Scene from Life With Alpha Hubby 2

March 14th, 2012

Alpha Hubby and I learned a long time ago that if we want to remember something important, write it down.  This includes everything from shopping items to to-do lists.

And, as you know, we also indulge in notes to one another.  You may recall this one?

This was from a post about what helps a couple have “forever.”  And, of course, he answered correctly.  I have learned it helps to keep the choices very simple.

But there are days… days when I wish I was Ralph Kramden and he was Alice and I could say, “One of these days, Alice, one of these days.  BANG, ZOOM!  Straight to the moon!”

Don’t you go feeling sorry for him.  That’s what he wants.  And I mean, really.  Let me ‘splain.

The other night I was sitting in the living room, snuggled into my favorite chair reading.  Alpha Hubby had already gone to bed.  I finally realized I needed to head to bed, too, so I got up, picked up my tea cup, and caught floor movement out of the corner of my eye.

Floor movement is NEVER good.  There are a plethora of reasons – mice (which we don’t have, thank goodness), big honking spiders (which I haven’t seen in a long time, also thank goodness), skunks (which I don’t EVER want to see again and wasn’t actually on the floor but in the ceiling), opposums (ditto)…

When it comes to some things, I am President of the Girly Girl Club and no one will ever make me feel ashamed of that.   I am a girly girl and darned proud of it.  Go ahead, open my door. I double-dog dare you.

So anyway, I caught the tail end of… a tail?  I was suddenly praying it was a tail because if it was a skinny snake, we were gonna have big trouble in the old midsouth tonight.  I hate snakes worse than anything.  I stepped over enough to see what it was.  THIS is what it was:

Yes, that is a lizard.  He apparently thought the grass was greener on the inside and came in under the temporary glass door to the driveway.  He headed under the big leather couch.  I stood there debating whether to freak or not, but really.  After a falling skunk, this was child’s play.

As I always do when creepy crawly things come into my personal life space, I let Alpha Hubby know – I left a note so he’d (1) know there was a lizard in the living room, and (2) take care of it if he ran across it.   And the truth is, (3) he should wale up, get out of bed, tear up the living room, and get that wiggly thing OUT of my house.  Preferably NOW.

My note said, “There is a lizard in the LR – under couch.”  I added the word “small” for some reason.  I guess I wanted him to know it wasn’t a komodo dragon size or something.  Hey, it was late.

His snarky reply (just in case you missed it)?

Oh I’m so sure he thought he was clever.  Ha ha, honey.  Ha ha.

WHO, I ask you, has been in charge of getting rid of snakes, frogs, bullies, strange people, big spiders, mice, opossums, skunks, and the like, since we were married??  Yes, quite correct – Alpha Hubby.  It’s documented.  It was also in the small print on the marriage license.

I am not ashamed to say that I think men who have played in the mud, ridden their bikes into trees, gotten dirty, played with frogs, fought valiantly against all sisters, sent Valentine’s cards like the one above (yes, he did), and who act all macho and manly should be in charge of getting rid of all the vermin.  AND I do not think aforementioned manly man should make fun of the girly girl when she won’t and just can’t.

You’re gonna want some, sometime, baby.  You might want to be just a little bit nicer to me.

***

Keith Urban, Only You Can Love Me

22 Responses to “Scene from Life With Alpha Hubby 2”

  1. Mary says:

    Lizards and vermin and skunks! Oh My! Sorry I’m coming in kinda late to the party, but I am sooo with you on this one, Nan. I don’t like anything that crawls, squirms, flits or slithers. (shudder) Hubbs will usually shake his head and give me that “Oh, come on” look when I start spazzing out over a bug or the like, but he takes care of it.

    Alpha, Alpha, Alpha… Get with the program, dude! You’ve gotta know by now that we women folk decide what’s potentially dangerous or possibly even lethal. Geeesh! ;~)
    Mary recently posted…"Who’s" Having A Birthday? ~ STMUSSMy Profile

  2. Tracy Wilson says:

    I love lizards. You no like? Do not want?

    For me it’s bees and wasps…and the ever present palmetto bugs. UGH…they gross me out. Especially when you smoosh ’em and they crackle (gag).

    They are DEFINITELY J.C.’s domain.
    I understand completely.

