. I’ll let you know how where that skinny person within me is then.

    Loved your post. Love your voice!

  6. I was always thin growing up. I could eat anything and as much as I wanted without gaining an ounce, but…after having my thyroid glands removed + 2 C-sections, I’m about 20 pounds heavier than I should be & those pounds have stuck to me like glue. My biggest problem is I HATE to exercise. Oh well!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  7. At my house, we’re trying to NOT turn fat into a dirty word. I have fat friends, and none of them are ashamed? afraid? to use the word fat. I guess what we’re trying to do is take away the stigma – it can be an adjective, not an insult, I think. Which isn’t to say that getting fit or in shape isn’t a great goal! It definitely is, but I agree that the immediate reaction to fat shouldn’t be EWWWWW!

  8. Love this post…… I do need to contact istock about all the photos they have of me though……and I promise to wash my feet! lol

    Seriously though, our inner voice though quiet is very mighty.

    Have a great day Miss Nan! Love ya.

  9. My issues deal with the season. Winter. I can’t walk in 30 degree weather. The 83 year old woman across the street does, but that’s not my schtick. I’m thinking of joining Curves just to keep from turning into a gelatinous blob before spring, then I’ll really have issues losing weight. As soon as spring comes, then I can get back into gardening and all those outdoor activities that keep me burning the fat!

  10. Fat Fat Fat. There I said it 3 times fast. Or was I supposed to spin around 3 times fast while saying it? Heck, I’ll do anything (short of actually exercising) to get this lard off. I can blame it on lots of things….depression, loneliness, blah blah blah. But the fact of the matter is, I love food. I love food that’s bad for me. I love Italian food (I’m Italian, so it fits I guess). I have been on a very slow weight loss for this past few months. I’m not losing very fast, but at least it’s something. What was I going on about? I can’t remember, so never mind. HUGS HUGS HUGS, 3 time fast!

  11. I came out of a hospital stay of four months weighing 90 pounds wet. Had to run back and forth in the shower to get wet. I needed calories so bad… I have now regained my normal weight… and told my husband “Get over it, my thin days are over!” I gave myself permission to look what I look like. Sure, I could loose a couple of pounds, but hey. I am 54 now, and I can’t be bothered too much anymore. I eat normal, cook normal, it would be nice to be a bit thinner, but it is highly overrated… I used to be chronically unhappy with my image, a good thing of age is that you get to accept who you really are, the whole shebang. Inside and out. Even when I was skinny, I was unhappy. In getting older it all balances out more, because your self confidence is not attached anymore to looks. Our looks are one thing, our inner person is another. I read your blog without knowing what you look like, and I think you are beautiful.

  12. I love this song! Haven’t heard it in years. I do like how you use a lot of the oldies with your blogs. This F-bomb post was really amazing. I have gained and lost and gained the same pounds plus some for years. I need to figure out why, don’t i? I like how you take hard sayings and things and make me laugh about it while making me want to do better. You rock!

  13. Wow! Scared me for a minute with that F-bomb thing, ha. This is a very good, get down to business blog, gotta get to the root of the problem and not just skip around it, and hope it’ll go away. Great words from a wise lady, and funny toooo! You’re a hoot.

  15. Those first paragraph made me laugh a lot. I’m trying to get back my abs after having two kids but it seems it said goodbye a long time ago. Oh well! I don’t mind keep eating those dounuts from Krispy Kream.

  18. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Now that we ate the elephant, how do we get rid of the elephant? Burn 1 calorie at a time (plus don’t eat another elephant). Talk is cheap!

    The key is be careful what you put in your mouth. If you eat dead food (processed) for some reason it triggers something inside of you to eat more than you need or even crave other processed foods. There is a link in just one cookie. Maybe you say, “I can eat one cookie and stop” but it is not the one cookie (made with white sugar and processed flour), it is what else did it cause you to eat because you ate the one cookie. I have found if I eat only live foods, I don’t overeat because my body tells me it is full but if I eat dead food my body does not tell me I am full and I want to eat more junk.

  19. You nailed it…….My throat hurts or I would go exercise. HA.. In fact my throat hurts so much it would be a good excuse to eat ice cream.

    Good thing I read this post to STOP MYSELF.. (smile).

    My name is Stephanie and I’m a food-aholic.
    Amen

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