HA! Gotcha there with that title, huh!? Well, I’m sorry if you thought you could find some reason to justify being a loser (snicker), but this is not that place. No, no! I’m not calling you a loser because you’re reading this. It was a trick title to sucker you into reading my blog, really! NO one is calling you a loser! Stop thinking of yourself as one. Really! You are NOT a loser. I’m just talking about weight loss . *Sigh* people are SO touchy.

OK, onward. I sometimes think people get so accustomed to being overweight that they forget some of the benefits of losing any excess weight they carry. So let’s review a few, shall we? (Warning: some sexual & personal content)

Benefits of losing weight:

1 – You never again have to worry if you’ll fit in that chair with the arms. Or that booth in the restaurant where you want to be comfortable without the table rubbing your tummy. Or wonder if that chair will hold you when it makes that creaking sound (hopefully, only wooden chairs do this to you, right??) Or hear your husband groan when you sit on his lap in that creaking chair.

2 – You can wear jeans or slacks without an elastic waistband. Imagine – real jeans with a button and hole, and a zipper! No elastic in sight. NO MORE PULL-UPS – whoo hoo. La la la, I’m a big girl now… well, no, not big…

3 – You can walk up stairs without breathing like a steam locomotive! You can get to the top of the stairs and begin a conversation without saying, “Hold on a minute, puff puff. I’ll be right with you, wheeze, wheeze.”

4 – You can find pretty new words to describe yourself such SVELTE which means “slender, especially gracefully slender in figure; lithe”. Doesn’t that sound so ladylike? Sure beats being a stevedore.

5 – The original meaning of the word stevedore entered the English language (via Spain or Portugal) through its use by sailors. It started as a phonetic spelling of Spanish estibador or Portuguese estivador, meaning a man who stuffs – so how about NO MORE WOMEN WHO STUFF? Of course, they meant someone who loads a ship but I got to thinking about women who load a plate at an all-you-can-eat bar, in public, overweight, while everyone looks on in judgmental disgust. In the background you hear, “Why doesn’t she control her eating?”

6 – You can have a romantic evening in that deep Jacuzzi tub without worrying about how you’re going to get out. You can sit there enjoying the bubblebath, candlelight and music without thinking of a sweet way of saying, “Honey, can you haul me out of here?” Or imagine not being afraid to sit on the ground or a low sofa? Not needing help getting up (or out)?

7 – Sorry about this one but some people deal with this. It is VERY personal. You don’t have to worry about personal hygiene ever again. You can… ummm … wipe certain places without being a contortionist. You can feel fresh and clean. There, I said it. While it isn’t really publicly talked about, it is a true problem for those those considered obese by the medical profession. Imagine the relief of never having to worry about or deal with that issue again!

8 – One of my favorite – you can bend over and paint your toenails a wild bright red or a beautiful feminine pink. You don’t need help clipping your toenails and you can easily rub scented lotion on your legs and feet without leaning sideways and breathing hard!

9 – You will no longer have a closet floor full of clothes you tried on that didn’t fit so you threw a fit and tossed them in the floor of your closet. Or even better your closet no longer resembles a clothing store with clothes separated into 10 different sizes, sandwiched between one end labeled fat clothes and the other end labeled skinny clothes. You won’t be late to work or dates because you can walk in and everything in your closet fits.

10 – And the top benefit of losing weight? You can make love to your husband without worrying about how you look naked. You can be more creative about your love life again. You can feel sexy and seductive without fear. You will believe again that all those sexy little nighties look good on you (at least HE thinks so). Best of all, there will be no more wheezy romantic little sounds like, “Get off, get off, I can’t breathe.”

Nuff said. Got any other benefits to add?