(In celebration of February, the luv month, I will be writing a series of posts throughout the month about the differing layers of love.)
Faith. To some it is a very nebulous concept. People think if they hope something is true, that’s faith. Sort of like, “So do you believe the Knicks are going to win?” “Oh, I HOPE so.”
Faith in another human is even more vague. We say we trust someone. We even really believe we do until something happens to challenge that faith. “I saw your man at the store the other day. There was a beautiful woman with him and they were laughing and having a great time.” Grrrr, we think, he MUST be cheating on me.
And what was it? Nothing and no one – some random woman walking down the aisle the same time he was, they bumped carts, he apologized, she laughed, said that it was fine and they moved on. Yet preconceived notions affected faith.
What is it that brings two people together, creating a passionate love affair? Why do some have the diamond and others, dirt? Why do some have the stuff romance stories are written about and others have the belching belly scratching money-spending no-dish-washing, no-diaper-changing tv-sitting no-working bozo? Why is it some marriages have “it” and others don’t’? What is it?
OK, no, not magic. It just feels that way sometimes. One tends to forget the real work, forgiveness, blindness (to faults) and sacrifices that go into making “perfection”!
When I met Alpha Hubby, it had been years since my last relationship and I thought I had it together, just too cool for school. I had done a lot of healing over the years before I met him. I thought I had dealt with my many trust and fear issues. But I learned pretty quickly that book learning and practical application are two different beasts.
Just because you know you have trigger points – sometimes innocent things that happen which trigger a bad memory and affect how you react – doesn’t mean you are over them. You can know that if someone is waving their hands around while they are talking, it could trigger a knee-jerk reaction to physically take a step back because of a flashback to someone raising their hand toward you in anger.
But until you are in a relationship – and someone is talking to you, using their hands – it is not until that point do you face whether you are healed or not. Your reaction will tell on you.
Alpha Hubby is a very understanding, loving, generous, good man. While he is most definitely a very masculine alpha male, he is not dangerous – well not always. Depends on the circumstance. Hurt me and he’ll take you out.
Be that as it may, it took a long time for me to truly trust him. I had issues and my issues had baggage. I didn’t even know it. Was I screwed up? You bet. To say I was skittish is a major understatement.
Over the years, his unwavering and unconditional love helped me heal. I know I often thought he had ulterior motives and assumed a lot – like assuming the worst, assuming he thought badly of me, thought I was incapable, thought I wasn’t worth it. He’d say something and I just knew he meant it in a negative way. He’d always say, “You think too much. I’m not that deep.”
I had to develop a little faith in him.
I had to make a decision to trust him. To trust that his word was good. To trust that he meant what he said. To trust that, after years of proving he wasn’t an axe murderer, he wasn’t going to suddenly jump out of the closet with an axe someday. It takes that decision – and practice – to develop faith in another human.
Consistent, constant, unwavering, unconditional, total, complete, and passionate love. That is what he gives me. A foundation I can stand on that isn’t going to crack, shake, and collapse under me. Sometimes I look at him and am blown away by this man. He is, as I’ve said before, a gift from God just for me. He not only dragged my dreams out of me, he enables me to walk in them. He believes in me, my talents, and abilities. He wants me to sing to him all the time. He wants me to thrive. He loves me, totally. How can I not have developed faith in him?
As time has gone by in our marriage, he has proven over and over and over and over again what type man he is. When he was saying, “I’m not that deep” he was really saying, “Have a little faith in me.” He never got frustrated as I walked thru the issue minefield and worked on getting rid of them. He never once got impatient as I reacted to a trigger instead of reality.
So where does true love come from? I say God. I say through tenacious and aggressive protection of the marriage and unrelentless work. I say through patience, unyielding stick-to-it-iveness, and a definitive, “We will not ever say the word ‘divorce’ and we will never allow it to be an option.” I say a little bit of magic and a whole lot of faith developed in the other person.
He has, and is, there for me. This *song (below) says it all (minus chorus) – this is exactly what he did for me.
Baybay, almost 17 years. Can you believe it? I am so glad I put my hand in your hand, am walking in this amazing adventure with you, and learned to trust. And now?
I truly have a lot of faith in you. Thank you for making my dreams come true. Thank you for being that fairy tale love affair that I (me, me, me, me, me!!!!) got to experience. Thank you for ensuring my faith is never misplaced.
Thank you for loving me.
*Have a little Faith in Me, John Hiatt
When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Let my love throw a spark
Have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Give these loving arms a try baby
Have a little faith in me
When your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
From a whisper start
To have a little faith in me
And when your back’s against the wall
Just turn around and you will see
I will catch your fall
Have a little faith in me
I’ve been loving you for such a long time
Expecting nothing in return
Just for you to have a little faith in me
You know time, time is our friend
I will hold you up, I will hold you up
Your love gives me strength enough
Have a little faith in me.