Dance With Me

September 29th, 2018

https://youtu.be/uo1xgTb-jM8

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I absolutely totally love this video and Johnny Reid’s Dance With Me. The moments of dance are so intimate – beautiful. Locking eyes. Head resting on chest or shoulder, eyes closed. Hugging. It chokes me up sometimes. I know when I try to sing it to Alpha Hubby, it’s never going to get finished. It makes me emotional

There are three big reasons why Alpha Hubby and I have such an amazing marriage, even after 24.7 years. Well, three reasons and one Alpha.

Our marriage is what it is because of Alpha Hubby (God is first but I’m not going there today). Alpha Hubby absolutely, 100 percent, totally and completely loves me, respects me and walks powerfully in unconditional love. He’d have to, living with me. But, by golly, he unpacked all my baggage and decimated the suitcases, so I’m better than I was.

He does, I’m sure, have moments of mayhem and strangling on his mind – but that’s what makes him so wonderful. He doesn’t lose his mind and follow-through; he doesn’t even have a fit. He rarely loses his temper at me (I think twice in 24 years). He works with me to keep our focus on the good in each other. That right there is probably the Number One thing – keep that focus on the good in the other person because without the focus, you’ll never succeed in Number Two.

Probably the Number Two most important thing (well, it’s first according to him) – is to keep that intimacy strong no matter what. The intimacy between the two of you cannot be sustained without copious amounts of s*x. And I’m not making that up; it’s been a known fact for years. No I’m not going to give references here – google it for yourself.

S*x means focus. Focus is vital to a couple remaining strong together rather than becoming roommates. That hot passion you have when you’re first together? It changes. Not in a bad way, like most people think. No, it morphs into something so precious and vital. It becomes stronger than those feelings you had in the beginning.

You don’t even want to sustain that excitement you had in the beginning. You’d miss out on something so valuable if you didn’t get past it.  In the beginning you’re excited about learning one another so it’s hawt and spicy. After time and remaining intimate, you can become excited BECAUSE you know one another and know how to drive the other person wild.

You don’t depend on the excitement you feel in the beginning of a relationship. You do learn how to keep that hawt and spicy, only better. You know what turns them on. You know what hot buttons to push. You know what they think of as sexy. You know how to set up the perfect rendezvous. You focus on them and giving to them because you know the importance of protecting this in your marriage. It is so vital.

And – together, you know the importance of Number Three – DANCE. Let the world outside disappear. Look in one another’s eyes. That is a private moment between the two of you. Cherish it. It’s all you need to connect or reconnect sometimes.

Dance often. Dance in the kitchen. Dance in the living room. Dance in the bedroom. Dance in the swimming pool, no matter how cold that water gets (today was a shiver day). Dance because. I do because Alpha Hubby loves to dance with me (and not because of what it may lead to; no, he just wants the closeness and romance of it). Hey, I heard that Alpha snicker; you can’t fool me. I know it was you.

And no dance is not a euphemism for s*x – or is it?

I’ll never tell. But… that water sure was COLD! hee hee.

With Him or Without Him?

July 3rd, 2018

So, Alpha Hubby and I have been in the process of preparing for a move to another state. Eight years ago we did the same thing by moving to where we are now. Both times have had opportunities fraught with battles, anger, misunderstandings, grr-moments, and the like.

Sometimes when you are living with a group of boxes in almost every room – and someone has helped you pack them up – you can become totally frustrated. Thus the tale of the packed-up kitchen.

Alpha Hubby wanted to help and I appreciate that. He attacked the kitchen, pantry and laundry room with a relish. It was such a help… until I reached for something I needed to use (and would never have packed up at this time). Our conversation went something like this – times about 10 times when I reached for other somethings.

Me: Have you seen my such-and-such item? I could have sworn it was here.

AH: I’m pretty sure it’s been packed up.

Me: Really? Are you kidding me? We use that all the time!!

AH: Well, if you didn’t want help, you shouldn’t have asked.

Me: I DIDN’T ask, you volunteered.

AH: Well, if you didn’t want help, you shouldn’t have said yes.

Me: (Smoke coming out ears)

Me: I guess I should have made a list of things NOT to pack at this time.

AH: Well, I guess you should have.

End of discussion.

Now two things – first, this above discussion wasn’t done in anger but I’m pretty darned sure he was being snarky. Secondly, I had a choice to make.

