So the other day Alpha Hubby came in for lunch. We had lunch then, we suddenly decided to dash to the bedroom for some Afternoon Delight. We hadn’t done that in awhile. We giggled, smiled at one another, laughed, looked at one another like we had a secret, and felt like newlyweds the rest of the day.

What helps keep a marriage hot, focused and wonderful after years together? I don’t know (smile). I can only tell you what works for us, and in this case, what he needs.

Alpha Hubby has always expressed the need to know I “see” him – that I am not distracted by the computer, housework, writing, children, friends, etc.  Of course, I need to know he “sees” me, too. That he’s not just hearing “blah blah blah” in the background when I talk. Both require focus but this post is about him – is my focus on him first?

Oh, no growling.  I hear some of you thinking “What about MY needs?”  Well, what about them?  You reap what you sow.  You put everything ahead of him, including the children (and yes, we were like this when Alpha Son was at home), then eventually you “reap” that. Put things ahead of him and he may lose interest and put things ahead of you – work, hobbies, sports,*ahem* other women. 

No, I’m not saying all men (or women) will do this – but we ARE talking about keeping the marriage hot, right?

When I asked Alpha Hubby about this the other day, he told me, “What is most important to me is that I need to know you believe in me. I need to know you think I am your hero. It doesn’t matter how long we are together, I will always need to know that.”

It’s about admiration, trust, confidence, cheering on, faith, belief in, respect, and appreciation. It’s him knowing that I believe in him and think he can do anything. It’s him looking at me and knowing how much I admire him.

Nothing is more seductive to a man than a woman thinking he’s all-that and knowing she means it. Hello? Do I need to tell you how “the other woman” seduces a man? Her focus on him? He KNOWS she sees him and makes him think he’s all that to her. We could learn a lot from a seductress!

For Alpha Hubby, I need to make sure he is first in my life, and that he knows it.

OH MY GOSH, I waited too long for my soulmate, hero, knight in shining armor! I made the determination, long before I met him, that I would refuse to play the games I saw so many women around me play.

I refuse to speak badly about him. I refuse to talk about him with anyone at all, except to tout his praises. I refuse to take him for granted (not that he’d let me). I refuse to see anything but the good in him. We both have to work at it sometimes but in the end, he IS all that to me.

And you know what? That is not a lie – it is what I have chosen to focus on. His good points. The more I do, the more he has! But is it any surprise that also has a reciprocal? The more you focus on the bad points, the more there seem to be.

When you keep that focus on one another’s good points, you are protecting what you have together.

That means you have to fight, tooth and nail sometimes, to keep that focus on one another. It takes work because sometimes it seems the entire world is working to pull you apart. 

And yes, if it is lost – the respect, passion, focus – you can get it back again.  It takes some work and determination, IF you both want to get your intimacy back.  You have to change your thought process – but that’s a post for another day!

Is he your hero?  Does he know it?

.
Copyrighted Material © 2009 may not be copied or used without author’s express written permission.

Song: Hero, Enrique Inglesias