When You’ve Had Everything

July 30th, 2021

(Those who read my other blog, this is essentially the same post)


So adjusting to living without the Love of My Life has obviously been hard.

I am OK as long as I don’t look at pictures of him or listen to his voice mail.

I am OK as long as I don’t drive by the house he remodeled just for me.

I am OK as long as I don’t think of all the amazing things he did for me over the years, like plant me flower gardens.  I was a very spoiled woman. I dedicated this song to him, from a woman’s point of view. Unfortunately this time, we can’t see this through together.

I was blessed with a love that few ever have. I have discovered Leland really was all that. He really was my EVERYTHING. I sometimes wander the house here missing his voice, his thoughts, his humor, his chasing me, his scent.

So when I found myself having trouble sleeping because he wasn’t by my side, I didn’t know what to do. I always reached out and touched him at some point during a night. Or if I got up to go to the bathroom, I’d get back in bed and reach over and touch him or pat him on the butt. Something. And every time I hit bare space it hurt.

I actually prayed about it and this is what happened: I needed to put something on the bed, in his place. Something that wouldn’t hurt. This is the perfect solution:

Yes, that is a big fat snowman sitting where Leland used to sleep. There are two purposes to putting him on my bed.

One is because now, when I reach out to touch Leland, my hand finds a fuzzy leg, arm, body – and I chuckle and go back to sleep. It makes me smile and it is peaceful. No, Leland isn’t there but… he shouldn’t have left me all alone because of…

The second reason – I used to have a massive snowman collection. He constantly threatened the poor innocent snowmen. (Don’t worry. It was just a tradition. No snowmen were harmed [smile]. I dig out the snowmen for Christmas time and he’d mumble threats.) 

He was going to blow torch them. He was going to drag them out to a desert and bury them in the hot sand. Chase them down with the lawnmower, weedwhack them – he was always coming up with inventive ways to get rid of the snowmen.

It is poetic justice: Leland left me – so I put a snowman in his place. The snowman works because while it can’t replace Leland, it makes me smile when I touch it in the night. Peace. 

Freedom, Blood and The Flag

July 4th, 2021

We, The People

I’m not going to give you a long history lesson on this day celebrating America’s Independence Day (which is not a movie with actor Will Smith although it is a good movie). So many have no idea of the sacrifices that were made for the freedom the United States of America enjoys. Look it up

In brief, John Adams was a leading advocate for independence at the Second Continental Congress and a member of the committee that drafted the Declaration of Independence. The Continental Congress resolved on 2 July 1776 “That these United Colonies are, and of right, ought to be, Free and Independent States.” 

This is an excerpt (page 3) from a letter John Adams wrote to his wife Abigail Adams right before the Declaration of Independence was declared on the 4th of July. 

“I am apt to believe that it (independence) will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.”

245 years later, we still celebrate.

Our troops fought for freedom during The Revolutionary War. Hundreds of thousands of men shed their blood and died to protect our freedom. Many subsequent wars were fought to maintain our freedom. More bloodshed.

Our Flag is a representation of that freedom. Our Flag represents ALL Americans. To dishonor the flag is to dishonor what it cost for that flag to exist (Keith Moore, FLCS, 7-4-21). 

The Flag, the Pledge of Allegiance, the National Anthem – all bought with blood. All represent every American, equally. Leave our Flag – our freedom – alone.

Go find out why we are free here in America. We always will be no matter what it looks like right now. Why? Because  



Letter from John Adams to Abigail Adams, 3 July 1776, “Had a Declaration…” [electronic edition]. Adams Family Papers: An Electronic Archive. Massachusetts Historical Society. http://www.masshist.org/digitaladams/
Eagle, Flat, Independence DepositPhoto.com 16860697_l-2015
Fireworks DepositPhotos.com 18417147_l-201
Ray Charles at 50th Presidential Inauguration Ball for Ronald Reagan (1/19/1985)

Happy Fathers Day Leland Loyd and Wayne Cook

June 20th, 2021

(Taken from Anointed Word Ministries website today. If you follow that blog, this is the same post)

Dunking Time

Today we celebrate fathers. Even though Joshua’s father moved to heaven two months ago, he still honors Leland W. Loyd on this day. My dad, G. Wayne Cook, moved in 2004 but he had great impact on Joshua (and, of course, me).

Leland was an incredible father – but he really didn’t start out that way. He had to learn how to be a godly father. When you don’t have a good (or any) role model you don’t really know how to function as a father. It’s a black hole. A total lack of knowledge.