I had to decide how I was going to handle this. The most important thing is that he did volunteer to help do something he really doesn’t like doing – packing. He also knows that if anything gets broken in the move because of his packing, he will replace it. (Yes, darling, I just made that rule up.)

I had a choice to make – do I get upset or do I just accept that I am either going to go through all the boxes trying to find the “it” I’m looking for or do without it? If I can’t do without it, will I go buy another one? If buying another one is not fiscally friendly, what happens?

I did notice that he is really, really good at figuring out where something was stashed. That helped tremendously when I absolutely had to have something (like holiday cookware you never use any other time and absolutely did not want to buy another).

Then again, yesterday we went through several boxes looking for my Bodum pour-over coffee maker.

coffee maker

We never did find it. I may have packed it, he may have packed it, but no one knows where it is. So I had to go on Amazon and purchase another – which works because if I ever have company, they can have their own little pot.

But through all this, I could have chosen to have a huge hissy fit. I could have been ugly about his “help”. I could have made a choice to make his life “hell on earth” – why? Because I (me, myself) neglected to tell him what not to pack right now. I assumed. Also, I am so grateful for all the good he did do (and all the times he found what I was looking for).

Since we are on this journey of life together, he’s ALWAYS pulling that “with me or without me” card from the movie, Knight and Day (Tom Cruise, Cameron Diaz, hysterical). And he’s right. It IS important that we stay hooked together.

My man is 100 percent with me. He is a giver. He gives of himself to me as a form of love. He is always out to protect me (sometimes even from myself). Maybe sometimes things don’t go quite right but you know what? I am NOT looking a gift horse… um, gift Alpha Hubby in the mouth.

He blessed me. He loves me. He wants to give to me, not only things but of himself. That is worth far more to me than anything else on this earth. So baby? The same back at ‘cha – with me!

He’s with me; I’m with him. It’s all good.

He’s All I Need to Get By

May 13th, 2018

I grew up with Motown songs. There are so many I’ve used on this blog to help express things both about Alpha Hubby and about the importance of certain things in our relationship.

This song is a perfect one because with One Exception, Alpha Hubby really is all I need to get by. That exception is, of course, God. He is the head of our marriage.  Alpha Son is out of the house living his own life now. All the parents are in heaven. We are alone in the house… uh oh!!

Like the sweet morning dew, I took one look at you
And it was plain to see, you were my destiny
With arms open wide, I threw away my pride
I’ll sacrifice for you, dedicate my life to you

Alpha Hubby likes to say that the first time he saw me, he felt drawn to me. We quickly began to realize that God had plans for us – I mean WHO marries 7 weeks after they meet? Alpha Hubby said he knew I was his destiny. I just had to get over my fear of possibly making a mistake.

(Those who know our story know we both had been told 2 weeks prior to our meet-cute that “someone” was coming… da dum da dum da dum… Jaws!!! – oh ignore me).

I will go where you lead
Always there in time of need
And when I lose my will
You’ll be there to push me up the hill

I remember Alpha Hubby putting his hand on my cheek and asking me, “Will you tie your dreams to mine? Go wherever I go? See where God takes us?” And he has always pushed me to become my very best – to remember who I used to be before fear assaulted me and took over my life.

There’s no, no looking back for us
We got love sure ‘nough, that’s enough
You’re all, you’re all I need to get by

We did make the commitment that there would be no looking back – not into past relationships, not into past failures. We were going to be fresh and new, trusting that God put us together.

Like an eagle protects his nest, for you I’ll do my best
Stand by you like a tree, dare anybody to try and move me
Darling in you I found strength where I was torn down
Don’t know what’s in store but together we can open any door
Just to do what’s good for you and inspire you a little higher
I know you can make a man out of a soul that didn’t have a goal

He protects me and honestly does stand by me. I double-dog Scooby-do dare anyone to try and move him. I did come to him still carrying some torn-down places that God used him to help me heal. We know what’s in store – good things!

Together we face the world and truly have one another’s backs. We made promises to never say negative things to one another. We may get loud a little but NEVER do nasty accusations come out of our mouths.

He says he had no goals when we met. Life had kicked him in the teeth so – meh. He was surviving. Mine? To get by in the peace of my home – nothing else. Together we became inspired.

