When Did You Last Seduce Your Man?

April 27th, 2018

stress sex2I know, I know. I can hear that “WHAT?” screech from here. I can even hear, “WHEN was the last time HE seduced ME?” Or “I’m a feminist. I don’t seduce” or “Seduce? Who the heck has time to seduce? Whattaya, nuts? I’m far too busy with the… (fill in the blank).”

Maybe you should just close out your browser window right now. This post is not for you.

After I married Alpha Hubby, we had many long talks about men, expectations, how to protect that honeymoon stage, and what keeps a marriage hawt, We talked about men and women to the point I realized so many of us women have NO clue.

New Flash – Men and Women think differently. I know, right?

I realize that not all men are the same. Some things do not apply to all men. You can say, “Men love being seduced by their woman up until the day they die” but that may not be true about some men. So I can say “Most men…” and be relatively safe (although I am sure this can be disputed, too).

Back to the Alpha Chats, Alpha Hubby expressed to me the importance of having a healthy sex life in our marriage. Not because he was a horn-dog but because it is vital to the nourishment and success of a relationship. It’s a form of protection and can also create intimacy.

For him especially, but (most) men need seduction (and the followup act *ahem*) and to know they are needed, wanted and seen as a hero. This is important especially because day-to-day living can suck that out of a relationship.

For (most) men the act of sex is like coming home – a safe place. It is up to the woman to make it a safe place for their man. There are things that are up to a man but that’s a later post. For this one, suffice it to say, (most) men need to “feel the love” – often.

No matter how busy, he needs to know that he is on your mind. You have to show and tell him you w-a-n-t him, no matter how busy you get. Is what you’re putting ahead of the man you love far more important than he is? I don’t think so.

Alpha Hubby loves rendezvous so I give them to him – setting the mood with romantic music, candles, scent; slipping on those stilettos, putting on the sexy-to-him outfit, spraying the sheets with his favorite perfume – whatever it is that he likes.

And that act of getting ready puts me in the mood (or amps it higher) even if I wasn’t really there to begin with! So much of an amazing sex life truly is in the mind, especially for women. We decide it is important. We think on it. We express to him our thoughts about him and how he’s all that to you.

And no, we don’t have constant rendezvous. Most of the time it’s… oh hey, that’s too personal. Never mind!

I think it is safe to say it all boils down to a few things.

**What are your priorities? What or who is more important than your mate?
**Was it hawt in the beginning of your marriage? Why did you let that drop? And don’t tell me “We got busy” or “The kids came along” – every. single. thing. is an excuse.
**What needs protecting more – your relationship with the one you love or the cleanliness of your house? Or whatever excuse you toss out?
**It sometimes takes w-o-r-k and the time to schedule it. That’s only unromantic if you allow it to be. It’s not.

When was the last time you set aside time just for the two of you? Private time, people, not family-go-to-the-zoo time. Sure, you can have animal noises but they should be just between the two of you (snicker).

Sorry, sorry. But you get the point, right? Stop and take time to nourish your relationship. Make him feel special to you. Find out what he thinks is sexy or a turn-on and give it to him.

This is about him. not you. Make him feel he is a priority because he should be. That is one of the things that helps protect your relationship and keep it hawt. What it really is, is about FOCUS. Keep your focus on one another THE most important thing in your relationship.

(p.s. and for those of us who’s kids are out of the house or we spend 24/7 together now, this also applies, probably more so! The habit of being around one another can also create an atmosphere where we kind of forget [well, not Alpha Hubby]).

Clueless Men & Spiders and Snakes

April 4th, 2018

I really, really don’t like spiders and snakes… or mice, skunks, roaches, or FROGS.

The Jim Stafford song above talks about a clueless guy who, after a woman hints around about making out and says, “Do what you wanna do” – HE says, “I got silly and found a frog, in the water by a hollow log; And I shook it at her and I said, ‘This frog’s for you!’  She said, ‘I don’t like spiders and snakes; And that ain’t what it takes to love me, you fool, you fool!'”

Oh yeah, sometimes guys are clueless. (But not you, baby! Not you!)

When we packed up to move to this house a few years ago, the bubble wrap came with a little added extra – a family of mice that got loose in the house. This is a conversation I had with Alpha Hubby about it. He was at work:

Me: You got another mouse (in sticky mouse trap).
AH: Did you take it outside?
Me: NO!
AH: Why not?
Me: Eeww, it’s still alive! It might fall off the sticky trap and fall on my foot! And then where would we be? I’ll tell you where we’d be – dealing with the screaming meemies.”
AH: (laughing) Oh, come on. What’s the big deal? You gonna wait ’til I get home?”
Me: (silence)
AH: (snickering) OK, OK, I’ll get him out then.

Now, truth be told, Alpha Hubby does understand and knows BEYOND A SHADOW OF DOUBT that I do not do spiders, snakes, roaches, frogs, mice, skunks, and any other sort of unnatural beastie or being on this earth. He is a learned man. Educated in the ways of women-who-hate-the-aforementioned. He’s covering his butt.

