Alpha Hubby has gone on a binge.  He discovered he can take o-o-o-old pictures, scan them then erase the people or backgrounds he doesn’t want in the pictures.  He went on a search and found all the pictures from my youth from about age 17 forward.  All my SKINNY pictures.  I especially like this super skinny slightly stressed smile one from the early 1970’s (19); then there is the “I don’t tan I burn so what was I thinking” from 1978 (25), the poofy-permed-haired 1980’s (32) or the one with (you can’t see it) dark red hair, sort of a maroon from 1999 (46) (don’t ask; I don’t know what I was thinking) and the last picture I ever sort of semi-liked, 2007 (54):

Here’s the sad part of the pictures – I can probably tell you exactly what I weighed in each one.  Why?  Because I have been focused on my weight since 1969, my first diet, when I was 5 pounds overweight and my mom freaked.  But that’s another story for another day.

Alpha Hubby likes seeing what I used to look like and likes knowing I’m heading there again.  I was about 25 pounds overweight when we married (which on a 5’1-1/2” person is a LOT).  He has never seen me at my optimum weight.  At first I thought it would depress me to see all the “skinny” pictures.  I was wrong.  It made me realize how much I’d let myself believe I could NEVER lose this weight.

Once I saw my older pictures, I realized I had totally convinced myself of a LIE.  Seeing all the pictures together from the late 60’s up until a few years ago (I rarely take current pictures), I realized that I pretty much always weighed about the same over my lifetime.  The real thing is that I maintained my weight without thinking about it.  The fact is that I’ve gone most of my life without being overweight.  This weight has only been an major issue for about 9 years. 

I think sometimes because of a few setbacks, we begin to treat ourselves as if we can’t change or it is too late to change.  That is such a lie.  Anyone can change.  Anyone can become the weight they want to weigh as long as they are willing to do the work.  And work – that word throws people off making it all sound HARD to do.  If we think it is too hard, it will be too hard and we already have set ourselves up to fail.

We should change that word “work” to the word “principles”.  If we will apply the principles involved in losing weight – everything from eating right, drinking plenty of water to exercising – we can weigh what we want to weigh.  If we make a determination that we will not quit no matter what – NO MATTER WHAT – then the real thing in our life will be the weight we want to weigh.

Seeing these pictures is like REALLY seeing myself.  It is as if the woman inside is clamoring to get out and I had forgotten what she looked like.  I had forgotten that I used to be comfortable in my skin and rarely ever thought about my weight or dieting.  I just did what I needed to do to maintain the weight that was best for me.  It was an automatic habit, ingrained, always in the back of my mind. 

I lost that woman somewhere along the line.  I am very glad to be on this journey to finding her again.

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