Recently, a commenter asked about my Christmas love story, “Is it really that way at your house or are you b.s.ing us all, blowing smoke? I want it to be real!”
I’ve had others say that I am not “telling all” and am only reporting the good things, ignoring the bad, like I’m living in a fairy tale, not real life. I know one woman who thought that since I wasn’t pointing out Alpha Hubby’s bad points, our major fights, days of not speaking, emotional and PMS issues, then I wasn’t “being real” – bleh.
I’ve got news for you, if “being real” that way means living that way, NO thank you, very much! When you’ve had as much drama in your life as Alpha Hubby and I both had before we met, you would know I was telling the truth when I say PEACE was (and is) the most important factor in our lives. Drama, oy vey!! The stories I could tell you!!
I don’t know if it is wisdom that comes with age, learning from mistakes, running out of bullets, or I really am living in a fairy tale – but leave me alone. I’m having the BEST time of my life!
Alpha Hubby and I are human (altho I do wonder about him at times). We are individuals with very strong opinions so, of course there are times of intense fellowship, discussion, growling. He used to tell me that he was drawn to my strength because his was such a domineering personality, he’d have dominated me had I been less strong. In his dreams, maybe.
No, he is an ALPHA in the truest sense of the word – leader of the pack, bossy, strong, protective, instinctively knowing what is best for us – and bossy, did I mention bossy? He howls at the moon, asserting his dominance to the world.
But I am a true Alpha mate – bossy, strong, protective, instinctively knowing what is best for us. I don’t howl at the moon though – we women know that is a chest-beating alpha male trait – we know it’s too doggoned dumb cold to stand outside and howl at the moon (ho ho)!!
And note that I didn’t say “leader of the pack”. There is a reason – there can be only one leader at a time and he can only be the leader if I allow him to. That is what so many women don’t understand – a man can’t lead unless the woman steps back and allows him to. Which means major big time trust. Which is another post.
This Alpha Man, the strong man who growls and roars and beats his chest, asserting his dominance – this Alpha Man is the same one who did something so amazing the first Christmas after we married, that it still takes my breath away to this day. This action sums up his love for me:
We had to go to a dinner-dance at the Country Club for his office party. He so wanted to impress me, to dance with me, to be the Knight he thought I needed, that he prayed and asked God to help him know how to dance. According to him, he had two left feet and he could not dance. He just wanted to slow dance with me because he knew how much I loved to dance.
When I say that was a very romantic night and we swayed, smoothly slow dancing to romantic songs sung by an excellent band, I mean it. It was amazing, as was he. I have never had someone care so much about what I enjoyed. And he is still doing that to this day – doing things just for me, because he loves me. I don’t know what is the matter with him, but I’m gonna keep him!
He has the most amazing sense of humor and he uses it against me. In the beginning of our marriage, whenever I’d get a head of steam going up about something, he’d crack a joke and make me so mad (because I wanted to stay angry). Every blasted time, I would end up laughing with him and we’d move on past whatever had upset me. Now I am very quick to laugh with him because I know he NEVER means to step on my independence, ability or strength. It is usually by accident.
Like the other evening. I was telling him about people who have mentioned they think our relationship is phony or that I am lying when I tell our stories. I realize what we have is rare – trust me. I hear the stories and read blogs where women are so busy tearing their husbands apart that I wonder how they stay married.
Alpha Hubby and I got to talking about how important peace is in our home and how much we have grown together as a couple – how we had this amazing love and relationship.
Then he looked over at me and said, “Yeah, I know. And as long as you are submissive, it will always be that way.”
He won’t see me again for a week.
That’s when his black eyes will clear up.
Juuuust kidding! I mean, he really did say that but he was joking and poking fun at me. Right, baby? Right??
We have something so special and wonderful, it’s no wonder that we protect it and ensure it stays that way. We work hard to keep it “days of heaven on earth.” I love him more than this:
And we all know THAT is a lotta love!
Deep sigh… What is wrong with some people? You write and keep writing what you do. It’s touching me so much. You are a gifted writer. And you know what to write about. Existential blog!
Deep sigh… What is wrong with some people? You write and keep writing what you do. It’s touching me so much. You are a gifted writer. And you know what to write about. Existential blog!
I think it’s fabulous that you guys have such a great relationship. I think when people try to call you out they’re just jealous. He sounds lovely and I wish you both all the best!
I think it’s fabulous that you guys have such a great relationship. I think when people try to call you out they’re just jealous. He sounds lovely and I wish you both all the best!
[…] Once again, thanks to Nan of Little Black Dress Diaries for inspiring this line of posts with her incredible positivity and wonderful email exchanges. Share […]
[…] Once again, thanks to Nan of Little Black Dress Diaries for inspiring this line of posts with her incredible positivity and wonderful email exchanges. Share […]
You’ve got it right: a man can’t lead unless the woman steps aside and lets him. This is true in dancing, too. (love it that he danced with you just cuz you enjoy it!!!) Don’t let anyone rain on your romance, just keep saying it the way it is. It’s absolutely refreshing and, it will keep reminding you why you love each other. blessings on your day!
