There was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie entitled, “The Eraser.” His job was to go in and erase all evidence of a person’s existence. He was to prepare a woman to enter a Witness Protection Program so he got rid of everything that showed her existence including her records like driver’s license, birth certificate; personal effects like a necklace she wore all the time, etc. Once erased, it was as if she never existed.
Sometimes, since I got married, I feel like I’ve been erased. I had no problem taking hubby’s last name. I know some women feel like they lose themselves by taking their husband’s last name. My theory on that is I never had my own last name anyway. I mean, the name I did have was my father’s name so what difference does it make? I was proud to take my hubby’s.
Of course, by taking hubby’s last name, it erased the credit history I had accumulated under my maiden name. Just try to get credit under your married name when there is no credit history associated with that name! It was near impossible back then.
I purchased my own home the year before I met my knight in shining armor. I think it was when we refinanced the house that I began to get inkling that I had been erased. When the paperwork came in, everything was in my husband’s name. I no longer owned a home. We could have argued with the closing company, and had everything changed on the paperwork but I opted not to. It just felt very strange that I didn’t even exist for this mortgage company.
Then I signed up for a daily e-newsletter. I used MY email address to sign up but the letters always start, “Dear Leland.” Some letters from companies we both deal with may come addressed to Mr. and Mrs., but the salutation always starts, “Dear Leland.” Good thing I have a sense of humor ’cause I feel like I’m disappearing!
One time I signed up with a weight loss program. I was allowed to ask a daily question through a comment section on the website and the weight loss guru responds back with a short video. So I asked my first question and eagerly awaited an answer. When I clicked on the video “play” button the first thing I heard was, “Hi Leland, you had a great question.” I immediately emailed that guy and said, “HOW is this possible? It was MY email address, MY name and MY credit card – so HOW did MY husband’s name get in here?” Augh!!!
I tried calling a credit card company the other day to activate our new replacement cards. We each have one with our individual names stamped on it. The guy was very apologetic. “M’am, I see that you are a verified user on this account. However, you are not the primary card holder so I can’t activate this card. Mr. Husband must call in the activate this card.” Now who else is going to have all that personal information about him except someone who has permission to know it? Grrrrrr.
But the worst? I saw I had a message on my answering machine the other day. It was from a company I purchased beauty products from a few years back – about 5 years. The lady on the telephone said, “HI Leland. This is blah-blah from Beauty blah-blah Company. I just wanted to let you know that the products you purchased (and she named the products) are now on sale. Call me!!” Boy, I’d like to call her all right… she just wouldn’t like it if I did. Then I’d go have a little talk with hubby and see if he needs to tell me something!
I’m not sure why this erasing has occurred. I’m not a bad person. I have nothing to hide and haven’t witnessed any crimes lately that would involve the need to erase me so the criminals couldn’t find me before I could testify against them. So why am I being erased???
It is a good thing that I respect myself and no one can erase me without my permission… but still! I know my hubby laughs WITH me every time I share an incident with him of my erasing. And I for sure know we don’t have a life insurance policy wherein he gets millions of dollars if I am erased permanently – so what gives with this thing about erasing me? I’m NOT going down without a fight, do you hear me??
I do exist. I do, I do, I do exist. I do do do exist. I respect myself. I am alive. I am a real person.
Hello??? Is there anyone out there? Am I invisible – non-existent – erased??
.
Copyright © 2009 Nan C Loyd
All rights reserved. Used by permission.
I’ve never had that happen. The letters, yeah – but I never thought about that. We married so young that I probably really didn’t have much of a history to erase:) Look at it this way – you have much more privacy than Leland does! LOL Just look at it that he is your man of business – and he is like the shade that allows you to thrive:)
However, I will say that many moms fear losing themselves as they mother – or that they lose themselves in the role of a wife. Maybe I am like an iris or a lily – I start out as one bulb but with each year and each additional role, I become not one bulb but many – the mother, the wife, me in my quiet time, my volunteering, me writing, me visiting. I am blessed that my husband encourages me being me. I have found there is more within me than I imagined being a mom. Even if you cut up one bulb into many pieces, those pieces multiply, roots entwined.
I’ve never had that happen. The letters, yeah – but I never thought about that. We married so young that I probably really didn’t have much of a history to erase:) Look at it this way – you have much more privacy than Leland does! LOL Just look at it that he is your man of business – and he is like the shade that allows you to thrive:)
However, I will say that many moms fear losing themselves as they mother – or that they lose themselves in the role of a wife. Maybe I am like an iris or a lily – I start out as one bulb but with each year and each additional role, I become not one bulb but many – the mother, the wife, me in my quiet time, my volunteering, me writing, me visiting. I am blessed that my husband encourages me being me. I have found there is more within me than I imagined being a mom. Even if you cut up one bulb into many pieces, those pieces multiply, roots entwined.