    Gross- sorry, gotta go wash my hands now or something:)
    Tracy

  3. Classic NYer says:

    He’s right, though… and I can say that with no fear of being cut off. 😉
    Classic NYer recently posted…On an offeringMy Profile

    • Classic NYer says:

      Like I’m one to talk… just yesterday had to ask my husband to throw away some food that had gotten moldy. He’s like “what’s wrong?” and I’m like “It’s all fuzzy” and he’s like “It’s not going to jump up and bite you, you know” and I’m like “Grr! Just throw it away for me???”
      Classic NYer recently posted…On cats and lonely peopleMy Profile

  4. Bella says:

    Nan, I love, love how you let us “peek” into your life with Alpha Hubby! I swear it makes it all that much easier to live vicariously through you! For all the feminist I tout myself to be, I want my man to man up and get rid of that lizard for me! As well as any other vermin/rodent/insect. I may be fearless but a mouse renders me into a screaming ninny! I loved Alpha Hubby’s note of “He’s not going to hurt you.” hee hee! An alpha male and a good sense of humor to boot. You’ve got yourself a winner, lady! 🙂

  5. Loved this! Love your life. Love that you are so happy. Love you! Bless your wonderful heart!

    And? I’m just plain skeered of lizards.
    Theresa Sonoda recently posted…WTFriday?My Profile

  6. Pamela says:

    I always tell Eric to beware the day I don’t want to feel like a Girly Girl who needs her Manly Man. Dog poop? Manly. Vermin? Manly. And I don’t make him buy tampons for me, unless it’s a REAL emergency 🙂

    Love it, Nan. I love your notes!
    Pamela recently posted…Old Farts Date NightMy Profile

    • nan @ lbddiaries says:

      Manly Men need Girly Girls who know how to take care of them! We get so much more out of it when we do!!

  7. Alpha says:

    I am a dragon slayer not a lizard whisperer and this little thing that can’t even bite you does not fit the description of even a baby dragon. Therefore if it grows to the size of a baby dragon let me know, until then I will be snoozin! By the way the comment about witholding #$%, just remember I have a rope!!!!!!

    • nan @ lbddiaries says:

      Lizard whisperer – haw haw. You are too too, honey. It doesn’t have to bite – it WIGGLES. Rope – promise??

  8. OMYGOSH … you are much braver than I … to even check out what it was … I agree It’s definitely in the fine print… Hubbies take care of all things vermin and smelly garbage and other things as may be required..lol… xo HHL
    High Heeled Life recently posted…March Tea Trolley and Two Special Guests …My Profile

  9. Cinnamon says:

    Kubota lizard………Bwahahahah. You mean like the tractor? Or komodo dragon size? Either way.,

    I love seeing lizards. It means that there are less bugs in the area. I just hate to see them when my cat brings them to me (yuck).

    I love notes. People don’t write them nearly enough anymore with text features on phones, and IM features on computers. Ah hem……

    XOXO

    • nan @ lbddiaries says:

      Thank you. I didn’t even realize I’d put the tractor & not the dragon – leave it to eagle eyes! I agree, notes are important. You can’t keep a phone wrapped up with a ribbon in your dresser drawer!

  10. Merz says:

    I am officially in love with that valentines day card! Was it real? You guys are so funny and I love coming over here to read a new post because I know I am going to either smile or learn something, or both.

    • nan @ lbddiaries says:

      Yes it is real. It’s an e-card that I printed off to keep with me – I loved it! Thanks for stopping by.

  11. Nancy says:

    Cute, cute note! I happen to not be afraid of lizards and will pick one up and put the little feller outside!

    But if I saw a snake, well that might very well be the end of me! 🙂
    Nancy recently posted…Vacant or occupied….that is the questionMy Profile

    • nan @ lbddiaries says:

      I don’t think so – they wiggle too much & might flop around and get in my hair (hoho)!

  12. Annalyse says:

    I don’t know what to laugh at first, his reply or your last line there. And I have to go now and find out what all this is about skunks. Really? As usual you make me smile and I love glimpses into your life with Alpha Hubby.

    • nan @ lbddiaries says:

      My last line is far more important than his reply (smile). That skunk story – a true test of love and trust!

  13. Hi, Nan,
    I agree. I believe in equal rights and such, but I want my man to get the spider or mouse if I need him to. I also want him to open the car door for me, hold me when I cry, & give me his jacket if I am cold.

    Mr. Liverpool is this MAN.

    Great Post. I love you and Alpah :)) xxx
    My Inner Chick recently posted…Oh My GagaMy Profile

    • nan @ lbddiaries says:

      Preach it, Sister! Alpha Hubby is THAT man, too. A real man, not a weasely male!

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