You’ve got it right: a man can’t lead unless the woman steps aside and lets him. This is true in dancing, too. (love it that he danced with you just cuz you enjoy it!!!) Don’t let anyone rain on your romance, just keep saying it the way it is. It’s absolutely refreshing and, it will keep reminding you why you love each other. blessings on your day!
Yay! I feel the same way about my hubby. My mom thinks we have the most unusual relationship and she doesn’t understand why I kiss his …. Well he kisses mine right back! I’m not saying we don’t have our disagreements but like you, we try to keep the peace and honor our love even while we are disagreeing. We both come from divorced families so being different is one of our highest priorities. Anyway, I think TV and our culture present a misconstrued idea about marriage (& gender) and that’s why people can’t believe you when you talk about how wonderful it is.
Hubby and I visited a church in SC and went to their couples bible study. It was like a sitcom! Women were ranting about tidyness, and men were supposedly the culprits of all their woes (looking their part, confused in the corner). How humiliating for them! I’d rather be best friends with my hubby than have a tidy emasculated house!
I’m happy for you both. I wish it wasn’t so uncommon!
Yay! I feel the same way about my hubby. My mom thinks we have the most unusual relationship and she doesn’t understand why I kiss his …. Well he kisses mine right back! I’m not saying we don’t have our disagreements but like you, we try to keep the peace and honor our love even while we are disagreeing. We both come from divorced families so being different is one of our highest priorities. Anyway, I think TV and our culture present a misconstrued idea about marriage (& gender) and that’s why people can’t believe you when you talk about how wonderful it is.
Hubby and I visited a church in SC and went to their couples bible study. It was like a sitcom! Women were ranting about tidyness, and men were supposedly the culprits of all their woes (looking their part, confused in the corner). How humiliating for them! I’d rather be best friends with my hubby than have a tidy emasculated house!
I’m happy for you both. I wish it wasn’t so uncommon!
[…] our back and forth email discussion on this issue in describing her article, but see for yourself: Whole Lotta Love is the post’s […]
[…] our back and forth email discussion on this issue in describing her article, but see for yourself: Whole Lotta Love is the post’s […]
That is sooo sad that people don’t believe you?! REALLY? My husband and I have this kind of relationship, too. I mean he is truly amazing!! I love him dearly!! I can’t believe he is mine!!:)
I LOVE hearing about your romance!!!!
Leslie
That is sooo sad that people don’t believe you?! REALLY? My husband and I have this kind of relationship, too. I mean he is truly amazing!! I love him dearly!! I can’t believe he is mine!!:)
I LOVE hearing about your romance!!!!
Leslie
I’m just being honest when I say I’m a little jealous:) Sooooo…. here is my dancing story. Met hubby and thought “finally, a guy to dance with this perennial wallflower.” But no, he doesn’t like it. We even tried classes once. Big failure. He is more than a foot taller than me and the instructor kept telling him he had to scale down, not me up. He has no rhythm and I kept trying to lead. Sigh. Every once in a while I remind him how much HE is missing out by not dancing with me since IMO it is vertical foreplay:)
I’m just being honest when I say I’m a little jealous:) Sooooo…. here is my dancing story. Met hubby and thought “finally, a guy to dance with this perennial wallflower.” But no, he doesn’t like it. We even tried classes once. Big failure. He is more than a foot taller than me and the instructor kept telling him he had to scale down, not me up. He has no rhythm and I kept trying to lead. Sigh. Every once in a while I remind him how much HE is missing out by not dancing with me since IMO it is vertical foreplay:)
When you have something really special, you just want to take care of it. I really think God did me good! I realize it is a perception but it is my perception so don’t mess with it. When we were first married and I was adjusting and learning to be all I could be, I would go to God and talk to him about this woman he gave me, He would always talk to me about changing me. Even today He still talks to me about changing me. I finally figured out it would behoove me to make the changes He was telling me. As I began making changes in me I began to see things differently. I then was becoming all I could be for her. For every action there is a reaction. When I saw how awesome the reaction was, I worked harder to make changes. I am constantly strifing for changing me. No matter what my perception, I know I can be better. So if one wants change then they must change. Insanity is expecting change but still doing the same thing. So maybe there is some insanity out there. I used to be like that, but I like change and I take full accountability for anything that is wrong. It don’t take long to change.
When you have something really special, you just want to take care of it. I really think God did me good! I realize it is a perception but it is my perception so don’t mess with it. When we were first married and I was adjusting and learning to be all I could be, I would go to God and talk to him about this woman he gave me, He would always talk to me about changing me. Even today He still talks to me about changing me. I finally figured out it would behoove me to make the changes He was telling me. As I began making changes in me I began to see things differently. I then was becoming all I could be for her. For every action there is a reaction. When I saw how awesome the reaction was, I worked harder to make changes. I am constantly strifing for changing me. No matter what my perception, I know I can be better. So if one wants change then they must change. Insanity is expecting change but still doing the same thing. So maybe there is some insanity out there. I used to be like that, but I like change and I take full accountability for anything that is wrong. It don’t take long to change.
