So, living in the idyllic country has its own set of challenges (like the ones above, outside my kitchen window).  I am pretty sure if I’d known about some of the challenges beforehand, things might have turned out differently in my life.  In fact… no.  I am not going to think in that direction since it really isn’t true.  I’d have loved him no matter who he is – cowboy or engineer.  I will just tell you my tale, my sad and haunting tale.  It will give you nightmares.

This past weekend, we participated in the “Official Opening of the Pool” for the year.  I know it has been more chilly than not, but it is fun to play around in the pool.  I love our swimming pool!

 

So it’s sunny, we’re swimming, playing and talking, sipping our drinks in plastic cups, lazily fighting off the flies.  The CD player is pounding out “Loretta Lynn’s Lincoln” then romantically wooing me with his new fave song, “Would You Go With Me” by Josh Turner and the water was fine!

Soon, I’m leaning up against the side of the pool, balancing and sitting on my boogie board, and just enjoying peace.  Suddenly Alpha Hubby popped up under my straw hat and stared intently into my eyes.  He said, “I really love you.”

I replied, ‘I really love you, too.”

He grinned and said, “I really lust you.”

I laughed and we kissed. 

Yep, the Official Opening of the Pool was on.  Oh, get over yourself.  We’re married.  It’s allowed.  Kid out of the house.  Life is good.  Time to play, baby.

Soon we’re both floating around on our boogie boards when I spied something over his shoulder.  I exclaimed and pointed, “What is THAT? What is it? What?”

“Where?”  he calmly looked around.

“THERE, over there,” shakily pointing because I am NOT getting any closer, “on the side of the pool, over there.  Is that a…”

I probably sounded a bit freaked.  Well, no, actually I was freaked.  It was a spider the size of a silver dollar on the edge of the pool.  Ugh.  Alpha Hubby rescues me, killing the spider, and we get back to smooching and floating.

Soon the sun has gone down and floating & kissing became more… personal.  Let’s just say, it’s not your beeswax.  Bodies float and boogie boards are good.

Suddenly…

… he reaches up, saying ‘Hold still.”  I HATE THOSE WORDS.  It’s never good news for me.  Hold still means I don’t want to know what he’s seen and I shiver when he uses those words.

He flings something away and I’m thinking, “Oh, a fly, leaf or water bug or something innocuous.”  Until I hear the plopping sound.  Not even spiders have enough weight to make that sound in the water.

Tiny voice, “What was it?” (Not that I really want to know).

I can tell he hates to tell me, but he bravely does.

“Tree frog.  Riding on your shoulder.”

“OH MY GOSH! Ewwwww.  Ugh.  I knew it had to be something I didn’t want to know about because of the noise it made hitting the water.  He’s still in here, isn’t he? You didn’t even get him out of the pool, did you?”

“Nope, I didn’t.  Sorry.”

“Oh no, no, no!  WHERE is he?  WHERE?”

“Over there somewhere,” pointing toward the side of the pool nearest to ME.  Now I am totally unfocused, except for sneaking peeks over to the side of the pool.

Then he laughs under his breath and says, “Well, this rendezvous is over, isn’t it!?”

Oh yeah, baby.  I can’t get out of that pool fast enough.  He told me later he was surprised I hadn’t crawled up his chest and jump off his shoulders to get out of the pool.  I don’t like spiders and snakes… err frogs. 

Needless to say, the Official Opening of the Pool isn’t quite completed but it will be awhile before I trust the pool in the dark again.  A long, long while.  Looooong unless you get me spotlights, shining everywhere!

And you don’t EVEN want to hear about the tiny frogs, my mom’s toilet in the middle of the night and the fact you didn’t dare get up in the middle of the night without turning the bathroom light on.  NO.  We are so NOT going there.  I’ve tried to erase those memories.  I’ve had therapy.Did I tell you living in the country has its own share of freaky deaky challenges?  Well, it does. 

… and that ain’t what it takes to love me… like I wanna be loved by you!  Now I’m not even sure the edge of the sea can get me to go with you!  Ewwwww!

Spiders and Snakes, Jim Stafford

Would You Go With Me, Josh Turner