So when someone says, “It takes work to make a marriage relationship last” I often hear people whine, “But it’s not romantic to say that! I want that fairytale romance!” Hmm, I had the dancing, singing mice but it sure wasn’t a fairytale Disney world I was living in there (hee hee).

Sure it takes work but here’s the funny part:  what people are now calling WORK are things we all used to LOVE to do for one another. Those things that we did in the beginning – look nice, do little things to make them smile or feel good, take time to listen, make sure that intimacy stays fresh, current and hawt, and looking at them like they hung the moon and stars (even when we know *things* about them now we didn’t know before).

It does take work to keep that stuff up. But it is also a reminder of why we fell for them in the first place. If we don’t forget that, if we protect that, then it is such an amazing lasting relationship, and something few really ever experience.

Back then I waited for him to come home and become The Mouse Exterminator once again, and deal with Mouse #4. I was also thinking about how much I love this guy, and still stand in awe and amazement that God loved me so much, He gave this man to me as a gift to share my life’s journey with here on earth.

Shrek singing mice

Singing Mice from Shrek 3

Man, makes me want to break out in song, “You are so beautiful to meee….” accompanied by those little squeaking voices in the background.

The Warm Scent of Love

March 25th, 2018

https://youtu.be/-mcGVFeOxjs – Natalie Cole – THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOU

Several years back, I remember a conversation I had with my e-friend author Pamela Fagan Hutchins. We shared how we were so blessed to be a part of what she called, “Couples Who Make You Gag” – !

We even did two challenges on our blogs – one was 30 Days of Intimacy and the other was 30 Positive Days – my posts are over there under Categories.

I am blessed with that gag factor love. Or some *cough Josh* call it “ewww” or “get a room” type love. No matter what you call it, it is something rare, amazing, wonderous, and precious.

And there are things about Alpha Hubby that just take my breath away.

alpha nape 1

Alpha’s Nape

There is a special warm, softly scented spot beneath his ear, the ear that listens to me ramble on about sometimes obscure, useless bits of information.  That spot is inches back and away from the mouth that kisses me so passionately.  It is tucked right above the shoulder I lean on and near the back that is strongly muscled and able to work to secure his dreams (one of which is moi. I’m at the top of the list, right baby??).

That warm, softly scented place is up above his heart that possesses his true love for me.  It is down to the right of his beautiful amber eyes that gaze so warmly into mine, full of promise and the fulfillment of future dreams.

chanel for men

Tag line: There Are Men Who Know

When he wears my favorite scents, they get smoothed into that special spot just under his ear and right above his shoulder, where I can nestle my nose and inhale the velvety scent of Alpha Hubby.  I could just absorb that scent for hours… but it tickles him so he won’t sit still too awfully long… well that, and he has to eat sometime.  And sleep.  And go to work.  Which is a shame because I could just stay there in that spot forever.

It is a scent all his own, a coupling of cologne and him.

And no matter where we are, if he is there and I can inhale his special warmth, I am home. And protected. And safe.

I like that spot almost as much as I like:

HisArm3a

…his arms which hold me so tight.  Passionately, sweetly or warmly his strength is always there, just for me.

Of course, after he sees these pictures, I’m done for.

But baby?  I couldn’t help myself.

Whether you’re

Feeding cows cropped

Feeding Cows in Snow

or

Leland 2 small

Leland Office Pix

in that professional picture for that office, like this song says:

the very thought of you
and I forget to do
The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do

…which explains the laundry and dishes and …

*ahem*

I think about you a lot.

Fairy Tale Still Being Written

March 6th, 2018

 

This video is the song, “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” from the original 1950’s animated Cinderella (one a lot of us grew up on). Ilene Woods is the woman who sang the original song for Cinderella in the movie. Here she’s on the Perry Como television show. Click here for lyrics.

Before I met Alpha Hubby, I didn’t think I was “all that” but I had learned that I deserved to be treated with respect and pure love. I did not deserve to be abused. I did not deserve to be cheated on with the entire town’s female population. I did not deserve any “mean scheming manipulating alcoholic-drugged-up verbally vicious mess who blamed everything wrong in his life on me or the weather or the mama or the abusive dad or the job or the boss or the car or the apartment or the bills” or the whatever.

I deserved peace in my life. I deserved to be treated like I was precious, valuable, worth the trouble, someone’s dream.  And I wasn’t going to accept less than that. I had major attitude. And on the outside, people accepted that at face value.

But, you know what? Deep inside, very well hidden behind the attitude and bravery, tucked in beside my heart with other unfulfilled dreams, there was a teeny tiny spark of something nebulous. A little unnamed hope – a dream – that maybe there could be True Love for me. That someone could see “me” and love me. It was a fragile light that a whiff of doubt could have extinguished.

So along comes Alpha Hubby, standing in the office cubicle opening, smiling at me. Talking in that smooth drugging voice that lulled me into forgetting I had walls up. A snake charmer. A Pied Piper. Before I knew it, I would follow him anywhere. Walls? They crumbled, slowly but surely. Not easily but thoroughly.

He respected me. He respected me so much he asked my permission to kiss me the first time he did (oh my gosh, who does that??). He was old-fashioned, courting me, careful of my feelings, protective of my heart, and letting me know he was hot after my body (well, he was human, after all) but he refused to have it until after the wedding ceremony. (He knew my heart so well. And he swears he has only been that man with me.)

