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30 Days: Is It Over? And a Giveaway!

11/09/2010

It is hard to believe it has been THIRTY DAYS since Pamela over at pamelahutchins.com and I challenged one another – or as she so politely said it, “entered into a faux war — which of us had the most amazing, intimate relationship with their fabulous husband?”  I scoffed at her belief that she could even challenge me in this arena!  Scoffed, Pamela, scoffed!  But *sigh* I have to agree with her – we can declare it a tie because she and Eric do have an absolutely amazing relationship.  One that truly does make people want to puke and say, “ewwww, get a room!”

Of course, that is our goal in life – both of us – to make people get sick of how amazing our marriages are.  It is a goal I think we both deserve to have.  We earned this right.   I mean, of course we can’t take ALL the credit – some must go to these fantabulous men we married. 

But still.  We all know that women are the glue, the icky, sticky, gooey stuff that holds marriages together, right?  RIGHT?  Oh OK, we give God the credit and glory for sending us absolutely-perfect-for-us men.  Because He did.  He sent men who love us no matter how hard we tested that love – really, just to make sure it really is real and not going to crack under the truth of who we really are.  They actually LOVE who we really are.  Imagine that!  He gave us men who believe in us when no one else did – and they believe in our dreams.  Men who count to 10 slowly so as to not throw us out 3rd story windows when our emotions and hormones do horrid things without our permission. 

What did I learn since October 11th, the day we started the challenge?  I can’t put it all here – it is too much!  Most of what happened to us actually began that very first week – that reconnecting with our intimate selves as a couple. 

We actually thought we were “all that” going into this challenge. We were wrong.  We’d let some things – actions, attitudes, words – drop that we needed to pick back up pronto!  We also learned that intimacy after 16.8 years marriage is FAR, FAR better on this end than it was in the beginning.  It may have been that desperate “oh my gosh I can’t get enough of you let’s do it again” rush in the beginning of our marriage but I am here to testify! 

When you know someone intimately?  When you really have learned what trips their trigger?  When you’ve become so well-acquainted with this person that you know what thrills them, makes them happy, gives them joy – outside the bedroom, folks – so that when you do reach that ultimate goal?  Off the charts, baby!  The word – excuse me please – foreplay?  Starts outside the bedroom long before you hit the sheets.  THAT is where intimacy is the most vital – and what so few people understood when we issued this challenge (that few started, much less finished).

Intimacy – is an outwardly focused action – not all about you!

Intimacy – is a lifetime committment to focus on the other person in your marriage.

Intimacy – is wanting the best for the other person.

Intimacy – is doing the things that please the other person.

Intimacy – is taking the time to find out what the other person thinks of as intimacy.  It may surprise you that it isn’t the same thing you want (which is a good thing since men and women ARE different.)

Intimacy – is all about the other person. You both are in a win-win situation if you do this right!

So yes, while we did have BIG fun in between the long hours of work, days of illness, and other things of life that rushed in to steal our focus, we did not fail because we missed many days.  It is about focusing on that other person – emails, handwritten notes, light palm-to-face touches, featherly kisses.  We discovered that intimacy is really sexy in that glance, those words, that touch – then falling asleep.  Why?  Because of the confidence that you have tomorrow with them. 

Intimacy says, “I will be with you forever, through everything.  Love is not a feeling, it is a committment.  I am in this for the long haul!”

Intimacy is the promise of forever.

(I don’t know where I got this photo; someone else gets the credit)

 

Giveaway Contest ended. 

12 thoughts on “30 Days: Is It Over? And a Giveaway!”

  3. We were in Vermont living in Newfane village on the town commons, between two Inn’s. It was Novemeber and I had made reservations for the Four Columns Inn across the square from where we lived. I got to the house late evening (just dark) and as I ascended the stairs I could detected the scent that very familiar. My fair damsel had filled the apartment and hallway with my favorite perfume (Poeme). I entered the doorway and she was ready for our rendevous. I quickly got ready to join her for an evening of romance. I put my long top coat on and retrieved her coat from the closet. I said, “Come, your chariot awaits”. I held out her coat, she slipped it on and we descended the stairs into the a winter wonderland of fresh falling snow.

    We decided not to ruin the fresh cover of snow with our chariot. So we strolled along, holding hands in falling snow. There were only our tracks that evening, as though we were the only ones in the wonderland. We entered the Inn and enjoyed time lost in each others eyes. The food and service were superb, adding to an awesome rendevous. When we left, we discovered the snow had covered our tracks. We decided not to go back to the apartment but to enjoy the beautiful evening walking. It didn’t seem cold at all. She looked so beautiful in the street light, against a background of snow. The whole evening looked like a picture postcard. That evening is still impressed into my memory, to this day. Our rendevous was not over by far. It only developed with great expectation. But I will stop here as the remainder is very private.

  4. OK darling, you remember details about that evening that I’d forgotten. You are right. No one else was out that evening and both Inns were covered in twinkle lights. It was right out of a fairy tale… the hush in the air, fat snowflakes falling, the light crunch of our feet on the snow covered road. It was magical. Then again, all our rendezvous are magical.

  5. What a great challenge!!! I’m glad you found it so rewarding, I think everyone needs to reconnect with their partner sometimes! nVisiting from SITS!

  6. I’ve enjoyed reading as you and Pamela go through your 30 day challenge. It’s inspired me to reincorporate some of the daily intimacy of new love with my husband as well. I know you said we can copy our romantic story from the other blog, but my husband is so sweet I wanted to take the opportunity to share another sweet thing he’s done. nnWhen I was pregnant with our firstborn, I had morning sickness so bad we had to visit the ob everyday for some IV fluids. It took hours, and due to the morning sickness I was too exhausted to care for myself or haul myself around. He bought a chair for the shower, and would sit me down on it and wash my hair and body everyday. I was literally too sick to stand, or to lift my arms to wash my hair. But he took care of me, and did it with love and gentleness. We were newly married, so it was really a lot of devotion for so early on. He’s a really good guy (and this is a really long comment, sorry!).

  9. Tough noogies baby – if you win, you receive. I can not keep you out, dear Cate! Alpha Hubby is practical, too. And it is romantic when a man goes out of his way give you exactly what you need – like my makeup room in our previous house. It is the give and take we share that intimacy thrives on!

  10. Last night I was wiped out (still battling cold symptoms) & we sat at the bar talking about his day, my day, etc. He looked at me and said, “So is this the intimacy for tonight?” I laughed because that is the whole point of our challenge – it cause us to change our focus 30+ days ago and now we are far more intimate! Even just talking.

  11. Great series girls :-)nnI’d love to enter, but being overseas, it could be a bit pricey for you, so don’t worry about putting me in the draw. As to a romantic moment – I have the most practical husband, so romance around here consists of him blessing me by working on the house, doing the lawns etc – all with a badly injured back – and me in turn ensuring that he walks in to a hot cooked meal, a tidy house and clean clothes. Sounds so boring, but yet it gives us both pleasure and the intimacy is that we are happily working towards the same goal of keeping our family together. n

  12. I smiled the whole way through. You are funny, girl! But you also define so well why other-focused intimacy is a powerful concept that benefits the giver most of all. Fabuloso! nNow, onward 🙂 nForevernNo day countnJust doing “it” (intimacy, giving) every day.nLove you, Nan!

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