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Living with the Alpha Male, Redux

Years ago, I heard a description of Alpha Male in relation to wolves.  Every wolf pack has a leader.  This leader is known as the Alpha Animal who dominates and leads the other members of the pack.  The Alpha is the boss who makes decisions for the entire pack.  The Alpha trait is to do what is best for the pack.

Alpha Wolf
Alpha Wolf

The Alpha wolf must rule with great strength.  Usually the pack will have an Alpha Male and an Alpha Female.  Where one male and one female fulfill this role, they are referred to as the Alpha Pair.  Both male and female Alpha wolves exude confidence, maintaining control through body position, facial expression, and the occasional nip or snarl (sounds like marriage, doesn’t it!) at beta members of the pack.

wolf howling

In humans, the term “Alpha Male” often refers to a man who is powerful or high on the social ladder, similar to hegemonic masculinity.  Good word, huh?  Hegemonic masculinity, according to, is a normal “idea of masculinity that men are supposed to aim for and women are supposed to want.  Some characteristics associated with hegemonic masculinity are aggressiveness, strength, drive, ambition, and self-reliance.”

I also read a research paper on the Alpha Male that said, “Humor is sometimes described as a type of social aggression since it can be seen as an application of assertiveness.  Aggression is inherently manly, and thus, attractive.  (Note that humor MUST be accompanied with assertiveness for it to count as an Alpha quality.)”  Who knew?

alpha female
The Alpha Female

So here we are with an Alpha Male and Alpha Female (see the female above, right? Coool).   Of course I suspect that in any pack, being an Alpha Female means you choose to allow him to be the Alpha Male or it’s “let the wars, nipping and snarling begin” time!   The aforementioned alpha wolf that will rule with body position, facial expression and the occasional nip or snarl?  Any husband who tries that with an alpha female won’t make it for long.  He’ll have to sleep some time.

When I married my hubby 20 years ago I sure didn’t know we’d become an Alpha Pair.  He did constantly tell me he was drawn to my strength and that he was glad I was a strong woman or he would walk all over me.

So here’s the point.  One day I asked hubby if he was aware he was an Alpha Male.  He had NO idea what I was talking about.  That was when I made a HUGE mistake in our marriage, huge.  I told him what an Alpha Male was.  And oh yeah, have I never heard the end of that.   For sure, he has taken his Alpha Maleness to the extreme.

wolf pair
wolf pair

I gotta tell you, there is something to be said about being married to this Alpha Male.  I’ve never laughed so much in my life!  I enjoy a life that is very rich and passionate.  I have never felt or been more protected, loved, and joyous.  I live in a position of security and strength.  More importantly, as he told me, unless I allow him to be The Alpha Male, his life would be one of misery.  An Alpha Female allows the Alpha Male to rule.  In turn, the rewards and benefits are outstanding.  For both of us.

And if he growls at me?  I send him to the Alpha Dog House.  Yeah, yeah, you know – the one with the big-screen TV!  Or I growl back.

Yeah, he IS my Knight in Shining Armor.  I wouldn’t trade him for anything!  After all, underneath he really is just a giant:


pussy cat!

Hear the roar, baby!!

13 thoughts on “Living with the Alpha Male, Redux

  1. Nan, I’m convinced you and Alpha Hubby are an Alpha pair! Alas, I may be an Alpha female but the Significant Other is most definitely a Beta! The Son I’ve pegged down to an Omega and little Roxy is an Alpha bitch in training! hee hee! I love the photos in this post! They are perfect for illustrating your points. And a good sense of humor? Yes, please! Is there anything more commanding and sexy in a man? If he can’t make me laugh, he has no business with me! Hugs for you! 🙂

  2. They are actually fierce and very wild.. If I see this in person, for sure I will be scared and I might think they can just eat me all up..

  3. I’m reading the newest Jody Piccoult book that features a man who lives his life around wolves doing research. I found the information absolutely fascinating and I love this post just as much!

  4. Nan I’m learning so much about the ‘alpha’ stuff. Your site is not only funny but it’s a learning experience too! Thanks once again for your awesome writing…

  5. Again you cheat. You know I have to out and do Alpha things and then you send me a sneaky note in hear that today is the 4th and you win. Not fair. Next month you go out and do the Alpha stuff and I will stay at the house sending out messages that I win.

  6. I not only learned about alpha traits (which my husband does have thank goodness) but that I am an alpha female. Now how cool is that? Thanks Nan!

  7. I love this post. Ive dated some alpha males before, while sexy… they are just not for me. Alpha males make me nervous. I cant tell you how hot It is to see my hubby load the dishwasher without being asked. Grr…! I really enjoyed reading this article. I cant wait to come back and see what else your going to come up with.

    Visiting from SITS

    1. Alpha Hubby also unloads dishwashers and dryers, vacuums – pretty much anything I need to make my life easier. The alpha trait is to do what is best for the pack – he sure does that for our pack, over and above!

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