Sounds like he perfect relationship. And of course, every relationship has its ups and downs, but that is life. I don’t think that you have to air all your dirty laundry out on your blog, pick and choose as you wish. So far, it sounds fantastic.
Sounds like he perfect relationship. And of course, every relationship has its ups and downs, but that is life. I don’t think that you have to air all your dirty laundry out on your blog, pick and choose as you wish. So far, it sounds fantastic.
Is there such thing as the perfect marriage? I don’t think so.
I could write a book about my feelings on marriage, but won’t bore you with the details.
Why would someone want to call you out on your relationship with your husband? How rude! Like you said and I live by this, “We’re only human”.
Great post! I wish you many many happy years together!
Is there such thing as the perfect marriage? I don’t think so.
I could write a book about my feelings on marriage, but won’t bore you with the details.
Why would someone want to call you out on your relationship with your husband? How rude! Like you said and I live by this, “We’re only human”.
Great post! I wish you many many happy years together!
Two thumbs up for u & ur alpha hubby! U keep it going, and people dont forget it is thee bad things that make us grow, but the good ones stay with us forever and those r tje ones we should put our energy into.
Two thumbs up for u & ur alpha hubby! U keep it going, and people dont forget it is thee bad things that make us grow, but the good ones stay with us forever and those r tje ones we should put our energy into.
I think my comment is as long as your whole post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think my comment is as long as your whole post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it’s sad that people don’t believe you, that not enough people have a concept of how wonderful two people can treat each other — might it be that they are not (some of them) willing to treat another that way? Oh, I’ll bet that pissed someone off that’s reading this. But I mean it Because, while we often don’t get we want, we should never expect to get better than we give. The place to start is with a hard look in the mirror. What am I doing that got me here? What am I doing that has me with this person? What could I have done in this sequence of events that put me here now, with him/her, and how did I treat this person (and myself) along the way that contributed to this situation? What can I do differently that might yield different results? IF I AM GOING TO STAY, what can I do to treasure them the way I would like someone to treasure me? Now, people can come take pot shots at me instead of you, for saying this audacious crap. I am sick of reading how bad people’s relationships and partners suck. Even from people I otherwise like to read. If it sucks, fix YOU. If that doesn’t work, walk away. But beware — you’ll be taking YOU with you when you walk…get ready to make the future out of your past. Everything I do wrong in my relationship with my amazing husband, I did before I ever met him, for instance. Wherever I go, therefore I am.
Oh God, help me shut up now. 🙂
Nan, you and Leland just keep loving each other, keep treasuring the peace you give each other, and leave all that drama behind and to others. What lifts me up about the two of you, is that you chose to change the way you had lived before, you chose to be a blessing to each other, to be great partners. Each of you. You have the opportunity to re-choose in every interaction, and you do — you choose to respect, honor, and cherish. Good job, y’all. GREAT job.
I think it’s sad that people don’t believe you, that not enough people have a concept of how wonderful two people can treat each other — might it be that they are not (some of them) willing to treat another that way? Oh, I’ll bet that pissed someone off that’s reading this. But I mean it Because, while we often don’t get we want, we should never expect to get better than we give. The place to start is with a hard look in the mirror. What am I doing that got me here? What am I doing that has me with this person? What could I have done in this sequence of events that put me here now, with him/her, and how did I treat this person (and myself) along the way that contributed to this situation? What can I do differently that might yield different results? IF I AM GOING TO STAY, what can I do to treasure them the way I would like someone to treasure me? Now, people can come take pot shots at me instead of you, for saying this audacious crap. I am sick of reading how bad people’s relationships and partners suck. Even from people I otherwise like to read. If it sucks, fix YOU. If that doesn’t work, walk away. But beware — you’ll be taking YOU with you when you walk…get ready to make the future out of your past. Everything I do wrong in my relationship with my amazing husband, I did before I ever met him, for instance. Wherever I go, therefore I am.
Oh God, help me shut up now. 🙂
Nan, you and Leland just keep loving each other, keep treasuring the peace you give each other, and leave all that drama behind and to others. What lifts me up about the two of you, is that you chose to change the way you had lived before, you chose to be a blessing to each other, to be great partners. Each of you. You have the opportunity to re-choose in every interaction, and you do — you choose to respect, honor, and cherish. Good job, y’all. GREAT job.
Awwwww heart swelling almost out of my chest here. BIG SIGH. How I love Romance! So glad you’re back Nan as I’ve waited for your wonderful, uplifting posts…..and again, you didn’t disappoint. What a lovely lady you are. No wonder he’s crazy about you! Nay sayers be damned!
HUGS!
Terri
Awwwww heart swelling almost out of my chest here. BIG SIGH. How I love Romance! So glad you’re back Nan as I’ve waited for your wonderful, uplifting posts…..and again, you didn’t disappoint. What a lovely lady you are. No wonder he’s crazy about you! Nay sayers be damned!
HUGS!
Terri