Thanks your for your kinds words celebrating my SITS day!
I hadn’t thought about this. I had 22 years as an adult before I got married. I hope it isn’t erased.
Thanks your for your kinds words celebrating my SITS day!
I hadn’t thought about this. I had 22 years as an adult before I got married. I hope it isn’t erased.
I wish more people would write blogs like this that are really fun to read. With all the fluff floating around on the net, it is rare to read a blog like this instead.
I wish more people would write blogs like this that are really fun to read. With all the fluff floating around on the net, it is rare to read a blog like this instead.
What!? I have to put up with introductions as “oh, this is Nans husband”. That is as far as it goes. Then when I see these people again I am still known as Nans husband. I have put up with this all of our married life and I decided to fight back with the thought that if I had you erased then they could not say “this is Nan’s husband” anymore. I hired little eraser people to do it. I confess, I did it, I just couldn’t handle being an unkown any longer. I wanted to exist. Just to be recognized.
Ok, I’m good now!
What!? I have to put up with introductions as “oh, this is Nans husband”. That is as far as it goes. Then when I see these people again I am still known as Nans husband. I have put up with this all of our married life and I decided to fight back with the thought that if I had you erased then they could not say “this is Nan’s husband” anymore. I hired little eraser people to do it. I confess, I did it, I just couldn’t handle being an unkown any longer. I wanted to exist. Just to be recognized.
Ok, I’m good now!
Oh, that’s got to be frustrating! I haven’t had that problem….yet. But building up credit only to have it disappear just because you get married is just not right!
All I have to recommend is DO NOT NAME YOUR FIRST CHILD OR SON AFTER YOUR HUSBAND! It’s a pain in the arse! Especially when it comes to health insurance and if you need to file a claim. Someone will screw it up by filing it under the wrong name. It’s a pain trying to get it straightened out!
Oh, that’s got to be frustrating! I haven’t had that problem….yet. But building up credit only to have it disappear just because you get married is just not right!
All I have to recommend is DO NOT NAME YOUR FIRST CHILD OR SON AFTER YOUR HUSBAND! It’s a pain in the arse! Especially when it comes to health insurance and if you need to file a claim. Someone will screw it up by filing it under the wrong name. It’s a pain trying to get it straightened out!
Two marriages and I never thought about that or realized it. Maybe, for me, both times I got married while on active duty in the Air Force. I was still and ‘Airman’, only with a different last name. I just didn’t notice any erasing. Sometimes I think I just bury my head in a hole so I don’t have to look (at whatever). LOL
Two marriages and I never thought about that or realized it. Maybe, for me, both times I got married while on active duty in the Air Force. I was still and ‘Airman’, only with a different last name. I just didn’t notice any erasing. Sometimes I think I just bury my head in a hole so I don’t have to look (at whatever). LOL
I’ve always found it funny that the “good” credit is all that gets erased. Any blemish on anything is there for all the world to see.
One mistake I would never make again was to hyphenate your name. I did it with my ex. I thought it would be a good way to honor both the men in my life. What a pain in the ass. Especially when we bought our first house and he was overseas. I had to write _______ _____-_____ POA (power of attorney) on nine million pieces of paper. Never again. I took my husbands last name this time, but I still carry on my “bizness” in my maiden name. Call it not wanting to be erased, or just call it “plausible deniability”….lol
I’ve always found it funny that the “good” credit is all that gets erased. Any blemish on anything is there for all the world to see.
One mistake I would never make again was to hyphenate your name. I did it with my ex. I thought it would be a good way to honor both the men in my life. What a pain in the ass. Especially when we bought our first house and he was overseas. I had to write _______ _____-_____ POA (power of attorney) on nine million pieces of paper. Never again. I took my husbands last name this time, but I still carry on my “bizness” in my maiden name. Call it not wanting to be erased, or just call it “plausible deniability”….lol
I’m pretty sure all this would have me freaking out – or at least getting the creeps! Funny thing, though – I’m the bill/credit/finance person in my house 99% of the time, and I think I get more mail to me, even though it says Mr. and Mrs. on the address. Maybe the BabbyDaddy is getting erased?
I’m pretty sure all this would have me freaking out – or at least getting the creeps! Funny thing, though – I’m the bill/credit/finance person in my house 99% of the time, and I think I get more mail to me, even though it says Mr. and Mrs. on the address. Maybe the BabbyDaddy is getting erased?
So THAT’S what they call it. Being erased. I noticed the same trend when I got married. I quit counting in so many areas. Leave it to you to make a joke about it so I can laugh at it. I love it, thanks!
So THAT’S what they call it. Being erased. I noticed the same trend when I got married. I quit counting in so many areas. Leave it to you to make a joke about it so I can laugh at it. I love it, thanks!