He gave me everything I’d never experienced before – as many romantic gestures as he could cram into the 7 weeks before we married. No one had ever courted me before. No one had ever written me love notes and letters. No one had ever sent flowers. No one asked about, then listened, to my dreams.  No one believed in me like he did and does.

And along the way, he built me up, helped me heal and he is everything I ever dreamed of in a knight in shining armor – only better – because I didn’t know. I didn’t know what a real man’s true love was like. How could I have dreamed of something I didn’t know existed? And how did it come true?

And unlike Cinderella, who was told by her Fairy Godmother**, “Yes, my child, but like all dreams, well, I’m afraid this can’t last forever. You’ll have only ’til midnight, and then… On the stroke of twelve, the spell will be broken, and everything will be as it was before

unlike Cinderella my fairy tale is still being written.

HAPPY 24th ANNIVERSARY, baby!
(3/4/94)

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality
is finally better than your dreams.”  — Dr. Seuss

*A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes – Disney’s Cinderella
**Quote from Cinderella (1950)

He is My Sweetest Passion

February 14th, 2018

HAPPY VALENTINES LELAND W. LOYD
(Alpha Hubby of 24 Years)

 

SWEETEST PASSION

I gaze as the moon shimmers across his naked body
lost in the thought of who he is
and how blessed I am he’s in my life,
And how it is this passion is
hotter than it was in the beginning.
24 Years of YUM!

This man lying in my bed
emanating strength and power
boldly going where no man has gone before
by
taking a chance on me and
loving me totally, unconditionally, wholly.

Oh! Those who have no clue
that true love really exists
That a man can be faithful
and a man can love
even when the perfection of first attraction
slows to the love of imperfection by world standards

He didn’t swoop into my life to tear it up
As so many others had.
He slipped in – almost unnoticed
Tentatively reaching toward me
To join our lives as one.

He was so quiet and unassuming
I almost missed his worth
But as we meshed our lives together
And he grew comfortable in our love
He became someone else…
a
Magic man who loves unconditionally
And saw exactly who I was
behind the icy barriers of protection
And his strength
And his power
And his love
Melted all objections away
That I am worthy of his love.

 

Poem Copyright ©2007 Nan C. Loyd

 

Words

January 24th, 2018

live life

I love words. I love when they flow off my tongue AND mean something amazing – like the word serendipity. It means: “…the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way”. I don’t live my life by chance but I love that word (and the movie!).

The other day I received my state’s AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) 2017 Annual Review. I’ve been getting AARP stuff since I was in my late 40’s so I glanced at it and was going to toss it until I noticed the section entitled, “Disrupt Aging“.

This surprised me. The section stated that the woman who became CEO of AARP wants to change the perception of aging in America, “…to disrupt aging, we need to own our age.” Her points were valid in that we should get to the point where “…we are no longer defined by the old expectations of what we should or should not do at a certain age… disruptive aging, embracing our own aging.”

My surprise was her use of the word “disrupt”. Anyone who reads my posts here and my other sites, or knows me, knows that I am a huge proponent of words and their effect on our lives. Pretty much what we say is where we go, what we become, what we do (can vs cannot) – so to disrupt aging hit me as a very wrong thing – and word.

Google online dictionary says disrupt means:  (1) to interrupt (an event, activity, or process) by causing a disturbance or problem.

(2) drastically alter or destroy the structure of (something).

I’m not sure but the use of the words “disrupt aging” seems more like saying that we need to stop aging – because that is the point of disrupting – to interrupt or suspend. To interrupt aging – well, that would mean you are dead, correct?

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I do understand what her point was – that we need to interrupt the way society perceives anyone over the age of 40. You know, to stop using words and sentences like “washed up, over the hill, antiquated, senile, obsolete, passé or past one’s prime, nothing left to contribute, oooold” and many other negative words.

But if you’ll pardon me, I do not plan to disrupt my aging. I plan to live long and strong, doing exactly what I want to. I really don’t care what society (and science) says about aging because they’ve been misusing words for YEARS about the passing of birthdays.

There are far, far too many people who have already kicked the perception of getting older (aging) by living life their own way, far past 50-60-70-80-90, and looking amazing doing so, energetic and athletic, and healthy and strong.

It does not surprise me that the generations raised in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s are out there kicking the perception of aging’s butt. They are generations of people who changed perceptions during wars, prejudice/bias to the right of women to earn the same pay as a man in the same job.

These are people out there living life, kicking the actuality of aging by simply living life to the fullest. Each one I’ve read about has a lot in common, taking care of their health (and skin) but most especially the use of words describing themselves. One thing they DO NOT DO is call themselves old or even make jokes about it.

They are careful to speak life. They are careful to speak positively. They are not as worried about changing society’s perception of aging so much as they are changing their own. Living boldly and completely.

So rather that disrupt our aging, why not just go out and live life to the fullest? We can watch our words and take good care of our health so we can be strong far past the age others call OLD.

If others have done this (and they have and are, every day), anyone can do this, no excuses.