But he learned. How? By spending time in the Word no matter where he was. By learning the way a REAL father was supposed to be. God taught him. Here he’s on vacation.

Reading Bible in Beauty

He had NO concept of a father’s love. He never experienced it in his life. He had to learn from God that he was loved, unconditionally and totally. He (MOST VITAL) also learned to forgive the past and everyone in it, including his own father’s lack (and who died at 40 when Leland was young).

Once he got that down in his Spirit, he began to understand a Father’s love and a father’s love. He began to apply what he learned from his Father and became the most amazing dad.

Work Consultation

Josh was also blessed because my father was a huge part of his life. He was also a wonderful influence on both Joshua and Leland. Leland often said Wayne was his best friend and mentor. He learned from my dad by watching and experiencing his love.

Yes, Josh even learned about taking the trash out. Even if it’s raining.

But. Even if you didn’t have the good influence of a father – or even one at all – or even several because there were multiple marriages – or boyfriends – or abuse or ??.  I can’t think of all the different ways someone can miss out on a godly influence in the form of a father. 

The important thing, like Leland, you do have a Father. He loves you. He will always love you. He believes in you, Supports you. Guides you through this life. Wants the best for you.

If you don’t know Him, He is just a “call” away – just talk to Him. Just tell Him you want Him to be your Father. 

If you do know Him but never thought of Him as YOUR father – ditto – call on Him! Tell Him everything. Talk to Him about anything you want to. He is there and He is listening – just like a dad.

At 2:00 P.M.

May 9th, 2021

If I’d known at 2 pm on April 8 2021 that I’d never see your beautiful hazel eyes again, what would I have changed?


Would I have moved our 3 o’clock rendezvous to earlier in the day instead of waiting? Could I have made love to you one more time? (Oh how I wished I had)

Would I have crawled into your lap to tell you I loved you more than I had ever dreamed a woman can love a man?

Would I have told you I was the most blessed woman on earth because God sent you into my life 27+ years ago?

Would I have given you hugs and kisses more than I already did?

Would I have slow danced with you to our favorite songs more often? (Oh how I wished I had)

Would I have ensured there was nothing between us – arguments, disagreements or anger?

Would I have told you one more time I loved you beyond earthly belief?

Would I have changed anything that day if I’d known you were going to leave me like you did at 2:00 o’clock April 8 2021?


Thank God that while there is no regret or guilt because most of those things were things I did almost daily, I wish I could have kissed him one more time. Told him I loved him one more time. Made love with him one more time.

I am glad we chose to live our lives in true love – no arguments, disagreements or anger that lasted beyond him making me laugh and giving it up.  Nothing was worth being out of peace with one another.

People, please live with your loved ones in a way you have no regrets. Stop the petty ugly words. Stop the stupid fights. No more nit-picking. Don’t put THINGS ahead of one another. Quit trying to one-up one another. Put down the stinking cell phone when you’re out on a date night.


Look at one another with fresh eyes – remember WHY you fell in love. Remember that once you thought they were the be all end all of your very existence. Remember the love you had for one another – rekindle it and CHERISH IT.

Yes I am grateful Leland and I protected our love, valued it, cherished it, and were gleeful that we got to walk this adventure in life together. I just wanted more time.

There’s not one thing worth fighting about. Not one thing.

Once Upon A Time… He Found Her and then…

April 17th, 2021

Once upon a time book

From the original 2016 Post updated

This is the story about a girl who met a boy who loved the girl completely, totally, unconditionally almost from the moment he met her.

It is about a girl who was so skittish, she never let anyone get close to her. Never let people know her inside, what she was really thinking. No one. Ever. The plot revolves around the boy overcoming the girl’s insurmountable obstacles to help her achieve her wildest dream, True Love.

Warning: this is not a fairy tale. 

Once upon a time in a desolate land, long ago, there was a girl who’d been single for twelve years. She had told God that she would never marry again, never, ever, ever, unless He wrote in the sky, “Girl, this is the one I have for you!” (and we all know how often THAT happens).

word love skywrite

Two weeks before the girl met the boy, a total stranger told the girl, “God said for me to tell you that you will meet the one He has for you in the next two weeks.” He also told the girl a lot of details like, “When you do meet him, don’t share that with anyone” and “You will be happier than you’ve ever been in your entire life.” 

Okaaaaay.  But the girl did sit down and type up everything he told her (*whisper* just in case). Hope prevailed while common sense said, “No way.”

One day at the Nuclear Elf Factory, the girl and boy met. The Nuclear Elf Factory frowned on office relationships, thus the “don’t tell” part the girl was told. They met a few days before the girl’s birthday. By this time, she had almost forgotten about what that stranger said so she wasn’t even thinking about it. Her guard wasn’t up. She was unsuspecting.

