As mentioned in my last post, Alpha Hubby and I became more aware of our intimacy levels after a challenge with Pamela at Road to Joy. We discovered that intimacy isn’t what you do in the bedroom (and shower and kitchen and living room and car and… oh stop me now!).
Intimacy isn’t “the act” so much as what comes before the actual act, if the act comes at all. Intimacy is that touch, that note, that phone call at noon, any connection you make with your loved one, on purpose. It is excluding the outside world and focusing on just the two of you.
It can be done in the middle of squalling children by sharing an intimate glance with one another – a glance that says “I see you, my loved one. You are not just mommy or daddy. You are my lover.” It can be a simple note on a bathroom mirror. Or a private hand-signal for in public that only you two understand.
Intimacy is also spending time playing together. Alpha Hubby and I play very well together – in the pool, the house, outside, enjoying road trips (I’m spending a week in a hotel in Mississippi right now while he is in meetings), and we discovered the ultimate intimacy challenge recently.
Gadgets. Electronic gadgets, to be precise. NO! Not that, shame on you. I’m talking cell phones.
We finally came forward into the modern world and recently gave up our flip phones for smartphones. We’d had the flips for 4 years and really didn’t plan to change. We don’t do anything with our phones except occasionally answer Alpha Son’s texts or take when running to work or town.
Alpha Hubby decided one of us needed a phone that could access Navigation so we could figure out Vicksburg without hassle. He absolutely, positively, 100 percent did NOT want to change his phone. I was the one who would get a new smartphone. So off to the store we toddled.
This is what we came home with. One for me:
One for him.
Much to his then disgust, our plan wouldn’t allow him to keep his old flip phone so the guy found him a cheapie which ended up being FREE after all the discounts. Mine, on the other hand, not so much. Our new plan was Unlimited with 1G for data. We didn’t know what that meant but it sounded good to us.
The next night, we spent one of the hottest, most passionate evenings we’ve ever had. Like children on Christmas morning, we excitedly got a hold of our phones and began learning all about them. He discovered all sorts of “oldies but goodies” songs and proceeded to learn about downloading them to his phone. All 20 of them. On top of the 5 I’d already downloaded on my phone.
We sat side-by-side, in intimate togetherness as we played with our new toys. I learned his el-cheap-o-rino smartphone did everything my “whoa it’s how much?” phone did. That was a fine moment moment of intimacy as he gloated and smirked, and I attempted to get CLOSE enough to him to smack him in the head. We got in-ta-mit, real quickquick fastfast.
We learned what songs he liked that I’d never have figured for him. We learned he thinks some of my song choices were not his thing. (I think he said, “your taste stinks”.) We learned about navigation. We learned about emailing.
We learned that we had no clue what data was and ran out of our 1G by the end of the evening.
That is when the hot passion began to fly. “WHAT? What do you mean ‘out of data time’? What does that mean, ‘out of data time’? How can we be out of data time? We had 1G!!!” and “Why didn’t he explain what data meant? We asked!” and “NO don’t throw that phone across the counter! Do you remember how much that phone cost??”
We had to change our plan just to have enough data time access for this trip. It was a hot time in our house that evening. Two rubes learning about modern technology. Calling and asking our son, “What the heck is considered data?”
But we prevailed. It brought us together in a way that nothing else could have (smile). We were so passtionate and hot (under the collar) that the salesman didn’t understand when I said, “Treat us like we know nothing about smartphones and the technology.” He still assumed we knew things we didn’t.
Now we look back on that night a week ago and laugh. It is a good memory… well, OK, maybe not that good considering the cost of that passion (for downloading songs)… but it is nice to laugh at ourselves once in awhile. Nothing like feeling dumber than a brick to bring out the intimacy!!