Cause we, we got the right foundation and with love and determination
You’re all, you’re all I want to strive for and do a little more
You’re all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one

Yep – it’s the truth. We have the Right foundation in our marriage. God is the glue because we both honor God first, then one another. We made permanent commitments that will never be shaken. I can honestly say that Alpha Hubby is who he is in our marriage because of who God is in his life. He will never dishonor God. Guess how that translates into our marriage?

We have fun. We keep things hawt. We have rules we live by so that we can have the very best relationship ever. I listen to his many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many cattle stories (sorry hon) and he listens to my very few tiny little weird things that draw my attention (bwahahahaha – it’s MY blog so I can say what I want to).

We have THE very best love affair evah!! And yep. He’s all I need to get by.

When Did You Last Seduce Your Man?

April 27th, 2018

stress sex2I know, I know. I can hear that “WHAT?” screech from here. I can even hear, “WHEN was the last time HE seduced ME?” Or “I’m a feminist. I don’t seduce” or “Seduce? Who the heck has time to seduce? Whattaya, nuts? I’m far too busy with the… (fill in the blank).”

Maybe you should just close out your browser window right now. This post is not for you.

After I married Alpha Hubby, we had many long talks about men, expectations, how to protect that honeymoon stage, and what keeps a marriage hawt, We talked about men and women to the point I realized so many of us women have NO clue.

New Flash – Men and Women think differently. I know, right?

I realize that not all men are the same. Some things do not apply to all men. You can say, “Men love being seduced by their woman up until the day they die” but that may not be true about some men. So I can say “Most men…” and be relatively safe (although I am sure this can be disputed, too).

Back to the Alpha Chats, Alpha Hubby expressed to me the importance of having a healthy sex life in our marriage. Not because he was a horn-dog but because it is vital to the nourishment and success of a relationship. It’s a form of protection and can also create intimacy.

For him especially, but (most) men need seduction (and the followup act *ahem*) and to know they are needed, wanted and seen as a hero. This is important especially because day-to-day living can suck that out of a relationship.

For (most) men the act of sex is like coming home – a safe place. It is up to the woman to make it a safe place for their man. There are things that are up to a man but that’s a later post. For this one, suffice it to say, (most) men need to “feel the love” – often.

No matter how busy, he needs to know that he is on your mind. You have to show and tell him you w-a-n-t him, no matter how busy you get. Is what you’re putting ahead of the man you love far more important than he is? I don’t think so.

Alpha Hubby loves rendezvous so I give them to him – setting the mood with romantic music, candles, scent; slipping on those stilettos, putting on the sexy-to-him outfit, spraying the sheets with his favorite perfume – whatever it is that he likes.

And that act of getting ready puts me in the mood (or amps it higher) even if I wasn’t really there to begin with! So much of an amazing sex life truly is in the mind, especially for women. We decide it is important. We think on it. We express to him our thoughts about him and how he’s all that to you.

And no, we don’t have constant rendezvous. Most of the time it’s… oh hey, that’s too personal. Never mind!

I think it is safe to say it all boils down to a few things.

**What are your priorities? What or who is more important than your mate?
**Was it hawt in the beginning of your marriage? Why did you let that drop? And don’t tell me “We got busy” or “The kids came along” – every. single. thing. is an excuse.
**What needs protecting more – your relationship with the one you love or the cleanliness of your house? Or whatever excuse you toss out?
**It sometimes takes w-o-r-k and the time to schedule it. That’s only unromantic if you allow it to be. It’s not.

When was the last time you set aside time just for the two of you? Private time, people, not family-go-to-the-zoo time. Sure, you can have animal noises but they should be just between the two of you (snicker).

Sorry, sorry. But you get the point, right? Stop and take time to nourish your relationship. Make him feel special to you. Find out what he thinks is sexy or a turn-on and give it to him.

This is about him. not you. Make him feel he is a priority because he should be. That is one of the things that helps protect your relationship and keep it hawt. What it really is, is about FOCUS. Keep your focus on one another THE most important thing in your relationship.

(p.s. and for those of us who’s kids are out of the house or we spend 24/7 together now, this also applies, probably more so! The habit of being around one another can also create an atmosphere where we kind of forget [well, not Alpha Hubby]).

Clueless Men & Spiders and Snakes

April 4th, 2018

I really, really don’t like spiders and snakes… or mice, skunks, roaches, or FROGS.