The boy told the girl hello. The boy and girl chatted in her cubicle. It came out that he was being stalked by an evil witch who decided he would be her next husband. He totally disagreed but she wasn’t listening.

He asked the girl to be his fake date to the church Valentine banquet to get this evil witch off his trail. Of course, being the sweet girl she was (*wink wink*), the girl said yes. She had had a stalker once, too. It’s so nice to have things in common right off the bat!

ring necklace

By the time our boy and girl went to the Valentine’s Day banquet 5 weeks later, they were secretly engaged. She had an engagement ring on a golden chain around her neck. (Well, until they told people, she couldn’t wear it in public now, could she?!)

Two weeks after that (seven weeks to the day after they magically met), they were married in a small evening service. Alpha Hubby and Alpha Son also had a binding ceremony, Father and Son.

Twenty-seven years, 1 months and 3-1/2 days ago, the girl met, fell in love with and married her Knight in Shining Armor. In all these years, his armor has never tarnished. He loves the girl so boldly and unconditionally that she sometimes wonders what’s the matter with him! 

HE loves her.  He LOVES her.  He loves HER

It is so breathtaking that sometimes she sits on the porch he built her, in the rocking chair he bought her, still in awe and thinking about how good God has been to her, to bring this boy across her pathway. And at times, when she comes across the notes she wrote after the total stranger told her the things he did, she is amazed how true everything he said was and how it all came to pass.

She truly is happier than she has ever been in her life. Her cousin, Cindere**a, had nothing on our girl when it came to drama and evil step … er…  talking mice? Evil cats? Psycho-exes?  Singing sadly,In my own little corner, in my own own little chair I can be whatever I want to be“? 

The girl can’t even describe it sometimes because it is hard to wrap the mind around the fact that 27, 1 month and 3-1/2 years later, he still loves her madly, passionately and completely.

More so, actually. 

In the end, faith and hope prevailed and she finally gets the one thing she always wanted:  to be loved unconditionally by a hero. And to have True Love.

Baby, thank you for twenty-seven years, 1 month and 3-1/2 days, each day better than the last. For twenty-seven years, 1 month and 3-1/2 days of unbelievable love – sometimes warm and fuzzy, but mostly insanely hot and passionate!

Thank you for adventures, oceans, seashells, making me the best fudge and mashed potatoes ever, snowmen, seashells, laughter, seashells, and all my dreams and wishes coming true, in you. And seashells.

You are so much better than anything I could have dreamed up.

When God writes it in the sky (and He does), you can safely take a chance!

The Beginning. There is no end in a True Love story. It just keeps on getting better and better.

Next Phase: April 8, 2021, 2 pm –  this love of my life decided to go raise cattle in heaven. God did not take him; God did receive him. Probably curious why he was there early.


For those who asked, the funeral bill is down to $300. I have no words for those of you who chose to honor Leland this way – and blessed me over and above. Just thank you.

Leland W Loyd Obit

April 13th, 2021

Leland Morning smile

Leland Loyd was born November 23,1951, in Laclede County, Missouri. He married the love of his life, Nan Cook, in 1994. He suddenly went on to heaven far too soon. Leland was an amazing husband, father, grandfather, and friend who will be missed very much.

He worked at Arkansas Nuclear One in Russellville, AR. He then raised beef cattle. He was passionate about cattle and wanted healthy beef that people could afford. His customers meant everything to him. 

He was a man of strong faith. He was also a man of integrity, honesty, honor, and was very funny. He had a few true close friends, but he had two who meant so much to him, Waguih Wahba and Chuck Vincent. 

He and his wife shared an incredible relationship. She created a website based on their love, littleblackdressdiaries.com. He shared his passion with her and was working with her on a book about the cattle – who bossed him around. He also talked about the times he believed angels intervened and often helped him with the cattle. His accounts were heartwarming and funny, often at his expense. 

He is survived by his wife of 27 years, Nan Cook Loyd; one brother, Richard; three sons, Jeremy of Illinois, Joshua of Arkansas and David of Illinois (two daughters); and three grandchildren Austin, Mekenzy and Savannah of Illinois. 

He will be sorely missed but as Joshua said, “Now, 40 years from now or 100 years from now would be too soon for him to leave us.”

It was an honor being his wife.


Several people approached me about how they can help. They helped in a tangible way, helping pay the Funeral Home bill. It’s down to $936  $300 $75 now (thank you so much, you have no idea) so I’ve had a total miracle.