The Jim Stafford song above talks about a clueless guy who, after a woman hints around about making out and says, “Do what you wanna do” – HE says, “I got silly and found a frog, in the water by a hollow log; And I shook it at her and I said, ‘This frog’s for you!’  She said, ‘I don’t like spiders and snakes; And that ain’t what it takes to love me, you fool, you fool!'”

Oh yeah, sometimes guys are clueless. (But not you, baby! Not you!)

When we packed up to move to this house a few years ago, the bubble wrap came with a little added extra – a family of mice that got loose in the house. This is a conversation I had with Alpha Hubby about it. He was at work:

Me: You got another mouse (in sticky mouse trap).
AH: Did you take it outside?
Me: NO!
AH: Why not?
Me: Eeww, it’s still alive! It might fall off the sticky trap and fall on my foot! And then where would we be? I’ll tell you where we’d be – dealing with the screaming meemies.”
AH: (laughing) Oh, come on. What’s the big deal? You gonna wait ’til I get home?”
Me: (silence)
AH: (snickering) OK, OK, I’ll get him out then.

Now, truth be told, Alpha Hubby does understand and knows BEYOND A SHADOW OF DOUBT that I do not do spiders, snakes, roaches, frogs, mice, skunks, and any other sort of unnatural beastie or being on this earth. He is a learned man. Educated in the ways of women-who-hate-the-aforementioned. He’s covering his butt.

So when someone says, “It takes work to make a marriage relationship last” I often hear people whine, “But it’s not romantic to say that! I want that fairytale romance!” Hmm, I had the dancing, singing mice but it sure wasn’t a fairytale Disney world I was living in there (hee hee).

Sure it takes work but here’s the funny part:  what people are now calling WORK are things we all used to LOVE to do for one another. Those things that we did in the beginning – look nice, do little things to make them smile or feel good, take time to listen, make sure that intimacy stays fresh, current and hawt, and looking at them like they hung the moon and stars (even when we know *things* about them now we didn’t know before).

It does take work to keep that stuff up. But it is also a reminder of why we fell for them in the first place. If we don’t forget that, if we protect that, then it is such an amazing lasting relationship, and something few really ever experience.

Back then I waited for him to come home and become The Mouse Exterminator once again, and deal with Mouse #4. I was also thinking about how much I love this guy, and still stand in awe and amazement that God loved me so much, He gave this man to me as a gift to share my life’s journey with here on earth.

Shrek singing mice

Singing Mice from Shrek 3

Man, makes me want to break out in song, “You are so beautiful to meee….” accompanied by those little squeaking voices in the background.

The Warm Scent of Love

March 25th, 2018

https://youtu.be/-mcGVFeOxjs – Natalie Cole – THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU

Several years back, I remember a conversation I had with my e-friend author Pamela Fagan Hutchins. We shared how we were so blessed to be a part of what she called, “Couples Who Make You Gag” – !

We even did two challenges on our blogs – one was 30 Days of Intimacy and the other was 30 Positive Days – my posts are over there under Categories.

I am blessed with that gag factor love. Or some *cough Josh* call it “ewww” or “get a room” type love. No matter what you call it, it is something rare, amazing, wonderous, and precious.

And there are things about Alpha Hubby that just take my breath away.

alpha nape 1

Alpha’s Nape

There is a special warm, softly scented spot beneath his ear, the ear that listens to me ramble on about sometimes obscure, useless bits of information.  That spot is inches back and away from the mouth that kisses me so passionately.  It is tucked right above the shoulder I lean on and near the back that is strongly muscled and able to work to secure his dreams (one of which is moi. I’m at the top of the list, right baby??).

That warm, softly scented place is up above his heart that possesses his true love for me.  It is down to the right of his beautiful amber eyes that gaze so warmly into mine, full of promise and the fulfillment of future dreams.

chanel for men

Tag line: There Are Men Who Know

When he wears my favorite scents, they get smoothed into that special spot just under his ear and right above his shoulder, where I can nestle my nose and inhale the velvety scent of Alpha Hubby.  I could just absorb that scent for hours… but it tickles him so he won’t sit still too awfully long… well that, and he has to eat sometime.  And sleep.  And go to work.  Which is a shame because I could just stay there in that spot forever.

It is a scent all his own, a coupling of cologne and him.

And no matter where we are, if he is there and I can inhale his special warmth, I am home. And protected. And safe.

I like that spot almost as much as I like:

HisArm3a

…his arms which hold me so tight.  Passionately, sweetly or warmly his strength is always there, just for me.

Of course, after he sees these pictures, I’m done for.

But baby?  I couldn’t help myself.

Whether you’re

Feeding cows cropped

Feeding Cows in Snow

or

Leland 2 small

Leland Office Pix

in that professional picture for that office, like this song says:

the very thought of you
and I forget to do
The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do

…which explains the laundry and dishes and …

*ahem*

I think about you a lot.

Fairy Tale Still Being Written

March 6th, 2018

 

This video is the song, “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” from the original 1950’s animated Cinderella (one a lot of us grew up on). Ilene Woods is the woman who sang the original song for Cinderella in the movie. Here she’s on the Perry Como television show. Click here for lyrics.

Before I met Alpha Hubby, I didn’t think I was “all that” but I had learned that I deserved to be treated with respect and pure love. I did not deserve to be abused. I did not deserve to be cheated on with the entire town’s female population. I did not deserve any “mean scheming manipulating alcoholic-drugged-up verbally vicious mess who blamed everything wrong in his life on me or the weather or the mama or the abusive dad or the job or the boss or the car or the apartment or the bills” or the whatever.

I deserved peace in my life. I deserved to be treated like I was precious, valuable, worth the trouble, someone’s dream.  And I wasn’t going to accept less than that. I had major attitude. And on the outside, people accepted that at face value.

But, you know what? Deep inside, very well hidden behind the attitude and bravery, tucked in beside my heart with other unfulfilled dreams, there was a teeny tiny spark of something nebulous. A little unnamed hope – a dream – that maybe there could be True Love for me. That someone could see “me” and love me. It was a fragile light that a whiff of doubt could have extinguished.

So along comes Alpha Hubby, standing in the office cubicle opening, smiling at me. Talking in that smooth drugging voice that lulled me into forgetting I had walls up. A snake charmer. A Pied Piper. Before I knew it, I would follow him anywhere. Walls? They crumbled, slowly but surely. Not easily but thoroughly.

He respected me. He respected me so much he asked my permission to kiss me the first time he did (oh my gosh, who does that??). He was old-fashioned, courting me, careful of my feelings, protective of my heart, and letting me know he was hot after my body (well, he was human, after all) but he refused to have it until after the wedding ceremony. (He knew my heart so well. And he swears he has only been that man with me.)

He gave me everything I’d never experienced before – as many romantic gestures as he could cram into the 7 weeks before we married. No one had ever courted me before. No one had ever written me love notes and letters. No one had ever sent flowers. No one asked about, then listened, to my dreams.  No one believed in me like he did and does.

And along the way, he built me up, helped me heal and he is everything I ever dreamed of in a knight in shining armor – only better – because I didn’t know. I didn’t know what a real man’s true love was like. How could I have dreamed of something I didn’t know existed? And how did it come true?

And unlike Cinderella, who was told by her Fairy Godmother**, “Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I’m afraid this can’t last forever. You’ll have only ’til midnight, and then… On the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before

unlike Cinderella my fairy tale is still being written.

HAPPY 24th ANNIVERSARY, baby!
(3/4/94)

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality
is finally better than your dreams.”  — Dr. Seuss

*A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes – Disney’s Cinderella
**Quote from Cinderella (1950)

He is My Sweetest Passion

February 14th, 2018

HAPPY VALENTINES LELAND W. LOYD
(Alpha Hubby of 24 Years)

 

SWEETEST PASSION

I gaze as the moon shimmers across his naked body
lost in the thought of who he is
and how blessed I am he’s in my life,
And how it is this passion is
hotter than it was in the beginning.
24 Years of YUM!

This man lying in my bed
emanating strength and power
boldly going where no man has gone before
by
taking a chance on me and
loving me totally, unconditionally, wholly.

Oh! Those who have no clue
that true love really exists
That a man can be faithful
and a man can love
even when the perfection of first attraction
slows to the love of imperfection by world standards

He didn’t swoop into my life to tear it up
As so many others had.
He slipped in – almost unnoticed
Tentatively reaching toward me
To join our lives as one.

He was so quiet and unassuming
I almost missed his worth
But as we meshed our lives together
And he grew comfortable in our love
He became someone else…
a
Magic man who loves unconditionally
And saw exactly who I was
behind the icy barriers of protection
And his strength
And his power
And his love
Melted all objections away
That I am worthy of his love.

 

Poem Copyright ©2007 Nan C. Loyd